The last pleasant "cheery" holiday I can remember was when I was 8. It was a tradition for my whole family to gather together & my Grandma's house was the place that year. There was a big tree with lots of ornaments & little candy canes on it. All my cousins where there. We all played nice & got along well. Dinner was delicious & there were so many presents! I loved being able to see my whole family come together. It was always a very treasured time for me.
Unfortunately, my dad (who was in the military at the time) got transferred the next summer. We had to move all the way across the country. It never really seemed like my parents actually got along. And even more so now, without any other family nearby to rely on. I usually ended up getting caught in the middle or I was always the direct cause of something. I quickly decided that if I wasn't worth much care, I'd have to find other people to interact with. Either that, or I'd just run away & hide to avoid my parents like the plague. Especially on "family holidays". Usually, in the place of our family, they would invite their friends &/or kids over, which was nice...to an extent. Their friends would keep them busy & hopefully the kiddy kids would respect my space. Unfortunately, during such occasions, I was always required to stay home, but I'd keep myself hidden, locked away in my room. If I got hungry, I would wait. I'd rather starve then chance having to get dragged into some stupid family feud.
This went on for years...until the big fight. Causes aside, despite it being November & so close to December, I'd decided that I'd had enough. I spent just two nights packing what little bit I wanted to keep, before I left. At the end of the year, I ended up spending the holidays with some friends. It was a lot more pleasant than it would have been if I'd stayed home. ...But they could have at least called me. The next year, after Dad retired, he took what little of nearby family I had left & went back home to join the rest of our family that I'd been missing so much. I was given the option to go too, but I knew that would mean I'd be moving back in with mom & dad. I also knew that would end up being a bad idea. Despite it being such a difficult decision, I stayed behind with my friends. Afterall, I'd already adopted them as my replacement family.
Ever since, things have changed. I'd been abandoned & betrayed by said "friends" & have spent most of my holidays, even if invited to join someone else, in somewhat of an awkward rut. So, I guess I've become rather bitter about the holidays. Especially any "family holidays" like the year-end ones. I wouldn't say I hate them, but I'm pretty envious of those who have a family of their own to spend such times with. I still believe that this is a very important time; However, in the case of Thanksgiving... I'm well aware that there's a lot I should be thankful for, but it's really hard to be thankful about the smaller things when there's much bigger things (such as family) that I really truly want. ...And, especially Christmas... It's supposed to be about love, joy, & care, but it's just become too damn commercialized. It seems to me that, especially in America, Christmas is all about the decorations or the gifts! (I understand that's not a general belief. It's simply an observation of where I live). I mean, it wasn't even Halloween yet & Wal*Mart already had all the Christmas shit out! It was barely Thanksgiving & the radio was already playing commercials that were specifically Christmas-themed! So much for the fun or meaningful holidays. Let's just skip straight to the one we can make the most money off of! (-_-; Sorry, the bitterness... Yeah...)
Long story short, I haven't had a decent "family holiday" in 15 years. ;_;
