Hot showers.

[Insidious Joe]

"Sometimes, during the winter, I like to take hot showers. Maybe not the kind that you, the reader, think of when you imagine 'hot shower.'

Sometimes, I go into the bathroom, and I strip off all my clothes. I look at myself in the mirror, right in the eye, and take in that hazel gaze. A mystery wrapped in sorrow lies just beneath the surface. Then I take in all my features: Black hair, scorched with tips of silver at the age of twenty-one. Hereditary, or stress? Both? Round face, large nose, shaggy facial hair, cut in places from the scars accrued over time. At times I believe myself to be good-looking in my own unique way. Otherwise, I hate every inch, every detail.

Then I turn the shower on. I don't use any cold water. I twist the knob as far as it will go. Water spills forth, its very existence choking the room with its heat, fogging up the mirrors that I use to hate upon myself within minutes.

I step inside, and let it pour down my body, from my head into every shape, every contour, to the tips of my toes. Its very touch burns how I imagine the flames of Hell, as if it could wash away the imperfections that I find in myself. As if it could melt away all the fat, burn away the earthly sins I indulge, day in and out.

My skin turns tender, and pink. It hurts, but not as badly as I do on the inside. It damages me, but not as badly as society has, with its ideals of the perfect person. The perfect man I'll never be. Never good enough, so what does it matter what I do to myself in here?

When I am finished, I turn off the water. I step out, and I look at the mirror. I can't see myself, so I smile. That's all I've wanted. I leave the bathroom and walk through the cold house to my bedroom, and lie wet on my bed.

Sometimes, during the winter, I like to take hot showers."

 

[Space Cowboy]

I call these "Action Hero Showers". When you put your head under the shower head and let the water run down your back, as you brace yourself on your arm on the porcelain and look longingly at your feet as the water drains in slow mo, and the camera pans over your recent wounds and bruises against the insidious bad guys you're about to have a final battle against.

 

[Insidious Joe]

@Cheeki Breeki
It was something that I wrote when my then-fiance had decided to convince herself, completely at random, that I didn't love her. I was incredibly torn up about it, and it drove me to a dark place compounded by preexisting Major Depressive Disorder. To talk or write about one's issues is cathartic, and I figured I'd share it here.

I'm glad to be reminded that there are bastards such as yourself that find solace in belittling another human being's emotional duress.

 

[Temet Nosce]

Pretty sure Cheeki Breeki was joking (I mean, seriously, look at his name) but this obviously wasn't the best thread to have a sense of humor. Sometimes though, it's therapeutic to laugh.

Not everything has to be so serious all the time. If you've ever talked to an infantry grunt, you discover the only thing blacker than their coffee is their sense of humor. It's how we naturally deal with stuff.

Sorry to hear about your ex, but I'm not sure how Cheeki Breeki was supposed to know this thread had some type of deep inner meaning. When I read the original post, I just thought you had an extreme self loathing/pitying problem. My first guess wasn't "This is definitely due to a bad relationship fallout."

So yes, wherever there is an emotional crisis I believe it is only healthy that at least one bastard is present to kick us in the balls. It helps us realize that the entire world isn't crumbling, even if you think it is. Maybe you're having an emotional breakdown, but it isn't a tectonic plate breakdown thus we all need to be brought back to Earth at times.

Your ex started being a bitch for no reason? Like I said, that sucks and you have my sincere condolences. But at least you didn't marry her, because then she would have left with half your shit and could file for alimony. Not to mention lawyer expenses.

Now you have time to find a non-crazy woman that won't start flaking for no reason. The world is your oyster, go out to the pub with some friends tonight and buy a girl a drink.

 

[Peter Feels]

@Cheeki Breeki generally we try to remain supportive and respectful in the counseling forum. Please try to remember that for next time.


As for you, @Insidious Joe, I hope things work out for you. I know how much of a shit life can take on you. Stay strong.

 

[Zachary-Sama]

she would have left with half your shit and could file for alimony. Not to mention lawyer expenses.

Actually that only works if the husband is the one to file for divorce. If the wife files for it, the husband can't do anything, but the wife leaves with her stuff and her stuff only, and she can't file for any payments from the husband except child support if they had a child together.

But yeah man, I feel you. I'm too young to have had a fiance yet, but I've had good relationships end because of people changing their mind about me. I actually read the post in my point of view, since I'm large and can sometimes be unhappy with myself. But Take a good long look in the mirror, dude. That may be what you look on the outside, but from what I've learned, the good women only care about the inside. I know, it's hard to look in the mirror and think good things. But be happy that you're alive, and have a chance to find happiness all over again.
"Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" ~Don't remember who said this
"Death is not the worst part of life. The worst part is what dies inside us while we live." ~Norman Cousins.