I know I wasn't the best kid but...

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Cosmic Penguin, Jun 21, 2015.

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  1. Okay so when I was younger I know I was a bit of a dick. I had serious problems, like psychological bat shit freakshow problems. I spent a lot of time alone, I talked to myself, and I was intimidated by my father. Like I could not be at ease around him, and I always walked on tip toes when he was around. It's not like he was abusive towards me, or anything, but I just couldn't ease up when he was nearby. I toned down my excitement whenever he came into the room and I never showed my true personality. We never had a close relationship, and I'm 100% sure he liked (and still likes) my brother more than me. Our relationship took an even worse turn when he told me I couldn't go to some pool party and in retaliation I locked him in his room (I was eight). I had planned to let him out before I went to school, but I forgot and when I came home and saw that my room was wrecked (because my room used to be the nursery, so there's a door between my parent's room and mine) I got super pissed at him, even though I knew what I had done. And I wasn't upset or anything about what I'd done, I actually tried to blame it on my brother really...

    Anyway the point is, that I apologized. I apologized for locking him in his room. I apologized for getting mad at him when he got mad at me because I bought him an eight dollar hat when I went on that trip to Canada in sixth grade. (It was too expensive apparently). I apologized for getting pissed at him because he's always talking about my brother even when he was giving me driving lessons and seriously he couldn't just talk about me to me for thirty fucking minutes?? Really?

    But whatever. Fuck it. I apologized.

    And I tried to reach out to him. I suggested father daughter days where we go out and do free stuff because he's a cheap fuck. Today (father's day) I called him and when he said he wasn't doing anything for Father's Day, I suggested that we hang out, and he said he was busy (even though he said he wasn't doing anything!) but he'd call me if he was free. (Guess what, I never got that call!) But you know what? He finds time to hang out with my brother all the fucking time, even if it's just them working on cars all day, they're still bonding!

    I just..

    Why did I have to get the shitty dad? Why doesn't he like me? If it's cause I locked him in his room, I was like eight years old! My mom witnessed all of the shitty things that I've done in life and she still loves the hell out of me. I'm just as good as my brother in fact morally, I'm probably better! My brother fucking stole over a hundred dollars from my dad and guess who he hangs out with 24 fucking 7?

    Anyway, I don't see why I should even try to reach out to him anymore. But even though I say stuff like, "Whatever, I don't care, I won't even try" I still do because I'm a loser who can't get over the fact that her dad will never like her and constantly tries to attract his attention.

  2. Well, if all else fails, and as difficult as may be... Sometimes you've just gotta cut off contact entirely for a while and let time resolve all of this; sometimes, people don't realize what they have until they lose it. Though, one thing's for certain; if there's still alot of things making you jealous about him, try your best not to let it get to you... Or at least, try not to let it impact your behavior too much, otherwise it may worsen the situation. What could possibly be needed is to spend time seperate from him for now, and, try to find your own thing to do... Even if it's harder than it sounds at first, perhaps, this issue is best resolved with time...
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  3. You know, I've technically been on the opposite end of that relationship with my own father. One time, out of the blue, he told me, right in front of my brother, that I was his favorite. I'm not entirely sure what his motivation was, but I think he was lashing out at my brother. They didn't get along all that well, naturally. Of course, both of us had a strained relationship with him, which is what mystifies me as to why he would play favorites...

    But as for my point; my dad was (is?) a childish and petty person, and reading what you've written, your dad sounds equally childish and petty. Unfortunately, I doubt I have any good advice for you, since I broke off all contact with my dad 7-8 years ago and I have never been happier. I mean, I could tell you to do the same, but it would be harder if your parents aren't separated, and it sounds like you kind of want to have a good relationship with him. Just remember you always have your mother.
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  4. Like the others have said, sometimes it's best just to seperate yourself.

    A happy/healthy relationship requires both sides to be putting effort into it.
    If your Dad isn't willing to, then there really isn't much you can do about it.

    Does it suck? Oh yeah.
    But you would be better off focusing your time on people willing to reciprocate it, rather than on those who would rather ignore it.

    But hopefully we're wrong and your father was just in a bad mood that day.
    Though unless if he's actually going out of his way to be cruel or harmful to you then cutting off contact will probably be extreme.
    Just deciding not invest anymore energy into him (at least until he shows a willingness to get along) should be enough.
  5. Thanks for all the advice. ^_^

    And about the separating myself from him thing, I actually live with my mom and brother. My mom and my dad aren't divorced but they're separated and he didn't make much effort to try and get my brother and I to live with him.

    But yeah so about the separating myself from him thing...I actually did do that. I went like a year not calling or talking to him ever. And then he called my mom and complained about me to her and said stuff like, "Oh you turned her against me!" or "She doesn't love me!". So I started calling him again and he still doesn't make an effort, so I don't know what his deal is. But I will take you guys' advice and just do my own thing.

    @Saito Hajime
    I'm sorry your dad played the favorite thing with you! That sucks ass. My dad actually did that to me when my brother was in his rebellious faze and didn't want to interact with my dad anymore. At the time I was just super happy that my dad paid me so much attention. T.T But then my brother started socializing with him again and I got put on the back burner...But yeah. Parents playing favoritism is the worst.
  6. That's exactly what my dad did too. I'm pretty sure he still blames my mum for everything that happened.

    Did you ever explicitly tell your dad what your problem is? Like, outline that it's specifically because he won't make an effort for you that you feel distant from him? Granted, I told my dad what I thought he did wrong, and he didn't really listen at all. But then, I wasn't really interested in repairing my relationship with him either.
  7. Yes, I did. I had a sit down with him and I told him that I didn't like how he never paid attention to me and whenever he was alone with me he always talked about my brother and my dad's excuse was, "Well I never worry about you because you don't do anything that I should be worried about unlike your brother who is always doing questionable things." And that really wasn't answering my complaint, but my dad likes to do this thing called, 'I came to this country over thirty years ago and whenever I'm with you I have trouble understanding English. So let me unintentionally ignore your statement.' -.-
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