After living apart for a year, I was under the delusion that when my husband and I moved back under the same roof, things would be exactly how they were before he left. Man, was I fucking wrong! It seems like now I'm starting to notice all the little things my husband does that drives me absolutely bat shit crazy, and all in under one week of living together. So, I decided to compile a list for all you married/committed men out there on how to drive your wife/SO completely insane. (You should follow each and every one of them if you really want to make them fucking crazy!) 1.) Ask if there's gravy each and every time you ask what's for dinner. Sure, she/he has told you a hundred times there's no gravy in the house, and not every freaking meal needs it, but you should ask anyway just in case. You never know, they may have suddenly changed their minds and become a gravy nut like you. 2.) Hint that it would be really nice if you had something that they put away/washed for you at every possible second. Sure, they were nice enough to toss your smelly sneakers in the washing machine, or toss some of your old junk in the closet so it was out of sight, this means that they are the only person capable of retrieving said item. Don't bother getting it yourself, simply harass them until they snap. They'll love you for it. 3.) Dump all the clean clothes on the floor in search of your things that they've put in the dirty clothes. There's nothing like having to rewash nice clean clothes that are folded and ready to be put away. We thrive on doing laundry a hundred times a day, and carrying heavy laundry baskets up and down the stairs. It's what we live for! 4.) Please feel free to slap/poke our asses when our hands are full. And to really get us going, make sure the item in our hand is extremely hot or full of dirty water. 5.) Send us to punish the kids when you're sitting there watching them commit whatever punishable act and we're not even in the room! We're not with them all damn day. We get our kicks off sending our kids to their rooms or making them stay in the house to drive us crazy all night. By all means, please don't get up and trouble yourself. You've worked hard sitting on the couch for the past hour, and the dinner burning in the oven isn't going to taste any worse if it burns for a few more minutes. 6.) Please feel free to intrude upon the only five seconds of peace we get with stressful questions. As an added bonus, please do it while we're sitting on the toilet. Nothing makes it easier to relieve yourself than having someone standing across from you talking about bills. 7.) We absolutely love it when you spoil our shows for us! I mean it. We missed last week's GoT? Please don't hesitate to tell us every detail about the episode from start to finish. This is just a start of things we SO's love dealing with. By all means, add your own.