It's JOURNEY TIME!

[Diana]

And no, I don't mean the totally awesome band. Back in March I posted a thread in the Girl's Club about Personal Journeys. That's all about sitting down with yourself, listing the things that make you unhappy, and then actively working at solving those problems. This year, many people on Iwaku have been having life and identity crisis, so I figured it was about time to do this in counseling and see who else wants to go on a journey to happiness with me! 8D YAY!


Problems come in two parts: THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL AND THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL. You have to learn to recognize the difference between them so you can deal with them. This is all about taking active control over your situation and making yourself happy.

What I would like you to do is list off the things about you or your life that you feel SUCKS ASS -- and then you will list off what you are going to do about it. I am going to list mine!

MY PROBLEMS I KNOW I CAN CONTROL:
- I don't get enough personal private time so I can recharge, so I am always feeling emotionally and physically drained. I always feel guilty and like I am neglecting people when I need such long expanses of alone time.
- I don't feel pretty or attractive to the point where it causes pointless social anxiety.
- I don't take care of my health and body the way I know I should, and I am feeling the affects on it.
- I don't have any self discipline when it comes to getting my chores done, so I always feel like I am being a lazy failure and not contributing my fair share to the household.
- I don't manage our budget as firmly and as wisely as I know I CAN because I don't want to say no and look like the bad guy.
- I just have a problem with saying NO in general, which gets me in to situations I don't want to be in or cause more trouble for me.
- I have a lot of things I really want to try or do, but I end up never doing them because I always feel like I don't deserve the time or money spent.
- I have a terrible problem with procrastination. And because of that, I've ended up with extra problems I could have avoided.
- I feel like I am not a good enough friend to people I love, because I am never the one that reaches out to them, they always have to come seek me out.
- I have not gotten enough time to be CREATIVE, in roleplay, writing, or art because I let myself get distracted with other activities.
- I feel like I have been a terrible administrator the past few months because I have been too focused and wrapped up in situations and problems that I have no control over.

MY PROBLEMS I KNOW I CAN'T CONTROL:
- I can't dictate what my family is doing and make them stop making mistakes or doing things I know are making life harder on them. It's their life, they have to live it.
- I can't fix the problems of other people, no matter how much I want to. All I can do is listen and it does NOT make me a bad or useless friend.
- I can't control how other people think or feel about me. What they think does not affect my life, and I need to let it go and stop letting it interfere with things I want to do.


Now we get to the FUN part, where we state what we're currently trying to do for ourselves!

WHAT I AM DOING FOR MYSELF SO FAR ON THIS PERSONAL JOURNEY:

- For my health, I have been letting Ocha use me as a guinea pig for her Nutrition Business. I've changed a lot of habits and have even lost some weight in the process. :D I still have a long way to go, though. I still need to cut a LOT more sugar from my diet and force more daily exercise in to my routine. I am currently still in the process of replacing processed foods in our pantry with fresh and better alternatives.

- To help me feel preeeeeetty again I have been setting aside monies to occasional buy super cute makeup, nail polish, bath products and clothes that I am proud to wear. I am currently trying to get myself in the habit of daily and weekly routines Diana-time routines where I fix up my nails, or have a facial and stuff like that so I feel girly and pretties.

- Finding Diana alone time has been a struggle with extra people in the house and constantly changing work schedules. and especially when I feel guilty for hiding on long stretches of time. But I am fiiiinally forcing myself to get some extra Diana-only hours for reading and fiddle-faddling. My next step is working in a more regular routine so I can have daily recharge time!

- I am currently working on getting back in to the swing of my daily habits, both as an administrator and as a house elf. I have let a lot of things get me distracted and have made a lot of excuses, and so some are legitimate, most of them are not. I am going to try extra hard not to procrastinate things I need to get done, and to apply a little self discipline to moments I need to get work done!

NOW YOU. WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY.
Even the babiest of steps are a step in the right direction!

 

[Fluffy]

MY PROBLEMS I KNOW I CAN CONTROL:
- I don't like asking for help. That's not a good enough reason to not ask still, especially since I take on so much everydamnday. I need a break sometimes! ;_;
- I can go to school at my own pace. I keep feeling like I need to cram more than 2 classes into each term so I can graduate sooner. I really shouldn't; the stress will kill me. xD
- I don't say 'no' very well. If I can't help someone with their problems, or if I'm too exhausted to be with my friends, I just need to tell them so.
- There's so much I need/want... Examples: A haircut, supplies to make candles for holiday gifts, some new winter mittens/gloves, some suitable walking shoes, kitchen supplies, computer hardware... I don't buy these because I feel like I don't deserve them, and that our money is better spent anywhere else, and on anyone else.
- I clean too much. This is a problem because I'll sometimes clean instead of spend time with my boyfriend. I can't help it because I have an OCD diagnosis, but I'm not putting this in the 'can't control' because he's able to snap me out of the cleaning tizzies by threatening me. XD
- I feel ugly. My beloved tells me daily how beautiful I am, but my own personal opinion can't be changed for some reason. It's even interfering with my sex drive. I'm not the pretty skinny girl I once was; I need bigger clothes because of what pregnancy did to me. But, I can't afford new clothes. So I'm stuck wearing these hideous hand-me-downs my sister gave me, or these clothes that are too tight on me. I want some clothes that make me feel like a pretty mommy and wife-to-be, but that's just not important enough...
- I am not in good shape.
- I don't have a driver's license or a car, even though I'll be 23 in February 2014.

MY PROBLEMS I KNOW I CAN'T CONTROL:
- My anxiety, depression, and unbalanced emotions are real. They can't be cured or gotten rid of.
- My son must always come first, no matter what. Even if that means I have to starve or go without something else important for a while.
- I won't find employment in this stupid town because I can't drive, I don't speak Spanish, I don't have enough experience, I don't have connections, and whatever other excuses the managers come up with.
- There's no doctor who I can depend on around here. They're always asking me to reschedule or cancel my appointments, even when I stress how much I need them.
- People have problems of their own or just don't have time for me. I'll have to accept that half the time, I have to recover from my problems all alone.

WHAT I AM DOING FOR MYSELF SO FAR ON THIS PERSONAL JOURNEY:
- I'm practicing saying 'no' where it's necessary. If I can't party, do chores, visit, or whatever! I can't afford to get more tired out than I already do, because I have 2 people who depend on me.
- I've made a promise to myself and my family that I would get my driver's license soon. I want classes. I don't want family members or friends teaching me. So, I'm researching places I can get driving instructions. Also, we plan to buy a car with our next tax return.
- I don't yet know how, but there has got to be a way I can control my OCD better. It's possible, I just need to figure out HOW.
- Exercise. xP I always say I'm going to, but I don't. Maybe I will eventually.
- I don't know where or when, but we'll make a plan to move out of this miserable shithole I'm forced to call home. Once we move, so much of my life will improve. It's crazy how just living in Ontario, OR puts so many limits on my life.
- In addition to saying 'no' where it's necessary, I'm practicing saying 'yes' where I can! I never used to be a yes-person when people invited me out, or just wanted to come over to chill for a couple hours. Sometimes, Fluffy needs friend-time. :3
- I cuddle my little boy when I feel like giving up on life. Cuddling him not only consoles me, but reminds me why I'm here. Just like that, I'm the energetic, determined lady I've always known I could be!
- I treat myself to a glass of wine or cocktail in the evening, because I deserve it. Also, it relaxes me so I can go to sleep. My ability to drink in moderation is a big deal because alcoholism is in my family, and I've had/have addictions to other substances.

 

[LogicfromLogic]

MY PROBLEMS I KNOW I CAN CONTROL:
-I do not get out much. I sit here in my cozy warm apartment, and never want to leave. But I can change that by just going outside for walks, and enjoying the breeze. I'm very anti-social, what I'd call a recluse. I tend to hide from everything and everyone
-I know that I can balance my mood swings. I can hold onto my behavior problems, and stop to breathe and think.
-I can get out of this mindset that I can't do it; I know I can.
-I'm not sure about this one, but just to stay on the positive state, I'll say that I can control the war between staying happy or depressed going on in my mind. While I may seem very happy, I am not. But I can't physically show that I am upset.
-I can live happily on my own (and I've proved that). That whole issue with my self-image needs to be dealt with. The paranoia of being disliked is something I personally need to work on.

MY PROBLEMS I KNOW I CAN'T CONTROL:
-Having BPD. I can't wish it away, and I can't pretend that I don't have it.
-I can't help everyone. I can't bring my friends back. I can't control what my other friends do or say
-I can't expect my family to push themselves to learn. I have to get over my anger with them, and learn to let go.
-I will stop calling my negative emotions not genuine because I can't show them around others (I can't explain it, I do not fear being emotional but for some reason something prevents me)
-I can't stop bad things from happening. No matter how much planning one person does, life is never that easy
-I can't control what others see me as, only what I see myself as

WHAT I AM DOING FOR MYSELF SO FAR ON THIS PERSONAL JOURNEY:
-I am getting into clubs. Currently, I am trying to get into a Roleplayer's Guild.
-I am finding others with my condition, and learning to talk to them about it. I am learning to open up to others and more so I am learning how to deal with death. It's not like I haven't dealt with it before but this was different.
-Art; art is a very good therapy. And music; I am finding out more ways to deal with stress than drinking it away and for that I am proud.

-Going to school to be a surgeon to prove to myself I can