Dwindling Glory - Never Regret

[Malkuthe Highwind]

Disclaimer: NSFW CONTENT. If you don't like M/M love, don't proceed any further!

---

They all say that they can see into the future. They all say that through some clairvoyant power, some gift of sight or some connection with God, they can peer into what is yet to come. They claim some will rise to power, some will be blessed with plenty, that some would fall upon ill intent or lose all that they hold dear. They're fools, each and every one of them. The future can't be forseen. It doesn't exist. Knowledge is a powerful weapon and a masterful temptress. It was knowledge that Jason had and it was knowledge that would follow him to the grave.

He didn't know why or how, but he believed that something was making time go around in a loop. He believed that everything that was happening had happened many times before. He had discovered a sigil that allowed him to peer right into the fabric of the world, and it had a terrifying consequence. In that mysterious fabric, he saw echoes of the many occasions when time had folded back in on itself. He saw glimpses of times long past, of the war that destroyed purgatory. He saw glimpses of things yet to come, things that unfolded many times in past repetitions of the cycle, but were yet to come about in this one. He saw things that terrified him, that troubled him for many years until he was able to accept what was fated to happen.

He looked up at himself in the mirror. Lanky, green-eyed, messy-haired, nothing spectacular really. It wasn't hard to imagine someone like him living countless times in the past. The dim light of the single fixture he had turned on in the bathroom emphasized his emerald eyes that while deep and tormented, still carried a gleam of mischief and a flame of stubbornness. For a moment he thought about how he was able to survive the past four years, burdened with knowledge of what was to come, and of what would be his untimely death.

He had come to accept it, but he had to admit, the prospect still scared him shitless whenever he was alone. His recent delvings into the fabric of the world had shown him a dissonance between the echoes and what was actually happening. It told him that this time, it was different. It told him that the cycle had been broken and for a moment, he had been hopeful. That was until he realized that when it came to himself, things were still going the same way.

He answered his own question. He had been able to survive the past four years because of Alex. His cute, cuddly were-lion with a heart of gold and a tongue far too smart for his own good. The smile on his face widened, if Alex could hear what he just thought, the kitty would've pounced. Yes, it was because of the sometimes-way-too-protective detective that he had been able to live at all. He guessed, for what it was worth, that falling in love with him again and again over the countless eons, was a wonderful prospect. This time, though, it would be the last time, and a pang of regret hit him, a shard of sorrow stabbed right through his heart and the green emeralds that had just moments ago been lit with the flames of love and joy, grew watery.

He scrubbed his eyes on the hem of the bathrobe that hung about him and he strode over to where blinds covered the high-set windows. He opened them, letting some natural light illuminate the bathroom. For a condo, Alex sure had gotten them both one with a spacious bathroom, one where the shower and the tub were separate. During his childhood, he had absolutely hated standing in the tub to take a shower. It was one of those small gestures from Alex that Jason appreciated quite a lot and he loved the were-lion all the more for it.

He undid the tie that held the bathrobe in place and let it slide from his shoulders. The rasp of the fabric against his skin was audible in the dead silence of the bathroom. He hung it up nearby and set down a few accessories on the countertop by the sink. He slipped his feet out of his sandals and walked into the shower enclosure.

The air was chilly against his naked frame and the tiles were cold. He turned on the shower and waited a bit for the water to warm before stepping into the flow. Before long the water had soaked his hair thoroughly and sending rivulets down his back. He brushed his hair backwards with his hand to get it out of his eyes and just stood there, relishing in the water as steam rose around him.

He heard the turning of the latch to the door of the bathroom. He hadn't expected the were-lion to be home so early, but he would not have had it any other way. He was beginning to feel quite lonely. He didn't have to open his eyes to know that Alex had already taken his clothes off and laid them on a neat pile right by where he had set down his accessories. He didn't have to look to know that Alex walked towards the enclosure and gazed at him lovingly before opening the glass and stepping inside.

"I missed you" whispered the detective in Jason's ear while snaking his arms around the younger man's midriff. "You're beautiful, Jason, and I don't know what I would do without you..."

"I... missed you too" he responded, the words almost getting stuck in his throat. "You'll live, Alex. That's what you would do..." he whispered softly, rubbing his thumb over the backs of Alex's hands.

Alex chuckled. "I won't ever know that, Jason, because we'll never be apart"

"Never... Never is too short, Alex..." thought Jason sadly.

Before he could respond, and fortunately so, Alex drawled huskily in his ear "Why don't I show you just how much I missed you..." Even now, after four years, that tone still sent tingles down his back and set his veins alight with ecstasy. For the moment, at least, the sadness was pushed to the back of his mind. "I promise you'll like it..." continued the were-lion.

Jason did not need to look to know there was a sheepish grin plastered on his lover's face right now. He could feel his manhood slowly rising to full mast. He could feel Alex's thickening right by his thigh. Clutching Alex's wrists that were still around his abdomen, Jason turned and met Alex's gaze. The love between the two was unmistakable, and the passionate kiss that they shared moments later was nothing but more evidence to that case.

He let go of Alex's hands when he felt the were-lion pressing his weight onto his back. He placed his hands on the shower wall, bracing himself for what was to come, shivering with pleasure and anticipation. He could feel Alex's gentle thrusting by his backside, the were-lion's member sliding up and down the cleft of his ass. Alex's fingers left burning trails as they wandered up his torso, their touches fleeting and teasing. The first of many groans that would follow escaped Jason's lips when Alex began to suckle on the flesh of his jaw and slowly moved down to his collar.

The were-lion's wandering fingers found Jason's nipples and began to play with them. It elicited another moan from Jason, one that made Alex smile. Satisfied, the were-lion moved one of his hands downwards, teasing the young irishman with feather-light touches before finding Jason's shaft and stroking it up and down languidly. Meanwhile, Alex continued his assault on the hollow of Jason's neck, suckling and nipping at the flesh and thrusting his tool up and down along Jason's crack, drawing fresh moans and groans from the younger man.

Jason's eyes that had been closed in pleasure, suddenly snapped open when the hands and Alex's mouth left him and he heard the snapping of a tube as it was uncapped. "W-where did that c-come from?" he asked, panting.

The mischievous answer from the were-lion was "Well, love, it just happened to be there..."

"You sly... s-sly dog..." he retorted, grinning at Alex's antics.

"Hey. I find that offensive." The were-lion mewled sexily, reminding Jason that he wasn't a dog in the least. It drew a giggle that was short-lived from the younger man, because Alex's hand found his shaft again and began to stroke it.

"Mmph... Please..." Jason groaned and thrust his hips back.

Alex lathered a gratuitous amount of lube on his cock and smiled at his lover's eagerness. Wordlessly, he complied, guiding it into position and pushing past the puckered hole with one gentle thrust. Jason's back arched as a purely rapt moan escaped through his lips. The enthusiastic young man bucked his hips as Alex began to thrust back and forth slowly.

"Now, now, not... so... fast..." said Alex, beginning to pant. He put more of his weight on Jason's back, forcing the green-eyed man to lean against the shower wall for support.

"F-fuck you... Alex..." said Jason between unbidden moans. No sooner had the words left his lips, when another, particularly powerful groan leapt out of Jason's throat. Alex was hitting that spot, sending electricity searing through every nerve in his body. He began to buck more earnestly, trying to take in as much of Alex as he could. The were-lion "tsk"ed and pinned Jason to the wall by the wrists.

"I-if I recall... correctly... You're the one... getting... f-fucked..." said Alex, releasing a pleasured groan of his own. His thrusts were beginning to get faster to match Jason's violent bucking.

They carried on for a few minutes, the sound of the shower running and skin slapping against skin being the only sounds in the bathroom. Alex felt Jason getting close just as he was. They continued to thrust and buck against each other, every motion bringing them closer to sweet, sweet release. With one final thrust and a shuddering gasp in tandem, Alex emptied his seed into Jason, who in turn spewed sticky strand of white after sticky sand of white all over the shower wall.

Panting, Alex kissed Jason on the cheek and whispered "Told you, you'd like it..." In a more serious tone, he said "I love you, Jason" before laying his head on Jason's shoulder.

"I love you too... Alex..." said Jason slowly, his heart still thumping against his chest. From where he was still pinned to the shower wall by the larger were-lion, he could see amongst the accessories and Alex's clothes the twin gleams of two platinum bands. The glimmer of promises... Of vows yet to be taken... of the wedding that they both dreamed of.

Suddenly thankful for the shower's relentless stream of water, Jason began to cry. He did not draw in gulps of air nor did he make a single sound, but tears streamed down his face. It was the wedding that he would not live to see.

 

[Malkuthe Highwind]

Jason and Alex stood there for a few minutes, Jason silently crying, eyes transfixed on the twin promise rings that sat on the countertop and Alex embracing him from behind, his eyes closed and his face buried in the crook of Jason's neck as the water cascaded around them. Jason tilted his head upwards, the warm water washing away the bitter, salty tears that leaked from the corners of his eyes. He had to be strong. For Alex. All for Alex. In his mind he asked Alex for forgiveness for what he was about to do, and he silently told the were-lion to be strong, to never let go, even if he was no longer by his side.

By the time Alex stirred and began to separate from Jason, the younger man's countenance had returned to what it normally was. Jason smiled as the were-lion took both of his hands into his own. The were-lion's face was still buried in the crook of his neck and they just stood there for a moment, swaying slowly under the stream of droplets from the shower. Jason giggled, feeling Alex's manhood still inside him. It made him feel so complete, but he was the first to push away saying "Alex, are we going to stay in here all day? The water's getting cold" and squeezing Alex's hand.

Alex groaned appreciatively, and his cock slipped out of Jason's orifice with a barely audible pop. "I wouldn't mind at all" he drawled. "Not if it means getting to see you like this, love." Alex nipped playfully at Jason's earlobe, sending shivers down the young man's back and getting him flustered. Did Alex not know his voice had that effect on Jason? He was now starting to get a bit plump down there again.

"Damn it, the bastard knows and he's playing me like a well-toned instrument" thought Jason, a small smile playing on his lips. It was frustrating, yes, but it was also amazing just how much Alex knew him to be able to have that effect on him. He pushed Alex's head off of his shoulder gently -- the were-lion had begun nibbling on the skin there again -- and turned to face him. "I'd love to, Alex... But I think someone just wants to get some more" he countered, his voice silky smooth and tempting. "Down, Kitty" he continued, drawing an annoyed growl from Alex which quickly turned into contented purring as his hand found the line of Alex's jaw and began to scratch him there.

"D-damn it, Jason. Stop playing t-the game so w-well!" protested Alex, unable to contain his mewling at his partner's ministrations.

"Hey! You started it!" said Jason, finally stopping and smirking at the flustered Alex. The were-lion, grinning sheepishly, grabbed Jason by the waist and kissed him senseless. "Mmph! mmh!" protested the young Irishman to no avail, not that he was complaining though. With Alex kissing him like this, so possessively and protectively, breathing was overrated.

Breaking apart, Alex told Jason, with a predatory gleam in his eyes "Don't ever call me kitty again or I will bend you over and ffffffuuuuck you senseless." Alex said the word with heavy-lidded eyes and a not-so-subtle thrust of his hips that made Jason plump up even more.

"Promises, promises... kitty" he replied teasingly.

"Oh you're really going to get it..." drawled the were-lion and for a moment Jason's eyes lit up with the prospect of another round of lovemaking. "But... I was thinking, maybe we could go out for dinner and a movie tonight, love." Alex touched his forehead to Jason's and spent a moment just looking into those emerald eyes lovingly, knowing that the gaze he held reflected the same love back at him.

"Well, well, well..." said Jason, smirking, turning around and picking up a bottle of shampoo. "Are you asking me for a date, Alex?" he continued, lathering his hair with it.

"Why yes, Jason, yes I am" said Alex playfully, pulling Jason's hands away and lathering his lover's hair himself. Jason responded by doing the same for his golden locks.

"Then consider it a done deal, kitty" said Jason, beaming widely at Alex. They hadn't been able to get out a lot recently due to Alex's job and he really appreciated spending time with his beloved outside. The surprise had made his heart flutter and in the back of his mind, he just became all the more morose, knowing that their time was about to come to an end.

Alex must have noticed the sudden change in his temperament because the were-lion was quick to ask "Are you alright, love?" Jason nodded and placed a quick kiss on Alex's lips. The were-lion smiled, eyes lighting up knowing that Jason was alright. He then went on, ranting about the place they would go to and the movie they were going to watch. For a moment, all was good in the world and Jason was thankful for it.

---​

The walk home from the theatre had been pleasant and as they lay in the dark of their room, having said their goodnights to one another, Jason couldn't help but think back on the night's events. It had been, by all means, a truly memorable date, filled with its cute moments, its fun moments, and those moments that just made Jason's heart flutter so much he thought it would grow wings and take off.

To begin with, Alex had taken far longer than Jason expected to get dressed. He remembered how he had yelled out in frustration. "Oh come on Alex, it's quite a simple concept. Put on some underwear, a shirt, a pair of jeans and some shoes!"

The were-lion had shook his head at Jason, smirking. "You have to find something that matches, love. Also, what if I wanted to go commando?" Jason blushed and threw one of the pillows on their bed at Alex, falling just short of the were-lion.

"Just. Get on with it!" he said, flustered. "And they say I'm the woman of the relationship," he muttered under his breath.

Alex straightened from looking for some socks. Thankfully the were-lion had finally settled on a shirt and jeans combination that he was satisfied with. "I heard that, Jason" he said, winking.

Jason stood from the bed and breathed a relieved sigh before raising an eyebrow and saying "Heard what? I didn't say any--"

"I think we both know who the woman really is in this relationship" the were-lion cut in, drawling in that sexy voice in Jason's ear and grabbing himself a handful of the Irishman's ass. Jason reddened visibly and was left with an erection that he struggled to hide while they were walking to his favorite restaurant.

There, the partners stuffed themselves full, groaning in satisfaction with each bite that they downed. By the time they were done, Alex practically had to drag a full-to-bursting Jason out of the restaurant. The movie was amazing too. It wasn't one of those testosterone-fueled action fics that Alex had rambled about in the bathroom. It was a romantic comedy, Jason's favorite kind. He had given Alex a big kiss for that, and for the entire movie, the were-lion kept him close and held his hand, kissing him every so often on the forehead.

It was indeed a night to remember. Jason doubted that he would ever forget that night. He raised his hand to a bar of moonlight filtering through the window and smiled sadly at the gleam of the wedding band that wrapped around his finger. He wouldn't have had the night go by any other way, even if it was the last that Alex and him would ever spend together. Steeling himself for tomorrow, he rolled over and placed his head over Alex's chest, listening to the strong beating of the were-lion's heart. Before long, he was asleep.

Sensing Jason on his chest, Alex woke up with a soft purr and stroked the back of Jason's head. He was worried for his lover. Jason never slept on his chest unless something was bothering him. Thinking back, he realized that all night long, Jason had been his usual, cheerful, mildly sarcastic self. His eyes, though, and the scent that rolled off of him told another story, and it was a sad one.

He saw no sense in waking Jason, so he just kissed the young man on his forehead and drew him closer with his arm. The green-eyed Irishman snuggled up to him closer, and he closed his eyes, still troubled, but resolving to talk to Jason about it the next day after work.

Little did he know that by then, it would be too late.

 

[Malkuthe Highwind]

Jason awoke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting into their bedroom and milky bars of sunlight filtering in through the blinds covering the windows. Stifling a yawn, he sat up and looked in the mirror by the bedside. His hair was standing up in odd angles and he looked more or less like a porcupine. He wished that he had woken up to Alex's face first thing in the morning, but for a cat, Alex sure woke early. He snickered at himself, for once forgetting the day's gravity. If only Alex knew that Jason always thought of him as a cat, there would be no leaving the bed for Jason.

He tried to stifle another yawn, without much success, stretching his right hand above his head and his left to the side. He knew Alex thought it cute and had the were-lion been in the room, he would've chuckled in delight. Jason didn't really see why Alex found it so adorable, but he chalked it up as one of those never-to-be-understood-because-of-differing-biologies things. He put on one of Alex's shirts nearby. It hung loosely about his shoulders, but it was better than nothing, should there be peeping neighbours from nearby buildings.

He got off the bed, hissing in displeasure at the coolness of the floor against his bare feet. He walked to the kitchen and snuck up behind Alex, hugging the were-lion from behind as he prepared some pancakes for breakfast. He just buried his face between Alex's shoulder-blades inhaling his lover's unique scent and savoring the moment. There would be no others like it to come for some time.

He was sure the were-lion heard and smelled him coming, but he found it endearing that Alex didn't let it on and allowed him to have his fun. "Goodmorning beautiful" purred Alex, enjoying his lover's early morning attentions. The pancakes were almost done and he was pretty much ready to leave for work. He smelled the grimness from Jason, but decided not to pursue the topic at such an ungodly, early hour. After scraping the pancake off of the pan and onto a platter, he faced Jason, wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist and kissed the Irishman with a pure loving kiss.

"Now that's a good morning" said Jason, smiling at Alex. They settled down to breakfast, Alex cutting out the squares of butter and dribbling maple syrup in copious amounts over his stack of pancakes and much less over Jason's. The Irishman had never had much of a taste for sweets. Breakfast had been on the table for barely thirty seconds when Alex began teasing Jason again, dipping his finger into the syrup, winking, and then sucking on it with loud slurping sounds.

Jason had his fun too, despite the day's burdens weighing down like lead on his shoulders. Every time he would take a bite, he would make sure to suck it in. He also smiled wickedly at Alex and began to purr, moan and groan in mock ecstacy. He always won their morning games, and it ended up with Alex fidgeting and trying to hide an erection. This morning it was different, though. Alex was squirming and he was sure that the were-lion was hiding a boner in his pants, but Alex's eyes followed him with an intensity that was only there whenever he was worried.

After breakfast was done and the dishes were in the sink, Alex made for the door with Jason close behind him. He couldn't pin the source of it, but he was growing increasingly worried for his lover. He opened the door and stepped out, turning around to face Jason for one last kiss before he left for work. The kiss they shared was long and passionate and spoke of true love. It also was different. There was a sense of longing, a sense of finality to it that confounded the were-lion.

Looking into those deep green eyes, he wrapped Jason in a big hug and asked the Irishman "Are you alright, love?"

The question struck Jason speechless and for a moment he considered telling Alex everything, but he resisted. Averting his eyes, he nodded, his voice stuck dead in his throat. He wanted this moment to last. He absolutely loathed himself for what was about to happen, and he couldn't bear to look Alex in the eyes.

"Jason..." said Alex, concern heavy on his voice. The innocent fun that they had had the night before and during breakfast had faded into something indescribably terrifying for him. His heart began to pound in his chest, but he could tell that Jason didn't want to talk to him about it yet, so he put it off. With a heavy heart he let Jason go and kissed him on the forehead, whispering "I love you, Jason, always."

His own heart heavy as lead, he took Alex's hand in his own and squeezed it, saying "I love you too, Alex, always." He watched Alex walk down the hall sadly. It would be the last time he would see his lover while well and good. There were forces that would make sure of it.

After he had done all he could to prepare for what was to come, Jason set to work cleaning up the condo. He made sure everything was in place, he fixed the bed, washed the dishes, swept the floors and made sure everything was pristine. After this, he walked up to the door and placed a sigil on it. Anyone that wanted to enter would have to break it down. Not that the coming herald would have any problems with that. He was just making sure Alex would not be implicated.

At about four in the afternoon, the phone rang, but Jason did not answer it, knowing that Alex would just think he was napping. The were-lion left a message, and Jason mouthed the words that followed the beep in perfect tandem. "Jason, It's a really frustrating day here in the office. We just got two new crimes and breaks in three more. I might be an hour or two late, love. Stay safe. I love you." Events were beginning to line up. His death was now just hours away.

Jason clutched the gilded dagger to his chest. It was almost time.

At the strike of five thirty, he felt the immense blaze of power that signified the descent of a Celestial being to the mortal plane. It wasn't long before he heard the door being wrenched off of its hinges and an angry growl that followed it. The angel had arrived. It wasn't just any angel either. It was Uriel. It was the Father's Judgement.

"Give it to me, wretch" spat the Seraphim, when he finally saw Jason with the dagger.

"Why should I?" said Jason calmly, defying the very fire of the heavens.

"Because otherwise I will take it." The Seraphim's very form came alight with fire and brilliance that flooded the condo. It was a show that would bring any mortal to their knees, but it left Jason unphased. "By the will of the Almighty, give me the dagger, sinner, and I will make sure your servitude will be in highest Heaven!"

Jason still stood eerily calm, eyes now blinded by the Seraphim's light. "No" he spoke softly, defiance of the Heavenly will heavy upon his voice.

"You dare defy the Lord God your Maker?" asked Uriel, incredulous that a mere mortal could stand against the Voice. "Metatron!"

A second voice shook the entire room. "By the Grace of the Lord, and the Virtue of his Might, give Uriel the dagger, mortal! By the power of the Emanations and of the Seven Heavens, I command you, relinquish it!" For a moment, Jason wanted to give in, he wanted to give Uriel the dagger, just to please the Lord. Such was the power of the Voice of God itself, but he resisted it. He had to. Otherwise, all would be lost.

"No!" he yelled. Uriel took a step back, the flame and light dimming ever so slightly. Never before had he seen a mortal capable of withstanding Metatron.

Horrified, the Seraphim asked "What are you?"

Unsheathing the dagger and slicing it across his wrist, coating the blade with his blood, Jason said "I am someone who cares." He did not have to have his eyes to know where to go, he knew Uriel was rooted to the spot. "You want the dagger? Here! Take it!" He ran for the angel and plunged it into Uriel's chest, where the blood sizzled and boiled, burning away celestial skin and revealing the celestial's very soul.

With a howl of anger and rage, Uriel vanished in a brighter flash of light, defeated.

Hobbling as best as he could to the phone, Jason called in to 911. His eyes were still deadened by Uriel's intense light, but they were slowly getting better. He fell to the floor, kneeling, his blood pooling around his knees. His time had come to pass, but now, it was time to make a difference. The only thing keeping him alive was his magic, and even that wouldn't last longer than an hour.

About fifteen minutes later, he heard a disgruntled Alex coming up to the condo. Within moments, he heard a roar of anger and disbelief. Any time now, his big kitty would be there for him. He smiled. At least he would die in the arms of the man he loved. "Jason? Where the fuck are you?" came Alex's worried hollering for him. He knew the were-lion would check the bedroom first. "JASON?! Where are you?!" bellowed Alex. "Please... Answer me..." he continued in a gentler, more vulnerable tone. Jason could hear tears in his were-lion's voice.

"I... I'm here, Alex" he called out weakly. He instantly heard furniture getting knocked around as his beloved rushed through the condo to get to him. Moments later, he beheld Alex's flustered, worried face, frozen in shock. It felt as though a spear had been thrust through his heart when he saw Alex's face contort into an expression of pure agony. He himself barely felt the wound, but he was sure Alex felt it ten times over.

"Jason... Jason..." said his were-lion as he sank to his knees and cradled him in his arms. "Goddamnit, Jason, what happened?" said Alex, tears flowing freely from his eyes.

"Hush... It doesn't matter, Alex..." he said, trying to reassure Alex. "Please... Don't cry... I don't want this face to be the last thing I see..."

"Don't fucking say that, Jason. Don't!" said Alex, nuzzling his forehead. "You're not going to die... You can't! Fuck... I knew something was bothering you... You knew this was coming, didn't you?" He nodded weakly. "I knew it. I fucking knew it... I should've stayed... It's all my fault!"

"It's not your fault, Alex..." said Jason. His breathing was becoming labored. "Listen to me, please. Listen to everything I say..." Alex nodded, his tears falling on Jason's face. "Everything that's happening now... It has happened many, many times before... A cycle of life and death, over and over again. Every time small things change, but the outcome is always the same... I don't know why, but this time, the Cycle has been broken. This is the last time things happen... There will be no other chances... Make a difference, Alex... Please. Keep this dagger safe..."

"I don't... I don't understand, Jason. Please... Please don't talk like this. I-I don't know what I'll do without you..." implored Alex, taking the dagger from Jason's palm.

"You don't have to understand right now, Alex. Just remember. Never forget..." he said. His time was coming, he could feel the cold, skeletal death beginning to claw at his limbs. "You'll live, Alex. I told you, you'll live." He smiled weakly, raising a trembling hand to brush away the tears in Alex's eyes.

Alex's strong grip caught his hand and kept it there. The tears were uncontrollable and the gentle beast that held him in its arms shook with great shuddering gasps. "You're not going to die, Jason... You're not..." he said shaking his head in denial.

Jason took Alex's other hand and pressed something small and round into it. "I will love you forever, Alexandre White" he whispered as he drew one last breath.

As he released it and accepted death's cold embrace, he stared longingly into Alex's glistening brown eyes. The last thing he heard was "I will love you always, Jason Collins." With a smile, he closed his eyes and retreated from the world of the living. Alex cried even harder, and when he opened his hand to see the bloodstained promise ring, a primal, guttural roar filled with complete agony, sorrow and loss was ripped from his throat.

Setting Jason's limp body down on the floor, he felt his bones pop as the transformation ravaged his body. Before long, he unleashed another roar, and another after that, tears still flowing freely from his now feline face.

Having felt the appearance of the powerful Seraphim, the 911 respondents that had been dispatched were all Shadows. With them, twin were-tigers. Unable to rouse Alex from his state of grief, they had to drag him away as he roared and sobbed and reached for Jason's lifeless body, the ring and dagger clutched in one bloodstained hand.

 

[Malkuthe Highwind]

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He was still in shock by the time he walked up the stairs back to the condo. He was completely, utterly numb. His limbs felt like lead, and his heart felt cold and dead in his chest. He was trembling and every step was rigid and mechanical. His eyes were transfixed on a faraway point, still glossed over with unshed tears... still lost now that Jason was no longer with him.

In white-knuckled hands, he still held the dagger and the promise ring, unwilling to let them go even when asked to turn them over as evidence. If the Pack hadn't stepped in to help him, knowing just how were-creatures could react to their parters' deaths, he would probably have been thrown into custody, suspected of foul play. That was quickly resolved; a quick call to his precint had given him a strong alibi.

Once he had reverted, he had been taken in to get his statement. The distraught were-lion, with much difficulty, told all he could remember about what he saw and what happened, but he kept what Jason said about the cycle to himself. All throughout the process, his face was a mask of sheer agony and loss, his entire body was trembling, and he kept muttering "I didn't know... It's all my fault... I-I don't know..." to himself. He kept shaking his head, trying to clear it of that horrifying image of Jason kneeling in a pool of his own blood.

He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't believe it. Even so, the truth was forced on to him whenever he looked at his hands which were stained with blood -- Jason's blood. For the first time in many, many years, he felt alone, small and vulnerable. He felt like a cub abandoned to fend for itself in the wild. Without Jason, he felt lost, so absolutely lost that no light could show him the way save for the light that was now already extinguished.

Had David not been there to exert a constant, calming, familiar presence during the process of getting his statement, Alex might've said nothing coherent at all. He appreciated his friend and investigation partner being there for him, but even David couldn't dull the pain that Alex felt during those tense minutes in the foreign precint. Shaking, and standing unsteadily, Alex asked the detectives if he could go home. They looked at each other and then to David and then gave the go ahead, asking David to accompany Alex.

On the way to the condo, Alex began to calm down, a cold numbness setting in where there had been hot, searing pain moments ago. He couldn't imagine life without Jason. Not one day without those green eyes staring up at him before he left, and as he came home. Not one day without running his hands through the tangled mess of locks of Jason's hair. Not one day of putting his forehead against Jason's, whispering tender things to each other before the night took them away to sleep... There would be none of that now, and Alex just couldn't bear to think about it.

Like an automaton, he ascended the steps, thinking of the many times that he and jason had playfully poked fun at each other as they walked up those stairs from a night out, enjoying each other's company. As he climbed them, he remembered one time that they had both come home pretty drunk and began making out on the second floor landing. They had been chased up the stairs by an irate old woman brandishing an umbrella. They collapsed laughing on the third floor... and then spent ten minutes fruitlessly trying to get up. The happy memory brought a brief smile upon Alex's face, which quickly vanished as he remembered what had transpired.

Ever vigilant, David kept him going up the stairs as memories both good and bad played over and over in Alex' head. On the fourth floor landing, he remembered the time when he and Jason had argued about his long hours. A wonderful day planned for their anniversary had been ruined utterly when Alex was called in for a new case. Upon his return very late that evening, they had gotten into a shouting match that ended up with Jason fleeing the condo and Alex giving chase and getting slapped on the fourth floor landing. The very next day, Jason had come back and after a teary round of apologies, they had then gone out to celebrate their anniversary. It wasn't as grand as the day they had planned, but it was memorable all the same.

Up the stairs they went, the air dead silent save for the mechanical footsteps that accompanied Alex and the more fluid ones that accompanied David. It was the wee hours of the morning and their half of the world was sleeping, even if they were still awake. It wasn't long before they reached the sixth floor and entered the hallway towards Alex's unit. He remembered as his feet took him across the carpeted floor that one time when Jason's grocery bags had split open, sending a hail of canned goods rolling across the corridor. The young Irishman had then bent over to pick them up, when a loud rip filled the air. Alex had nearly dropped his bags at seeing that eyeful of Jason.

Tears nearly spilled from his eyes when in front of the door to his condo(which had been repaired while he was in the precint) he remembered the first time that Jason had exerted dominance over him. He had been pushed up against the door and lovingly kissed and rubbed all over, surrendering his all to his suddenly-assertive partner. That night had been one to remember. It was when he gave Jason his anal virginity. He found himself liking it, but not as much as being the top. Nevertheless, it happened a few more times since then. Every memory since then had cracked the cold, numbing ice that surrounded his heart. He found his lower lip quivering and himself fighting back the tears that wanted to spill.

"G-go home, David... I can handle it... Thank you..." he told his partner a bit unsteadily. He was teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown and he didn't want David to be around to see him when he fell off.

In a gruff voice laden with rare concern and hesitancy, David asked him "Are you sure, kid?"

"I..." He wanted to say "No... Please... Stay... Don't leave me alone..." but he knew it would do neither of them any good. "Yeah... I'm sure" he continued after a moment's pause. David nodded in understanding, and offering the were-lion one final sympathetic pat on the shoulder, he left.

Fumbling with the latch, he pushed on the door and stumbled into the apartment. For a moment, it seemed as though glorious, glorious sunlight was filtering through the windows. He thought he heard someone in the bathroom, so he dashed towards it, hoping against hope that Jason was back there, alive and well. Flinging the door open with a loud bang, his heart soared when he saw golden sunlight streaming through the windows, illuminating a showering Jason. The light played upon Jason's skin, illuminating the subtle curves and defined edges of his body that made him so beautiful to Alex's eyes. The moment he took a step towards Jason, however, the sunlight faded, and the bathroom grew cold, dismal, and dark.

His heart broke just a little more, and he fled towards the kitchen, hearing someone in there, and the sound of something frying. "Jason...?" he asked softly. Sure enough, the young Irishman's spectre was there, cooking breakfast, the brazen sunlight framing him with a molten gold halo. The whole image shattered when Alex inhaled to smell the bacon being cooked. Instead of a succulent aroma, his nostrils flared when he smelled the tangy metallic scent of Jason's blood. It sent him into a blind fury and he knocked over the table, filled to the brim with sadness and rage. He smashed the wineglasses that had come with the unit, and put a hole in one of the cabinets, but he was careful enough to not touch Jason's china.

Even alive, the younger man had always been fiercely defensive of the elegant, silver-rimmed china. Not that Alex had complained, they were beautiful after all. Hearing a soft, stifled yawn, Alex's anger faded and renewed, vain hope flooded him. He rushed to the bedroom, and at the doorway, he saw more sunlight filtering through. He saw a yawning, stretching Jason smiling at him from the bed, winking at him and beckoning him to come closer.

He had a stupid grin plastered on his face when he walked towards the apparition. It was a smile that slid completely off when sunlight faded into moonlight, and the porcupine-haired Jason and rumpled sheets faded into a perfectly folded bed. He sank to his knees at long last, and wept. He wept for the memories they shared, the love that they had, and the life they would no longer share. He wept, and wept, until the dawn's gray began to creep up from the horizon. Perhaps time would forget that in the year 2030, two weeks to the day before their wedding, Jason Collins had been murdered, torn from Alex's side in an instant, but he knew deep within that his heart, his heart of hearts would never forget.

As the sun rose in the horizon, a golden-maned lion leapt into the bed that Jason and Alex had once shared, nuzzling the sheets softly, trying to inhale whatever remnant of Jason's scent was there. It mewled and it whined, mourning for the loss of its beloved even as the sun rose in the sky and utter exhaustion washed over it.

Maybe fate would be so kind as to give him dreams of Jason... But more often than not, fate was a cruel mistress.