Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Mid, Aug 25, 2015.

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  1. Ghosting

    The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

    Carmen: How was your second date with Kyle?
    Beth: I thought it went well, but I've texted him a couple of times since then and he's been ghosting me.
    Carmen: What? I thought he was more mature than that.

    So...have you ever done ghosting or been a ghostee? How do you feel about that or why did you do it?
  2. Ghosting gets your buddies killed.

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  3. Seen it happen. Never quite done it myself unless you count desperate clingy women from WoW.

    It doesn't always come from inmaturity I bet. Some people just don't want to deal with a confrontation like that.

    Besides, the other person being ghosted or whatever should respect the others decision. Or whatever the politically correct satirical response to that is.

  4. Honestly, it just pisses me off to see people do that sort of thing. I've seen it happen with friendships more often than romantic relationships, actually, but it's still the most infuriating thing to see friend X get all beaten up about why friend Y isn't talking to them anymore, only to hunt down friend Y myself and find out that they just want to cut themselves off from friend X, but they don't want to actually say anything in fear of hurting X's feelings so they just avoid them forever instead of talking things out like fucking adults, only for X to tell me that if they just knew what the fuck was going on then they'd feel so much better, when being left in the dark is just the most distressing thing.

    And it really bugs me just how many times I've seen this -- or even more general examples of people being too afraid to say anything to each other when a simple bit of communication would fix so many issues. Drives me nuts.

    So, if someone thinks that ghosting will prevent any feelings from being hurt -- no, you're probably only making things worse from being so silent. Act like an adult and fucking communicate with the other person, because them not knowing what's going on is probably hurting them more, even though you have the comfort of not needing to be there to see it.

    And if I was in a relationship with someone, and they didn't want to talk to me anymore? I'd certainly want a straight answer from them sooner rather than later, as opposed to getting all stressed-out wondering what was going on.
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  5. I've been ghosted before and as someone who is constantly very concerned about the reasoning behind people's actions I will say that having someone suddenly cease all levels of communication with you without telling you why is extremely, and horribly, unpleasant. I don't mind if people don't want to talk to me, but I'd at least like to know why so that I can put that information to good use in the future. Ghosting can be especially harmful for someone like me who is prone to paranoia and self-esteem issues, because it's much more likely to decrease the state of my mental health than if you had just brought it upon yourself to tell me why you want to stop communicating, instead of just doing it without even telling me about it. Seriously, people, don't ghost, just... don't do it.

    Now some people don't like confrontation, and I get that, neither do I. I am more than guilty of trying to avoid confrontation if at possible, but there comes a point where it's just absolutely necessary for effective communication. When that point comes, I know better than to avoid it; as unpleasant as it is, I will confront someone if and when it is needed. I would never, ever, ghost someone like that. If I ever have a problem with someone that makes me feel as though I need to cut them off from my life, I will talk to them about it and make sure that they understand why I'm doing it before I actually do it. More often that not, we can work out the issue and cutting them out of my life is no longer a necessity.

    I may have sort of ghosted someone once before, but it was terrible mistake partially due to bad advice and partially due to my own stupidity that I eventually corrected. In the end, my 'ghosting' of that person lasted, at most, a couple months. Since then, that person and I have managed to talk it out and we are still friends to this day. So yeah, I like to think that I've made my point clear by this point; ghosting is bad and if you do it, you are a terrible human being.
    #5 Hatsune Candy, Aug 25, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2015
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  6. I've never "ghosted" a significant other. I've never been a "ghostee" either, as I tend to be wary before starting relationships to begin with--to avoid flakes who can't own up for their own behaviour.

    As for how I feel about it? It is a cowardly behaviour, beyond immaturity. Plain and simple. No, you don't get an excuse of youth for this--this is just, straight up, plain old fashioned cowardice. At the very least send them a text message, or an e-mail, or something to tell them you didn't just get murdered in a dark alleyway at night. If you can't be honest with your emotions now, you won't be able to be honest to the next person you start dating either, and that's the hard truth. Be honest, or don't bother. The only person you will betray more than your SO is yourself if you do this and you will remember it for the rest of your days if you have even a shred of conscience in you.

    That being said, I'm fully aware that extreme situations might call for it. Such as to evade someone who is obsessed with you to the point that you feel your physical life might be in danger--that's an entirely different story, and one that you should probably get police involved in. Aside from the most extreme of situations however, there is no reason for you not to just tell them that it's over aside from the fact that you are a coward. A complete, and utter coward, incapable of handling any relationship, who should sincerely and seriously reevaluate their priorities in life. This is honestly one of the most dickish behaviours the Internet has made possible, really. It's one thing to be nervous as shit and being unable to do it face-to-face--we've all been there, that inexperienced moment of stupidity. It's another to have the gall to be so nervous, so awkward, or so shy, that you warp your world view to pretend as though the other person's feelings do not matter whatsoever. At that point I'd question if you ever cared about them at all, or if you just needed someone to validate your existence for you and then regretted it when they started wondering if you would reciprocate their affections.

    Oi. That's a rather cold reply I suppose, but, sometimes, the truth needs to be delivered with a nice, solid slap to the face. :ferret:
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  7. Never been a ghoster or a ghostee

    I think it's a scummy way to break off a relationship

    Just grow a spine and tell them how you feel >8(
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  8. I have ghosted friends however it is because they have an incredibly negative impact on my life. Often, these friends would "berate" me, call me names or say things that made me incredibly uncomfortable about our relationship (like talking about my breasts when they're dating someone or I've told them I'm not interested). I gave them a multiple warnings and explained how such and such hurt my feelings to were it literally brought me to tears. So in that event, I feel completely justified. I cut off communications with my exes, terrible friends and family but never anyone just because.
  9. Some people are so crazy ghosting is the only option.
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  10. If you're in a romantic relationship or dating someone, you kind of owe it to them to tell them when it's over. Just simply refusing to talk to them wothout an explanation only causes more confusion and pain that can sometimes stick with people for years. People need closure. If you thought somebody was worth dating to begin with, then they should still be worth enough to to told when you're breaking it off.

    As for friends, it's weird. My mother told me something over the phone the other day that really rang true, and it's that through life, you'll only ever really have a handful of friends but several acquaintances, including people in your social circle. Having lived enough to see people I'd seen and hung out with every day for years just stop talking the minute I moved away. Even my so-called best friend hasn't made an effort to do so much as text more than once or twice in the past 4 years.

    Meanwhile, I still have friends from elementary school who I still talk to pretty often. It's important to appreciate when somebody is trying to keep you in their lives, even years after you haven't hung out.

    Sometimes it's just life and you drift apart. No fault on anyone, and it's not deliberate, it's just the way things go when you aren't in circumstances where you see those people regularly and you realize thst individually, you didn't really have a deep personal connection.
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  11. I feel like just "drifting apart" is different from ghosting, though.

    Drifting apart is normal. It happens. But, when you drift apart from someone, it isn't as much as a noticeable thing. Sure, you talk to them less and less, but it isn't something you think about much until after the fact.

    Ghosting seems more like just suddenly not talking to someone out of the blue, often, it seems, when the other person would probably want a reply from you and doesn't know why you would just cut them off out of nowhere.

    Like you said, drifting apart isn't deliberate. Ghosting is.
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  12. Always, always, always, ALWAYS TEEEELLL THEEEEM first. Be straight, be honest, be kind.

    And if they dun get it after that, yes I totally support ghosting. o____o Some people are craycray and if they can't take a simple No Thanks for an answer, there's really not much else you can do.

    Doing it without telling them first that you're just not interested is a dick move. x______x I had a boyfriend decide to ghost me. I didn't even get a "sorry, I'm done." phone call. And TO THIS DAY I am still really pissed off about it. And if I ever saw him again I would kick him in the nuts. >:[
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  13. Oh, absolutely! I just felt it was worth mentioning because effectively, you're still just dropping somebody cold turkey at some point, regardless of intent. It's like when you no longer make an effort to communicate.
  14. This is the simple truth of it. By not telling someone nad cutting them off without a explanation is condemning people to confusion and uncertainty. Someone cannot just cut their feelings off at the base, and they will wonder and question what has happened. I had this done to me, it was by far worse then being outright dumped in the most vicious of manner. I actually worried about the person in question for weeks, thinking something might have happened. Or that I had done something terrible. Nothing like that had happened, she had just decided to cut me off without a word. As a person who suffers from Anxiety, let me tell you, I rather get my ribs kicked in again then have people treat me that way. If you are a person who "ghosted" a significant other, then you are a goddamn idiot. YOu are worse then a idiot, you are a spineless coward.

    As brovo stated, their are moments where it might be called for, extreme situations.
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  15. I have not been either. As much as past relationships were tough, there was still communication between me and the other party to say it wasn't working. I never ghosted former friends either.
  16. In my two past relationships I've never ghosted or been ghosted.
    I find it to be a cowardly thing to do, and the significant other deserves better than that, and even in my younger "Love conquers all!" naivety days I knew better than to Ghost.
    And thankfully both of my ex's are also practical and decent people, and actually said something when they were done.
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