My ponderings for the day. Not sure if you could call it poetry or not....had to vent somehow. Still feeling awful though. Life. What is life? Is life simply useless? Or do we all have a greater meaning unknown to us? Are we some other species' cosmic plaything? Are we alone? Do we have purpose? Or a better question would be, do we create our own purpose? What value does mine hold? I know what it's filled with, but nothing more. Sorrow. Sorrow is a trial I endure day after day. It's quite funny actually. I can look around here where I sit and the world just passes on by... While I feel like mine crumbles around me. The day outside looks so bright as if the world were smiling back at me. But inside I feel like I'm lost in an endless plain of otherworldly sadness. Sorrow isn't a feeling, it is a state. I seem to remain in this state just to varying degrees with each day. Sorrow is a pain with which I am familiar. Depression. Depression is also my companion. It grows like a cancer with each day. Contentedness, happiness, fulfillment, all those things evade me. I always thought that no one understood the mechanics and true meaning of a smile... Unless you were stuck in this disease like me. Depression some would argue is clarity. Some would argue it's a haze that shrouds your thoughts in lies. I argue it's one of the purest forms of insanity. The struggle is real. Loneliness. My greatest fear, my worst enemy, my nightmare. There is nothing that terrifies me more than being left alone again. Sleepless nights, silence, emptiness, all things that plague a lonely soul. Even in great company one can still feel alone. In the most crowded place on this rock filled to the brim with people, you can feel alone. Like a cornered animal I fight anything that threatens to leave me in that abyss. Maybe it's that reaction that slips me further into it... It leaves me a shell of my former self... If there had even been a shell to fill. Pain. Toil, hurt, agony, sadness, all the components that make up true pain. What is pain but a sensation? A negative sensation that can cause regret later? If you want to go to the basis of human nature we spend life avoiding pain. For what? To meet the inevitable pain of death? Maybe pain is something we don't understand? Or maybe it's simply as base as it seems? Why does it provoke our worst? Why does it torment me daily?