Okay so when I was younger I know I was a bit of a dick. I had serious problems, like psychological bat shit freakshow problems. I spent a lot of time alone, I talked to myself, and I was intimidated by my father. Like I could not be at ease around him, and I always walked on tip toes when he was around. It's not like he was abusive towards me, or anything, but I just couldn't ease up when he was nearby. I toned down my excitement whenever he came into the room and I never showed my true personality. We never had a close relationship, and I'm 100% sure he liked (and still likes) my brother more than me. Our relationship took an even worse turn when he told me I couldn't go to some pool party and in retaliation I locked him in his room (I was eight). I had planned to let him out before I went to school, but I forgot and when I came home and saw that my room was wrecked (because my room used to be the nursery, so there's a door between my parent's room and mine) I got super pissed at him, even though I knew what I had done. And I wasn't upset or anything about what I'd done, I actually tried to blame it on my brother really... Anyway the point is, that I apologized. I apologized for locking him in his room. I apologized for getting mad at him when he got mad at me because I bought him an eight dollar hat when I went on that trip to Canada in sixth grade. (It was too expensive apparently). I apologized for getting pissed at him because he's always talking about my brother even when he was giving me driving lessons and seriously he couldn't just talk about me to me for thirty fucking minutes?? Really? But whatever. Fuck it. I apologized. And I tried to reach out to him. I suggested father daughter days where we go out and do free stuff because he's a cheap fuck. Today (father's day) I called him and when he said he wasn't doing anything for Father's Day, I suggested that we hang out, and he said he was busy (even though he said he wasn't doing anything!) but he'd call me if he was free. (Guess what, I never got that call!) But you know what? He finds time to hang out with my brother all the fucking time, even if it's just them working on cars all day, they're still bonding! I just.. Why did I have to get the shitty dad? Why doesn't he like me? If it's cause I locked him in his room, I was like eight years old! My mom witnessed all of the shitty things that I've done in life and she still loves the hell out of me. I'm just as good as my brother in fact morally, I'm probably better! My brother fucking stole over a hundred dollars from my dad and guess who he hangs out with 24 fucking 7? Anyway, I don't see why I should even try to reach out to him anymore. But even though I say stuff like, "Whatever, I don't care, I won't even try" I still do because I'm a loser who can't get over the fact that her dad will never like her and constantly tries to attract his attention. Whatevs.