Mother dear.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Naberius, Feb 19, 2015.

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  1. I had to get this off my chest. It makes my head hurt thinking about it.

    My mother always hated it when I called her that, so now that I don't speak to her I call her that whenever I can. Also because it puts up a shield, as mother/father are very... detached(?) words in our family.


    A little less than a year ago, I moved out of my mother's house. "Moved", aka she woke me up on a school night and drove me almost an hour to my dad's, where she dropped me off and left me. At 11:30pm. On a school night. But of course she only ever does things for my sake, right? There is no way having to organize an hour long ride to school for a week is in any way detrimental to me, and it is no way completely selfish. Right. Then, she would not allow me to take back my car, the car I pay insurance and gas for, and had owned for over half a year at that point. No, the title was still in my stepfather's name, so I obviously have to pay $400 to get my car back. Even though it's mine. Right. (I didn't buy it. I saved my money and bought a newer one. It's much cooler, and the blinkers work.)

    After that, I finally made arrangements to move to my sister's house until I could move back to my dad's in the summer. My sister's house was located close to my school, so it was the most logical choice for me to finish out the year. The plan was for me to move to my sister's during spring break, which was a week after the whole
    drop-off" fiasco, so I guess that part worked out in the end.

    As to the reason for moving, there are multiple. My mother was, and possibly still is, a drug addict. Opiates and various other pain killers, as far as I know. She was also severely depressed and had terrible anxiety and could not get out of bed some days. She quit her (well paying, full benefit) job with the state in order to pursue her dream fo a beauty career (I do not fault her for wanting to change occupations, but... She really couldn't wait until I was out of the house? At least let me finish high school with some sort of financial stability). My mother's moods were capricious at best, and I would often find myself subjected to her screaming and cussing over any matter, even if it wasn't my fault. She was also drunk pretty often, and would bring home men that I didn't know.

    I worked a lot in those days so I didn't have to go home and see her. Somedays I would go to school sick because I didn't want to have to tell her I didn't feel well and face her possible wrath at my "school-skipping". I was extremely depressed, and I still have scars on my thighs from razors. I do not know when they will go away.

    My mother was extremely emotionally abusive and very self-centered. She would make comments about my weight, eating habits, mental illnesses, anything really. But then she would become self-deprecating and self destructive, and I was left to pick up the pieces. I was expected to my the parent, and she played the part of child.

    I was a junior in high school. I did not have the energy or resources to be a parent, student, and part-timer. So my dad offered me a place to excape to, and I took it. I told my mom that I was moving to my dad's and that she would have to take care of herself, because I couldn't do it anymore. She was furious, to put it lightly. I had to call the cops, and the cop sided with my fucking mother. I still, to this day, cannot believe that the cop put my mother's words before mine, and left me with an angry, abusive drug addict. She never got physical with me, but I'm certain she might have if given the chance.

    Anyways, I haven't talked to my mother since. She'll text me sometimes, with her "positive" pictures and lots of smiling emoticons. It makes me feel nauseous. She doesn't pay child support, yet she complained all the time that my dad never sent "enough". She sure had enough money to buy e-cigs and purses though. My dad recently asked for her tax information for the FAFSA, so I could get more financial csd (considering that she doesn't have a job still) but she would only send it if I began talking to her again. She's manipulative like that. She also seems to think that I just need to "forgive and forget", as if I could erase years of misery I spent living with her. She said I was childish for playing the part of the victim.

    I do not love my mother. I want her to keep as far away from me as possible. I never again want to expose myself to her manipulation and destruction.

    Yet the entire mother side of my family thinks I should talk to her again. I don't have to do anything if I don't want to. I wish they would stop asking.
    #1 Naberius, Feb 19, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
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  2. Sounds like my mother, minus the drug addiction. Not as bad as yours, but just as self-centered, manipulative, threatening, ect. Its like living with an abusive spouse. They act horrid, talk you down then believe that you should feel sorry for them. They get upset over nothing, or blame you for their own mistakes. The negative judging of your hobbies, friends, and just everything that makes you happy. It's like walking on eggshells when around them. Then once you break down from the abuse they start saying how sorry they are and that they don't mean it. Next day they are back at their games.

    I've been were you are, actually I still am, but I'm getting out. Moving out of my parents house real soon. You keep it up, because I'm sure as hell you don't need her to get what you want out of life or to make you happy.
    #2 Vio, Feb 19, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
  3. @Vio Everything you said was spot on. I remember telling her on more times than I can count on my fingers and toes to not yell at me, and to instead simply speak to me about what was bothering her, what she would like me to do, etc. It's really not that hard to just talk to somebody about a problem rather than yelling about it. And she'd say sorry and be kind for about a day, and then it was right back to a thunderstorm of rage whenever I made the slightest mistake. I would usually cry when she shouted, and then she'd yell at me for crying, and then she'd yell at me when I didn't cry because I wasn't "responding to her". I couldn't win.

    I've been so much happier without her in my life. My GPA is up, I got accepted into my dream college, and I've steadily become more self confident and proud of my achievements in life. It's amazing what a change in environment can do. I wish you well in your endeavors - it's worth it all in the end. I can guarantee it.
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  4. @Naberius

    I recall a similar situation when I was still in high school. Actually I think it was before high school, maybe right before? I don't remember exactly what age, just that I was young. I remember she asked me to throw away a box of stall teddy bear gram-crackers. I listened, but accidentally tripped in the hallway. The container was forced open during my fall and the teddy gram-crackers spilled all over the floor. I distinctly remember her walking up and yelling at me for it rather than seeing if I was okay. I remember her exact words "Are you kidding me!? Get up and pick them up!" I remember falling down the stairs once and neither my step dad nor my mother came to check on me. Just one of the many conflicts I remember growing up. I remember it was so bad in high school that I was beyond just tears, I was nearly suicidal and terrified of coming home from school everyday. Normally the only place I could be relieved of my stress was either school or the confiding in my friends online. Then they came into my room and read through all my messages, and I ended up getting in trouble for venting online. Lost my laptop for a month because I wasn't supposed to feel that way about them nor talk about it with anyone. Just pushed me even farther into a depression. Of course I'm a lot better now. I have a boyfriend who I can talk to about what goes on and I lock my phone and laptop with a password now. Plus as I said I am moving out, so there's no need to feel trapped or controlled anymore. I hope things brighten for me afterwards, thank you for the encouragement!

    If you have any other issues though regarding the matter, or any matter, I'm all ears man. :)

    Ps: I see you a newer member to Iwaku! Welcome! If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask me if you want. >.>;

    Pss: I would totally love to be your first friend on iwaku. Unless you already were a member with friends and this is just a new account. If that was the case then I wouldn't be you first friend.

    *cough* <.<;

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  5. @Vio Reminds me of "The Green Bean Incident", in which my two very best friends were over and my mother yelled at me because I didn't put the green beans away after dinner and made it seem like I was a worthless child. it was humiliating, especially with my friends standing right there caught in between it all.

    And I would love to be your friend! I am fairly new, one of friends from another site suggested Iwaku to me so here I am. First friend? <3
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  6. @Naberius

    Yeah, my two best friends since middle school have seen how my family treats me. I would be hanging out with my friend Kitty one time with another person, and they were talking about how bad their siblings were. I remember Kitty telling them that "I'm sure, but they are probably no where near as horrid as this child's siblings." while pointing to me and I'd just sigh and just nod my head. They used to be so bad that my friends didn't want to come over to hang out, of course they are used to them now. My friend Ari has seen how my mother treats me too. It used to be really embarrassing, sometimes I think maybe it is force of habit for them or that they do it on purpose. lol

    Recently I went to a concert with her once and she ended up meeting with one of he friends. Her friend had a daughter just a bit younger than me, and of course I am conflicted because I want to make new friends. So I told a little white lie ( that I came to the concert to see paramore because she was a paramore fan), and she publicly calls me out in front of them. Needless to say, the girl never added me on facebook after that, but I probably shouldn't have caved into pressure from the get-go >.>;

    regardless it was super awkward. I'm pretty awkward lol

    Anyways enough babbling! Yaaaas new friends! I'm pleased to be your first iwakuian friend then <3


    *goes to follow your page*
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