Miscarriages and Pregnancy.

[Ridralee]

A person I was intimate with once upon a time (still manage to be close friends) just recently had a miscarriage after 3 months of pregnancy. That was almost 2 months ago. Now she is pregnant again, this time should only about 2 weeks. She is freaking out that it'll happen again. She's looked all over the Internet for help since none of her family knows how it feels. Not able to have kids does run in her family and by a military doctor she had been told she couldn't have kids... Obesity even runs in her family which made doctors say her percentage of troubles were higher. Now that she proved them wrong twice in a row she is still worried. Yes, she plans on keeping it but doesn't know if she'd be able to handle another miscarriage.

i really don't know why I'm posting this...
I just don't know what to say or how to help.
she admitted that the word sorry just made the miscarriage worse...
MISS know she should calm down but still.
I'm lost on how I can be there for her.
Her husband even feels the same.

 

[Kitti]

She can definitely see a fertility doctor! They exist! There are many reasons behind miscarriages and what she can expect depends on the reasons behind it. A genetic abnormality, the cells not splitting correctly at conception? Nothing she could do about it, and not likely going to prevent her from happily carrying a child again. Nearly all miscarriages are caused by these genetic hiccups.

Otherwise, diseases are the most likely cause for miscarriage. She can talk to other doctors to see if one of these might be cause for concern, like a thyroid disease.

Hopefully, she'll be fine and happy for this second pregnancy - there's a good chance of it, if the first was not caused by a condition she herself has.

 

[Fluffy]

I've had 2 miscarriages and I can honestly say that those two events were the worst days of my life. It's like that for most women, from what I've learned... It's normal, too, for her to be paranoid about having that same tragedy repeat itself. I have a baby that's 34 weeks along currently and I still get those shaky feelings, even though the chances of miscarrying are super slim by now.

Miscarriage has many, many causes. Some aren't even explainable. It might not be her at all, it could have just been a flaw in the development, like abnormal chromosomes. There are tests she can have done to check and see if she's risking anything by getting pregnant. :]

The best thing the people the love her can do is be there. Be the best support you can possibly be, tell her to have faith in herself and her child. She needs you, her husband--everyone--to be there for her. Recovery from such a sad experience takes a long time. It's not easy to think of words to say. For me, my family would just send me thoughtful cards, remind me that they're there for me, buy me chocolate sometimes... Saying 'sorry' isn't a good idea, usually. Also... She'll need more time to grieve, which she'll have to work through in her own way. Sometimes, writing in a journal helps. My mom bought me a journal and pen as a gift to help with my woes; maybe do the same for her? :]

I also suggest she look into a support group. I'm part of one that's through the internet and it's helped me a lot. There are people who can relate to her, comfort her, and help her if she's afraid something bad is happening.

I wish for the best. It's awesome that she proved the doctor wrong, I just hope she won't have any complications.

This is the website, by the way, where I attend said support group. There's a group for everything from depression to miscarriage to phobias. Maybe ask her to give it a try? She's welcome to look me up there too, if she'd like someone to speak to. I go by the name 'EmpressChimera' there.

<3

 

[Mid]

Yeah, what they said.

She should definitely see a doctor who deals with women and fertility. They would know more than generic doctors and they may care more to go the extra mile as that is their field. If she feels a doctor is not helping or very caring, she has every right to see a different doctor until she finds one that fits her (Because the truth is not every doctor gives a damn, some just want to get paid and go home).

She should also try to manage her stress which is hard considering her situation but added stress can increase risks. Everyone hates to hear I'm sorry and it's incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to not know the right words but sometimes there are no words. Just being there helps, chocolate and ice cream along with some good movies are a plus. Be her friend and support her.

I wish her the best of luck.