EPISODE THREE
"AHURRGH KUUHR RUUHR KOOOHFF RUURGHR HUURGH.... ACKURH!"
Helen spat a glob of brown, viscous phlegm on the floral wallpaper before taking another cigarette drag. The ash dropped in the tray - the tray balanced precariously on her swollen abdomen. Her seventh baby was going to be a large one.
"So anyway," she continued in her scratchy, gravel voice,
"I took Elsinger behind the magma chamber and we got down to it, you know? And let me tell ya, it was the best Swiss Cheese I ever had in my mouth." More phlegm trickled down her chin as she chortled.
"Ooh pleaze, yoo beetch! Ze man was practically eating me up, ya!" Jack dabbed his brow with a frilly, swastika-embroidered handkerchief while leaning by the fireplace. He was a picture of gaudy living, in purple waistcoat, mascara and powdered-grey hair. His face was scarred and wrinkled as he pouted.
"Ooh, ich still remember zat day in zee volcano, when he stoode zere wiv his smouldering eyes. Yoo cud tell by zee vay he was walking, ya! Dere's no fooling zis queen, honey." He waved his limp wrist dismissively at the pregnant woman.
On the chair opposite Helen a balding, overweight Mamoru lifted an electrolarynx and held it to the gaping, rancid stoma wound on his neck. His voice came out in creepy electronic monotone.
"Mmmm boy, I wiiiiish youuu twoooo would stop dragging up the paaaaast."
Jack flapped his other wrist,
"Ooh stow it, Herr Vader. At leest vee cahn still swallow semen, ya!" He giggled shrilly while Helen gave a rasping chuckle that sent the ash tray tipping from her belly.
Meanwhile, by the window, Eva huddled on another armchair, which had been turned to face the garden. The grey-haired hag had her head underneath the curtains and was obsessively keeping watch.
"We've been here too long! They can smell the coffee! It's like crack to these people. Is the roof satellite-proof? People always forget. Yes, they always forget to satellite-roof the proofs."
A horde of malnourished cats brushed and yowled around her as he babbled.
"I made some peppermint brownies." A frail, trembling stick of man with a comb-over shuffled from the kitchen and into the lounge with a tray of baked treats. Orochi kept his eyes on the ground as usual, and winced a little when he saw Eva by the window. His agoraphobia and social anxiety was as crippling as ever.
"I would have had fudge sauce.... but Mother didn't visit yesterday on account of her rickets. Umm.. sorry..." He laid the plate down between Helen and Mamoru.
"Mmmm they loook delicious Oroooochi, thaaank you..."
"Oh, you boys are so funny, aren't they, Mister Samlington?" On a rocking chair in the corner, Daisy sat with her
truth puppet - a shrunken horse-head on a stick that she carried with her wherever she went. She looked to it as she asked her question, then put on a funny voice. The truth puppet said the things she couldn't.
"Yeah, funny like a pair of cunts!"
There was silence in the lounge. Orochi gave a nervous cough.
"So anyvay, Frauline," said Jack as he turned to Helen with a hand on his heart.
"Ven is yorr little bundle of joy due?"
"Fuck if I know," Helen answered with a belch of smoke. She let out a fart as she retrieved the ashtray and placed it back on her belly.
"I had me one of them electro-magnesium abortions last Christmas. Fucked me right up. Still shit from me vagina, ya know? Anyway, the doctor said the next kid might be a retard, so I might wanna have a claw hammer with me in the delivery room."
"That's where they get you," Eva cut in while cradling two of the cats to her breasts.
"They wait till you pass out, then swap the babies for pig mutants. Ever wonder what's in the Coca-Cola? They ran out of corn syrup in 2034." One of the cats clawed at her chest. Eva sighed and began unbuttoning her blouse.
"Oh, I forgot the napkins." Orochi stood paralyzed by the coffee table, sweating profusely.
"That's okay, Orochi. Don't worry about it." Daisy smiled then brought the horse-puppet in front of her face.
"Yeah, why don't you just take a shit in our mouths, you little cock-munching faggot!"
"Oh, Mister Samlington. You are awful!"
Orochi looked down.
Mamoru adjusted his speech device. The throat cancer still gave him trouble. Everyone warned about this 15 years ago, when he got stoned and decided to eat the Serpents.
"Mmmm, sooo dooo you guuys ever regreeeet quitting the Leviathan Project?"
Eva let out a little gasp and giggled while slapping the cat half-buried in her blouse.
"Not so hard, darling!"
"Nah, fuck it." Helen lit up another cigarette.
"Best thing we ever did was walk out of that place. Remember that pair o' lesbians - Satsuma and Teabag? They would've had our sphincters tighter than an Aston Martin."
"Mmmm, I thiiink it waaaas Satsuko and Tealeaf."
"I put anthrax on their tampons!" The horse puppet confessed from the corner.
"Enough, yoo gais!" Jack minced to the center of the room and knelt by the coffee table.
"Frau Helen is right, ya. Vee all turned out much better viv out zee NAGA Initiative. Now, let us pute zis silly talk aside. Vee are here to remember our dear friend. Ten years today, he took his last heroin hit, and vee all lost our fuhrer and our muse." He choked back tears.
"He died soo young, and sooo sehxy! But vee vill always love him! Auf wiedersehen, Boa."
"Boa!"
"Boa!"
"Mmmm, Boa!"
"Boa! ACKARRGH HUUURGH AAAUGRH!"
"Boa, the cunt!"
Jack stroked the skull-emblazoned urn that rested on the table.
"BOA!"
"AAAAGH!"
Boa jolted awake and smacked his head on the cockpit roof.
The others would never know of his dream. And they would only see his Primary Serpent twitch slightly as its pilot awoke.
Stood beside them in the massive training hangar, Erebus was a beast of silver-sheen skin and black carapace. It waited in line with the other Serpents and their pilots were cradled in specially constructed cockpits of bone and membrane. They had been made to remove their clothes, to boost the neural link.
The only artificial thing they wore were the earpieces, through which Setsuko's voice instructed them.
"WAKE UP BOA! NOW, THE REST OF YOU - I WANT TO SEE BASIC COORDINATION. GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HANGAR, AT WHATEVER PACE YOU CAN MANAGE. I'VE PUT SOME OBSTACLES IN YOUR WAY. I WANT FLUID MOVEMENTS. BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS AND YOUR APPENDAGES. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T RUN INTO EACH OTHER."
"Why did Helen have a cockney accent?"
"WHAT WAS THAT? WHO'S TALKING?"
"Er, nothing. Sorry."