I Know I Should Talk to Someone About This.

L

Laggy Lagiacrus

Guest
Original poster
I'll cut to the chase here - I could have inherited a heart condition.
Given my track record, I know it's highly unlikely, but the fear that I have it never lets up, never fails to get at me.
Every time I take a knock to the chest, every time I feel pain in it - even the smallest of dull aches - it scares me.
'What if it's only dormant?' My subconscious asks me, 'What if you're dying of it and you don't even know it?' I know they're not going to live for as long as they should - the amount of pills they have to take, quite frankly, startles me. And I'm looking on, thinking 'That could be me next.'
I know I should just lay my fears to rest - I was tested as a child, the doctor insisted upon it. I was told I was fine. And I still am, bar the awful stamina. It's just hat I can't ever shake the fear that there's something gnawing away at me, at one of the most important parts of my body.
 
I used to be a total hypochondriac when it came to things like this in my family's medical history. The most recent was a CT scan I had to get (of which I'm still waiting for the results for) to determine if I have a brain tumour or not. All other tests came out fine so far; but of course there is something that is still whispering in the back of my head "oh my God, what if they missed something..."

The first thing I had to do was learn to take my medical degree off the wall. I am not a doctor, nor do I have any sort of training in diagnostic imagery to make any calls on what is or isn't wrong with me. For me to even try is careless and haphazard.

The next thing I had to do was have faith that all will be as it should be. Regardless of the results, I have trained professionals who are qualified to provide me with the best care possible to get to the bottom of my health issues and offer treatment as necessary.

Finally I had to stop worrying about the future. The universe only gives us life one day at a time because that's all that we can handle. I try my best to remain in the present. If I worry about what life has in store for me tomorrow, I'll miss out on all the amazing things that happen today.

I don't know if you're one for prayer or meditation but mantras help me alot.

One that I use when I'm freaking out is:

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

I give myself a moment to be still and just be with this phrase and I find its often the break I need to centre myself at least enough to continue functioning. The more practice you get, the easier it becomes.
 
I don't have a medical degree, or any sort of notable competence in science at all. Though, I can tell myself that things like this are best left to the professionals.

I can't stop worrying about the future - it's always been something I could never shake. I can, however, force myself to worry about other problems, ones that I stand a better chance of solving.
Like the mock GCSE results that are basically saying 'You're not going to be a software designer.'
But that's a different kettle of fish altogether.

On the contrary, though what you say about taking a moment's break to collect myself is something that works, I find focussing one something does nothing to hep me - rather, allowing my mind to wander helps more. I can never focus well, and in an environment where concentration is key, to allow myself a reprieve is a breath of fresh air.

I guess there's the more physical aspect to help, as well - I'll step up my training, when I can. Even if I do have something wrong with me, the least I can do is do something to help steel myself for it.
 
That knawing sensation you feel? That's life.
 
I mean it in a somewhat literal sense.
That there is literally a condition that is causing my health to slowly deteriorate.
 
Life.
 
I was that way a few years back. I was always a nervous kid, and the doctor said I had a heart murmmer (sp?). That didn't help my nerves at all. What I found helped was doing stuff that I told myself would make it better, exercising more, things like that. After a while I grew out of that worry. If the doc says you're ok that's the main thing to focus on.
 
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