Forgiveness and Forgetting

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Kitti, Jun 24, 2012.

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    Things happen and sometimes, people don't always agree.
    Often times, if these people are friends or have to maintain a relationship of any kind, they will patch up this fight.
    But not always.

    Sometimes people go their separate ways and they don't stop first to mend things.
    The friendship is lost, the relationship gone. You've probably experienced this in some way.
    My question is - what do you do if that person reappears?
    How would you, have you, will you deal with this when someone you were once close to comes back after something like that?
    What do you say?
    How do you act?
    Do you pretend the fight never happened, do you reopen it first to close old wounds?
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  2. I'm not a very forgiving sort. Once I feel betrayed that's usually the last straw after putting up with stuff for far to long. It's why I'll never speak with my ex roommates again and am happy because of that.

    There is one exception. We both were stressed, upset and frustrated. If it were not for many meddling friends we would never have spoken to each other again. Neither of us were right, but neither of us were wrong. It was just lots of negative emotions that clouded a very strong friendship.
     
  3. It depends. If it was the first time we got into a big fight, I would give them my most sincere apology and try to patch things up. But I can only give people so many second chances before I give up on them entirely.
     
  4. I had an instance where my first sleep over with a friend of mine resulted in her being horny and expressing an interest in doing something while my boyfriend watched... I share this story with friends for a laugh although at the time I was absolutely terrified and angry. Needless to say I am no longer friends with her but during my summer semester in college she and I enrolled in the same P.E. class. Fortunately the class didn't require us to talk to each other so I just ignored her, even if I walked past her. She did the same thing and we never spoke a word to each other. I highly doubt things between us would have changed if we were forced to interact.
     
  5. I had a huge blow-out fight with a long time friend right before I graduated high school. I still think that I was fully justified to be really angry with her, but I do regret not making up with her before we graduated. When you end things with people angry, I think it's hard to not look back and see where you could have been a more kindly and understanding person. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to get angry and brush someone off.
    If I were to meet her today, I'm not sure what I'd do. I'd like to think I'd be nice and try to be friends with her again. But, I'm really not sure what I'd do.
     
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    I agree, it happens to everyone and it happens unexpectedly, but if the person reappears, what happens then really depends on both of you. In my own case, I would probably forget. I easily forgive and I don't remember the wrong things someone might have done to me. It's probably because I often rationalize that people are generally good. It's hard for me to believe that they might intentionally want to harm me. At times, of course, I do realize that I'm in the wrong, in the naivete about this, but I'd rather give people the benefit of the doubt~ I like to forgive and start over. I don't see any reason in making people feel uncomfortable for something that, in time, will heal, and won't bother me anymore. But that's just me. :) People are different.
     
  7. I am like Ocha and I don't tend to forgive easily. But that's because if you fuck up with me, it had to be REALLY REALLY bad for me to flat out not ever want to talk to you again. It would require giving me space, a lot of recovery time, even more amounts of apologizing, more space, and then the long long long process of rebuilding trust. And even then it prolly won't ever be the same. .__.


    Then there's the situation Ocha described, where it was stupid, we were stubborn, and once we actually talked it was all back to normal again. XD

    Sometimes stubbornness of little things can be a lot more harmful than the things that happened to begin with. o___o