Need a Laugh?


El Diablo

Original poster
Hey so im a bad mood and need some cheering up so please post your favorite or best jokes :)

i'll start with one of my favorites
Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend awake.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you fool!" he exclaims, "Someone has stolen our tent!"


This always made me laugh.

Warning... Swearing.
So, a murder and his victim were walking hand and hand through the deep, dark woods. The victim squeezes the murderer's hand real tight and he says, looking up pleadingly with his big brown eyes and says, "I'm real scared, mister, of the deep, dark woods."

"You're scared?" The murderer said, sighing. "How the hell do you think I feel? I'm going to be walking back through them on my own!"

Pretty funny, eh guys?
Pretty goddamn amusing...
A man comes back from hunting, bringing with him a dead deer. His daughter sees him and asks, "Hi daddy! Mom wants to know what we are having for dinner?"

He says, "Its a surprise! Here's a hint--its what your mother calls me."

The daughter shouts upstairs, "HEY MOM! DAD SAYS WE'RE HAVING ASSHOLE FOR DINNER!"


A man and woman are coupling in the woods. Its dark out, but they're doing at it like rabbits. The man then says, "Damn! I wish I had a flashlight. I can't see what I'm doing."

The woman replies, "I wish you had a flashlight too. You've been eating grass for fifteen minutes!"