Jumi's Word

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Jumi, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. Well since I can't find my old writing topic (probably due to being deleted after not adding anything to it in almost a year) I've stared another.

    What's you name unknown one?

    Are you living, or dieing as a human?

    Time to tell what you are...

    Genius, idiot, brave or coward defined by your scars.

    Those simple decisions...

    Such profound decisions...

    Taken as a whole, or individual

    Makes you wonder what's meaningful.

    What's your decision?

    Running from your decision...

    Broken will, and busted vision.

    Rusting heart, with a burning life to envision...

    Welcome to your prison,

    This indecision....

    Go on and run,

    You're still no one.


    Not with your indecision.
  2. Wonderful~! :D
    It's reallyreally nice, Jumikun <3 Initially, as I read, the descriptive words really caught my breath. "profound...broken...rusted" I think the words you used are very powerful as is the overall feeling conveyed by the poem.

    Reading it a second time, I can see pieces of my own life in my memory passing by in relevance. :D

    So true <3 And so beautiful <3

    ~ As for criticism, there's something odd about the last two lines. I get what you're trying to say, but there's something missing or it doesn't flow as well. It might be the double negation that prodding me xD
  3. Thanks Sakura, but it wasn't meant to be beautiful. I was reflecting on the past when I wrote it, so perhaps it's good that others think of it in such a light.

    "Black Vision"
    They say free....
    When you're cold and burned out.

    Laid down so silently...

    Seeing dead again,
    seeing dead again...

    This place...
    So choking, and cold
    Where we gather on this day most.

    Laid down so silently...

    Seeing dead again,
    seeing dead again...

    My hate just filters through...

    So fuck you, and
    Damn this sight as I see the dead again!

    Seeing dead again!
    Seeing dead again!
    Seeing dead again!

    When my sight goes dead again!
    dead again!
    dead again!

    When they're singled out...

    The Dead...
    begins to filter through.
  4. For some reason this poem reminds me a little TOO much of the song "The Red" by Chevelle. Was that your inspiration?
  5. Can't say I've heard the song, but I'll ask Deejay if that's where he got the inspiration from. He wrote this after my brother's funeral about a day ago.

    When I find out I'll let you know.

    That reminds me... I really need to finish that Guitar track for him as well as the bass line. -_-
  6. I love the works you've done here, man!

    The first one really conveys a sense of almost... cartheisis.... Or... I spelled it wrong, I know I did... the word means purging, but it's usually meant in an emotional situation... like how people used to see greek tragedies and then be able to feel a little better.... like.... it was refreshing!
  7. Thank ya, TK. I myself don't really know what I was trying to get at with it. It was just digging at my head for a bit.

    Found a few random writing exercises that a friend of mine was using for his creative writing class, and I decided to take a crack at them.

    This one asked "Ask those around you for your Qualities (being either good or bad), and then develop your counter claims to them. Then write the first thing that comes to your mind after reading the final draft."

    This is what I came up with.

    I’m often told that I have a Heart of Gold, but then why do I feel like I’m filled with rust?

    I’m often a man who is great with advice, but then why do I always make illogical decisions?

    I am a man of meagerness, yet I often feel that the necessities seem like luxuries.

    I often seem like a man with great sorrow, yet at times this misery is a comfort.

    I always wonder what tomorrow will bring, but I fear the possibility of something unforeseen.

    I am a man who is loyal to his cause, yet my code of honor is downtrodden by others.

    I fear the foreseen path I’ve laid before me, yet I do nothing to change my fate.

    I believe myself to be a good person, but that can be argued as a matter of opinion.

    I drift between here, and there, and from there to nowhere… does this disprove my consistency?

    I often look out for others. Even at the danger of overlooking myself.

    I often say that this world is an Asylum of Glass, does that make mine any less of a prison?

    I once followed the Golden Rule to the letter, and now I waiver dangerously each and everyday.

    I answer simple, and difficult questions for others, so why can’t I answer my own?

    'I fear that my life is a very well fabricated lie, and is spoken into my ear by my own voice…'

  8. Wow. That was interesting. The favorite being the last one.
  10. Tomorrow

    Live like there’s no tomorrow.
    There’s no tomorrow, there’s no tomorrow!

    Don’t go and waist, just go and take it.
    Don’t sit around and fake it,
    do your best to make it.

    Kill it boy, and power ahead!
    Just kill that shit, and power ahead!

    You’re the one who’ll make the world as it is today.
    And the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
    Hell yeah! Oh yeah!

    They’re not the one’s who’ll help you bolster,
    nah, you’re the one who’s gotta prosper!

    I’m Ok.

    If only you could see in my mind,
    you’d know that I can’t lie.

    My one vice is I’m too damn nice.

    Between tattoos,
    between cynicism,
    I’m not really that bad.

    If you could only read my mind,
    you’d see that I’m almost like you.

    I know you’re only being ‘good’
    but that’s what?

    Guess I’m obviously misunderstood.


    I’m not really that bad,
    not really bad,
    not really that bad.

    My style is worthwhile,
    so if you don’t it,
    just ignore it!

    If you just won’t know it.
  11. Do you mean catharsis?@TK

    Anyway, I like the poems that you've written. As Sakura's said, the imagery and word-choice is nice for the first poem you posted. I think I saw one or two of the other poems from a blog post, but anyway, keep up the good work, dude.@Jumi