Have an Idea for a Mermaid thread that shouldn't suck.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by CrazyDragon, Nov 19, 2014.

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  1. Been wanting to do a mermaid thread for awhile, but the ones I kept seeing were very romance-centered and kiddy in a sense. I have a rough draft of a story but need someone to look it over and help me hammer into shape.

    Sitting in a circle of young children, an elderly woman cracks open an aged book with a mermaid embossed on the leather cover and begins telling them the folklore of their harbor village. The elderly woman was dressed like a pirate to give her stories more magic, but her words were magic enough to capture the attention of the youth gathered around her. Their eyes were glued to her as she told them how their village came to be. How it was settled by weary pirates looking to put their swords away and live the rest of the days out in peace. That they made a deal with a mermaid to find the perfect place that would always be prosperous for their future generations. That their deal came with a price. As the mermaid fulfilled her end of the deal, the Captain crossed her and imprisoned her in one of the many caverns surrounding their village. Bonding her body and soul to the village that would thrive upon her prison.
    A group of parents arrive to pick their children up from the park that the elderly woman recites her tales. There are mixed reactions to the stories, some wave it off as fanciful while a few glare angrily at such an act of defacement to the village founders. They are the ones that drag their children off, forbidding them to speak with the “Crazy Old Hag”. What most do not realize, some stories hold a kernel of truth and then there are those rare tales that are frightening real.
    The Harbor Village of Fortuna, Maine is one of the most prosperous fishing locals off the eastern coast and the envy of any fishermen unlucky to fish anywhere else. After three centuries, the village has forgotten its true past with the truth hiding in plain sight as a “Fish-Wives” tale buried under pirate folklore. With only a small hand-full of those that know the truth working to keep it that way and hide the nature of problems that continue to plague the village. Beneath the façade of a sleepy village, a curse runs rampant that effects the bloodlines of the Founders that crossed the Mermaid.
    Four families suffer from their Ancestors’ sins, a curse that passes through the blood. Although each families curse if different, it all stems from the same source. The fear of the truth coming out of what their Ancestors had done is so great, not even all members of the suffering families knows the truth. Suffering in ignorance.
    The curse of flesh: The Jol family suffer this curse and are able to explain easier with the growing knowledge of medicine. Some members of the family develop scales, baldness and webbed hands and feet. They live in isolation from the village and continue with the help of a vast wealth accumulated from smart investing.
    The curse of Hunger: The Lancaster family suffer from being unable to derive much nourishment from food or drink and are sickly. They discovered from some crazy experimentation, that blood and liver is the only thing that gives them health and relief from sensitivity to the sun. Victims state that all food except blood and liver tastes like ash in their mouths.
    The curse of the Pale: The Wards suffer from complete blindness and albinoism.
    The curse of the First Born: The Cavendish suffer differently in that the first born son dies of their twenty-first birthday. On that night, the victim hears a song and falls into a trance akin to sleep-walking and walk into the sea at midnight to drown. First borns are often kept locked in the basement to prevent them from leaving. Eventually the curse will end for that victim when they marry a chaste woman of great virtue. Why that is, no one has figured out. If the man should ever commit adultery, they will suffer the curse anew. The Cavendish pray for female children.
    The village of Fortuna has had folktales of mermaids for as long as the village existed, even longer as historians have unearthed proof that the Native Americans that lived before the pirates came, had stories of their own of the mystical aquatic people. That they can heal the sick with a single tear, see misfortune before it happens and sense when storms are about to blow in. In the modern age, mermaids are the same as the stories of Mermaid’s Betrayal. Fanciful tales for children. But they are real, they’re just good at hiding in plain sight.
  2. Sounds interesting if you want to I an give tips. (but please don't expect me to co-mod or anything. I'm not good at that.)

    Just for my own interest, what genre do you plan to give it. I suspect horror but it can go many ways.
    What is the plot, do you want them to break the curse, learn to live with it, or do you want them to find the mermaid.
    Give some information about the town, are there some funny oddities where do the families live.
    Do all the families live together or are they in seperate districts.
    This is something you better keep secret but do you have a plan to what happened with the other mermaids? Beause I don't think they would just accept their kin being captured.

    They are tips you don't have to use it but maybe it will fleshen it out a bit. The story looks fine in my opinion. Have fun with it, you can always ask questions. ^^
  3. Actually those are great pieces of advice. I'm going to think these over. Thank you very much.
  4. Came up with some different ideas that could add on to this. Anyone that may have been looking at this, will post some of those additional ideas.
  5. In the modern world, a mermaid is nothing more than a fanciful tale for the young and innocent. However, there is an underworld that knows otherwise. For the right price, a specialist can hunt down these elusive creatures for various services like medicinal ingredients and zoological specimens for the exotic collector. How they hunt these creatures is trade secret to minimize competition from stealing their "livelihood" and many newcomers to the game that steal these trade secrets are often fish food when they least expect it. Among these hunters, a legend is told that if they are lucky to capture the right mermaid, she can lead them to Atlantis where the wealth of the Merfolk lie. These are legends of course and usually only the most elder of hunters believe this.
    Preyed upon by greedy hunters, the Merfolk live in isolation either in the sea or tiny coastal towns to rely information of the "Surface World" to their kin. Knowledge is power, and knowing their enemies is what has kept them alive into the modern times. Being the survivors of the fall of Atlantis, they were changed by their merciful gods to adapt into their new world of the depths. Being magical creatures, their body parts can do miraculous things like rejuvenate an aging man to robustness, heal a devastating wound and bestow visions and madness. A living subject was once used to draw enemy ships into crashing into jagged stones with her voice alone. In certain black arts rituals, bonding a mermaid to a location can bless it with bountiful fish and prosperity.
    With the various medicinal effects their bodies can do for others, they can survive on both land and sea. To change for land dwelling, they crawl out of the sea and begin to dry. Their scales, webbing, gills and tails recede to revel a humanoid body fit for land dwelling but they must hydrate their bodies regularly to prevent dehydration and severe epidermal damage. The best method is to submerge themselves in a bath for an hour for every eighteen hours they are out of their undersea homes. Merfolk are telepathic with each other and can sense their own kin, they may not know where but they know they are nearby.

    Medicinal and Magical Uses
    Eyes: Ingesting them fresh and raw can induce visions that may or may not be true. A feeling of being "high" is accompanied, making it a substance that is abused heavily.
    Heart: Dried and steeped like a tea, ingesting the heart can like Viagra to men and women. Can be also used in love potions, (normally induces obsessive desire).
    Bones: Ground into a fine powder, mixing it into a beverage can increase a humans musculature and strength.
    Scales: Ground into a fine powder and mixed into glass, can make lens that pick out the aura signature of Merfolks from Humans. However, humans that had a mermaid in their lineage can have the same aura but not be one of the Merfolk. It is rare but it does happen.
    Tears: When a Merfolk weeps, their tears can heal wounds and illness but not cancer.

    So what do you guys think?
  6. Sounds really cool. I'll join.
  7. Cool, give me a little bit of time and I'll shape this thing up then. I'll let you know when its up.
  8. Heeey, just saying that I still want to join. ^^ (did I even say it before?)
  9. I was hoping you would join.
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