My world's come crashing down.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Delnoir, Oct 29, 2010.

  1. I'd like to start by saying I am not now, nor will I ever be contemplating suicide.

    I've been kicked out of my house.

    The details leading up to this aren't terribly important sans I got caught in a big lie. Nothing extreme. It was in regards to my laptop and how I attained it. So began yet another round of my mother emasculating me, calling me a failure, and so on.

    Now before I go any further with my mother, let me say now that I am not the only one who thinks my mother has extreme problems. I have more than one friend who's terrified of my mother.

    This morning when I woke up she tore into me again. When she called me a pathological liar (Which admittedly I am with her) and told me I have a problem I made the mistake of muttering under my breath, "Right, I have a problem."

    She then asked me why the hell I was so damn angry at her. I snapped. I stood up, for the first time ever I rose my voice in absolute anger, and yelled back at her after 20 years of it being pent up. I told her I was sick of the emasculation and that I was tired of her dangling my failures over my head. That she constantly gets herself angry over nothing, and will often search the house for reasons to get angry. She told me to get out of her house. To pack my shit and left.

    As I stormed upstairs, finally angry enough to listen to that particular sentence, I turned back, looked her in the eye and said, "You fucking psychopath!"

    I was packing my shit under her constantly screaming "Get out" so I finally screamed back "I fucking am!"

    It was at this point she stormed into my room ready to hit me for the millionth time. However this time instead of just letting her, I grabbed her wrists and overpowered her. When she knew I wasn't playing around anymore, she leaned over and bit me on the underside of my wrist. I still have red marks and bruising now.

    After about 15 seconds I finally let go and she stormed out after I asked her if she was proud of herself for it. She told me she was. I drew back my fist to punch her, but at the last moment I stopped. She gave me a smug look and told me to do it after I told her how many years I'd been holding that back. She told me to do it so she could call the police, which ironically was the same thought I had after I saw what she'd done to my wrist. I told her this and she dared me to do it. I lowered my fist, and told her no. I told her I was going to be the better man and continued packing.

    When I walked into the bathroom, things start getting kinda fuzzy. There was more yelling, and all I can really remember from there was being slammed into the wall with her hands around my throat, thumbs pressed against my windpipe rather pathetically. She doesn't have the physical strength to choke me when I flex my neck. She said to me "I brought you into this world, and now I'm going to take you out of it."

    At that point, I fought her off, grabbed what I could, and left. Now I'm here at my best friend's house. I've no more tears to cry. I'm not sure who to be mad at or if I should be proud of myself for standing up to my mother. On the way out I told my mother that I still love her, but I absolutely hate her and I'm not even sure I was telling the truth when I said I still loved her because I feel nothing but hatred and anger for her right now. I haven't called my Dad. He's blissfully unaware of this all and when he gets home, round two will begin. I don't even have half of what I needed. I'm looking at my wrist wondering if I should see a doctor. I'm wondering if I really made the right choice when I decided not to call the police. I don't even know what my mother is doing now. For all I know she's tearing my room to shreds.

    I remember last time I posted in here with my problems Asmo told me some people thrive amongst their family while others aren't defined until their absence and that I needed to get out of my house. And now here I am, finally kicked out, mind still cloudy. I have no job other than a seasonal job that hasn't started yet. Nowhere to go, and hardly 3,500 dollars to my name. I don't even drive.

    I'm officially at rock bottom. This holiday season is shaping up to be miserable.

    I have no idea what I'm going to do.
     
  2. You have a good friend that loves you, enough to let you stay with them.

    You do have a job. Most people can't say that about themselves, and they're dealing with mortgages and children.

    You have money saved up. Not a lot, but enough to live on for a month or two, very comfortably, or several months even. On your own.


    You are not at rock bottom, mate. You're feeling like you're at the bottom of the well, but you're not. You've clung on to the sides, and even now, you're desperately fighting to climb back up.

    Look to your friends, and look within yourself, for what you need to do next. Your life isn't ended, it's only begun. Yes, your world has crashed down-- your old world, and a world that seems to me looked to be full of abuse and very little love. Now it's time to change that, to build up a new world, one that you can be proud of and one that you can feel content in.

    Go out there and do it.
     
  3. I got a chance to sit down and think things through. I was surprised with how I felt.

    I'm happy. Proud of myself even. That after all these years of my mother yelling at me, hanging my failures over my head, and the emasculation, I rose up, and I screamed back. When she moved to hit me, I didn't let her. And when I drew my fist back to punch her after she had bit me I stopped myself.

    My Dad is taking the news, from what it sounds like, surprisingly well. Mom didn't blow things out of proportion and tried to make me out to be the bad guy. Well, okay, she tried to make me look like the bad guy, but she told Dad that she had bit me and tried choking me. He did show mild concern when I thought about the possibility of tetanus from my bite, but so far I'm not worried. He's glad I took a stand, assured me I was right about how she treats me, and was happy that I feel good about what I did. He'll bring me the other things I need.On a side, note, blowing up the way I did actually made me a lot more stable. I'm not getting angry at the drop of a hat, and I played Halo: Reach for a good few hours without swearing like a sailor.

    One chapter of my life is over. Another has just begun.

    I'm going to be okay. I'll restart. And when I'm finally self supporting, I'll be able to go back and be ready to face my Mom again.
     
  4. *Snuggles* I'm here for you, darlin'. Any time. It looks like things are going to work out. :]

    Best of luck in seeing your Mother again. I've heard a lot of crazy stories about moms that just totally lose it on their kids... It's intense stuff. Hope you're enjoying your new job, too. It's so perfect for ya.

    I love joo, Justin.
     
  5. Well, I'm not exactly familiar with you or anything, or in retrospect, very many people from this site, on a personal level, and I don't know exactly how it is to have that extreme level of treatment from someone so close. I have some pretty bad parents myself, but not that horrible. But after reading this, I do want to say, If you ever need anything, just contact me, talk to me man. I'm good as good for help as anyone else if you get to know me. ^.^

    Glad you are able to get an optimistic viewpoint on a situation like this, being positive is a big part of making it out in one piece, and finding a much better place in your life. Most people aren't able to do that so quickly, I think it's really awesome you could. I wish you the best of luck in your journey you are embarking on now, starting your life anew. :3
     
  6. When I finally left home, I didn't have much either. Just Gibs to cling to and his family being awesome. >>; And my words for my mom were along those same lines. o___o;; I didn't talk to her for months. I barely talk to her now.

    YAY for a new life. Sometimes it takes a shitstorm to finally make things change for the better. Here's fingers crossed! Don't ever go back! >>
     
  7. This is oddly familiar to me -___-;
    As someone who has gone through this you did the right thing, it's absolutely the best thing to not give in to what your mother said and not stoop to her level while still standing up for yourself.

    I agree with Diana, sometimes it takes the worst case scenario to finally get out and escape and start on a new (most likely better) life, and exactly what Diana said, don't go back, you'll just get sucked back into the old bad routine and that's never a good thing.

    So congrats on starting a new life and as long as you have friends that care about you you'll make it out just fine.