Elemental Planet Competition

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by amybri18, May 5, 2015.

  1. Who can create the best elemental planet?

    The elements you can choose from are:

    • Water
    • Fire
    • Air
    • Earth
    You must make a planet that represents one of the above.


    1. You can only enter once. If you create two planets, then your first planets score will be automatically set to zero.
    2. Use grammar. The one thing that annoys me most is when people don't use proper punctuation. Bad grammar will effect you score.
    3. Try to use correct spelling. I will except a couple of typos, however, loads of spelling mistakes will annoy me and I will effect your score.
    4. Please use as much detail as possible.
    5. Include a picture of your planet. This can be drawn or made on a computer. Please don't copy of the internet, as this will effect your score.
    Scoring system:

    The most points you can score is 100. Each part will be scored out of 20. You will be scored on:

    • Creativity
    • Detail
    • Image
    • Any creatures that live on the planet
    • Grammar/spelling
    I will also write comments on your planet. After I have sent you comments, you will have to chance to change anything. If you are doing this, please do it in this layout:

    Old Entry
    Copy and paste your original entry here.
    Copy and paste the comments I gave you here.
    Edited Entry
    Put your new entry here.

    I will then give you a score for each section and a final score out of 100.

    Good luck!!! :)​
  2. *waits for someone to post*
  3. I'm working on mine!
  4. Ok, take as long as you need :)
  5. All righty! I chose the element of Air! And I've made myself a format chart, because I find it hard to freewrite about a setting without rambling on and getting purple-prose-y and boring

    World Name: Howle
    Population: 1 million
    Indigenous Sentient Life: Fairies
    Height: 4'-5' on average
    Weight: 90-100 lb on average
    Colouring: Skin tends to be various shades of brown and red from sun exposure, while hair is thin and pale shades ranging from blond to white. Eye colour varies extremely, but dominant genetic colours are blue and green.
    Anatomy: Fairies have hollow bones and very tough, thin muscle makeup, decreasing their body weight. Their long wings can have a wingspan of 7-8', and their backs and shoulders carry the most muscle density to support them. The wings themselves are composed of a flexible bone structure and a skin-like membrane that tends to be tough, translucent, and a pink or purple ish shade.
    Indigenous Animal Life: Millions of species of insects and birds, with a considerably lesser mammal population, and even less aquatic population. Some extremely common species include dragons, which range from short-furred ones about the size of housecats, which are typically grey or white in colour and are often domesticated, to those closer to the size of a midsize car, which are scaled and more feral, though there are many bred in captivity to be beasts of burden
    Geography: Howle's makeup has large amounts of magnetic rock, which, given the significant pull of these huge pieces of magnetic planet, lead to most of the planet being formed of floating islands kept separate by magnetic force, and held together by the same. Because of the constant - though very slight- movement of these floating islands, bridges are impractical, and travel between islands occurs through flight. Many more common travel routes are equipped with magnetically suspended 'stepping stones' for travellers to rest on, and to aid the travel of the flight-impaired.
    Atmosphere: Because of the huge amount of magnets, electrical storms are very common, but other than that, the atmosphere and weather patterns are very similar to earth, though the significantly lower volume of water on Howle compared to Earth makes for less clouds and thus a hotter, dryer environment.
  6. Thanks for entering! Here are your comments:

    Creativity: Your planet is a little bit cliche. You know, with the floating islands and stuff. Despite this, it is actually quite creative! I like how you compared the weather to Earth - this helps give a clear image in my mind.
    Detail: You have given a fair amount of detail to the point where I have a clear image in my mind. You described both the planet and the animals well - good job! One thing to improve: can you describe the floating islands more? If you do this and make it different than usual, I can get rid of the cliche part in creativity :)
    Image: You've drawn the picture yourself! That means you read the rules! Well done! The picture of the planet is amazing. Also, I love how you included a picture of a fairy, just to be sure people can picture it. One thing to improve: colour, maybe? Unless of course, you intended not to colour in for effect.
    Any creatures that live on the planet: You have given a detailed description of two creatures on this planet. There are a couple things to improve however: can you perhaps draw a picture of the dragons, like you did the fairy? Unless of course, there are to many species of dragons to choose from. Also, is there any other animals? I would like to see a made u[ animal to help with the originality.
    Grammar/spelling: You need to improve on your grammar! Please remember full stops and try to write in full sentences, please. As for spelling, I can't find a mistake! Well done!

    If you would like to edit this know, feel free! Remember to include your old version, the comments and your new version. If you are happy with this, I will give you your score :)
  7. I would contest this point fundamentally; I've literally never seen a planet composed entirely of floating island suspended by magnetic power from a powerful magnetic core. Planets WITH floating islands, yes, but a planet composted essentially of floating chunks of debris? no.
    I thought the picture could fill in the details of the islands. Since the entirety of the planet is made up of them, and they would logically have differences because of different materials/populations, it's a pretty daunting task to describe them all (something like 'some have trees and some have plains, some have lakes and some are covered in cities' is pretty obvious and therefore adds nothing) individually :(
    t'was a quick sketch, but if you really need I can ink and colour.
    There are multiple species of dragons (as I said) but I can throw in some other fauna profiles for you.
    Actually, in a format like
    Age: 24
    Sex: Female
    Location: Canada
    it's not grammatically necessary to use a full stop on each point, unless the point contains multiple sentences. I did miss the full stop on animal life though, and put one in on a one-sentence point in the fairies profile, so I'll half-concede this one.
    I'll see if I have a few minutes to add stuff later this week or next maybe
    /me is a very busy person
  8. Oh, sorry. I completely overlooked this. Forget what I said about it being cliche lol.

    Fair enough...

    You don't have to if it was meant to look as it is, however colour would be nice :)

    Please do.

    I know in that format grammer doesn't interally matter. However, I was talking about that part. It was more the parts like this:

    Skin tends to be various shades of brown and red from sun exposure, while hair is thin and pale shades ranging from blond to white. Eye colour varies extremely, but dominant genetic colours are blue and green.

    I was just saying that it might be nice if you use proper sentences, so its abit like this:

    Their skin tends to be various shades of brown and red from sun exposure. The hair is thin with pale shades ranging from blond to white. The eye colour varies extremely, but the dominant colours are blue and green.

    Can you do that maybe?

    Take as long as you need :)
  9. *grammar ;P

    Actually, that first sentence compares two things (the dark skin vs the light hair), and therefore the commas are correct as they separate the items. Your choice to address each trait separately, instead of two in one as a comparator, is a personal one that has nothing to do with grammar.

    Suzy liked talking to Tony, but it was going to make her late for school soon.
    Is just as correct as
    Suzy liked talking with Tony before school. However, the conversation was soon going to make her late.

    But because I decided to address liking talking with Tony in one sentence, and the resulting tardiness in another, I had to rephrase to avoid disjointed, fragmented sentences.

    Suzy liked talking to Tony. It was going to make her late for school soon.

    Sounds clipped and, because of the new sentence, makes it unclear whether "It" refers to her conversation or not.

    Back to my post; I used a full stop when the subject switched to eye colour, because eye colour had nothing to do with my contrasting the dark skin with the light hair. Additionally, knowing that a period denotes a full stop, and a comma a short pause, try reading the two versions aloud and seeing which flows better; sometimes figuring out which is correct is as simple as seeing which one sounds more natural!

    I see you're still school age, so maybe ask your teacher or parent to explain further if you're confused or still think the full stop is correct. English grammar is full of nuances that are hard to explain quickly and I'm outta time!

    The rest I will do, but aside from what I mentioned in my first reply, my grammar is fine and will stay :)
    #9 Minibit, May 17, 2015
    Last edited: May 17, 2015
  10. [​IMG]
    Would sort of look like this, but different and multiple layers orbiting around the aura in the center

    Geariton was a small planet it was uninhabited for most of it's time, but it was not alone. Inside was a aura of pure life energy. This aura was the source of the planets prosperity in it's future and was even prized as a god. Soon the species of man came the planet and colonized it. They spread like wildfire across the surface and made great cities of stone, rock, and gems. The jewels gleamed with colorful glows. The gem's beams of the colors would spew out and create great roads of rainbows. The oceans were also inhabited by man but they were not in fact purely man as they had tails of fish and clear sails that glinted colors in the sunlight. Men from the surface who were greedy for more land went to the ocean to colonoize. The cites of the oceans that men mde were made from glass and shines light at the bottoms of the oceans. The Seakin as the fish people were called were vary curious about mans' cities. Man didn't like the Seakin and this started a conflict that would last for a long time. There were three land masses Riu, Glun, and Wean.

    This great planet would forever change after the great catastrophe. On the last days of the year which the Seakin called Silver Dawn. Black shades came raining from the sky. The monster known as the haze, bleak, black dust, and many other names had come. This monster much more a phenomenon then a monster. The sight of it would drive the minds of mortals insane as it was from a place where the laws of physics do not apply. This monster would attack and good threw anything because of it's unlawful nature. But because of this monster attacking the planet many died and few survived. Then in want seemed like the end a holy priest by the name of Lanious Merono used a sacred artifact created by the old ones. This artifact was said to be created at the same time as the universe and placed in one by the first gods. Somehow Lanious had gotten it and saved the world.

    But when the fog cleared the world was much different. The stone cities were turned to rubble and oceans were turned to dead pool of idle water. The world was dead and all the humans left were going to die. Until they discovered a hole that led inside the planet. It had seemed the the planet had broken it self into layers and the water somehow fell into it like a waterfall. As they observed more and went deeper they noticed that they could walk under what was there land and all was bright from a glowing aura was that was the great planets center. Inside plants grew and the crops yielded greatly. And somehow the water flowed magically around the aura and flowed in currents back to the surface reactivating the surface oceans. This was the birth Geariton and it's early stages of creation (rock and water) but now the age of life is starting.

    ._. I was sort of insane when I was a child this is only a tiny sliver of wanted to put in... the planet goes from earth to life to air to water.... this is only one part earth...
    #10 Neko_Green, May 19, 2015
    Last edited: May 19, 2015
  11. Is it possible to lose points for too much detail?
  12. Of course not @Immortal_Chaos! Add as much detail as you like :)
    • Thank Thank x 1
  13. Creativity: Very creative planet! I love the hole in the middle, making the planet just that little bit more interesting.

    Detail: Well, there is certainly detail! You included abit to much history, however. I was kinda looking for a description of the planet itself, not the history of it.

    Image: I am under the impression that you copied and pasted this of the internet. Still, it's a good image, however it should be more original.

    Any creatures that live on the planet: You have told me creatures on the planet, but not explained them well enough. What do the monsters look like, behave like, ext, ext?

    Grammar/spelling: Either I cannot see a grammar/spelling mistake, or they are well hidden. Well done!

    On more thing, please could you choose your main element? This is just because your planet should only be one element.

    You can now change it as much as you like :)