Meanwhile...
Diana sat on her throne, getting a shoulder massage from a steambot. In her hands was a clunky, octagonal device covered in letters. It was mounted on an axle to a block of wood. She spun it with one hand.
"An Arche-what now?"
At the opposite end of the throne room stood a butler and beside him a small boy in ragged clothes. It was the boy who spoke up, with eyes large and desperate.
"Arc-E-Type Writer!" he yelled across the chamber. Some of the rabbits on the carpet got spooked and ran away, earning the boy a slap on the back of the head from the butler.
"Gaagh!"
"Ruuuuurgh!" groaned Gibs the steambot as he continued massaging the Queen. The rabbits ran back in the opposite direction, chased by a second steambot in a maid's outfit.
"Eeeeeigh!" whined Isabot nervously. The machine seemed to be in a state of anxiety, fussing over the rabbits and throwing worried glances around the room.
Diana's eyes narrowed.
"And what does it do?"
The boy picked up his cap and rubbed the back of his head, dirty blond hair spilling around his face.
"Er, well, your Highness, I...er... developed it at the orphanage where I grew up. I used to study the other kids, when they weren't punching me. And I discovered that there are eight types of people..."
"SHALL I DANCE FOR YOU, MY LADY?!" A third steambot bounced into the room in a cloud of steam. It was dressed in a Santa Claus outfit and moved erratically, flailing arms and legs.
"I HAVE MY GARTERS INVOKED!"
"Eeeeeigh!" Isabot and most of the rabbits went running into the corner.
Diana gave a sidelong squint.
"Not now, Jinx!"
"THERE'S A MOOSE IN MY BEDROOM! IT GIVES ME DETENTION! WAH-HA-HA-HA!" Jinx jiggled up and down, flashing fairy lights.
"Muuuuurgh!" said Gibs.
"Alright, settle down. You're scaring the bunnies." The Queen luxuriated as Gibs continued rubbing her shoulders. Then she squinted again, at the nervous-looking boy standing with his cap.
"Who are you?"
The boy stared back, horror in his eyes. There was a pause and then the butler beside him leant forward and bowed to the Queen.
"Sebastian Dobson, Maam. He won the Diana's Den competition for young inventors."
"THAT'S HOW THE BROCOLLI WAS HANGED! WAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!" Jinx screeched as he hopped around the throne.
"Oh, that thing," Diana said, ignoring Jinx.
"Well, what have you invented, boy?"
Sebastian gulped and lifted a trembling finger to point at the device in the Queen's hands.
"Er... the... the... Arc-E Typewriter, Maam?"
"Oh yes." Diana gave the weird octagonal object another spin, whilst Sebastian crept forward a few steps. He was careful not to step on the Queen's pet rabbits.
"See, I studied the other kids at my orphange, Maam. And I learned there were..."
"Eeeeeigh!" Isabot had decided to hide behind a curtain.
Sebastian stared at Isabot, then continued.
"...er, yeah, there were eight different w-ways in which pre-school children d-developed writing styles. The Arc-E Typewriter has a s-s-switchable keyboard interface. Each one is ergonomically designed to eliminate er.. 80% of spelling mistakes in the given p-personality type."
"Ooh stats. I like stats!"
"THEY FED US HERRINGS SMUGGLED IN BIBLES! WE WERE BEASTLY CHILDREN!" Jinx was thrashing around behind the throne, doing an impression of a flamingo.
"Nuuuuuugh!" Isabot made a run for the door and the butler had to give chase, tackling the panicky steambot in the hallway. Sebastian, meanwhile, gripped his hat tighter.
"So...er... I was thinking... maybe, with an investment from the Treasury, these could be developed for schools and..."
CRIIIICK!
Diana's left eye went large, almost popping from its socket. Gibs's fingers had malfunctioned and tightened into a death-grip.
"Gibs....!"
"Ruuuuurgh!" Gibs grumbled, oblivious to the fact that he was cutting off the Queen's circulation.
Sebastian looked around anxiously, noting that the butler was still handling Isabot. He turned back and drew a screwdriver from his pocket.
"Erm... I can fix that..."
Diana was turning purple, her legs thrashing as Gibs killed her slowly. Sebastian hurried forward and clambered onto the thone, stepping on Diana's knees and using her head to pull himself up.
"Sorry Maam, just..er... sorry..." He climbed across onto Gibs's shoulder.
"I've seen this before. It's a contraction of the deltoid rods. It happens when the intake valve is cross-planed. The old Mark Four's weren't designed with the inhibitor..."
"Gibs!" Diana spluttered.
"Muuuuurgh!"
"WE SHALL DANCE FOR OUR GRAVY!" Jinx started doing an Irish jig in the background, belching clouds of steam. Ignoring this, Sebastian opened a plate on Gibs's shoulder and got his screwdriver inside. His legs were wrapped around the steambot's tophat, occasionally kicking Diana in the face.
"Just need to tweak the.... there!" The Steambot's fingers retracted and Diana took in a great gulp of air. The Arc-E Typewriter went flying from her hands and fell in front of Jinx, who smashed it into the wall with a timely dance-kick.
"Yuuurgh!" Gibs straightened up and the boy to tumble to the floor. Diana, meanwhile, was standing up and fixing her collar as blood returned to her cheeks. She nudged a rabbit away with her foot.
"We are not amused!"
"Eeeeeiighh!" squealed Isabot from beneath the butler.
* * * * * *
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! OOPH!" Sebastian hit the ground of the courtyard face-first, his hat and fragments of his typewriter landing beside him. The butler was dusting off his gloved hands as the boy got up on his knees. He looked back with tears streaming down his face.
"But..but... my invention! It was all I had! What am I supposed to do now?"
"Well honey," said the butler as he wagged his gloved finger at Sebastian.
"I would start by accessorising. Because the street urchin look? So last season!" And with that, Zypher minced back into the palace.
The doors thudded shut, leaving Sebastian in the royal courtyard with horses glaring at him. He was sobbing now, clutching the pieces of his invention.
"I don't know what to do.... I don't know what to d-"
There was a sharp breeze and a morning newspaper splatted Sebastian in the face.