G
GrunkleLogic
Guest
Original poster
So recently, someone came over to my house that I haven't seen in a long time. To give you a clear picture of this person, they have never been a very nice person to me. They always bullied and harassed me, taken advantage of me but I hoped in time that they would grow out of it. Me being 26, and them being 27 going on 28, I wondered if they would ever grow up.
Granted, they were more mature than they were at 20. But I was reminded just how cruel they could be this weekend. We were all in the car, headed home from a great dinner. They made some very cruel jokes towards me (I'm a fat transman that cannot alter a single thing about my body). Now I won't go into what they said to me, it would serve no other purpose than to make me sad once more.
We go to my house, where they were staying with me while in my city. They stayed around my roommate while I stayed in my room, trying to process and work through what this person had said to me. Now I've always rolled over and let things go, acted like their words weren't painful. But there comes a time in your life when you cannot keep running, and when this person came around to talk to me about everything, I told them this:
"No. We aren't going to talk about this until I am ready to. You made a joke, a few of them, at my expense and this time you really went way too far. I know that you are sorry, but that doesn't help. You really hurt me, but I am not in a place to talk about it. Maybe in the future, we'll chat. But right now, consider it a forbidden subject. You have the right to be upset over this, and your emotions are valid, but so are mine. And you need to respect that I am not ready right now to talk about any of this, not yet."
We gamed and they went to sleep.
I was told later that someone thought my choice was 'unfair' to my friend, but here's the thing; you are allowed to step back and take care of your needs. Nothing makes you a bad person for needing time away from them, or for needing time to heal.
You don't always need to put others before you to make you a good person; you matter enough to take time for you. People, while they might not mean to, will take the chance to exploit that.
This all has been a lesson for me that I need to start thinking what was best for me, and not for everyone around me. I cannot force myself to forgive something like that like I had when I was young.
I don't love my friend less for this, but I understand now that it is alright that I get angry. That I cry and what they did was wrong. I never want anything bad to happen to them, ever. But I need them to understand where I'm at, and that I can be hurt by what they do or say.
Take care of yourself, you are allowed to and you deserve the same love you show others.
Granted, they were more mature than they were at 20. But I was reminded just how cruel they could be this weekend. We were all in the car, headed home from a great dinner. They made some very cruel jokes towards me (I'm a fat transman that cannot alter a single thing about my body). Now I won't go into what they said to me, it would serve no other purpose than to make me sad once more.
We go to my house, where they were staying with me while in my city. They stayed around my roommate while I stayed in my room, trying to process and work through what this person had said to me. Now I've always rolled over and let things go, acted like their words weren't painful. But there comes a time in your life when you cannot keep running, and when this person came around to talk to me about everything, I told them this:
"No. We aren't going to talk about this until I am ready to. You made a joke, a few of them, at my expense and this time you really went way too far. I know that you are sorry, but that doesn't help. You really hurt me, but I am not in a place to talk about it. Maybe in the future, we'll chat. But right now, consider it a forbidden subject. You have the right to be upset over this, and your emotions are valid, but so are mine. And you need to respect that I am not ready right now to talk about any of this, not yet."
We gamed and they went to sleep.
I was told later that someone thought my choice was 'unfair' to my friend, but here's the thing; you are allowed to step back and take care of your needs. Nothing makes you a bad person for needing time away from them, or for needing time to heal.
You don't always need to put others before you to make you a good person; you matter enough to take time for you. People, while they might not mean to, will take the chance to exploit that.
This all has been a lesson for me that I need to start thinking what was best for me, and not for everyone around me. I cannot force myself to forgive something like that like I had when I was young.
I don't love my friend less for this, but I understand now that it is alright that I get angry. That I cry and what they did was wrong. I never want anything bad to happen to them, ever. But I need them to understand where I'm at, and that I can be hurt by what they do or say.
Take care of yourself, you are allowed to and you deserve the same love you show others.