I'm just really tired.

[Opossum My Possum]

I've been dealing with depression since middle school.
It started because of bullying, and I've been on medication, but I stopped taking it about a year ago.

I'm just really tired of everything, it seems like everything is going wrong.

My fiancee who I've been with for two years is an asshole.
He is constantly fighting with me and my family, he's always putting them down, and saying/doing mean things to me.
He never agrees with anything I do or say, or my family either, and he never listens.
He's selfish and just an ass.
He can be sweet too, but lately, it seems like it's all him being a dick.


And my family gets mad at me because I don't clean or get up at an early time, but the thing is..
When I was little, I was spoiled. I didn't do anything, I never cleaned up after myself, I never made myself food,
I didn't go anywhere by myself.
Nothing.
I never had to call or do anything myself.
And now that I'm 18, all of a sudden they tell me to grow up, and they want me to do all these things myself,
but I don't know how.
And on top of it all, I have social anxiety, I can't go out in public, and I can't talk on the phone, It's really bad.
But they say it's an excuse and that I need to get over it.
They say I'm not doing anything, but I'm trying to get my GED and go to college, it takes time.
I can't get a job without a GED.
I can't drive, I haven't been taught.
And at home, I do clean, I make dinner, I wash my own clothes, I clean the kitchen, I do a lot by myself.
But they still push me and push me.

And my mom and bf talk through me to get to each other.
They say "tell him this" or "tell her this"
and never talk to each other, until they get mad and yell at each other.
My bf doesn't listen to my mom's rules, and she doesn't listen to us at all.

No one listens to me, and I'm put in the middle of everything.
And I am so sooo tired of it.
I can't even begin to explain how tired I am.
I just honestly want to die every day.
I want to just jump in front of a car, and this may be dramatic, but fuck.

I can't do this- I don't know how, and no one is helping me.

My mom says she wants to move to Florida in April, and I'll have no where to go.
I can't bring my stuff with us if I go with her, so fuck that.
And if she leaves, none of my siblings will take me in.
So I'm screwed.

I'm just... over all this.
It would be so much easier to just die.

But I'm too chicken to do it.
I'm just screwed any way I look.

 

[Ochalla]

Welcome to life isn't fair. The game where everyone is a loser. I've got to say you've got it shitty and I don't envy you, but life gets better with a bit of work.

I've been dealing with depression since middle school.
It started because of bullying, and I've been on medication, but I stopped taking it about a year ago.

I'm not a fan of pharmaceuticals but quitting while on them can screw you up more if you're not careful. If you're still in your families insurance see if you can talk to a councilor. And if so tell them up front if you don't want to use drugs. If you can't see one then surround yourself with as much positive influences as you can, eat as healthy as you can and exercise. This DOES help. Your body was designed to run and eat whole foods, not sit in the dark and drink coke.

My fiancee who I've been with for two years is an asshole.
He is constantly fighting with me and my family, he's always putting them down, and saying/doing mean things to me.
He never agrees with anything I do or say, or my family either, and he never listens.
He's selfish and just an ass.
He can be sweet too, but lately, it seems like it's all him being a dick.

Why do you have a fiancée at 18 you dislike? Sounds like a receipt for an early divorce. Time to make a pro vs con list about this guy and see if he really is a dick you need to kick to the curb or if you're over concerned with a few issues. But the fact that he's putting you down and doing "mean things" to you suggest it's time to tell him the engagements over.

And my family gets mad at me because I don't clean or get up at an early time, but the thing is..
When I was little, I was spoiled. I didn't do anything, I never cleaned up after myself, I never made myself food,
I didn't go anywhere by myself.
Nothing.
I never had to call or do anything myself.
And now that I'm 18, all of a sudden they tell me to grow up, and they want me to do all these things myself,
but I don't know how.

It's hard if you were not given any transition time, but don't continue to act spoiled just because you were. You're an intelligent person. If you need to make yourself a daily tasks lists so that you can keep focused. As for getting up late that's a side effect of the depression. You become a night owl when depressed because the brain signals are sorta screwy. Giving yourself a set bed time and and setting an alarm in the morning would be wise.

And on top of it all, I have social anxiety, I can't go out in public, and I can't talk on the phone, It's really bad.
But they say it's an excuse and that I need to get over it.
They say I'm not doing anything, but I'm trying to get my GED and go to college, it takes time.
I can't get a job without a GED.
I can't drive, I haven't been taught.

Social anxiety SUCKS and I am sorry, but do small little brave things like going to the grocery store when family is only picking up a few things so you have limited time in public. And since you can't drive you're going to have to ask to get lessons, and explain why you want to drive. If you communicate your desire its more likely to happen. And that task list I suggested before, add study time and put it in the middle of the day after you accomplished half your goal list. Make sure you finish your list before bedtime though.

And my mom and bf talk through me to get to each other.
They say "tell him this" or "tell her this"
and never talk to each other, until they get mad and yell at each other.
My bf doesn't listen to my mom's rules, and she doesn't listen to us at all.

Hate to say it. Her house, her rules. Untold HE listens she doesn't need to. Is he living with you guys? If so this was a mistake on her part to let him and its up to you to kick him out. It's obviously not working on many fronts. If he's only visiting he needs to be a hell of a lot more respectful to the woman of the house even if he doesn't agree with her rules, he's the guest.

My mom says she wants to move to Florida in April, and I'll have no where to go.
I can't bring my stuff with us if I go with her, so fuck that.
And if she leaves, none of my siblings will take me in.
So I'm screwed.

Sounds like your mother is trying to run away from being a mom. She can't kick you out because she loves you, but she can't live like she has been. This might be her problem alone, but you say your siblings won't let you move in which sounds like you are perceived as a brat. This might be a very unfair viewpoint. Not understanding depression and social anxiety likely is making them unsympathetic to you, but look really hard, are you making it hard for them beyond that. As for Florida, if you dump your boy it might be best to start scratch, so what if you can't take your stuff, it's just stuff!

What ever you do, remember its your life. You have to choose how to live it. But LIVE!