DISCUSSION Dealing with seasonal family drama: WHAT'S YOUR GO-TO?

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Diana

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Hello, my name is Diana and like a foolish fool amongst fools I thought "this year will be different" and "it can't possibly happen again". BUT OF COURSE IT DID. Seasonally (usually once in the spring and then again in the winter holidays) there is a rampage by a She-who-will-not-be-named, and then I spend the season having ulcers because the inlaws live across the street there is no escape.

This turn about the cops were called to my house twice in a week for "keying a van" WHICH BY THE WAY NEVER HAPPENED. There's not a scratch on the damn thing. It was just done to try and screw over our current house gremlin. The local fuzz is just as annoyed as we are, cause this aint the first time it's happened. >:[

I am a ball of nerves and stress and we haven't even gotten thru Christmas and New Years and 3 birthdays yet. =_= I've been holed up in my bed playing Zoo and reading books and getting obsessed with Disney + to try and keep my rage at a managable level so I don't do anything too insane.

What are some ways you deal with family drama and keeping yourself sane during these trying seasonal times?
 
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s p o o k

the dead boy
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I'm so sorry to hear you're having troubles! I can definitely understand that, though.

This year, we spent Thanksgiving at my aunt's house. The last interaction with which was a tense text exchange in which I accused her of using my dad's death as a way for her to look like a good person and ultimately telling her to f*ck off and never speak to me again.

Needless to say, none of her family spoke to me or my partner, and we left after about half an hour to go back to my mom's place and watch documentaries and nap on the couch.

It's unfortunate that some people don't have the option to just dump toxic family members. Losing my aunt and her family from my life was no huge loss -- and in fact, I consider it a significant achievement because she has harassed my mom (her sister) and our family for years without repercussion. I'm satisfied as all hell to finally be the one to tell her she can go f*ck herself, 'cause I know no one else is going to.

*shrug*

No advice I can give except maybe avoid as much as possible or try the whole "grey rock" or "kill them with kindness" techniques. I don't know what issues y'all are having exactly so it's hard to say, but good luck! I wish you the best and just know that no matter what happens you can take satisfaction in being the bigger person in the end. <3
 
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PoetLore

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I don't have much drama in the way of people who don't get along so I'm extremely grateful. What I DO have is massive chaos! When we all get together for a holiday, there are 30 of us. (Me, my 8 children, their 8 spouses or significant others, and 13 grandchildren of whom 5 are under the age of 3) So....the noise can reach near deafening levels. I love it....at first. But as time passes I get less and less joyful and as gramma I really WANT to be happy and loving with the ones I don't see as much but man...after about three days i'm ready to call for reinforcements or a whole bottle of wine.

When I was younger though, my Mom's family wasn't the friendliest and they did cause a lot of drama around holidays. I always felt bad for everyone who had to endure their snobbery and the thoughtlessness of their words and actions. My dad usually bore the brunt of their disdain for not being able to provide as they felt he should for his family. As an adult looking back on it, what really bothers me was that my mom never defended him to them. I can't even image how that must have hurt him.

My best advise for dealing with hateful, bitter people is to kill them with kindness. It's not always easy, but I find their reactions highly amusing. People like that can't figure out what you're up to when you're nice. They have no frame of reference. So now I spend time thinking of ways to be super wonderful to mess with people's heads. it's actually FUN!! And way better than ulcers!!
 
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Adrian

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My parents are currently at my place and it's driving me insane. I was feeling homesick for a few months but now that they're here, I just want them to leave. It gets really suffocating when we're all under the same roof for too long. Drama breaks out, accusations are thrown at each other, and my dad airs out decades old dirty laundry. He's as racist and as xenophobic as ever, and he throws tantrums like a child. Meanwhile my mum is way too sensitive. Honestly, sometimes I feel like a parent to my own parents. And yet they have the audacity to complain about me whilst living under my roof.

I have no advice because I'm also struggling to stay sane. I'm just doing what I can to not add fuel to the fire (which doesn't always work, because I have a short temper and my dad just triggers me in general). I've been drawing and just isolating myself as much as possible. They're leaving tomorrow, thankfully. I can't wait to finally have some peace and quiet.
 

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Can't have family drama if you disown your whole fuckin family.

 
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Kitti

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It's hard to have family drama when you live on different continents.
This leads to a different host of interesting scenarios, like my mother casually talking about something major that she dreamed that she told me about but did not in fact tell me about.