I'd like to start by saying I am not now, nor will I ever be contemplating suicide. I've been kicked out of my house. The details leading up to this aren't terribly important sans I got caught in a big lie. Nothing extreme. It was in regards to my laptop and how I attained it. So began yet another round of my mother emasculating me, calling me a failure, and so on. Now before I go any further with my mother, let me say now that I am not the only one who thinks my mother has extreme problems. I have more than one friend who's terrified of my mother. This morning when I woke up she tore into me again. When she called me a pathological liar (Which admittedly I am with her) and told me I have a problem I made the mistake of muttering under my breath, "Right, I have a problem." She then asked me why the hell I was so damn angry at her. I snapped. I stood up, for the first time ever I rose my voice in absolute anger, and yelled back at her after 20 years of it being pent up. I told her I was sick of the emasculation and that I was tired of her dangling my failures over my head. That she constantly gets herself angry over nothing, and will often search the house for reasons to get angry. She told me to get out of her house. To pack my shit and left. As I stormed upstairs, finally angry enough to listen to that particular sentence, I turned back, looked her in the eye and said, "You fucking psychopath!" I was packing my shit under her constantly screaming "Get out" so I finally screamed back "I fucking am!" It was at this point she stormed into my room ready to hit me for the millionth time. However this time instead of just letting her, I grabbed her wrists and overpowered her. When she knew I wasn't playing around anymore, she leaned over and bit me on the underside of my wrist. I still have red marks and bruising now. After about 15 seconds I finally let go and she stormed out after I asked her if she was proud of herself for it. She told me she was. I drew back my fist to punch her, but at the last moment I stopped. She gave me a smug look and told me to do it after I told her how many years I'd been holding that back. She told me to do it so she could call the police, which ironically was the same thought I had after I saw what she'd done to my wrist. I told her this and she dared me to do it. I lowered my fist, and told her no. I told her I was going to be the better man and continued packing. When I walked into the bathroom, things start getting kinda fuzzy. There was more yelling, and all I can really remember from there was being slammed into the wall with her hands around my throat, thumbs pressed against my windpipe rather pathetically. She doesn't have the physical strength to choke me when I flex my neck. She said to me "I brought you into this world, and now I'm going to take you out of it." At that point, I fought her off, grabbed what I could, and left. Now I'm here at my best friend's house. I've no more tears to cry. I'm not sure who to be mad at or if I should be proud of myself for standing up to my mother. On the way out I told my mother that I still love her, but I absolutely hate her and I'm not even sure I was telling the truth when I said I still loved her because I feel nothing but hatred and anger for her right now. I haven't called my Dad. He's blissfully unaware of this all and when he gets home, round two will begin. I don't even have half of what I needed. I'm looking at my wrist wondering if I should see a doctor. I'm wondering if I really made the right choice when I decided not to call the police. I don't even know what my mother is doing now. For all I know she's tearing my room to shreds. I remember last time I posted in here with my problems Asmo told me some people thrive amongst their family while others aren't defined until their absence and that I needed to get out of my house. And now here I am, finally kicked out, mind still cloudy. I have no job other than a seasonal job that hasn't started yet. Nowhere to go, and hardly 3,500 dollars to my name. I don't even drive. I'm officially at rock bottom. This holiday season is shaping up to be miserable. I have no idea what I'm going to do.