Monsters on Maple Street



Original poster
A pleasant day on Maple Street, USA. It is the late 50's, a quiet, peaceful suburban street. All are happy with the peaceful life they lead here. It is late in the day, the sun is low in the sky, the barbeque's crackle pleasantly as the Johnston's host their annual Year-End barbie party.

[nomedia=""]YouTube- "Weird Al" Yankovic: Even Worse - Good Old Days[/nomedia]

The Johnston's, the perfect suburban family. Daniel Johnston, the father, with his lovely wife, Petunia. They share two delightful children, William(Or little Billy, as his friends call him) and Victoria (Eleven and seventeen, respectively). 4570 on Maple Street, a quaint one-story building with a small white picket-fence and a garden.

As Daniel fires up the barbecue, the first guests arrive. A compact parks at the curb, and Maxwell climbs out. A bachelor artist, Maxwell lives alone in lovely yellow house at the end of their street. He was wearing(As ever) his Hawaiian button-up and Bermuda shorts, his pair of flip-flops flopping as he approached, waving.

Almost a minute later, a fancy Lamborghini pulled in behind it. A laughing couple got out and strode up to the family, holding each other. Perry, a lawyer, and his blushing bride-to-be, Caroline.

Next, strolled up Tommy, the hotshot mechanic at the local work-shop. Still dressed in his grimy jumpsuit, his hair slick and combed, he waved at the Johnston's. Just dropping by!

The tinkling of a bell signaled the arrival of Theodore, the ice cream man. Billy squealed in delight and ran off. Theodore laughed jovially and also waved to the rest of the Johnstons.

Last but not least, came Tucker. A large truck pulled up, and a grizzly leather-clad figure clambered out. With his leather vest over a white shirt, and red bandanna, he seemed an intimidating figure, but as soon as he saw the barbecue, he broke out into an unexpectedly dazzling smile.

As the last of the guests arrived, they began to mingle, greeting, reminiscing, gossiping. The going-ons at the attorney's office, the traffic increase lately, the recent, sudden, inexplicable departure of the beloved Van Doran's. The sweet smell of cooking meat filled the air, mingling with the fresh smells of 1950's suburbia.

A shadow loomed over the party, silencing them. A massive semi-truck trundled down the road. Behind it putted a small mini-van, with tinted windows and a broken muffler. The semi stopped, letting the van pass it and park in the driveway of the Van Doran's place. The doors opened, and figures from a horror novel stepped out.


A massive serpent-woman slithered from the front seat, four arms(And winged claws...) stretching as the...thing... yawned. It threw its hair back, and a gasp went through the party guests. The woman-serpent was clearly naked, as naked as serpent-women go. Petunia, shocked, covered William's eyes.


Next, an imposing figure got out. No, not "got out", stomped out. The ground trembled beneath his tread as the man(?) stepped off. He was clad in armor, and his face was a mass of cuts and heavy eyebrows. He glared around him, grumbling in a voice so deep it reverberated in the guest's chests, even though it wasn't loud enough for them to hear.


A sniveling, hairy, ape-like being got out from the side doors, giggling to himself. Massive spectacles rested on his nose, and facial hair seemed to be having a war on his face. He pointed at the moving truck again, laughing.


A hulking monstrosity crawled out next, skin dark-brown and leathery. One arm was massive, as thick as a tree, and its other was thin as a stick. The thing somehow got to its feet, mini-arm waving comically in the air. It moved over beside the odd hairy man. The man gestured at the truck again, pointing something out, and the monster roared with laughter.


The serpent-woman slithered over to the back of the car, and tore the entire back of the van off, chucking it aside with one hand as if it were a crumpled piece of paper. A massive, demonic hound leaped from the back, hopping up against the woman, apparently trying to hump her. The armored figure swatted the dog off angrily. It yelped and stomped away, stopping to blast the van back a entire yard with a monstrous tide of yellow steaming piss. The front part of the bumper melted into the concrete driveway.

Daniel jogged off onto the sidewalk, approaching the house next door. He timidly waved and called to them.

"You're the new neighbors?" He inquired.


"What is it?" Beater asked Willy, as he snickered.
"Look!" He spoke nasally, pointing at the moving truck. Beater looked again.

Family Planning Advice​

-was written on the side in big fancy letters. No doubt an ad for young mothers.
"So?" Beater asked again
"Look there." He pointed again. Near the back of the semi, in red letters, were obvious instructions for unloading the truck


Both boys erupted into laughter, nasal squeaking from Willy, and slow "Hurr-hurr-hurr"'s from Beater. Mom and Dad got out, Ekidna letting Cerebus out from the back, Deadbeat swatting him off as he tried once more unsuccessfully to copulate with his mother. Deadbeat gestured for the rest of the family to join them. Before he could speak, a timid voice called from the driveway.

"You're the new neighbors?"

It was a strange site indeed to see this Motley Crew in the midst of hometown U.S.A. They were as out of place as cactus in Alaska, but somehow, at least to them, they fit in perfect. As a light breeze picked up and brought the smell of delicious meats to Willy's noes he cringed, bringing his hands up under his chin and working his fingers back and forth under his beard.; A strange habit he had picked up in his youth.

Willy leaned over towards Lil' Beater, breathing through his noes and licking his lips

" Hey, Beeater, hehehehe, remember that time, we BBQ'ed those mice….and and that guy got mad cause we did it at the grill store and and……..' Just then Willy's eyes shot open like bottle Rockets as the sight of Mrs. Petunia Johnston caught his eye. He walked -No more like Lurched - around the outside of the white picket fence that bordered the Johnston yard. Mrs. Johnston was in the Process of pouring some drinks when Willy came up behind her, with a gleam in his eye and drool hanging from his mouth.

Petunia cocked her head, at the sight of her new neighbor, so her larger than life beehive hair stood pointing at about 2 o'clock. She was more than a little taken back by his sudden appearance.

"Um, Hello?" She said in a tone that was about two degrees below nagging

Willy let out a small laugh as he reached up to touch her hair, smiling like a school boy who just got first in the lunch line as he did. He was beside himself with delight, Uncle willy loved hair, and loved smelling it even more. He began to pull her towards him by her hair, all the while giggling to himself in joy and amusement. This is when Mr. Johnston turned and saw what was happening, unable to comprehend at first what he was seeing.

He rushed over, spatula in hand and cocked back, aiming straight for Willy's face.