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Recent events in certain racism discussion threads have had me peeing on the party, but then TK told me to stop so I decided to put my Emotion day to good use. My problem, or lack of therefor(to be explained, bear with me), is anti-socialist setup.

I'm a weird child. I read a lot, picked up an exemplary vocabulary and instinctual understanding of writing in general. As a result, I was smarter than my friends. All of my family were precocious when they were young. The Murray blessing, intelligence. However, our curse was laziness. Both my parents had hard-ass parents, and hated them. So they overcompensated on us, not instilling discipline. A bunch of spineless intellects, my brother and sister and me.

So, when my mother offered to put me in a higher class, I declined. I've always been close to my mother, so she let me stay in my lower class, after I bullshitted my way with phony reasons for staying back. As a result, I was much more intelligent than my peers, using "semantics" and "clamber" and such. I picked up a arrogance, and they started to hate me. So, as my friends drifted away, disgusted by the snobby jackass I had become, I saw my folly. Too late.

From there, I was simply a loner kid. A couple of the other nerds approached me, but I pushed them away. The teacher's praised me for my intelligence, but I just sat there stoically. I kept reading my books and playing my video games. I grew less and less social, until I got to Middle School. My golden age. I converted, but did not conform. I was painfully weird, a nerd who got F's because he was too lazy to do his work. All my teachers considered me a tragedy, a intellect put to waste. I had more friends though, mostly because of my sense of humour. I was court jester, I had little value in anything else.

In the middle of 7th grade, puberty struck. At the latter part of 7th grade, so did the internet. So, not only was I in a awkward situation, and bored, I was horny too. I wasn't bad looking, or too nerdy(in my opinion. >.>), just too scared. I never got a girlfriend. Still don't have one. What's ironic, was that I was closer to most of the girls in the school than their boyfriends. I was a bit of a white knight, doffing hat, letting them cheat of my tests, then teaching them the material myself. I wasn't awkward around women, just when the subject of romance came up, I ran for the hills. So they all assumed I was gay. The faghags came flocking. It never came up directly, just alluded too. I didn't correct them, this was the closest I had gotten to a girl besides my mother. Court jester and a Confessor. >.< They can tell their gay friend, because he'd understand!

Anyway, blah blah blah my life blah. Fast forward a bit. I'm failing school, almost flat F's. Mom gots sick of my promises and proposed homeschool. I thought, Stay home all day, write things while laying in bed to music? Fuck yeah! and consented. Now, I hate sports with a passion. The combine physical labor, AND other people. I never got into nerd club, and I my 'friends' really kept me around for a laugh, so I never went to their house. So, I disconnected from school, without any other engagements. I was home 24/7. I haven't left the house more times this month than I can count on my fingers. Grocery store five times, Barnes & Noble twice, and a dentist's appointment. Last month, was B & N three times, Grocery store twice, and my Grandma's house. The month before was B & N once, dentists appointment twice, and a movie. The list goes on.

So, I spend a lot of my time in a book, or playing a video game. Both those things involve my room. I sit in here, most of the day. I still spend time with my family, and I'm close with all of them, but I have no friends left. My last one returned the Left 4 Dead disc he borrowed from me last month. I write a lot, read a lot, and homeschool with my mother is going well. I don't miss Parsons High at ALL, but I am going back next year. The reason I'm writing this, is because of emotion day.

Every once in a while, all the things I've missed about being a teenager, the highlights, my lack of friends(doesn't bother me most of the time, I'm active on the internet, witty banter(I listen to, enrapt, from Asmodeus. <.<) introvert at heart), my lack of discipline and slack school record, me phoning in religious dedication, romance repression and no hormone outlet creep up on me. Every couple of weeks or so, they attack. I wake up feeling absolutely miserable. I lay in bed, bored, and sad. I put on Ministry and Alice in Chains, write mutilation stories(not poems. <.< That's just cliche), brood, be cynical. I mope out for half a Toaster Strudel, read dark books, lay about, be sad.

The next day I leap out of bed, rush outside, hug my mother, say hello to my brother, compliment his guitar mastery, brofist my father, run back to my room, get on Iwaku, interact, play video games until chores time, do school for two hours, game until bedtime.

That's the lack of problems. I don't do anything, because I don't see anyone every outside my family and their friends. I don't meet new people, don't date anyone, just play video games and write. Today was my first emotion day since re-connecting to Iwaku, and I mistakenly got on. Racism thread + "PC-trip" = butthurt Jake. So I whined, dissembled, and finally agreed to disagree. But TK thought there was something wrong, and maybe there is. I felt it today, for sure, but I'm content the rest of the time.


EDIT: Perhaps someone is reading what I'm saying different that how I mean it.

I had a bad day. I got rankled and had a disagreement. I was explaining the reason for the bad day.
*Shoulder Pat* I ain't got much to say that will help much.

But know that you ain't in this shithole alone, kid.

That's all I can say, without trying to go on a hanrangue on about how shit is going to get better when you get older.

Fuck it; shit will get better. You're still young, these times are especially shitty, but once the dust clears out, your hormones will be less of a demanding whore and you will have a better handle controlling it.

We all got our emotional days, dude, that don't mean that what we said will be branded on us forever. It happens, don't let it get to ya, and move on.
We're here for you, ok? Don't EVER forget that!
Pah! Emotion!

*Gruffly shakes Julez's hand*


*Stands there awkwardly.*

...Uh, thanks..I guess.

*scratches head, scuffs boot*
I wouldn't worry my young friend. I was a similar story when I was your age. I know all too well the stupid rumors family spreads about one being homosexual because you don't flirt or really talk about girls with them. I still to this don't really, because I don't see the point of them knowing everything I do as a college aged student. A lot of what you are talking about sounds similar to having autistic tendencies. If you get the chance, talk to a doctor about having it looked into since I am not a good source for declaring things valid since we have all our own histories and outcomes.

Aspie and Autistic... I get along just fine with my family, and some of my brothers friends on the rare occasions they come over here. Maybe I will.

Thanks peeps.
i'm gonna be honest and blunt with you, man, and i speak with my own opinion.
it's not a pissing contest, bro. we're all here to have fun, socialize and chill with the rest of our iwaku fam. you don't always need to be right and if you see something escalating, just take a step back and chill. know where the limits are at. know where to act like a loon and where to be somewhat serious, there are areas for both. and this is kind of a personal quirk of mine: you're what 14-ish? around there? i can guarantee you there are some people on here that know circles more than you, just relax a little with the acting like you're smarter than the rest. please.
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Marius said it in a nicer tone for me. Maybe if you actually go outside and read your books, perhaps you can calm down, and learn that this is just Iwaku, not some fucking "I'm better than you" contest. =)
i was trying to be nice and polite, ripping you a new one wouldn't have served anything except getting me in trouble and have a lot of bad blood started between me and you krom. i didn't do good in school, if that hasn't been figured out from me talking about my past, but in 4th grade i had a 13.5 grade reading level and read the entire encyclopedia britannica for fun through elementary school and into middle before my ADD started really giving me problems (i manifest in short attention span and poor memory retention. i have since trained myself so it's not nearly as bad as it was). i'm 20, streetwise and book-smart enough to come out on top in some debates and intellectual discussions, but not smart enough to make it in college. thats where my.....lets say "frustration"......comes into play when a kid starts talking in a way that seems (to me atleast) that he thinks he's smarter than everyone else. big words are cool bro but you need to know when to use them and when to stick to plain old speak. i'm sure you're a cool guy, lean off the book-smarts you have and start picking up some "street-smarts" from the crew here. you're young and still have the capacity to learn. plus we in here can give you tips on how to assimilate more into the mundane society for when you go back to public school so you can land the hot babe and properly humiliate the jerkoffs when they call you gay. listen to the wise-people bro and think before you speak, thats all i ask.
I don't recall at any point declaring I was smarter than you, Necella. I don't recall implying, alluding, or even mentioning anyone in Iwaku at all aside from TK in the post. My teachers considered me precocious, because of factors contributing to my current situation. If that is all you got out of this, I must have done something wrong.

Marius: My mother had me type in full punctuation for a day. I decided I enjoyed it. When I was still in school, I did not use any vocabulary at all when talking with my friends(prior to homeschool, after I learned my lesson). I have since been encouraged by my mother to start using advanced vocabulary, as part of a SAT preparation thing, for the vocal section. I don't know about "street smarts", but I will attempt to avoid further inadvertent implications.
dude, you're not scoring points. pretty soon you'll need a shovel to go deeper.
Habit, Marius, not points.

You don't want to fight, I don't want to fight. I agree to disagree if you will.
habits which apparently you don't want to relearn. you want to be rude and condescending i can put out too, kiddo.
Hey, Marius! Practice what you're trying to teach and show Khang when to stop talking in an argument that isn't getting anywhere! o_____o

Anyways. >> Iwaku IS a social environment. So they people you're chatting with online are just as real as the ones you would talk to at school. The only difference is that you have the GREAT opportunity to step back and think a minute before you type. Don't ever let yourself think that there are not consequences and after-effects for the stuff you do and say online.

You see the people on Iwaku everyday, and (I hope) you like interacting with us. >> So you should always keep in mind how your actions will affect the people around you. If people are getting pissy, consider whether or not your actions might be the cause of it. (IT WOULD BE NICE IF A LOT OF -OTHER- PEOPLE GETTING IN TO DUMB FIGHTS LATELY WOULD KEEP THIS IN MIND TOO. KHANG ISN'T THE ONLY ONE. >:[)

...just avoid pissing contests with our Big Mouth Dudes. >:[ I'm about to hit a lot of our Dudes for getting in to this dumb go-nowhere fights lately. When an argument is going nowhere, just change the subject or do something else for awhile. Going on and on and on and on drives people bonkers.
Khang, you talked to me last night about how you didn't get everything out, why not write a second post? Try to get deeper.
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