Living with Psychosis

[ofthegoodnight]

(Well, I'm not sure I should be posting this here because it seems like a heavy topic. If this makes anyone uncomfortable or is a triggering topic, it can be removed and I'll understand. )

I have been diagnosed with clinical psychosis ever since last year. All my short teenage life, I have been dismissed as simply having adolescent mood swings. Until it got to the big breaking point. I could not finish tenth grade because my mind was so messy and I was having trouble coping with even the slightest mental pressure. I was then forced to drop out of school, and I sought out medical help. The prognosis was terrifying. I was not expected to be able to care for even myself, and that I should turn myself in to the hospital and live as a mental patient.

Now, you may be wondering why I never realized my condition was so severe. When you have clinical psychosis, reality becomes warped, sometimes to the degree you cannot even trust your own judgment. I downplayed my symptoms and listened to the people that told me that I was simply going through puberty, which, as it happens, was totally not the case. Add the fact that mental illness can be very difficult to diagnose and care for!

So...does anyone have advice on living with psychosis or mental illness in general? What do you think of today's mental medical care? How do you think patients, their families and doctors can better communicate?

(Please leave rude comments and insults out of this thread. I will not hesitate to report anything that may harm a person and their thoughts.)

 

[Lawkheart]

Although I do not suffer from psychosis, I do live with a few mental illness's. I have suffered from Major Depression, more specifically, Atypical Depression, since I was 9 along with severe anxiety and panic attacks. I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was around 15, when a classmate saw the bandages on my stomach from cutting and burning myself. It was then that I started to get the help I needed. And I'll tell you now, the first therapist I went to barely listened to me and continuously preached to me about her religion and saying that I did not need to take medication because my condition wasn't that bad. I only stayed with her for a total of 5 months. Once I stopped seeing her, I starting hurting myself once more and this time my mother found out and she and I looked for a better doctor for me to go see. I was very apprehensive of this woman. I did not trust her and I did not want to talk about what was in my mind. But she did not push me. She asked me simple questions, getting to know me and what I liked before she even asked me to tell her about my earliest memory.

Now this doctor, it only took her two visits to recommend me to a psychiatrist. I lucked out with a Dr who is very kind to me and together they tried everything in their power to keep me out of the hospital. Hospital's in my area are infamous for causing patients to worsen instead of get better so they did not want to put me through that, even though they would have been paid more if they had just sent me away from my family.

I think what helped me was the fact I found doctors who listened and when I couldn't trust my parents enough to even tell them how I felt, they helped me and communication is one of the biggest things for me. Also knowing that I was no longer suffering alone, that helped me stop hurting myself. Which I'm glad to say I haven't hurt myself in 3 years. I think the feeling of being alone is what causes my illness to get worse. What I did to help cope with that was learn to do things, small hobbies. I taught myself to play the guitar. I wrote poetry to express the darkness in my mind. I read every book I could get my hands on. I painted and drew pictures. I even learned how to make earrings, rings, necklaces and bracelets. I did things that kept my mind busy and not focusing on the things that hurt me.

I'm still getting better but now I know I'm not alone and I have a close group of people I could talk to. Even if they don't understand what I'm talking about, they just let me vent out everything until my mind is empty.

I suggest that maybe you try that. Maybe even have something that will keep you centered. That you can look at, hold in your hands and focus on it when things get bad.

And if you need to talk to anyone, I'm always available to talk or just be someone you can vent to and just have them listen to you. I hope I gave you any ideas to help you. I'm not really sure what psychosis is but I know it is nothing anyone deserves to experience.

 

[Kitty]

Psychosis is not what I was diagnosed with either, I have been in and out of the hospital most of my life, especially the past few years. More diagnoses than I can count. But this made me thing of my most prominent problems which is something similar, paranoia coupled with OCD, I cannot trust those around me, or even myself. Due to a vaccine injury which exacerbated my problems in trusting anyway it became a bigger problem with me looking into conspiracy theories and such. My obsessive nature made me focus in on it. Although not psychosis it's similar in the fact I cannot always tell whats real from fake. When I'm being crazy or when I'm being normal. If I ask people for their feedback, I usually get that I'm doing okay, but with paranoia it's me thinking, well are they just saying that? Then I remember all the people who have rolled their eyes at me or been rude to me in the past and I freak and try to alter myself which usually makes it worse.

In any case, your best bet is to chill the fuck out.

And its weird but I mean it. It's so hard to not take your illnesses to heart, to not be offended by jokes about crazy people, and to not be offended by people who make fun of you for your sensitivities. People on and offline, even here on Iwaku, have poked at me before. They are sarcastic, roll their eyes, especially if you are a teenager. People like to think that it's just "children these days" and that we are just using it as a crutch. They forget that ignorant people grow up too. That rude people grow up too. I understand where it comes from, that they say they have pain too and they are fine. It's all stigma and ignorance of mental illness. Just brush it off, because it's going to happen again and again and again. You have to learn to just be chill, to not get worked up and to just be cool about it. If it's online, you can always report/block the person. I've found when i do this usually the person will make snips behind your back, but let it roll off because most of the time they don't even really matter. If it's offline you can just leave, and if they pick on you some more like they usually do, they aren't worth the time to explain why their behavior is toxic. Just let it be. And it's hard, but just let it be.

Realistically, living with mental illness is a struggle and I'm not sure that it ever gets better. What I am hoping though is that it gets easier. It becomes routine to stop those bad habit type thoughts. You have to find ways in which you realize your brain and rationalization is being messed up, you have to try and correct it yourself.

No one else can fix you, they can help you, but the work is in your head not theirs.

I'll have days when I realized I have gained all my weight back and I know school is starting soon so I'll just say "I won't eat today. One day isn't bad, right? I'm overweight anyway right? It's healthy." But I have to correct it. Days when I have realized I have purchased makeup every day of the week yet something new and shiny just came out and I'd take such good care of it but no, inanimate objects never leave you or stab your back but they don't love you either and obsessing over it is just going to make me go broke. Days where I think someone is watching me and I begin to tear my room apart looking for speakers or video cameras from my parents or the government or something ridiculous because of that whole NSA bull that came out and I have to go "Wait a second let's think about what you are doing right now. Why do you care who's watching you anyway? You've done nothing wrong."

It's all a state of mind, which is where mental illness lives. It's a struggle, but the most important thing that I do is I just pretend I'm normal. Sometimes in conversation it'll come up, or I'll have to correct myself or explain myself to a doctor or friend, but for the most part... It's just easier and healthier to not let that illness get to you. Some patients that are diagnosed will rely on that diagnosis for every bad thing they do, but you are still human and you still have to learn how to function. Some bad habits are from the illness, but using an illness as an excuse doesn't make anything better. Even if your habit is due to an illness, you should still be trying to learn how to correct it.

Anyway, I could go on for years. Ultimately there is a big community of people who are supportive and to surround your with kind, loving people always, always help. I am here if you ever need to talk, and there are plenty of other online communities as well as therapists that can help you. :)

I wish you the best
XOXO

 

[Jargo]

The thing about modern psychology is that it is being blind towards anything non-mechanical and refuses to collaborate with esoterica, resulting in people being fed cocktails of drugs and similar stuff for no reason at all or being sent off to medical institutions, when some simple words could "fix" the situation.

Now, the first thing you need to accept is that there is no point of seeing yourself as the victim and asking yourself "why is this happening to me". Everything is happening for a reason ,as cruel as this may sound, just try to get as much experience as you can from whatever is happening to and around you.

When it comes to handling nay sort of mental pressure and any worrisome situations, I can offer you to analyse the situation and your reaction to it. Do not think too much about it, just feel, for yourself, what makes you feel in such a way and where is the reason for a particular bad feeling or mood swing. The key to dealing with any stress is to recognise your emotions, don't fight them, don't regret them or try to get away from them, they are part of you and there is particular reason for feeling in a certain way. Once you reach the root of your sensations, you will be able to understand it and the feeling/mood associated with it will go away on its own. This involves asking and answering some hard question for yourself and feeding yourself portions of the hard truth, but I think it can be really helpful and useful in terms of clearing and clarifying your troubles and especially in perceiving the reality as it is. As human beings we are prone to deceiving ourselves and overstating facts.

I don't know if I have been useful, I tend to be rather bad at explanations :)

 

[Melon]

I know somewhat how you feel. When I was in 6th grade I was diagnosed with anxiety and major depression. In 8th grade I was dragged to the hospital after many (suicidal) attempts. There I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and mania. Now, I am a Junior in High School. I will admit, it sucks so much being around people. I have several panic attacks at school, and I leave school when they get too bad. The only thing that keeps me from staying in public school is band. That is my passion. I find that music soothes me when I am upset. I'm going to be blunt right now, but please do not take this offensively. A mental illness can't be fixed, it doesn't go away. You are stuck with it. Medicine never really fixes it, it just masks it. The main thing, is YOU. You have to try and think positive and change your perspective on this mental disorder. Yes, living with them is tough. In the end though, I have found that all these 'disorders' have made me stronger in a way. Now don't get me wrong, I still plummet back into the deep pit of depression. The thing is, I eventually get out of that pit. I find that every time I crash, I find new ways to cope with the inevitable problems ahead. Now, I do not know much about psychosis, and I wish I could give you better advice on it. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever need to talk send me a PM. <3 Melancholy

 

[Fijoli]

adolescents are being diagnosed more and more everyday, there are major dangers in this from all sides. One side is kids are being misdiagnosed due to raging hormones, the other side is adolescents are being prescribed 'fuck it all' drugs while they already have a 'fuck it all' mind set.

I was myself diagnosed at 13 and the meds I was put on hurt me more then they helped me. ((I do not wish to share my diagnosis, I'm sorry))

My advice.

Educate yourself dammit. Research everything before you agree to anything.

Don't just take anything doctors hand to you without doing your own research with your family. Don't let any doctors push or insist vacinations, drugs, or methods until you have gone home and researched it!!!

Don't let your diagnosis rule you, you are not Psychosis, Psychosis is you. Your mind is a powerful thing enough to really skew your perceptions and judgment and when you are an adolescent your brain has not fully developed on a hormonally and psychological level yet.

I took myself off of my meds at 15 and I decided that day that there was nothing wrong with me and I am absolutely ok. I do not suggest doing this.

I suggest taking a step back from everything and making sure you are taking all the steps in being safe. Young people are under attack and being prescribed things and given shots and really being taken advantage of in the medical field.

My thoughts growing up were, because my parents were scared, but they didn't do the research and I almost died from being prescribed meds that should not ever mix, and by the same doctor.

You are so young and to feel this way is hard and can be endless at times, but there is hope and it's not so bad. Someday you may walk away from this at the age of 23 and say...there wasn't anything wrong with me at all, and if not that, then at least you were safe, smart, and diligent in keeping yourself educated.


Either way, please, be safe, and protect yourself.

 

[Robin's Lover]

My brother is schizophrenic. I feel for you. I wish I could give you a hug. I'm sorry. Its really hard I know. I personally hate most doctors as a general rule. An hour is by no means a reasonable amount of time to assess a patient. In order to truly understand a doctor of the mind would need to examine a person's life for a week and get perspectives not only from the patient on his/her life and emotional/mental health but also from friends family ect. Its nearly impossible to truly understand the way that they interview now. Do you know how easy it is to walk into to a doctors office and simply get medication. They have trigger words and you can learn them all on mayoclinic. You simply have to descibe your "symptoms" according to what they listen for. Being a doctor isn't hard. Being a good doctor on the other hand is nearly impossible. Its a business. I don't feel it is really there to adequately help people. All I can say for living with mental illness is its something that you have to stumble through. It should never be used as an excuse. Doing so can get you sympathy for a short time but eventually it will drive everyone away. I know based on my experience with my mother. Its a messy issue and thinking to hard on it makes me want to crawl into a hole and cry honestly. Its a problem without an easy solution.

 

[OlympusBlood]

Hi. Um. I have a few mental diseases. I was diagnosed at 7. I know. Ridiculous that they think a 7-year-old is mental. People will treat you different and you will feel like the whole world is against you. Smile.

Rules I have when I'm mental/going through mental phase:
1. Smile. Try to hide it. Don't tell people. They won't treat you the same. Learnt that the hard way.
2. Research. About anything. Distract yourself.
3. PLEASE IGNORE THE DOCTOR YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.
4. If something good happened, write it down so you don't forget.

That's from a schizophrenic teenager.
So yeah. Good luck.
And remember, that you aren't crazy. You aren't controlled by it, it is controlled by you.