Facts about You that Would Deter a Potential Mate

L

Levusti

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Original poster
Please keep this PG 13

Ready? Go!


Levusti used to love the smell of his father's farts.

Levusti likes to smell his own armpits.

Every new thing Lev discovers, he will smell it.

Lev's ass is hairy.

If you give Lev enough food, he will literally eat every minute he's awake.

If you invite Lev into your room, he will be very inclined to smell your bedsheets.

Lev can't sneeze quietly.
 
"I'm a militant feminist."

And I'll never let a damn stupid fuckass foolish thing you do slide.

...

Hey, remember when you did that stupid fucking thing? Yeah, me too.

I remember back in the day you did that fuckass dipshit shenanigan, you remember right?

God, do you recall that time you were fucking up every which way? Similar to what your ass is doing now.

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~*~ I'M SUCH A FUCKING JOYFUL BUNDLE~*~
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I AM A WILD STALLION. You'll never get me to sleep when you want me to sleep!

I am so afraid of the telephone, if you need me to call an ambulance, you'll probably die. D:

What's that? You don't like to drive? ME EITHER. SUCKS TO BE YOU.
 
I'm always scratching myself. Not because I itch... It's because I'm nervous. (Well, maybe half the time it really is 'cause I'm itchy. Eczema sucks.)

I'm very dependent on my SO to be my pillar of strength during times of high anxiety. It's a pretty big responsibility. :/ I can't be left alone at social events unless I'm positive I can handle it.

I burp out loud. The only times I won't are fancy or important events where me burping would ruin my life, or someone else's.

I pee myself when I laugh too hard, or when I'm drunk. It's so inevitable that I wear a pad while drinking so it won't soak through too badly.

Lots of things make me puke. Car rides, food that doesn't taste good, bad smells, and much more.

I cuddle things all the time. When I'm sitting on the couch or sleeping, there's always a pillow or stuffed animal in my arms. My boyfriend actually has to share me with said pillow or stuffed animal, or else I can't sleep.

I have PMDD, which is a more severe case of PMS. That should explain itself well enough.
 
I am a free spirit who is not going to change to please you.
I am also a shameless hypocrite. I will expect you to change. I will then probably be sad when you change.
I expect massages. Foot rubs included.
I will burp, fart, and scratch shamelessly in front of you once I get used to you.
If I find a cool video game I will ignore you for a few days. I'm only kind of sorry.
Same goes for a cool book, only I go at about a hundred pages and hour so I won't ignore you for as long.
I'm very clingy. Hope you like cuddling and PDA.
I'm a bitch on my period.
I'm only slightly less of a bitch off my period.
I hate kids and will get my tubes tied as soon as possible.
I shave every dark hair that isn't on my head. I will probably expect you to as well.
I will correct your grammar when you text me.
I am terrible at picking out good gifts.
I'm bisexual so you don't just have to worry about my guy friends, you can have fun worrying about the girls, too.
I sleep like a koala with my body pillow. Unless you like being the big spoon, we won't be that cute sleeping couple.
I bite my nails. Mostly my fingernails.
I have a pet mantis. Hope you like bugs.
I also have cats. Don't be allergic to them, they climb all over me.
I alphabetize my bookshelf. Don't mess up my order or I'll rip your head off. I will be bothered if your bookshelf isn't alphabetized. I will probably rearrange it and be mad when you mess it up.
I can never finish a bag of chips. Nine-tenths consumed bags will be abandoned.
I love sharing plates at a restaurant. I will expect you to share.
I hate having my picture taken. I also look bad in them. Don't expect any cute ones for your wallet/desk/facebook.
I will have hair, body, and facial care products all over the bathroom. At all times.
I hate washing dishes.
I don't like answering texts as soon as I get them.



...there's probably more ;_;
 
I am a nagger and I'm damn good at it. Haven't picked up the clothes off the floor? Or washed the dishes? Yeaaaaah I'll let you know about that and then some.... Even if I am guilty of the same thing.

I have some horrifying mood swings. =/ If I am PMSing I can go from irritated, to angry, to depressed and then happy all in one day.

I get stir crazy easily. If I don't get out then I get irritated and can't focus on anything and will turn to you for entertainment.

I don't smoke, and I'm an occasional drinker.

I don't watch a lot of movies... I've finally seen The Lord of the Rings this year, haven't seen Star Wars or Star Trek and if you reference a celebrity I probably won't know who they are. Actually, you should probably cheer if I do recognize someone from Hollywood. XD Pop culture is not forte.
 
  • I'm so used to insulting people when they speak to me it's become some sort of natural defence against human interaction
  • I don't get along well with animals
  • I consider myself married to my work
  • If it's a choice between you and my homies, homies every time
  • I don't clean my room without excessive threats/bribes
  • I moan about everything
  • EVERYTHING
  • Like, you could get me the greatest thing in the world and I'd still find something to complain about
  • Dating would cut into my brooding time
  • Dating within the team always leads to disaster
  • They'd be someone who's actually going somewhere in life, I'm a rich kid with issues. Lots of issues.
  • If my enemies know I have someone special, they wouldn't rest until they'd gotten to me, through her/him
 
I don't like large crowds of people, so going out would have problems.

There are occasionally moments (times of day, entire days, whatever) where there's just no talking to me.

I can be an asshole. (surprised on one else admitted to this)

May get a little clingy. Not like stalking the other person or want to spend every second with the other person or anything, just want to talk to them at least once every day. Get a little bummed if I don't see other person.

If I have an idea I HAVE to talk about it.

I will pester my significant other to read through my stories. (Hell, I do this with me friends)
 
  • Most of my friends are male, if that bothers you, too bad
  • I am clingy. Not in a "I-need-to-be-with-you-andor-know-who-you're-with-at-all-times" kind of way, but in a cuddly, touch-y way
  • I cuddle all the time
  • I will flinch if you move too fast or you go to touch me and I can't see your arms/hands coming toward me.
  • I will need to be reassured at points that you love me and/or don't hate me because sometimes (most times) I think I'm a terrible awful person and I don't deserve love
  • I can be a bitch and an asshole
  • I'm an insomniac
  • I will tell you everything is fine even if it's not (especially if it's not) because I won't want to bug you with my problems and make you worry
  • I scratch when I'm anxious or nervous. I even do it in my sleep
  • Do not interrupt me when I'm reading. Just don't
  • Do not touch or take my books without asking. And don't damage them. I will kill you if you do
  • I have OCD. Put things back where you got them and in the order they were in or I will cry
  • I hate the phone with a passion. Don't ask me to make a phone call unless it's an absolute emergency and I am the only other one there otherwise it will take hours for me to talk myself up to making a call without having a panic attack. Better if you text instead
  • If you have to call me, text me first so I know it's you so I will pick up the phone when it rings
  • I have spastic CP and will spaz at random moments. I may or may not accidentally kick you when this happens
  • I apologize for everything. EVERYTHING
  • If you yell at me I will cry. If you even raise your voice a tiny bit, depending on the tone, I will cry. Not necessarily because I'm upset or sad but because I might possibly be angry or fustrated. Regardless, I will cry. Even if I try not to.
 
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Let's see;

-I am rude
-I do not compromise
-I fart freely in public
--I hate cuddling
-Not into the sex business in a physical form but will roleplay it
-I hate children
-I have a habit of walking off at random times
-I argue...a lot
-I curse worse than a sailor
-I'm not attractive, and don't give a shit
-I have a horrid odor of the feet
-I don't talk much
-I am self centered
-In an argument I will walk off without explanation, or without you expecting it
-I talk long, long walks that sometimes ends without me coming home until three in the morning
-I sing even though I can't
-I dance like a chicken on crack
-I itch due to a nerve disorder
-I can't run
-I don't care about your problems
-I hate sharing space with people
-I will never get rid of my cats
-and chances are, I do not fully like you
 
  • I got off training wheels when I turned 7
  • I ate mucus clumps into my teens
  • I STILL pick my nose, minus the whole nomming on boogers thing
  • Intimate situations NORMALLY cause me to overthink things and become anxious, causing my brain to get the blood my penis needs to become erect, though this does not affect my sex drive.
  • I chew my fingernails and pick at my toenails
  • I sweat very often because I run everywhere just because I like to run
  • I may become short of breath during makeout sessions
  • I hardly brush my teeth, except when they get too yellow
  • I like the taste of blood, and will ask to drink a partner's blood
  • Puberty has not yet blessed me with a short, scruffy beard and a rugged, hairy chest - and I'm 17
  • I will never cut my hair short for anyone
  • I can't stand my knuckles and neck being unpopped, and will pop them when possible
  • I will post more when I think of them
 
In this thread; things people may do regularly, but would abstain from for someone they loved

I am a merciless grammar nazi
(I've corrected his grammar maybe 5 times in the three years we've been dating)

I require alone time. A lot of it.
(He respects this and knows that even alone time isn't more important than him if he needs me)

I will bitch and moan when I'm annoyed at my family, but jump down your goddamn throat if you agree
(You don't diss the family, it's pretty basic, he know this)

I want to visit Australia. This is costing roughly $8,000 and saving for it is a priority even above groceries for me
(He's excited to come with and is saving with me)

I take a long time to accept new ideas or changes to my life. I'll probably come round, but you can't nag me or rush me, it only makes me dig my heels in.
(He picked up on this pretty quick, actually)

I love shock humour and dirty jokes, but am WAAAY too shy to talk about my own sex life or anyone else's
(He thinks it's cute)


When I get into a new hobby, I geek out about it for weeks on end
(I make a conscious effort to filter my nerdgasms for him, and he takes my fangirl escapades in stride


Conversely

He enjoys crude/dark humour (dead baby jokes, rape jokes, etc.
(He keeps the worse ones for when he's with his friends)

He doesn't like to shave every day , and usually has a rough face
(These things are really freakin minor if you really like someone)

He likes to have tv and game volume up loud
(Noise-cancelling headphones, woo~!)

He will never do dishes or put laundry away. Ever. He hates these
(So he takes care of garbages and vacuuming
 
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I am -my- first priority, and everything I do ultimately serves my own agenda. That's the one that my past relations have complained about the most.
 
Occasional, spontaneous violent night terrors.
 
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As strong as I am mentally, I hate to admit that I need help.Therefore, as someone with a myriad of eye problems, I can be rather difficult to deal with in the times I actually need help.

I am stubborn.

I *enjoy* change -- oftentimes to a fault.

I can be very wordy and descriptive, also to a fault at times.

I love hockey. While this might not be a problem to some, it is to others, because "eww sports" or "it's not _____ therefore it sucks."

I am opinionated. Yes, this most certainly falls under "to a fault."

I love cold weather. This can present a problem for people who prefer to sweat their skin off. Along similar lines, don't ask why I'm still in Atlanta -- I have no idea either.
 
  • There are times when a joke (even if it happened to be funny) is not needed. The problem is I don't always pick up on that until it is too late.
  • I can be pushy. (Figuratively)
  • Sometimes I cuddle too much.
  • I can sometimes be verbally jabbing, even though 9/10 I don't actually mean to hurt you. When I do, or if I catch it and I am not ready it can send me straight into an emotional nose dive.
  • A lot of things can make my mood from best to worst at the drop of a hat.
  • I am truly my own worst critic, and I will tell you this.
  • If you don't believe me, I dare you to try it.
  • My emotions tend to dictate my outlook on my life and everything in it. If I happy "Yeah, sure I am a great person. I have qualities that a lot of people like to be around.". If I am upset. "I am a terrible person and I never do anything right." <<<<Was ran through the pg filter
  • Unless I trust you, you will NOT be let into my head. Even then, people I have trusted for 10 years might still have trouble with certain subjects
  • If you tell me I can't do something, I will think and/or actually do it.

    I am sure there are more. I am a human being after all.
 
I am entirely too emotional. I will cry at everything. EVERYTHING. If we are watching a movie, could be the most action packed "F*** YEAH!" movie in existence! The moment I see a character I have come to like in jeopardy, there will be tears! If there is a happy ending after a desperate struggle, there will be tears. If the freaking MUSIC becomes intense, there will be tears ._.

I am soooooo fucking lazy. I need to be shoved to do anything outside of what I can do within my own home.

If I am not glued to my computer, I will have a game controller in my hand. You must be willing to compete with these inanimate objects, because I will not give them up willingly.

I'm a slob at home. Anywhere else in the world, i will go out of my way to make sure I don't leave a mess. At home, nothing gets cleaned, unless I am specifically asked to do it, and even then, there's no guarantee it will be done.

If you somehow pull me away from my computer and video games, I am extremely clingy. I love to cuddle and all that. I will be aaaalllll over you.

But in contradiction to that, there are days where I need to be alone. I need to not even be in the same room as any other people, and I will be cranky if you intrude on my space.

I love cats. I don't mind if you're more of a dog person, but you must, at the very least, like cats. Because I will always have a cat. I will take in strays for a night, and leave out food, and have catnip growing in the garden. There will always be cats around, and it will be amazing.

I have a horrible time trying to sleep. I have tried everything save prescription medication to try and get on a regular sleep cycle. Nothing seems to work. So be prepared for tossing, turning, and midnight walks around the home.

I am self sabotaging. If I find I'm doing something well, or things are going right in my work or school life, I will drop it and walk away. I'll be the most supportive and encouraging cheerleader for any of your projects, but I will always leave my own behind.

I can be violent at points. If I disapprove of something you've said or done, I will hit you. Once. I don't mean it to be a hard hit, but I've been told that it sometimes hurts...
 
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Wait...Is this just some sinister plot to get us all to reveal our flaws so no two Iwakuans will ever get together? It is, isn't it?
 
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