Fuck Cakes

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Fel of the Eternal Forest, Feb 14, 2010.


  2. I'm really a girl. All the pics I post of myself are really some random person I may or may not be related to. Therefore, I am more epic lesbo than Diana.
  3. I think your face is a dildo.
  5. I'm hiding you, Fel. Nothing else. Just you.
  6. This thread is STILL dildos. >:/
  7. So's your mom.

  8. But instead of dildos she uses my penis.
  10. I dunno, if she's using Darkness' penis she must be pretty desperate....
  11. [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJPUogzwlo0"]YouTube- A WTF Moment in Tokusatsu, Part 16 - DX UAOH Edition[/ame]

    This is what Insanity's all about.

  13. It also turns out that Asmo is responsible for this:

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbcyiFt5VEs"]YouTube- The Inquisition the Musical[/ame]
  14. so does that make the world end agian
  15. Yes, it does, there Johnny Quest's sidekick.
  16. FEBURARY 8, 2017

    "Welcome to America, Miss Tallwood," the security guard greeted as he stamped the young woman's -- girl, really -- passport.

    She flashed him a flirty smirk. "Thanks. First time here. First time traveling internationally, too." Her English accent gave her an exotic veneer that just added to her playfulness. "They say the first time is always awkward."

    The guard coughed somewhat uncomfortably and said, "Well, miss, if you're needing directions or transport, just follow the signs to my right."

    Raven laughed to herself as she continued on her way through through Logan International Airport, quite aware of how her gait and the roll of her hips turned a few eyes. She was dressed modestly, but with tailoring that spoke of wealth and a very keen fashion sense. Clad in red and black, her attire kept her covered while also clinging to the curve of her hips and bust. She had learned that, sometimes, the key to a girl looking good was not showing off, but simply hinting at what she had.

    A cab -- taxi, she reminded herself, recalling the preferred American term -- ride later and she was settling into her hotel. The jet lag was finally starting to get to her and she made short work of stripping out of the (admittedly fashionable) clothes she'd been wearing for close to twelve hours.

    She padded barefoot to her room's balcony while clad only in a towel, the sound of the bath filling with warm water singing from the bathroom where she had drawn it. She cast open the large glass doors and let the afternoon sun warm her skin. If she was giving a little show, she didn't mind. She was a touch too high up for most people to see her well, anyway.

    Boston, she decided, was quite beautiful. The skyline was very different from her home in London. Seeing new sights like this might draw her out more often in the future. It was a big world out there and she was a young woman just itching to see a little more of it.

    Which was why she was out here, after all.

    The Ivory Tower, the largest and most secretive center of magical learning in the world, was abuzz with disturbances in ambient mana over the last few months. They were getting stronger and more frequent by the week. As with many other mages, Raven spent the last several weeks conducting experiments in order to track it. Unlike the other mages, she managed to succeed.

    Not that it was much of a surprise. She was, after all, the granddaughter of the Tower's Archmage. She had a duty to uphold the family pride, after all! It simply wouldn't do for someone of her ability and lineage to fail at a task deemed merely impossible by other mages!

    Besides, her alchemy research was nearing a breakthrough. And this mana disturbance was just the thing she needed to make it finally come together.

    The ringing of her cell phone interrupted her thoughts.

    She brought it up to her ear, smiling at the identity of the caller on the screen. "Hello, Walter."

    Half a word away, her loyal, aging butler said in his unforgettably prim tone, "Lady Tallwood. I trust you've arrived at your destination safely?"

    "A little jet lagged, but yes." She grinned knowingly. "Making sure I haven't done something incredibly impulsive?"

    "Hardly, madam. You are the very model of reservation and foresight. By the way, I finished cleaning up the rest of your laboratory after that unfortunate experiment involving the phoenix's feather and that fire elemental you bought. Though I estimate that we'll have to rework the estate's budget to account for the extra flame-retardant wallpaper."

    "Har, har, Walter."

    "In all seriousness, madam, I must reiterate my reservations about this enterprise of yours. This mana disturbance seems quite dangerous. Are you sure it is wise to go alone?"

    Raven sighed. Walter wasn't going to let this go. God bless him, she loved him like a father -- especially since her own was long dead and she wasn't expecting a whole lot of warmth from her grandfather, family pride or no -- but Walter could be rather smothering at times. He damn near went apoplectic after she had discovered boys. "I won't risk letting some other mage spirit away the one thing that might take my research to the next level. Imagine, Walter! The ability to bring the dead back to life, without resorting to turning them into the undead! Its never been done. Its supposed to be impossible. But I'm close, I can feel it. And I'm not about to lose this opportunity -- or share it."

    "As you say, madam, but surely your grandfather --"

    She cut him off, her voice just a little on the icy side. "Grandfather is too busy to care." Walter made a sound, as if to make a rebuttal, but Raven headed him off. "Walter, you know I'm right. He won't acknowledge me...not unless I do something to add to the family's honor."

    Her butler was silent. He knew she was right.

    Thomas Aegil was the most powerful mage in the last century. His accomplishments had become history, his breakthroughs had become mandatory study. He had become a legend in his own time within the magical community. The Hushcobb organization, dedicated to maintaining the secrecy of the supernatural, would not have been born had he not fought in the second World War. That alone would have been enough to seal his name in the history books.

    And he expected his family to do the same and more.

    It was a heavy burden, the legacy of family.

    "You will be careful, madam?"

    Raven smiled softly. "Of course, Walter. I'm eighteen; I can handle myself."

    "Take care then, madam. Please call home every day."

    She chuckled. "All right, mother hen."

    With that, she hung up and gave the sunset one final look. Somewhere out there, in this city so far from home, was the key she'd been looking for to finally crack open the secret of the ultimate transmutation -- resurrection. She would search for it. And she was going to find it.

    But first...a nice, hot, relaxing bath.


    FEBURARY 8, 2017

    Lorentz smirked as he walked into the alley with his hands in his coat pockets. In the dark of the evening, with a chill in the wind, and his coat-tails fluttering dramatically around him, the foreboding, garbage-strewn alley made the perfect backdrop for a clandestine and underhanded encounter.

    It would seem that his new employer had a flair for the dramatic.

    He had to give points for that. He liked a little flair as well, though his style tended toward painting the town red.

    A woman stood in the middle of the alley, the only sight of beauty amidst a scene of filth. She was a redhead in a tight red dress, oozing sex from her sultry eyes to her unmistakable curves. She wore high heels and knew how to use them, made evident as she walked with effortless ease toward him. Smoky eyes met his.

    "Mr. Lorentz, I presume," she drawled huskily, gazing up and down his tall, slim form.

    "Just Lorentz. You're Lucrezia?" It was the name his old friend had given him. "Our mutual acquaintance told me this was going to be worth my while. Now, will you kindly tell me why I'm standing in garbage when I could be in my hotel? Flying in from Thailand's a bit rough on my sleep schedule."

    The woman, Lucrezia, sauntered around him in a way that brought to mind the image of a feline playing with its food. "My...associates...are intrigued by your accomplishments abroad. They've been following your career for the last several years. Our mutual acquaintance kept us abreast of you, recommended you."

    Lorentz raised a narrow eyebrow. "You're offering me a job?"

    "A career path," Lucrezia clarified. She was barely an inch away from him, more than close enough for him to detect her jasmine perfume. She studied his features intently with an upward tilt of head. "You're a tall one, aren't you?" she murmured appreciatively.

    "My mother insisted I drink milk," he said blithely. If this child was trying to seduce him, she was going to be disappointed. "Now, what do you want from me?"

    "Only what you do best -- cause chaos and destruction," the redhead said. "We need some magical muscle on our side. My associates wish to apprehend a girl named Natalia Elmore. But we cannot be tied to her...liberation. She's a rather gifted spellcaster, very powerful despite her youth. In case she...resists...our goodwill, we will need someone strong enough to handle her."

    "That's it?" Lorentz scoffed. "You need me for a snatch and grab? You insult me. I've wiped out whole towns. Such tasks are beneath me!" He turned sharply to storm out of the alley, only to stop in his tracks as a pair of things emerged from the ground.

    They compiled themselves from what appeared to be gore, ichor, and blood, forming into something vaguely humanoid. But their spindly limbs ended in sharp claws with spines jutting out at where the elbows and shoulders should be. The head was faceless save for a too-wide jaw full of teeth and a long, prehensile tongue. And the stench! They stank of corpses and the metallic scent of old blood.

    They were, perhaps, the most beautiful creatures Lorentz had ever seen.

    "Blood puppets," Lucrezia explained. "The rank and file of my associates' forces. Mindless, tough, and predatory. For every man they kill, another puppet rises to fill their ranks. A plague of death and destruction. We are willing to give you a few to study...if you join us."

    Lorentz walked over to one of them and ran a critical eye over it. "Its like necromancy...but...there's transmutation involved as well. Alchemy? No, they formed too quickly and without any base components. Fully automatous, driven solely by hunting instinct. Fascinating! The mana flow is...precise, yet not sewn into any conventional spell. Intriguing!"

    He turned to Lucrezia, eyes alight with awe. "No mage could accomplish this."

    "No," the redhead agreed, "no mage could."

    "And you will let me study these beautiful weapons?"


    "Will I meet your associates?" He would love to study them, as well. Manipulating mana without a spell? There were few beings capable of doing so, and all of them were extremely dangerous.

    Lucrezia gave him a coy smile. "Perhaps."

    Lorentz imagined the kind of wanton carnage he could unleash if he could deploy these blood puppets into the public. Their ranks would grow with each kill and each screaming, dying soul would add more screaming, dying souls. With them, he could create an orchestra of oblivion.

    "Then we have a deal, Ms. Lucrezia."


    FEBRUARY 8, 2017

    Teleportation was a strange thing. Just a pinch and then...somewhere else, without so much as a sensation of movement. It was disorienting, having the entire environment just shift into something else.

    Despite disliking the experience, Sam had to admit it had its uses -- namely crossing entire continents instantaneously.

    He chafed under the harness Jade gave him. The contraption, along with the quantum plates, were all part of the Philadelphia system, which made teleportation possible. Back in the late 1940s, Albert Einstein tried to engineer a cloaking field around a battleship called the USS Philadelphia. The experiment was a complete failure, but resulted in accidentally discovering the secret to transferring instantaneously between two points without traversing the intervening space. The Philadelphia and all crew aboard that got caught in the teleportation field...well, a memorial was held in their honor, since not enough remained for burial.

    It took nearly thirty years for Hushcobb to perfect teleportation technology for safe use. The harness ensured that every atom of the traveler made it to the same place, while the quantum plates enabled the transfer of matter between locations. While strictly technological in design and execution, the Philadelphia system came under study by mages, who determined that the quantum plates took advantage of ambient mana to generate the teleportation field.

    The technicalities were all rather advanced, but Sam kept abreast of the material well enough to get at least a working knowledge of it. He had employed it to deadly effect a few times in the past.

    "Not something I particularly miss about the job," Sam muttered.

    "I wonder what's the fancy term for 'motionless' sickness," Crossfire commented.

    The Specter teleportation facility was small, hidden, designed to stay off the conventional radar of normal humans. It was the bare minimum of amenities and a skeleton guard maintained patrol, largely because its use was simply rapid mobilization of agents.

    Jade, emerging from nothingness behind them, strode through the facility as if she owned the place. She was making a beeline for a rather impressive Mustang convertible parked within spitting distance. "There's our ride."

    Crossfire lowered his sunglasses. "Hot rod red? Not exactly subtle."

    "Just finished a Fast and the Furious marathon," Jade quipped. She nodded to Eckard, who also had teleported in. "Eck, see to things here. Cross, Sam -- get your asses in gear."

    "Remind me why we were sad to see her leave Hushcobb for Specter?" Crossfire asked.

    The trio were soon the road, speeding along fast enough to warrant a ticket three times over. Unsurprisingly, Jade was the one at the wheel. "My boys will handle the clean up in Thailand, get those girls someplace safe," she said. "Now, what's in Boston? Specifically?"

    "Those shipping manifests detailed where those girls were packaged and transported, starting in Boston," Sam explained. "Point zero -- in this case, Boston -- is usually the most fortified hub where traffickers can route girls from other cities to one location for overseas distribution."

    The clinical way Sam detailed human trafficking made Crossfire frown. "Got a lot of experience with this, do you?"

    "...I wasn't idle for the last seven years, Cross."

    Crossfire murmured, "I'd like to hear about it one day."

    Jade added softly, "So would I. We missed you, Sam. And Ruth --"

    "-- Is a complicated matter," Sam cut in sharply. "Look, I don't want to go into it. Suffice to say I've been busy since I left Hushcobb. And I know how this works. If Boston is Lorentz's main hub, then it'll be his best-defended stronghold. We'll need reconnaissance, disposition of his assets and personnel, and eyes on all points of ingress and egress. I wouldn't be surprised if Lorentz has some cannon fodder on hand, the kind he'd stick some metal into."

    "Did that manifest have an address?" Crossfire inquired.

    Sam nodded. "An abandoned car factory."

    Jade sighed in annoyance. "Great. Lots of toys for him to play with."

    Sam's brain was already working overtime. "Lorentz will have home field advantage. We need to strip him of as many assets as we can. Cross can handle recon and take down priority targets. Jade, I need you engaging the enemy directly. I'm going to find the power supply in the factory and shut it down. If we can take out the lights, make him fight blind, maybe we'll have a chance and catch him by surprise. I can also see if I can rig up some demolitions as well."

    "That's the Sam I know," Jade said. "Finally getting your head out of your ass."

    "You were right to call me out," Sam said without rancor. "I can't...I can't face Lorentz alone. Not yet."

    "Don't worry," Crossfire said. "You won't be."