Fundraiser Followthrough - Jorick's Terrible Smutfics (NSFW CONTENT)

[Jorick]

To keep it short, there was a fundraiser in February 2017 and one of the donation milestones (one of the $3000 ones) was that I would write one shitty smut fanfic a month for a whole year, and that they would be written based on suggestions by the community. The $3000 mark was hit, so here we are. Yes, this was a bad idea, and yes, I regret it, but damn it I'll follow through on my word. >:[

This thread will obviously be full of NSFW content. This is warning #2 after that bit in the thread title. Each story will be posted in NSFW-tagged spoilers, too. It is your own fault if you read them in a situation where you really should not, such as at work or around children or I guess ever because these are going to be awful. I take no blame for your bad decisions, because I've already made enough of my own to deal with.

Table of Terrible Contents
1. Sonic the Hedgehog x Princess Elise the Third (from Sonic '06) - Blame @Kagayours
2. Piston x Cylinder - Blame @IntrusivePenDesperateSword
3. Lady x Voting - Blame @Turtle Knight
4. ???
5. ???
6. ???
7. ???
8. ???
9. ???
10. ???
11. ???
12. ???

 

[Jorick]

Sonic the Hedgehog x Princess Elise the Third (from Sonic '06)
Blame @Kagayours for this abomination of an idea.​

NOTE: You may wonder what the fuck I'm talking about at one point. I assure you that it is biologically accurate. I did research, which included watching a relevant video. You're welcome.

NSFW

With Dr. Eggman defeated once again, the land of Soleanna was at peace. Normally Sonic the Hedgehog would have headed home after the job was done, but something kept him there, something that he'd never thought he would experience. For the longest time, the only human he had any extended contact with was Dr. Eggman, and that guy was a douche. Soleanna was full of humans though, and most of them were alright. One of them, though, was something special. Princess Elise had been with him through all the trouble and danger, and her kiss had brought him back to life so he could save the day. Ever since then he had felt something building inside of him that he had struggled to put a name to, but now he knew what it was.

Pure, unadulterated lust.

Sonic wasn't the kind of guy who ever stuck around, but he would sure as hell hit it and quit it. Being able to run faster than the speed of sound helped a lot in getting away from angry women who thought they had something special. He'd earned it though. How many times had he saved the world, if not the universe as a whole? Too many times for him to remember them all, that's for sure. So if he wanted to have a little fun here and there, he figured it was his prize for being a hero. It wasn't his fault if the women who threw themselves at him thought they were going to get something long-term out of it, after all.

The celebratory festival commemorating Sonic's victory was winding down, and most of the guests were slowly making their way out. He waited there in his place of honor, nodding indulgently to those who offered their thanks, until Princess Elise left. She looked in his direction and paused before heading out of a side door, and Sonic had to work to contain a cocky grin. She hadn't been able to keep her eyes off of him all night, and he had been sure to throw winks and smiles her way when possible. This was going to be so very easy.

He waited a minute before taking his leave as well, and he went out of a different door to avoid suspicion. Savior of the world of not, people would never approve of interspecies sex and it would be better if nobody but he and Elise knew what happened tonight. Sonic made his way through the castle, going through the back halls with uncharacteristic slowness. He had to give Elise time to get to her room and dismiss her servants for the night, so he took his time and went by a roundabout route. The wait was annoying, but he knew it would be worth it in the end.

Finally, after fifteen minutes of wandering, he made it to Elise's door. He knocked, and he was left waiting for only a few seconds before the door was yanked open. Her eyes were directed down to his face immediately; she had been expecting him, not a human whose face would have been at the same height as hers, and clearly she had been waiting by the door for him. They both spoke at the same time.

"Elise, we should talk."

"Sonic, please come inside."

Sonic grinned, thinking to himself: oh, I will. Elise blushed, but she smiled and stepped away from the door to let him in. He strolled inside and she poked her head out in the hall, looking both ways to make sure nobody had seen them before she quickly shut it and locked the handle. Sonic took a look around the room and was utterly unsurprised: it was full of frills and lace and pink things, just what one would expect from a princess' bedroom. It was almost painfully stereotypical. The bed had a canopy and almost sheer pink curtains to provide the barest imitation of privacy. Sonic made his way toward it and leaned casually against one of the wooden columns holding the canopy up, watching Elise and waiting to see how forward she would be.

Elise chewed on her bottom lip as she looked at him in silence for a few seconds, but finally she sighed and reached up behind herself to start undoing the buttons that held her white dress on. "I think we both know why we're here. I've never done anything like this, and I really shouldn't, but..."

"But you can't help how you feel," Sonic said softly. He'd found long ago that women ate that shit up. Talk about feelings, use a soft tone of voice, and they melt and think you mean what you say.

Her face lit up with a broad smile after he said it. "Yes! I'm so glad you understand. We'll have to keep this secret, of course, I'm sure you understand that as well. I've never done this before, and we should probably wait, but..." She paused again, and Sonic could see what was going on. She wanted to be talked into it, so she could tell herself she'd been wooed into it rather than wanting it just as much as he did. That was fine.

"But the heart wants what it wants," he said in that same soft tone of voice, this time ending it with a little smile. "I know, trust me. This is very strange, but here I am. I want you, Elise."

Her eyes grew wide at that, and she blushed again, but her smile only grew wider. "Then I'm yours. Here, help me out of this."

It took a lot of effort for Sonic to keep from laughing and grinning, just retaining his kind smile. She was so damned easy, and he wasn't sure how she hadn't been coaxed into something like this ages ago by someone of her own species. Maybe she just had a hidden kink for bestiality and he was the beneficiary of it. That was totally fine by him. He hurried over to help her out of her dress, fingers deftly slipping the buttons free. He didn't stop there, and she didn't object when he helped to pull the dress down. She stepped out of the mess of fabric on the ground and was left in only a silky white shift.

Sonic took her hand and guided her toward the bed. They stood there beside the bed, eyes locked, as he reached up to brush the thin straps of her shift to the side. Her breathing quickened, and that redness in her cheeks grew more intense, but she shifted her shoulders to let the material slip free. Sonic smiled and took in the sights, just passing his eyes over her body rather than lingering on anything so she wouldn't grow too embarrassed or uncomfortable. He had to admit she had a damned nice body, probably the result of many generations of kings picking the hottest piece of ass around to be their wife. Her breasts were on the small side, but perky with rosy pink nipples. Her stomach was flat and her skin was pale and smooth like moonlight. She had hips that curved out just enough to give her a woman's figure, but not to detract from her slenderness, and there between her legs was a thatch of wild reddish-brown hair, just the color he'd expected from the hair on her head.

Sonic jumped up on the bed and offered Elise his hand, which she took gratefully. He guided her up onto the mattress, then had her lay back. They said nothing out loud, communicating purely through looks and gestures, and that was just how Sonic liked it. The less said, the less he would need to bullshit her with romantic nonsense. Once she was laid there, legs pressed together in a last bit of shyness. Sonic took another look at her, no longer resisting his natural urges. He felt his penis emerging from its sheathe as he eyed her, and he was just about ready to go for it when Elise gasped.

"Is.. is it supposed to look like that?"

Sonic blinked and followed her line of sight to figure out what she was talking about: his dick. It looked totally normal to him. It was pink and moist and ended in four tips that looked a bit like spikes. Definitely a normal hedgehog penis. He figured she was just intimidated by his manhood, not to worry.

"Of course it is. What else would it look like?"

Elise frowned, opened her mouth, then shut it and shook her head. She looked at his cock for a few seconds, then shrugged. "It's nothing, I was just.. surprised. That's all."

Sonic shrugged as well, and took her at her word. He scooted over to the side and put his hands on her knees, slowly pushing her legs apart to give him access to that sweet human pussy. She resisted for a second, then surrendered and let him spread her wide to reveal the delicate pink folds that he could see were damp with her own desire. He crept forward, one hand guiding his four-headed cock, and stopped with it just about ready to penetrate her. Sonic looked up into her eyes and saw some fear there. That was annoying, but probably not an issue. "Are you ready?" The question was more for her reassurance than his, of course.

Elise looked down and from her angle wasn't able to see it all, just most of his shaft with the head hidden from sight. She took a deep breath and let it out in a quick sigh, then nodded. "Yes. Take me, Sonic."

He needed no more invitation than that. He pressed forward and her pussy spread to accommodate his girth. It was amazingly tight and hot, and Sonic couldn't help himself. He started thrusting, and within a few seconds he was moving so fast that he knew he would be a blur to her eyes. It was all over in less than fifteen seconds. He groaned and came inside her, then flopped down face-first onto her stomach to catch his breath.

"Uh." Sonic looked up to see Elise looking at him with furrowed brows. "Was.. did you finish already?"

Sonic pushed himself up and pulled out of her, giving her a wide grin. "Gotta go fast." He dashed off the bed at the speed of sound, leapt through her window, and fell to the ground in a rain of glass shards. The fall was slow enough that he had time to hear her yelling, calling him an asshole, and he couldn't help but laugh. He'd gotten his, and that was all that mattered. As soon as he touched solid ground he was running so quickly that her words couldn't reach him, leaving her behind as just another conquest.

 

[Jorick]

Piston x Cylinder
Blame @IntrusivePenDesperateSword for this folly of an idea.​

NOTE: There was more research for this one, but luckily for me it was not biological research. Through the magic of vagueness, this is technically accurate (but highly embellished) depiction of how an internal combustion engine works. Enjoy. 8D

NSFW

They'd been sitting there touching and staring at each other for what felt like eternity compressed into a brief moment. Everything was cold and still, and they couldn't stop looking at each other. The constant contact was thrilling, yet not enough, not nearly enough. There wasn't much else around to catch their attention of course, but Piston was certain that even in a crowded room there would be no way anything but Cylinder would catch its attention. It was just so perfectly round and inviting, like it was made specifically for Piston to fit into. It was destiny, it had to be.

The only problem was that, being inanimate objects somehow granted the ability to think, they were cursed to remain still and free of true interaction. They had no mouths or ears, nor any other way to communicate, so they sat in silence. There had been motion before, a sense of Piston and Cylinder being moved here and there, but nothing truly changed for either of them. They just remained still and unchanging. It was truly a curse, Piston thought, but it wasn't all bad. At least it was stuck in this damned existence with Cylinder. The only thing worse than existing in this inanimate torture together would be suffering through it alone.

Time passed, of that much Piston was sure, but there was no way to know how much. It could conceive of the idea of seconds and minutes and hours and days and months and years and eons, but it had no sense of how much of any of them had passed. Moment passed into identical moment, on and on until Piston wished for nothing more than the ability to somehow vent its frustration. It also wished it could know what Cylinder was thinking, though at times it worried that perhaps Cylinder did not have any sort of feelings that matched the yearning and need that Piston felt. There was no way to know, and that was absolutely dreadful.

Things changed very suddenly. There was a new sensation of motion, a gentle rocking that slowly subsided, then stillness once more. Piston was just about ready to sink back into its tormented thoughts, assuming that this motion like those in the far-flung past had been nothing important to its existence, but then there was more motion. This time it was different, so very vastly different that at first Piston thought something was wrong, until it realized what this new motion was.

Piston was moving, sliding up and down in Cylinder's hollow center, but Cylinder did not move in relation to Piston. It was slow at first, but it sped up very quickly. Piston was ecstatic. This[/s] was what they had been made for, clearly. Something was happening up above Piston, inside Cylinder, and it was heating them both up as it continued. Piston was pulled down by some unseen force and a strange gas would fill Cylinder. Then Piston was pushed up and squeezed the gas into a small space. A spark of heat and light followed, and the gas expanded quickly to push Piston back down Cylinder's shaft. Piston was pushed up again after that and the remnants of the burned gas was pushed out of Cylinder.

The cycle repeated, over and over and over, until Piston felt like it was going to explode with joy. It wasn't sure exactly what this process was, but it was something new and fantastic and Piston wished it would never stop. As the joyous movement continued, Piston got the sense that there was other motion going on. Cylinder was vibrating, and Piston was certain that meant it was enjoying itself as well, which made Piston happier still. They were also moving sideways, from Piston's perspective, sometimes going in one direction for a long time and others swerving and turning this way and that. It was too much to pay attention to for long, it was just too much, so Piston focused on Cylinder and its motion through Cylinder's hollow shaft, back and forth again and again, with warmth from above suffusing them both.

As with the time of stillness, there was no way to know how much time passed in motion. Eventually things slowed, then stopped entirely. The warmth remained, slowly cooling, but Piston was still once more. The sense of sideways motion had disappeared shortly before Piston had stopped sliding up and down in Cylinder. They were still once more, and that was sad, but the sadness did not last long. All of the angst from the motionless time had been washed away entirely, as far as Piston was concerned. It would happily sit through more eons of nothingness for the chance to move inside of Cylinder again. This existence was not a curse any more, it was a blessing that rewarded patience.

Piston could be patient. It was well worth it for the pleasure of moving up and down inside Cylinder again. Piston basked in the warm afterglow of their jubilant motion and waited for it start again, ready and eager no matter how much time would pass until then.

 

[Jorick]

Lady x Voting
Blame uh... it was actually a bunch of people talking in the main channel of the Iwaku Discord who crafted this idea based on a typo, but @Turtle Knight was the one who suggested I write it so she gets the blame!​

Okay, this one requires some explanation. One day there was some shenanigans going on on Discord, and @Rosedrachen (you said to tag you once I wrote this, so hi, there's your tag) was eating someone. Someone else made a typo, trying to call vore weird, but they said instead "vote fetish" and then... well, we went a little nuts with it. Then it got suggested for my weird smut writing, so here I am. I did it. I wrote the vote smut. It's sort of cheating since it's not REALLY a fanfic thing, but whatever man, it's smut and this time it's like actually written with legitimate erotic stuff rather than it being total troll shit. Enjoy I guess?

NSFW

Belle had always been more interested in voting than her peers. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that her family were on the whole extraordinarily patriotic. She herself was named after the Liberty Bell, her sister Justice had an unfortunately more blunt name, and her brothers George and Abraham were of course named after two of the greatest leaders in the history of the United States. They'd been steeped in patriotism every day of their lives, and it was no surprise it had affected them all. Belle's brothers were both in the military, her sister Justice was working in the capitol as an aide to a Senator, but Belle herself had been more subtly affected.

She lead a rather mundane life, compared to her siblings. Teaching elementary school children was not a very patriotic calling, but she always defended herself by saying that she was bringing up the next generation to have the same deep love for their country that had been instilled in her from a young age. Belle wasn't in the habit of wearing any outrageous symbols of patriotism, like the American flag dress her sister pulled out for family events, but was instead content with a simple flag pin and sometimes matching earrings. This more reserved display of national pride was almost enough to make her a pariah in her own family, but luckily they had an excess of less patriotic cousins that kept her in the good graces of the others by way of comparison. She often wondered how that would change if she told them all about her particular love of performing her civic duty.

The line in front of Belle had been moving along at an agonizingly slow pace for the past hour and a half, but she was finally inside the actual building. It was oddly hot for an early November afternoon, and the air conditioning inside was more than welcome. The gymnasium of the school she taught at had been converted into a polling station, as it was during every election, and as usual the room was packed with little voting booths decked out in red, white, and blue cloth. Belle always found the sight riveting, though voting here in the gym, in very school she worked in, felt almost perverse. She knew none of the other teachers felt that way, that it was her own special oddities that made it feel like a sinful mix of business and pleasure, but the rational thoughts couldn't dispel the feeling no matter how hard she tried.

Finally, after what felt like ages, she made it to the front of the line. She was called over to a table by a man who looked extremely bored to be there, though he perked up some when he got an eyeful of Belle. She was used to it, though it was mildly annoying all the same. On one level she could understand the man's sudden interest: she was tall, she had long blonde hair, her vivid blue eyes drew almost as many looks as her breasts (which were large enough to draw plenty of looks on their own), and she was far from lacking in other assets. Today in particular she was wearing a simple white blouse with her American flag pin, a skirt that didn't quite make it to her knees, and high heels that she knew gave her walk a certain sway that made most men and women want to take a closer look. On the other hand, she had zero interest in the unkempt man and was in no mood to humor him and his unwanted attention. Belle gave the necessary information in a brisk manner that she hoped conveyed the intended message of "I'm here to vote, not to flirt with losers," and soon enough she was handed a voter access card to use with one of the electronic voting machines.

By the time she closed the curtain behind her, Belle was past the annoyance and back to feeling excited to vote. She took her time and looked the machine over. It was a new model, not one of the old ones that she'd grown fond of. That was a bit sad, but the thrill of experiencing something new sent a little shiver down her spine. The simple graphic on the screen was nice, a picture of one of the state's most popular lakes overlaid with a text box declaring it an official voting machine and giving a list of legal notices. As she read the text she ran her fingers over the smooth edges of the machine and found them quite lovely; the older machines had been worn down to rough and scarred surfaces before she'd grown old enough to vote, but this new one was smooth and sleek. She pulled her hand away before she got too absorbed in stroking the plastic surfaces and hurried on to the main attraction.

Once the access card was slid into the machine, the screen changed to give instructions for use of the voting machine. It looked rather familiar on first glance, and likely there was no true need to read them again since the software and interface would be quite similar to that used in the old machines, but Belle didn't want to rush things. There was no need to speed to the finish, after all. She wanted to savor the experience and enjoy it. She read through the instructions slowly, making sure she got every single word. As she neared the end of the long list she felt the familiar excitement building into something more visceral and physical. That was exactly what she'd been after, of course. Rushing through voting would be so unsatisfying, especially when taking time and doing it right felt so damned good. She knew it was strange and depraved to take sexual pleasure in voting, but she couldn't help it. This was the true form of her patriotism, and in truth the only complaint she had was that voting happened so infrequently. That meant she had to make the most of it when she had the chance, so that was exactly what she did.

With the press of a green button at the bottom of the screen, the instructions disappeared and were replaced by a totally new screen. This one had a header reading Federal Offices, then below that a title for the item to be voted on (starting with United States President and Vice President of course), then a short description and a list of candidates. Belle skipped past that one, because of course the best had to be saved for last. She used the navigation options at the bottom to bring her to the local county offices and measures. She had of course done her research, like any good citizen would before going out to vote, but she didn't jump right into making her selections. Instead she dug around in her bag and pulled out her voters' pamphlet and set it up to rest on her bag, sitting on the table holding the voting machine, so it could be easily read. This was another part of the ritual, to take it slow and absorb everything and make it a perfect experience.

The local office votes went by quickly, even with the reading. Many of them were uncontested, and most others had only two people running for the position. It was a nice warm up regardless, leaving her feeling a little flushed and all the more excited to move on to the more titillating items on the ballot. The local measures were more complicated, with full pages of the pamphlet explaining the arguments for and against them. Belle read them over, paying close attention to which people and groups were listed as supporting each side, and she could feel her heart rate steadily increasing as she cast her votes for each one. A tax on cigarettes to increase school funding got her support, as did measures aimed to help troubled youth stay out of prison, but others to raise the speed limit on a certain winding and treacherous road known for sneaky police speed traps and to raise business taxes to fund the construction of a new football stadium were given a firm no. Once she got through the local measures, Belle was breathing heavily and struggling to focus and keep her hands on the machine and pamphlet.

The state level section of the ballot only made that struggle harder and harder as she slowly went through it all. These were decisions that would affect millions of people, and the weight of those decisions was intoxicatingly erotic for her. A measure to legalize recreational use of marijuana got her vote of support, and as she pressed the Yes button on the screen she had to bite her lower lip to keep quiet. Another one, less of a hot topic but more important in the long run, involved raising various fees for vehicle registration and the like to pay for a massive road improvement project. That one got a Yes as well, and that time Belle couldn't completely hold in her moan. There was enough ambient noise in the room, from people shuffling around and coughing and talking, that she was pretty sure nobody had heard her. A depraved part of her hoped they had though, just so someone would know just how much she was enjoying doing her civic duty.

Belle was practically panting with need as she finished up the state measures. She'd wanted to hold off for as long as possible, but she couldn't stand waiting any longer. As she used her right hand to flip back through her voters' pamphlet to get to the pages for the state level offices, she reached down with her left to pull up the front of her skirt and hurriedly shoved her hand into her panties. Once she got down far enough everything was hot and wet and slick from her long-building arousal, and her fingers sliding past her clit sent a jolt of pleasure through her that forced out another poorly concealed moan. Her two middle fingers slipped inside her pussy with barely any resistance thanks to the abundance of natural lubrication. As she read through the qualifications and endorsements for candidates for State Treasurer, her questing fingers found the sweet spot she'd been searching for, the cluster of nerves that made her knees weak every time her fingers pressed into it. That didn't stop her from hooking her fingers and paying aggressive attention to that one spot, while also slowly grinding her palm against her clit. It took her a minute to gather her wits enough to focus on voting while masturbating, and of course to keep herself in control enough to minimize the noise of both pleasured vocalizations and lewd wet noises from between her legs, but she managed it and pressed onward.

The remaining state offices passed by in a blissful haze. Her votes for the state level congress positions and the governor went to the candidates who got the support of the local teachers' union. It was almost a coincidence, seeing as she did read through the qualifications of all candidates, but in the end Belle found herself agreeing with her fellow teachers on who would be best for the job. The delightful pressure building up inside her was rapidly nearing the breaking point as she switched over to the federal level offices portion of the ballot. She'd already known for months which candidates she liked for the House of Representatives and Senate seats, but even so she read the presented information in the pamphlet, more quickly than before, and voted for exactly the candidates she'd intended to choose. It was getting damned hard to focus but Belle pushed through it, slowing her furious fingers to ride on the edge of orgasm while she voted on the most important position in the country.

This time she didn't bother at all with the pamphlet. She'd done extensive research on the candidates for President of the United States of America, even the third party ones who she ended up dismissing as nutjobs with no chance at winning. However, the two major candidates were also terrible. A bombastic political novice mired in constant controversy that he never had an adequate answer for, or a career politician who was so mired in the muddy waters of politics and fundraising that corruption and dishonesty might as well have been her official campaign sponsors. Neither choices appealed to Belle. She'd always thought that any vote that wasn't for one of the two big parties was a waste, but this year she was going to do something taboo. Well, more taboo than her normal voting ritual, at least in her mind.

As she slowly rocked her hips in rhythm with her probing fingers, she hit the button to write in a name of her choosing. There was not a chance in the world that a write-in candidate would ever win, but that was the point. This year Belle was casting her presidential vote into the void out of protest for the poor choices on offer. She slowly typed in the name on the on-screen keyboard that popped up, finger shaking and almost causing her to hit the wrong buttons, but she managed it in the end. She hit the button to confirm her write-in selection, then quickly hit the button to submit her ballot. A simple list came up with her chosen options in order to confirm that this was indeed what she'd voted for. Belle looked it over, eyes catching on her write-in choice. Her finger hovered over the confirmation button as she stared at it. Did she really dare cast such a protest vote? Was she betraying her country by disparaging the system in such a way? What if somebody found out about it? All of those thoughts were cast aside by the decision that independence and going one's own way in the face of convention and tradition was in fact the most American thing to do, and thus the most patriotic thing to do. Belle gave a satisfied nod to her ballot and hit the button to confirm, officially casting her vote for President of the United States of America for none other than Harambe.

As soon as she hit the button, Belle pushed herself to orgasm almost immediately with only a little more speed from her soaking wet fingers. She bit down hard on her bottom lip as her eyes clamped shut, struggling to keep from making any excess noise as the wave of pleasure crashed over her. Her thighs clamped together tight around her hand, trapping it in place as she continued to finger herself and rub her clit to get the most out of this mindblowingly strong climax. Her knees wobbled and she almost fell, but she held fast to the voting machine with her free hand to keep herself upright. The pleasure was powerful and relentless like the ocean, wave after wave slamming into her and making her feel like she was drowning in the best way possible. She didn't want to come up for air, but eventually her orgasm receded and left her clinging the machine, breathless but trying to breathe quietly through her nose rather than gasping in the lungfuls of air she felt she needed. As she slid her wet hand out of her panties she heard a few drops of fluid fall to the tile floor. That was not at all usual for her, but then neither was that kind of intensely powerful orgasm.

As she slowly recovered from the marvelous ordeal, Belle pulled a little package of tissues from her bag and started cleaning herself up. She hadn't actually thought she'd need to do so, and the tissues were just something she always carried, but she was glad for it now. In previous years she'd simply hurried out to her car afterward with nobody knowing a thing, but her hand was practically dripping with evidence that someone might see, not to mention the hard to miss smell of it. Belle cleaned her hand off as best she could, then wiped more excess fluid away from her inner thighs, and finally got the few stray drops from the floor. It wasn't a perfect clean up job, but she figured it would be enough to keep anyone from knowing what she'd done.

She waited another couple minutes to breathe and steady herself before leaving the voting booth with a pleased smile on her face. She made it out to her car without anyone paying undue attention to her and drove away with that smile still firmly in place, heading home to take a shower and get ready to watch the election results. Whatever happened, no matter who won, she knew one thing for certain: next time around, regardless of who was running, she would definitely be voting for Harambe again.