No dogs allowed.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Fluffy, Jul 9, 2013.

  1. This is me venting about a situation that I never thought I'd have to stress about. Additionally, this is me asking for advice and opinions...

    Here's my situation: my family (me, boyfriend, our son) has been approved to move into a new apartment. We've been waiting for a long time for this moment because we had to get housing assistance (we're poor, lol). So really, we've been waiting since October 2012. Our new home is awesome. 2 bedrooms, spacious, quiet area, close to places we frequently go to, etc. It's basically a dream come true, considering that the 3 of us are crammed in a tiny bedroom of Peter's mom's house...

    Now. This place we'll be moving into this summer does not allow pets. It's not negotiable. The landlord wants to allow it. He's a very kind man and he seems to like us. He can't be that flexible, though because he has tenants who have lived in that apartment complex for 10 years and haven't been allowed to have pets. So, letting us have animals wouldn't be fair at all. That's totally understandable and I'm fine with it.

    Guess who is NOT fine with it? My boyfriend. He has a dog named Tibbs who's been his friend for years. I can understand why he doesn't want to give him up. That's his best friend, like I said. It's heartbreaking to have to think about separating from your pet. :/ However, we have a darling baby boy who's depending on us for a secure, happy life... That should be the priority, not the dog. I was hoping that Peter would not fight with me on this, but it's looking like we might have to. *sigh*

    Peter wants to sneak the dog into our apartment. It could work because Tibbs doesn't bark too often. Although, he's OUTSIDE TRAINED. If he's not taken outside to do his business, we'll get piss and shit on the floor. >:[ Either we get to deal with that, or we have to risk being seen taking him outside. I do not want to take that risk. I know it sounds pessimistic to say that when we least expect it, we'll get caught, but... I don't think I'm wrong for thinking that way. Anytime during the year, we could get in trouble and something bad could happen with our lease...

    My focus is my boy, Patrick. If we didn't have a baby, I'd be okay with trying to hide the pet. If we were to get kicked out, it would just be on me and Peter. I am absolutely not okay with risking our home for the dog while we're looking out for our son, though. That's selfish, in my opinion. We always have to make sacrifices for those we love.

    So yeah, this is bad enough that I'm losing sleep over it. *sighs again* What's worse is the dog can't be re-homed. Unless Peter's mom will look after the dog (which she won't, she's kinda being a bitch about it, She's even encouraging us to take the dog!!), he'll end up dying probably. He is so dependent on Peter that if he's put in someone else's care, he'll just hide from everyone and waste away. It's depressing. I feel bad for the dog. I just cannot put that above my son's safety, though...

    There you have it. I don't know what to do. I was hoping that Peter would make this easier for us and put Patrick first above all. He just won't give up the idea of sneaking in the pet! Maybe it has to do with my coldness? I'll give up or get over something quickly if it benefits the higher priority. I've had to give up animals before. I had birds and cats of my own that I had to re-home or put down because my sister had asthma; those animals were my bestest friends. :/ So, it's not like I don't know how it feels...

    I dunno, I just... *breathes*...I just don't want this to be an issue. There are bigger problems to worry about, like affording furniture and other shit that we need. It's so dumb that this has to be discussed as often as it is! >:[

    What do I do? Do I keep arguing my place on this, or should I just give in and let it be? If the latter, I'd probably have to tell my boyfriend that if that dog gets us in trouble, something will happen... Something he definitely wouldn't like, 'cause I sure as hell don't want to end up back in his mom's house. His son deserves better...

    Also, am I just being too paranoid? I mean, I live by the rules so well that I don't know the consequences of breaking this particular one. It could be that I'm making this out to be more of a big deal than it actually is. 'Cause I will do that sometimes. I just don't want to take the wrong step, you know? My mom says we could get evicted. Which I, of course, do not want. =__________=

    *headdesk*
     
  2. You are absolutely not being too paranoid, and your man needs to open his eyes. You two either have to get rid of the dog (maybe even having a friend or relative take it to ease the pain?) or find a different home. A baby should always take priority over a pet, because there are plenty of people in your town who would love to have a dog and would adopt little Tibbs.

    Now from personal experience, sneaking pets into a rental DOES NOT WORK. Our land lord is highly allergic to cats and told us originally not to bring any cats in. We thought we could be sneaky and just brush our cat often to cut down on dander, but low and behold, one day the landlord drove by randomly and saw the cat sitting in the window. You can predict how well that went. Sadly, we had to get rid of it. Now think of a dog, which has to be taken out to potty multiple times a day. Somebody is bound to spot it and when they do, your landlord most likely will kick you out right away. Our landlord is an old friend of my husband's, so I got lucky. You won't be so lucky.

    I apologize for the blunt honesty here, but I felt it was very necessary. Your man is thinking with his heart rather than his brain. Good luck on getting your boyfriend/husband to see his idea for what it is, a very bad one.
     
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  3. Let's look at the big picture and weigh some of the possibilities.

    You have a baby boy who means the world to you, and, I'd hope, your boyfriend too. I can understand not wanting to let the dog go, but the way I see it is that the consequences of trying to sneak the dog far outweigh the companionship that the dog will offer.

    Think about this: You agree with your bf and you sneak the dog. You know full and well that there are no pets allowed, and the landlord already knows you wanted to bring a pet along. If the landlord catches you, which is most likely to happen coming from someone who lives in an apartment and knows how landlords can be, you will have to get rid of the dog anyways. So if you look at it that way, you're only delaying the inevitable by keeping the pup. If your landlord does catch you, you mentioned being financially challenged, how would it sit having to pay to have the apartment cleaned because the landlord wouldn't legally be allowed to say that there isn't any pet dander or hair to the next customer? Chances are that will be $300 you don't have being tacked on to your next rent statement, and of course failing to pay what you owe could lead to eviction and will definitely lead to bad marks on your credit, which is never a good thing. There are just too heavy consequences to bring the pup around.

    Now I'm not saying that this is absolutely going to happen, but the odds are against you to be successful here. Best case, but most unlikely, the landlord never finds out and you live happily with your pup. Worst case you lose the apartment you wanted so much. I don't think there is much of a contest here :\
     
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  4. I understand how hard it must be for Peterfly to give up a pet that's been a long time friend of his and there for him when he needed it, but I agree that it's not responsible to try to sneak the animal in. No matter how well you think you can hide the dog, the tiniest sliver of an odd get magnified over time. Think of every minute that the dog must be quiet. That's over ten thousand minutes in just one week. Not to seem negative, it's just, you know, "Put enough monkeys in a room and they'll write Shakespeare".

    It sucks more that his mother is being a wench about it. Perhaps you could try a craigslist type thing for a loving home? Meet them, talk to them, maybe exchange cell numbers? It's how I found my cat. I still send the lady pictures now and then of Eris.
     
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  5. Pete's a smart dude. I doubt he'd be up for risking the potential security and of your wee man any more than you. But a long-term pet is a long-term pet, and coming to terms with the possibility that you won't be able to bring such a friend with you to your new digs is a really fucking sucky one. I don't envy the man at all; that's what whoever came up with the saying about a rock and a hard place was talking about when they coined the bloody term.

    He'll have your back on this one, I'm certain. Just give him some time to figure things out. Having to give up an old friend is never easy.
     
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  6. I'm going to throw my two cents in on this matter. Take my advice for but the grain of salt it's worth. Your focus should be, and is your child. It's a precious gift that you wish to take care of as any mother would. To understand why your boyfriend is acting in the manner he is you need to take a step back and look at things from his prospective. How many years has he had this dog? For many, animals become a part of the family, and honestly making him get rid of the animal is something he will likely never forgive you for. This fact remains more so if the dog does end up passing away from depression and not opening to a new owner to take care of him.

    To comment on what angrycactuar mentioned. Yes, the man is thinking with his heart rather than his brain, however it's likely his heart that bonded with the animal in a similar matter that he bonded with you, the girlfriend, and the child in question. Thinking with the heart is what's going to leave everything crumbling if he takes the animal into a housing area that doesn't allow them. Do not look for the best in people, rather look at what's the worst thing that could happen, then expect it. Which is your family getting kicked out of this new home.

    What it boils down to at this point is if you can find other housing that will allow pets. For one, having a pet around for a child is always a good thing for the development of both mind and heart. Or, you need to make his mother take the animal, she may not want to and she may be a bitch about it, but it seems to be the best option that will keep his mind at ease. Do whatever it takes to convince her. This applies more if the dog is really so reliant on your boyfriend that he can't have another owner. You've been living with the mother so the dog already knows her well, and it makes visiting the pet easier for your boyfriend. Otherwise, taking the dog into the new home is not a choice in the least, and his mother encouraging it is just a method that she's using so that she won't have to take it.

    If you truly believe that the animal will not take to a new owner. Will simply die as you mentioned? He's likely not going to forgive you for forcing this choice upon him when he's pushing to bring the animal where it's not welcome. He is indeed thinking with his heart, and by doing this you're going to break it. He loves you, the child and this animal. You're tearing a part of him away, and time will heal those wounds, but don't expect it to be any time soon.
     
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  7. Y'all are right: baby comes first. Nothing's going to alter that for me. My whole life I've been one of those people who wants to please EVERYONE she loves, but... That's obviously going to have to change. It's killing me with how stressful it is... I can't make everyone happy when I have this little one depending on me for safety, happiness, food, shelter... He's my #1 priority, absolutely. I think the best I can do for this situation is try my best, as corny as this sounds. In the end, it's my son Patrick who has to be my main focus.

    I did my best to find housing that would take pets. Unfortunately, most of them don't and just won't! I wanted my boyfriend to have his dog because I know how much he means to him. Sadly, I don't think we can make it work. I already expected that he will feel resent towards me and anyone else who won't back him up on the pet issue. I'm okay with it. Much as it will hurt both of us, he's strong enough to overcome. I'm fighting for him too, of course. I'm doing what I can to convince either his mother or his niece to watch over Tibbs at least for the year until we can move again. :] Should any bad come to that dog, I'll have Peter's back in whatever fuss he puts up to the person or people responsible. I'm allergic to the mutt, and he annoys the shit out of me but in the end he is part of the family. Honest to goodness, I know how he's feeling and I think I've figured out how to handle it. I'm grateful to you all for being helpful.
     
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