N
Naberius
Guest
Original poster
I had to get this off my chest. It makes my head hurt thinking about it.
My mother always hated it when I called her that, so now that I don't speak to her I call her that whenever I can. Also because it puts up a shield, as mother/father are very... detached(?) words in our family.
Anyways.
A little less than a year ago, I moved out of my mother's house. "Moved", aka she woke me up on a school night and drove me almost an hour to my dad's, where she dropped me off and left me. At 11:30pm. On a school night. But of course she only ever does things for my sake, right? There is no way having to organize an hour long ride to school for a week is in any way detrimental to me, and it is no way completely selfish. Right. Then, she would not allow me to take back my car, the car I pay insurance and gas for, and had owned for over half a year at that point. No, the title was still in my stepfather's name, so I obviously have to pay $400 to get my car back. Even though it's mine. Right. (I didn't buy it. I saved my money and bought a newer one. It's much cooler, and the blinkers work.)
After that, I finally made arrangements to move to my sister's house until I could move back to my dad's in the summer. My sister's house was located close to my school, so it was the most logical choice for me to finish out the year. The plan was for me to move to my sister's during spring break, which was a week after the whole
drop-off" fiasco, so I guess that part worked out in the end.
As to the reason for moving, there are multiple. My mother was, and possibly still is, a drug addict. Opiates and various other pain killers, as far as I know. She was also severely depressed and had terrible anxiety and could not get out of bed some days. She quit her (well paying, full benefit) job with the state in order to pursue her dream fo a beauty career (I do not fault her for wanting to change occupations, but... She really couldn't wait until I was out of the house? At least let me finish high school with some sort of financial stability). My mother's moods were capricious at best, and I would often find myself subjected to her screaming and cussing over any matter, even if it wasn't my fault. She was also drunk pretty often, and would bring home men that I didn't know.
I worked a lot in those days so I didn't have to go home and see her. Somedays I would go to school sick because I didn't want to have to tell her I didn't feel well and face her possible wrath at my "school-skipping". I was extremely depressed, and I still have scars on my thighs from razors. I do not know when they will go away.
My mother was extremely emotionally abusive and very self-centered. She would make comments about my weight, eating habits, mental illnesses, anything really. But then she would become self-deprecating and self destructive, and I was left to pick up the pieces. I was expected to my the parent, and she played the part of child.
I was a junior in high school. I did not have the energy or resources to be a parent, student, and part-timer. So my dad offered me a place to excape to, and I took it. I told my mom that I was moving to my dad's and that she would have to take care of herself, because I couldn't do it anymore. She was furious, to put it lightly. I had to call the cops, and the cop sided with my fucking mother. I still, to this day, cannot believe that the cop put my mother's words before mine, and left me with an angry, abusive drug addict. She never got physical with me, but I'm certain she might have if given the chance.
Anyways, I haven't talked to my mother since. She'll text me sometimes, with her "positive" pictures and lots of smiling emoticons. It makes me feel nauseous. She doesn't pay child support, yet she complained all the time that my dad never sent "enough". She sure had enough money to buy e-cigs and purses though. My dad recently asked for her tax information for the FAFSA, so I could get more financial csd (considering that she doesn't have a job still) but she would only send it if I began talking to her again. She's manipulative like that. She also seems to think that I just need to "forgive and forget", as if I could erase years of misery I spent living with her. She said I was childish for playing the part of the victim.
I do not love my mother. I want her to keep as far away from me as possible. I never again want to expose myself to her manipulation and destruction.
Yet the entire mother side of my family thinks I should talk to her again. I don't have to do anything if I don't want to. I wish they would stop asking.
My mother always hated it when I called her that, so now that I don't speak to her I call her that whenever I can. Also because it puts up a shield, as mother/father are very... detached(?) words in our family.
Anyways.
A little less than a year ago, I moved out of my mother's house. "Moved", aka she woke me up on a school night and drove me almost an hour to my dad's, where she dropped me off and left me. At 11:30pm. On a school night. But of course she only ever does things for my sake, right? There is no way having to organize an hour long ride to school for a week is in any way detrimental to me, and it is no way completely selfish. Right. Then, she would not allow me to take back my car, the car I pay insurance and gas for, and had owned for over half a year at that point. No, the title was still in my stepfather's name, so I obviously have to pay $400 to get my car back. Even though it's mine. Right. (I didn't buy it. I saved my money and bought a newer one. It's much cooler, and the blinkers work.)
After that, I finally made arrangements to move to my sister's house until I could move back to my dad's in the summer. My sister's house was located close to my school, so it was the most logical choice for me to finish out the year. The plan was for me to move to my sister's during spring break, which was a week after the whole
drop-off" fiasco, so I guess that part worked out in the end.
As to the reason for moving, there are multiple. My mother was, and possibly still is, a drug addict. Opiates and various other pain killers, as far as I know. She was also severely depressed and had terrible anxiety and could not get out of bed some days. She quit her (well paying, full benefit) job with the state in order to pursue her dream fo a beauty career (I do not fault her for wanting to change occupations, but... She really couldn't wait until I was out of the house? At least let me finish high school with some sort of financial stability). My mother's moods were capricious at best, and I would often find myself subjected to her screaming and cussing over any matter, even if it wasn't my fault. She was also drunk pretty often, and would bring home men that I didn't know.
I worked a lot in those days so I didn't have to go home and see her. Somedays I would go to school sick because I didn't want to have to tell her I didn't feel well and face her possible wrath at my "school-skipping". I was extremely depressed, and I still have scars on my thighs from razors. I do not know when they will go away.
My mother was extremely emotionally abusive and very self-centered. She would make comments about my weight, eating habits, mental illnesses, anything really. But then she would become self-deprecating and self destructive, and I was left to pick up the pieces. I was expected to my the parent, and she played the part of child.
I was a junior in high school. I did not have the energy or resources to be a parent, student, and part-timer. So my dad offered me a place to excape to, and I took it. I told my mom that I was moving to my dad's and that she would have to take care of herself, because I couldn't do it anymore. She was furious, to put it lightly. I had to call the cops, and the cop sided with my fucking mother. I still, to this day, cannot believe that the cop put my mother's words before mine, and left me with an angry, abusive drug addict. She never got physical with me, but I'm certain she might have if given the chance.
Anyways, I haven't talked to my mother since. She'll text me sometimes, with her "positive" pictures and lots of smiling emoticons. It makes me feel nauseous. She doesn't pay child support, yet she complained all the time that my dad never sent "enough". She sure had enough money to buy e-cigs and purses though. My dad recently asked for her tax information for the FAFSA, so I could get more financial csd (considering that she doesn't have a job still) but she would only send it if I began talking to her again. She's manipulative like that. She also seems to think that I just need to "forgive and forget", as if I could erase years of misery I spent living with her. She said I was childish for playing the part of the victim.
I do not love my mother. I want her to keep as far away from me as possible. I never again want to expose myself to her manipulation and destruction.
Yet the entire mother side of my family thinks I should talk to her again. I don't have to do anything if I don't want to. I wish they would stop asking.
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