Jesus people XD How many times does a man have to say they've owned up/they know what they did before it syncs in?
As for the whole situation. It is a tough one, even someone with my experience is having a tough time finding a solution. So I'll tell ya this, survive. It's been a week right? Humans get over things, so it's too quick to call suicide/anything like that. Just try to live a normal ish life, and eventually you'll get pretty close to back to normal.
ALTHOUGH it sounds like you wanna be a simi truck driver. I might suggest a job that's NOT so isolated o.o My step-uncle is a truck driver, in fact, I've driven in it across the U.S.
I don't think it's the kind of job someone who's depressed/lonely should take because it's only going to re-enforce those feels. Sure you'll have allot of reflection time, but action time will be quite limited in that line of work (The way I understand it anyway)
So for now, you should probably just focus on simply surviving as that light will show up eventually. Granted it may take a loooooong while, but it'll happen eventually. And look at all your job options.
As for the chillens (My fun way of saying children) Well truck driver probably won't give you much time to be with them, and always being gone may make them resent you a tad bit, even if they understand. So the kind of job you'll probably wanna look for is a good balance of free time, yet also therapeutic in a sense. Something you enjoy doing, but can also heal this wound. Weather that will get you enough money or not, I don't know. But at the moment, fixing up yourself may be a bit more important than money.
Normally I have more to give, but I don't know much of your surroundings/options so what I say can't exactly be specific XP And it's difficult to help people who's SO FAR in the wrong :P
As for your ex, it's probably gonna be best to limit any interaction to as close to 0 as possible. Say as little as you can, interact as little as you can, gear towards "Strictly business" kinda mindset. Probably not so much you become heartless, but enough to not make things worse.
And also, online research perhaps. I HIGHLY doubt you're the only person in existence in this situation. Look up your story, see how other people have come above it, and perhaps adopt their methods, maybe modify them if it doesn't fully apply to you at first.