So as I stand here making dinner, my roommates gone for the weekend, once again my thoughts go back to where I really don't want them to go. It's been a month I think. I don't really know; time is literally wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff for me and I have no internal concept of it. And no relative view for it since I've already deleted everything My mind goes back to my ex-boyfriend and the hole in my heart he left. I don't hurt nearly as bad as I used to now that I know he was cheating on me but it's the difference between having a blade being twisted in your gut and just having it sit there. That hole is still there and I've been trying to either fill it up or at least conceal it for a little while by filling my time with other things. Most of the time it works but some times I'm just not mentally stimulated enough to keep my mind from wandering. Even as I hate him for being the asshole he is, I miss him. Or at least... I miss having someone in my life that I love unconditionally and who loves me the same way, or so I hope. The thing is... I can't stop from feeling this way. I can't stop from feeling this hole in my heart all the time because this was the first relationship where I genuinely felt love and that was torn away from me. I hate this feeling and I know that it's going to get better but what the hell do I do right now? What the hell do I do with this pain and emptyness?