I don't hate the sport I hate your attitude towards it

[The Returner]

Aka the epitome of my bitterness towards football. When I my relationship started three years ago, I kinda knew my boyfriend was into football. He was and still is a fan. I didn't grow up around that environment so i never had an idea how bad or how crazy this fandom can get and what seemed normal to him, seemed over the top for me. at first it was easy to get over the constant football score checking, watching every single match, talking about it all the time. After all, back then we didn't even live together and I saw him Thursday to Sunday each week. Then we had a year of long distance when it all wasn't so much in my face. The problem started when we moved together last year in August. The word constant gained on a new meaning. It was literary EVERYWHERE! He couldn't and still can't go without checking football news everyday. Mind you though, I don't mind that! I am happy he has a hobby that he loves this much and I would never ever ask him to give it up.

It only got worse however, when he started behaving as if he was living back with his parents - going out so often to gaming night and matches (either stadium or watch them in someone else-s place) that I was starting to feel alone. I moved to the UK alone. I have no parents and pretty much no friends here. I never minded the loneliness until I got in a relationship and I was craving to be making memories with the man I love. Well, i wasn't getting that and it was killing me slowly inside, making me more and more bitter about the whole situation.

It was before Christmas that i could no longer hold it in. It was a few days after having lunch at his aunt's place where I heard that there would be no family lunch on 26th because there was football that boyfriend and his dad 'had' to watch. You could say it was the last drop that toppled the chalice. I refuse to live in a situation where my family life and romantic life as well would be subjected to that sport. So we sat down and talked. Football was always a little mine field of hours. I teased him about it. but this time I've had enough. I told him I did not want my life subjected to when a match was so I would have to plan my life around him. I told him that I do not appreciate him behaving like a single man, leaving me behind alone where I am quite literally dependent on him but not only that, the only quality time we can spend together is weekend, which is when he goes out to bloody matches. It was an argument that left me trembling couple days after as well. I felt weird in a flat that I was hoping to make feel like home with him and he was distant for all the good reasons. After all, I asked him to cut back on all the matches so we can spend time together. That I don't want to be alone in a flat doing nothing. That I want to be with him but I also want him to keep doing what he loves. Back then we agreed to be flexible about the whole thing having a max of 2 matches a month (roughly every other week) which we both found reasonable. But as my mum warned me about opposition, it surely came...slowly...but it crept up on me today that i can no longer give a fuck and I am so bloody bitter I feel like going berserk.

I thought it would be his dad making the biggest fuss, but he turned out to be a man of reason, understanding the reasons for the decision of going to less matches, as the two of us wanting to spend time together. It was boyfriend's best mate that pissed me off so bad I can't even speak without getting tears in my eyes and hateful words on my tongue, spitting venom like a motherfucking viper.

That dick of cretin has compared our relationship to his WHEN IT'S ABSOLUTELY FUCKING IRRELEVANT! He is not dealing with having to move flats because landlord has increased rent to a sum we can't afford, he is not dealing with university stress that is sending you to a madhouse. Yes, his girlfriend is also a foreigner. Yes, he works till late at night. Yes, his girlfriend also has exam period now. But no relationship is the same. My boyfriend has made that conscious decision to put hoes before bros and he should fucking shut up instead of being a brat and bitching about not seeing as much football with his mate. I know, it's nice to go and see football with a friend and I am not disputing that. I am highly disappointed at his audacity of bitching about me to my bf and his dad behind my back. About not having the capacity of insight to understand that every fucking person is different.

I am so fucking fuming that as I slowly started working my way to liking football, I am throwing the whole fucking concept out of the window as a ten ton tresor right on the idiot's head.

I am so bitter. So disappointed. So hurt but all this negativity coming from these people. I am suffering because my boyfriend is put in a position due to this that i don't want him to be in, that I am giving up. I am stepping back and let the fucking football take over this fucking life because I have just reached my level of coping and I can't be fucking bothered with this shit.

I am so fucking hateful right now, i have never felt this enraged and helpless and it's a vicious circle. I just wish football never existed. I wish my boyfriend was brought up in a way where he would know more than just football. I wish, I wish, I wish...but at the end of the day, it's all good for nothing and I refuse to wage this war. I have more important things to focus on that this fucking issue.

Sorry for any typos and mistakes, i refuse to re-read this rant or I'm gonna blow up.

 

[Esmeray]

What a fuck boy, and I can't believe your boyfriend and his dad actually let's that douche bag do that with out saying anything to get him to shut his mouth. Only cowards talk about people behind their back, dude, they are not even worth your time.

I grew up in a football family and I just could never understand it. It just seems ridiculous that people center themselves so much around a game, that they don't even participate in, to the point that it decides their mood that night and the next day.

"I'm good my team won last night."

There are so many more things in peoples life that should make them happy and hold more meaning. I dunno, like a loyal and unyielding love someone has for you, someone holding the door for you, a dinner made with love of a mother, the joys family and friends and life has to offer. Not just foot ball or whatever else people center their life around.

Honestly I hate game nights because its full of nothing but screaming and swearing that's totally uncalled for. :T

I just don't get it.

 

[The Returner]

@Vio thank you. You spoke right from my heart. Since then there has been some news. Boyfriend's dad didn't explain the situation properly to the friend so wires got crossed. Boyfriend explained it all properly and the friend understood, I still feel highly disappointed in the friend however.

I don't understand it either though I am trying to learn.

But thank you for the message again. I'm happy someone else feels the same way <3

 

[Esmeray]

@Vio thank you. You spoke right from my heart. Since then there has been some news. Boyfriend's dad didn't explain the situation properly to the friend so wires got crossed. Boyfriend explained it all properly and the friend understood, I still feel highly disappointed in the friend however.

I don't understand it either though I am trying to learn.

But thank you for the message again. I'm happy someone else feels the same way <3

There are quite a few people that I know that feel the same way. Anyways, its great it all turned out to be a huge misunderstanding. I still think it isn't any of the friends business though, and should keep his opinions to himself.

I really hope you and your boyfriend stay strong and manage to work through this rough patch. ^^

 

[Space Cowboy]

I hope this is not something you have to just settle for and live with, and that the two of you can find a good equilibrium towards sharing time and having togetherness, and enjoying football! I can certainly understand the frustration of your situation, most definitely, even as a guy. It's... Well, frustrating!

 

[The Returner]

@Seiji thank you! Boyfriend has thankfully behaved great in this situation and found a compromise. I would definitely not settle down for this lifestyle and he knows it. So we are working through this ^^

 

[Boba Fit]

I find this interesting because I am a massive football fan. I play it in college with hopes of going professional. My girlfriend doesn't hate it, but she also doesn't really like it. She has been very open and committing to it, because she knows how much it means to me.

I can't speak for the reason why your boyfriend loves it. I am such a massive fan, because I play the game as well. I support my favorite team, because they are the extension of myself.

I grew up in the US playing football (soccer) before it was popular. I never watched it on TV till i was like 14 or 15. I already loved the game. So I loved watching the skill of the players. I loved watching the players that played the same position I did. The reason I am such a big fan now, is because of that love for the game. I grew up playing it and loving it. Not loving supporting a team, loving the sport itself. I live when my team wins and performs, and have shitty says when they lose. Why? Because, for me, I will never be that good. Which is what I dreamed of. I won't be able to reach that level of play, so I support the team and give it all my heart. Mainly because, they are living it for me. It is the closest I can get to putting on the kit, playing for the pride, and the team. I won't get to experience that feeling. So I support the team, to get as close to it as possible.

I sat down and explained it to her. We made deals about it. She buys me all kinds of Manchester City merchandise for christmas every year. Whenever they come to the United States, we go see them play. She knows that whenever they are playing a game, I'm going to watch it. She knows that when they lose, I'm in a shitty mood. She knows that when they win, i'm happy. Mainly because we sat down and talked about it.

I laid out the reason's why I love it and support it. She understood how much it means to me, and my dreams as a boy. She lets me watch all the games and support the team, but in return, I have to do things for her and make some sacrifices elsewhere.

Hopefully, my experience with this, helps you in some way. The best thing for me, was communication.

 

[The Returner]

@IamtheecchiKing no jokes! Boyfriend loves Manchester City! What a coincidence! But yes, thank you for your input. We have done exactly the same thing as you and your girlfriend and I do understand his reasons. I don't have a problem with the sport either, just the attitude towards it really. But I am not making any steps against his love of the sport because I know it is important to him. Well, not unless he starts organizing his life around it. We have sat down and talked and figured certain things out, but on the day I wrote this rant, I was more upset at his best friend who acted absolutely out of line. But again, thank you husky boy I appreciate your opinion.

 

[Boba Fit]

@The Returner

Good lord. Our relationships are like........ way to similar. The Tattoo's, and now this.

My girlfriend also had alot of pressure from my teammates at my universtiy. 2 of them played in the Man City Academy, 1 played in the Ajax academy, Liverpool Academy, etc. Being the blunt brits that they are, they told it to her straight. lol

I played my girlfriend this way. When I go to MAnchester at some point, to watch City play, I'm going to take her. And we are going to tour England as well. She gets to see England with me, I get to see Manchester City. Win - Win. haha

:)

 

[The Returner]

@IamtheecchiKing haha they sure are.

And yes, I am taking my baby steps towards liking the sport a bit more and the fandom that comes a long with it and my boyfriend and I have been thinking about going to one of the not so important (premiere league style) game so it wouldn't be too overwhelming. Quite honestly, I really would like to go and see the atmosphere :)

So do you know when you'd probably come to tour England? :)

 

[Boba Fit]

I do not yet. It will probably be a few years. As I gotta finish school and my girlfriend does to. Though, I willl continue to hope they travel to the states here so I can go see them play.

The atmosphere is one of the things that brings me in the most. I love it

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

Well it looks like you and your boyfriend already seem to be sorting it out on your own, so no issues there.

Rather the anger near the end of the OP seems to be coming from his friend himself.
Have you talked to your boyfriend about how he's acting?

This isn't exactly a situation I'm surprised by though being honest, in my experience it's common for friends to get more mad at friends partners and ex's than the person whose actually in the relationship.
Was in a relationship myself around the end of high school where my friends weren't taking kindly to it... To this day they're still bitter about even when I'm not. :/

But, usually friends can respect their wishes to not be interrupting about it if asked. So by telling your boyfriend about it he may be able to at least convince his friend to back down.

 

[The Returner]

@Gwazi Magnum Yeah, I told my boyfriend that I am disappointed in his friend and he told me himself that he was quite shocked by the reaction as well. Since then, the two had a conversation where everything was explained and his friend apologized so it's alright on that count. I am still a little bitter about it however.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

@Gwazi Magnum Yeah, I told my boyfriend that I am disappointed in his friend and he told me himself that he was quite shocked by the reaction as well. Since then, the two had a conversation where everything was explained and his friend apologized so it's alright on that count. I am still a little bitter about it however.

Well that's good. :)
I can understand still being angry about it though, just make sure you get it out of your system right so it doesn't accidentaly influence things later. :P

 

[Halo]

Yeah. So. Long story short, I get how you feel 'cause my mum moved all around the world for my dad and was basically stuck home alone looking after me and my brother while he was working. Moving somewhere new is lonely as fuck, and when it's with a partner you really need them to be there for you while you establish your own roots. 'Cause they're all you have in the world.

And at first, that's fine and reasonable. Your boyfriend should be considerate of that and aware of it, and shouldn't just fuck off to do his own thing. That's his side of the responsibility in the situation you guys are in.
But your side of the responsibility is also to try to set down those roots of your own. So that if he wants to do something, you aren't left all alone in the flat doing nothing, to use your worss. You need to have things to do, people to see; your own life outside of just your boyfriend. Every couple needs both together time/hobbies and alone time/hobbies. A premier league team plays about twice or maybe three times a week including tournaments and stuff. You need - for the sake of your health and your relationship - to reach a point where you're solidified enough on your own grounds that you can get by two nights of the week without your boyfriend. Don't get me wrong - he should totally miss matches every now and again to spend quality time. I'm not saying he has a right to ignore you for the sake of every single match. But you said yourself you haven't made friends, and didn't mind that until you were in a relationship... well, it's not really on him that you haven't made friends. Putting the burden of your loneliness on him when you have never tried to fix said loneliness isn't fair. One man cannot fill the void of everything else you lost when you moved. You cannot be "literally dependent" on him forever. He needs to be there to support you while you fill that hole, while you figure things out and make friends and hobbies, but you need to go about finding those other things as well.

Just my two cents as the child of a couple who went through extremely similar experiences for most of the 18 years of their marriage.

As for the friend, yeah, it was pretty shitty to bitch behind your back, but it was a misunderstanding (the nature of which you haven't mentioned). Without knowing what he said I can't comment too much further, but don't you think maybe some of your general frustration/anger/upset over the whole situation and with your boyfriend is instead being deflected onto this fellow? Again, I don't know what precisely he was saying, but unless it was ridiculously vile and harsh it doesn't seem like it could possibly warrant the level of hatred and vitriol you're directing his way. You love your boyfriend so you don't want to get angry at him or blame him, so all your pent up loneliness and anger is getting diverted to his friend. Just food for thought; I have no idea what was said or any other context so.

Anyway, don't just throw your arms up and give up. Your boyfriend seems willing to compromise on his favourite thing in the fucking world, and his primary source of socialisation for you because you're struggling to socialise yourself. It'd be sort of disrespectful of that to shove the middle finger up at the gesture when he's actually trying to understand and compromise. It's not something my dad ever did for my mum or that many lesser men can do at all, so don't turn your nose up because you're annoyed at his friend, of all things.

He clearly cares a lot about you and vice versa. So stay strong, and you'll figure it out. :)

 

[The Returner]

@Halo thanks for your reply. I appreciate your opinion but there are a few things that you are assuming that you are not right about. First one is my assumed lack of attempts on fixing my loneliness and friendless state. That simply is not true. I didn't write it properly in my rant, but I am not all alone. I have people I talk to from around me, but whenever I reach out to them to hang out I generally get ignored. True, I should, I am still trying to find other people to hang out with, but with the workload from university, it often times happen that I don't have that much time to socialize, unlike someone who goes to work, is done in 8 hours and then has nothing else to do. So whilst I understand your idea that I am putting my loneliness on him, it is not entirely true because I am not. If I was, I'd be requiring him to pay attention to me 24/7 which I am not.

As for hobbies, I sure have my own to keep me busy. Writing being one, hence I'm on this site.

Vitriol, I like that word. What was said between my boyfriend and his friend was a trigger for a pent up frustration, yes. And as I guess you can understand if one is worried about something for too long and then such an action happens, it releases the dam. Me and my boyfriend knew that we would meet a resistance from the side of his friends about him decreasing his football. We've withstood it for a long time and as we started to think all would be well, this happened. I wasn't the only one upset with his mate. My boyfriend was also annoyed and rather disheartened by what his best mate have said. And my pent up loneliness didn't really part in this bit. I wasn't angry at my boyfriend. I believe I have said it many time in my previous posts that I was very happy with how he reacted. My rant was never about the anger directed at my boyfriend but the situation that arose.

And last, I am not throwing my arms up and giving up. If anything I was raised to never do that. I am not flipping the middle finger on anyone either. I thought it would be clear from what I've said so far that I appreciate what my boyfriend has done and I respect him for it. I think it is hard to understand just how much I love my boyfriend for the way he's always trying to accommodate to everyone (which can sometimes be to a fault) but then it should not be assumed that I am not doing the same. Just as much as he is trying to find a compromise, so am I. Our relationship was never a one sided thing when I'd demand and he'd do. We have always tried to find compromises and work our way through issues.

You brought up some interesting points which unfortunately don't entirely apply to the situation I was having an issue with, but thanks anyways ;)

 

[Halo]

I was simply providing food for thought. There's an unfortunate habit in this section to just tell the OP they're right no matter what. I was just giving an alternate perspective. :) good luck.