Recent events in certain racism discussion threads have had me peeing on the party, but then TK told me to stop so I decided to put my Emotion day to good use. My problem, or lack of therefor(to be explained, bear with me), is anti-socialist setup. I'm a weird child. I read a lot, picked up an exemplary vocabulary and instinctual understanding of writing in general. As a result, I was smarter than my friends. All of my family were precocious when they were young. The Murray blessing, intelligence. However, our curse was laziness. Both my parents had hard-ass parents, and hated them. So they overcompensated on us, not instilling discipline. A bunch of spineless intellects, my brother and sister and me. So, when my mother offered to put me in a higher class, I declined. I've always been close to my mother, so she let me stay in my lower class, after I bullshitted my way with phony reasons for staying back. As a result, I was much more intelligent than my peers, using "semantics" and "clamber" and such. I picked up a arrogance, and they started to hate me. So, as my friends drifted away, disgusted by the snobby jackass I had become, I saw my folly. Too late. From there, I was simply a loner kid. A couple of the other nerds approached me, but I pushed them away. The teacher's praised me for my intelligence, but I just sat there stoically. I kept reading my books and playing my video games. I grew less and less social, until I got to Middle School. My golden age. I converted, but did not conform. I was painfully weird, a nerd who got F's because he was too lazy to do his work. All my teachers considered me a tragedy, a intellect put to waste. I had more friends though, mostly because of my sense of humour. I was court jester, I had little value in anything else. In the middle of 7th grade, puberty struck. At the latter part of 7th grade, so did the internet. So, not only was I in a awkward situation, and bored, I was horny too. I wasn't bad looking, or too nerdy(in my opinion. >.>), just too scared. I never got a girlfriend. Still don't have one. What's ironic, was that I was closer to most of the girls in the school than their boyfriends. I was a bit of a white knight, doffing hat, letting them cheat of my tests, then teaching them the material myself. I wasn't awkward around women, just when the subject of romance came up, I ran for the hills. So they all assumed I was gay. The faghags came flocking. It never came up directly, just alluded too. I didn't correct them, this was the closest I had gotten to a girl besides my mother. Court jester and a Confessor. >.< They can tell their gay friend, because he'd understand! Anyway, blah blah blah my life blah. Fast forward a bit. I'm failing school, almost flat F's. Mom gots sick of my promises and proposed homeschool. I thought, Stay home all day, write things while laying in bed to music? Fuck yeah! and consented. Now, I hate sports with a passion. The combine physical labor, AND other people. I never got into nerd club, and I my 'friends' really kept me around for a laugh, so I never went to their house. So, I disconnected from school, without any other engagements. I was home 24/7. I haven't left the house more times this month than I can count on my fingers. Grocery store five times, Barnes & Noble twice, and a dentist's appointment. Last month, was B & N three times, Grocery store twice, and my Grandma's house. The month before was B & N once, dentists appointment twice, and a movie. The list goes on. So, I spend a lot of my time in a book, or playing a video game. Both those things involve my room. I sit in here, most of the day. I still spend time with my family, and I'm close with all of them, but I have no friends left. My last one returned the Left 4 Dead disc he borrowed from me last month. I write a lot, read a lot, and homeschool with my mother is going well. I don't miss Parsons High at ALL, but I am going back next year. The reason I'm writing this, is because of emotion day. Every once in a while, all the things I've missed about being a teenager, the highlights, my lack of friends(doesn't bother me most of the time, I'm active on the internet, witty banter(I listen to, enrapt, from Asmodeus. <.<) introvert at heart), my lack of discipline and slack school record, me phoning in religious dedication, romance repression and no hormone outlet creep up on me. Every couple of weeks or so, they attack. I wake up feeling absolutely miserable. I lay in bed, bored, and sad. I put on Ministry and Alice in Chains, write mutilation stories(not poems. <.< That's just cliche), brood, be cynical. I mope out for half a Toaster Strudel, read dark books, lay about, be sad. The next day I leap out of bed, rush outside, hug my mother, say hello to my brother, compliment his guitar mastery, brofist my father, run back to my room, get on Iwaku, interact, play video games until chores time, do school for two hours, game until bedtime. That's the lack of problems. I don't do anything, because I don't see anyone every outside my family and their friends. I don't meet new people, don't date anyone, just play video games and write. Today was my first emotion day since re-connecting to Iwaku, and I mistakenly got on. Racism thread + "PC-trip" = butthurt Jake. So I whined, dissembled, and finally agreed to disagree. But TK thought there was something wrong, and maybe there is. I felt it today, for sure, but I'm content the rest of the time. Opinions? EDIT: Perhaps someone is reading what I'm saying different that how I mean it. I had a bad day. I got rankled and had a disagreement. I was explaining the reason for the bad day.