DISCUSSION ROLEPLAY Community Input: What is your advice on how to avoid sounding like a creepy perv when meeting new roleplay partners?

Diana

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Iwaku has always believed in creative freedom for your writing, and that includes getting to write your sex scenes no matter how kinky and weird they are! Unfortunately, any site that allows freedom of sexual content attracts the t r u e c r e e p as well. We're pretty good at catching the actual predators and banning them fast, but many roleplayers (especially new ones) can still ACCIDENTALLY come off as a creep in their interest checks, partner requests, contact PMs, and even in casual out of character conversations. They just don't realize their language or behavior is inappropriate.

If you're one of our roleplayers that write sexual content, please participate in this topic to help teach where the creep factor starts to come in!

I HAVE A FEW STARTER QUESTIONS HERE, but if you have anything else to add, please do!

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

SPECIAL NOTES: This topic is absolutely going to draw on personal experiences. Make sure you don't name any names, or call someone on Iwaku out. We're trying to teach and learn, keep it polite!
 
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Kat

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I won't be able to answer all right off the bat because I'm pressed for time, but I will share that one thing that really creeps me out in chat and in partner requests...

The person stating "I'm a dom in real life therefore..." or "I'm a sub in real life therefore..." and start talking about how they want certain kinks because they practice BDSM in real life or they are a dom and so they want certain things to happen between characters.

I get it man, you have your kinks and desires but do you really need to tell me about your real sex life? Another thing, if I'm confident in writing sex, I prefer people not tell me I'm writing it wrong BECAUSE "I'm a dom in real life, this is what I've experienced, so this is why I want your character to react a certain way". That is a red flag for me.

I write sex because I enjoy it, not because I want to get into a relationship with my writing partner. The kind of talk where someone blatantly puts their sex life out there as a means to justify certain sexual actions between characters is a huge no no. If you feel I'm writing something wrong, there is a way to suggest changing it without sounding like a creep.
 

Crystalline

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Oh boy, in my years I've seen plenty of red, let me nope out of there real fast, flags. With roleplay, there's always the good and the bad.

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
Those that put a high emphasis on sexual content taking a bigger priority than any actual plot. I don't mind sexual content occurring between the characters at a right time but when it gets to a point it just seems like a cluster of smut....pass.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
When they start dropping hints about having to see what I look like.

Asking me for real life information.

"I noticed you were online yesterday but you didn't say anything to me, why is that? Did I do something to upset you?"

"Hey, read your request thread! What are your kinks?"

"I love your character! She's so cute, I bet you are too!"

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Be careful how you word stuff and don't be clingy.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
I don't know, maybe constant private messages within the same day several times a day asking where I am at. It feels needy. I understand the need to check up once in a while but all the time? Especially if I give a heads up, I won't be available. I've had it happen before. I felt like my time was reserved solely for them and nothing I explained seemed to be good enough.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
No, I don't think it is appropriate. For me, it's uncomfortable and crosses a line I don't want to be crossed. I can't speak for everyone else, to each their own, but I'm only looking for partners I can create stories with and nothing to test the boundaries of comfort.
 

PhantomThief715

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I can't say I have had any sort of problems with creeps the five years I've been on Iwaku. Though I have had my fair share of creeps on the internet in general.


- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Pure 100% smut. No plot just smut.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

Anything too personal. I will admit I'll ask were people are from or live for the sake of knowing their times. I will always tell them that's why I am asking and they could very well just give me the time zone. But I will also admit its intresting to know where people are from. With something such as this though I feel it's all in the wording.

But if someone were to start asking me thing like my clothing size, or even my sex life I will draw the line and cut them out. Those are personal. Things my closest friends in real life don't even know.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Personally I am very blunt. I will often type things exactly how I mean it. Its easier to be blunt and simple. Keep your messages clear. Leave no room for a miss interpretation of your message. And be mindful of your tone.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Honestly not much bothers me these days. But someone who is definitely bothering me every minute of the day about an rp. Also when someone controls my characters. Like making them do things that wasn't even remotely close to what they did in my post. When someone tells me how to play my character as if they created them. I am however sure this bothers everyone not just me so..


- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Flirting no. If I find a new partner and they start to flirt it's weird and uncomfortable. If I have found a partner who I have known for a while (years) and it's clearly joking then I find it okay from time to time. The tone is key. But I honestly feel it's a conversation you should have with a partner. Someone might be okay with it while other my not be. It's good to ask sort of things like that, from jokingly flirting or even teasing.


- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I'm blunt. I would tell them they are starting to creep me out and making me feel uncomfortable. I can't exactly say what would start it but my guess would definitely have to be mixed signals. It really falls down to communication and tone.
 
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Onyx

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What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
Anything that makes it clear that you're projecting yourself into the story or looking only for a sexual experience. Things like 'looking for a sexy dom to have fun with~' or 'looking for a brother to punish me~', that kind of thing. Tbh, and perhaps this isn't entirely fair, I also get creep vibes from people wanting to write ERP in first person.

Anything that clearly fetishizes a group of people, AKA 'shemales', 'dickgirls', or 'cuntboy'. I just flat out block these people at this point.

When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
Anyone who bothers me for a response after a few hours. Sorry, but at this point I have zero tolerance for this. This is kind of a 'no second chances' zone for me. I have other shit to do, and behavior like this is why I have my activity disabled on every platform. Even if I'm online that doesn't mean I want or need to reply to you the very second you message me! Especially when we're essentially strangers. That's creepy man. You're not entitled to my time just because we've spoken exactly once and I was nice to you.

What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Don't start off messages with 'hey sexy~'. 8- )
Don't preface messages announcing yourself as a dom/sub.
Don't role-play OOC. Does that make sense? Like, when people approach you all, 'h-hey >///< I'm a cat boy and I really like your writing... I-I was wondering if you might want to write with me? *blushes*' Don't do that man. That's weird.

What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
The first person thing, maybe? And I might potentially get disproportionately bent out of shape over futa/shemale/cuntboy/etc.

Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Absolutely not, with an exception, being if you've become really good friends over time, but at that point it's not really 'flirting with your partner' and more 'flirting with your friends'.

Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
This has happened to me before. Partner started off cool, slowly became very clingy over time. Got upset if I didn't reply to them in a certain time. Got jealous over other partners. No Bueno.

I've also had partners ask for pictures of me before and that's immediate 'yo I gotta bounce' territory.

Ultimately I'm not really sure how to prevent this kind of thing, because - and especially so online - people are pretty good at masking their true character. Someone can seem super cool, only to slowly reveal their true selves, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. You just have to watch the signs, and be kind enough to yourself to cut ties off without worrying. These aren't people you know in real life. You don't owe them anything. Confrontation is sticky and unpleasant, but you deserve to be comfortable in your hobby. Don't let people bully you, don't allow yourself to be made uncomfortable just because you don't want to deal with a few minutes of unpleasantness. If someone is creeping on you or making your role-playing experience unfun, drop them like a hot potato.
 
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DarkiusHeavenstein

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What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
If they share too much personal information. I am fine with people telling where they are from or their age (even though it shouldn't matter too much). Or that they are a student/working/retired etc. But if they become too much like "I am a sub/dom/switch and I would like a girl to play with me" No, just no... IT is not YOU in the rp. It is your character.

When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
- Asking for pictures of me
- Asking more than just where I am from or how old I am
- Asking me personal contact information (email, address)
- Telling about their personal (sex) life.
- Asking me if I would like doing the things that we roleplay around. Or asking if I would like the things done to me.
- Asking me for my real name.

What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Make sure that you keep it clear that you talk about characters and not personal preferences (even if they do or do not match up). Don't lay too heavy on what kinks you wanna play. Make sure you have a plot ready and discuss about characters as well. If you only talk about kinks and all the sex the characters are gonna have it is creepy.

What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
When my partner is overly complimenting towards me (and my writing) or overly obsessed with the looks of my characters and constantly commenting on that.

Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Absolutely no. I can't handle compliments, so flirting is definitely a big no. I am here to write an rp, not pick up a lover.

Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
They probably would get too personal or too pushy on wanting to see me (either pictures, or facebook or actually meeting up) I would tell them I am uncomfortable and just block them if they do not acknowledge that and back off.
How do I think it could be avoided? I don't think Iwaku can do much about this. Definitely 1x1 smut rps is a lot of private talking (off site) so that is hard to monitor. The only thing I would be able to think of is check the interest checks to see if someone is being too personal?
 

Adrian

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1. What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
In addition to what other people have already said: people who demand that you must absolutely reply to their role-plays whenever you're online (this is an actual thing I've seen someone write as a prerequisite), people who never drop the role-play act and are "in character" even in interest checks, people who say they "never have any luck in finding partners" and "boo-hoo I keep getting dropped". Well, I fucking wonder why.

2. Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
If we just met: creepy and inappropriate. If we've known each other for a while, but we're not that close: creepy and inappropriate.

3. When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
One time somebody straight up PMed me if I "would like to role-play as a wife that gets beaten up and raped by her husband and gets into a sexual affair with muscular neighbor". Funnily enough, the message was professionally worded, but what the fuck. At least ease into that shit, bro. That's not something you should be sending to somebody as an opener.

Also, I've had people "???" me if I don't reply within a few minutes. I have a life outside of role-playing and can't always respond that fast. Let me breathe.

I also hate it when people, you know, passive aggressively nudge you to post faster. The more you pressure me into doing something because your impatient ass can't stand to wait a few minutes, the more I won't want to do it.

4. What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
I would say, treat the first few messages somewhat like a professional e-mail. You wouldn't *cuddles uwu* a potential client at work, now would you.

And maybe don't approach them on Discord with the opening line, "Hi, what are you into?" because 1) there is no context to your message and 2) at least introduce yourself first and tell me how in the heck you found me on Discord.

5. What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
Bare bones character sheets. So bare bones that the skeletons are rattling with envy in their caskets. I mean, maybe I'm just picky and I like more detailed character sheets. But also, if you write something so bland and plain, I'm going to suspect you're trying to do a self-insert.

Also, people who name their characters after themselves. Or people who use the same character across all role-plays. Or people who use themselves as face-claims. They're very likely self-inserts and that's a big fat NOPE from me.

6. Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
I know this one person (albeit not a role-player) who seemed cool at first, but started acting clingy towards me and at one point insulted me and ranted about me behind my back because I was at work and couldn't reply to their messages soon enough. The internet is a wild place and sometimes creeps are just that good at hiding their true intent and can't always be avoided. Some people will break all the rules and be smart about it. I suppose, if something starts to feel off and you're unsure, ask a friend or multiple for their opinion.

In that situation, I did rant to my friends about it and we all agreed that it was really creepy, so I blocked.
 
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47Haven

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I think I have been thought of as a creep several times (not here, hopefully). Definitely not stated, but if it ends with ghosting, then I assume it was because my partner gets creeped out.

Right out of the gate, I got some weird kinks, so I usually preface my introduction post with my F-List, question if they'd be up for sexual content, several specifics, before then going to the details of the RP itself. I do always add 'if you're not comfortable with this, then I don't mind not including it' to the questions, but I don't know if this just adds to the creep factor or the previous part is already too creepy for them. Of course, I try to word it a bit more formally than just 'hey you down for xxxx', but again, dunno if this just adds to the creep factor, or perhaps I sound like one of those 'nice guys' archetype.

I do also always say that my preferred story/smut ratio is 80/20, but then again I guess more than half of my intro post would be questions about what you're fine with and what you're not fine with, so I guess this might be seen as a red flag as well.

My main reason for doing this is so that we're clear on the get go, so we can discard those aspects, and focus on the aspects that we'd like to explore. I've had some RP where both of us already had invested quite a bit of time with the RP, then suddenly my partner, or I, dropped some unwanted fetish down the line, and pretty much ruined the RP. So rather than have that, I'd rather show what could my partner expect in the future, and if they don't want in, then it stops there. A bit sad that it was ignored from that point, but I can't force anyone to RP with me.

So I would appreciate some input as well to this approach from other user as well, because this has been my go to approach for a while now.

As for the questions, it is mostly a rehash of other's answer though:
- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
When the focus of the entire IC/RT is only the fetish list without any prompts whatsoever. I also usually judge the thread from the title. If your title sounds general and creative enough that indicates there's several ideas within the thread, I'd click it, but a specific title (other than those that definitely doesn't interest me theme wise) can get a bit creepy for me, especially if it sounds like an R-18 craiglist ads.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
Asking for personal infos, calling pet names (even 'baby' or 'babe' is a bit off putting for me), too much OOC stuff, especially when it starts going into your own personal life and problems that not everyone can relate to, and basically most thing that indicates that we're going to be more than RP partners. I'm quite the introvert, so I am not comfortable with people getting close and personal, especially through the internet. OOC stuff isn't bad, but our interaction should be as RP partners first and foremost, then internet pen friend later.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Guess I can't really answer this since I'm not sure my way is remotely right or not.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Not much in term of creepiness, but RP wise, I do get a bit miffed when people obviously skimmed through my reply to get to their reply. Isn't usually that obvious, but I can tell if they skimmed my post if they missed a hint that I dropped throughout my post. I don't usually like to obviously show what my character felt, and usually would just drop hints of certain actions, perhaps an unusual body gesture (shivering, fidgeting, scratching, that kind of stuff), or through expression. I like doing this 'what you say isn't what you feel' routine, so most of the time I detect this skimming is through these, because if they only go through the spoken dialogue, then they'll miss the other part.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

No, mainly because I don't even think flirting anywhere on the internet is appropriate. I don't mind raunchy jokes, or playful teasing after we've become more of a friend, but anything directed to further our relationship is not ok in my book, whichever part of the internet you're on.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

Perhaps it was the topic of the RP, and the closeness between the writer OOC. Starting off, they'd think that a lot of stuff is off limit, but once you RP further, perhaps getting into one or two smut scenes, and perhaps with some raunchy jokes or light teasing OOC, they'll start feel like the boundary is getting pushed, and then one day, it was one push too far. Honestly I don't know how to avoid this, other than completely avoiding OOC interaction, or keep the OOC interaction really vanilla and tame, but you could definitely try to rectify it but communicating it with your partner. If they backed off, then the RP can continue, but if it turns into a debate, then time to move on.

I do however, want to ask/add a question to the list as well. Slightly more personal, but here goes:

Do think that a creep is worth a 'No' reply?
Depending on the reach of said person, perhaps there's just too many PMs and messages to respond to, but would you find responding to a creep, completely out of courtesy, is something worth doing, perhaps even showing what creeped you off? Personally, if I get a red flag message, I'd reply with a simple no, and if they actually brought some story to the table, I'll ask if they'd still be up for that story without that creepy aspect. I get that people don't owe you a reply, but I feel that if you try to point out what went wrong, perhaps in the future they'll try to refine their attitude.
 

obieblu

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I've been online a long time, and I've seen a lot. Nowadays, I think my request threads are strict enough to dissuade a lot of creeps, and I don't get it often, anymore. So, I advise being very direct and clear about what is an isn't acceptable before someone contacts you. Sometimes, seeming very open and friendly can appear 'weak' to unscrupulous types.

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
My #1 red flag is when someone is trying to skirt the lines of underage. As an example, they want someone underage who has their birthday just before the first sex scene or something. This just tells me they want to play underage but not get in trouble.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
I want to slink away when someone starts sneakily pushing stuff I said I don't want after we have been talking. An example of this is that they try to change step-brothers into half-brothers or brothers after we've been plotting for a while.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
I think the best way to not creep someone out is to make it clear you've read their request. That shows a basic level of respect. Don't mention anything they've clearly said they don't want. If you're asking for something that they haven't mentioned, make sure to phrase it gently as a question, "Are you into [x]? It's not necessary if you're not."

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
I don't think I have anything that I'm the only one it bothers. But I know OOC cuddliness is something a lot of people do, but I'm on the side of not liking it, unless we've been friends for years. I don't mean flirting, I mean all the *huggles* or whatever. I'm not a physically affectionate person IRL, and I have no interest in typing out obligatory replies to people I've never met. It also makes me wonder if someone is primarily looking for friends and not looking for hobby partners.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Not without an agreement, and I don't know how to start talking about that agreement. So, safer to just not.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
My worst experience with this, I didn't firmly maintain my boundaries. He kept escalating, and I was just uncomfortably tolerating it. By the time it was way over the line, I couldn't say anything without it being the end of us associating. I was creeped out, he was humiliated. Not that I feel any guilt for causing the situation, but it made me understand the importance of either nipping it in the bud when it first starts or ending thing before it goes too far.
 

Endymion

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What an important discussion topic!!

I think the main thing to note, for me, is inserting too much of yourself into your character, that's what pings to me most as inappropriate and creepy. When I get the sense that somebody might cross the IC barrier into OOC suggestive/sexual content, that's when I bolt because I want there to be a firm, established boundary between the people writing the scenes and the characters acting them out.

1) - What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Specifying the gender of one's partner (not partner's character, partner, as in the person behind the screen, i.e. "I only roleplay with females OOC.") Requiring that their partners respond immediately or that they must provide a "good enough" reason for not wanting to continue the RP. Asking their partner to play a multitude of characters while they only play one. It smacks to me of predatory, clingy, or entitled behavior that I avoid like the plague.

2) - When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

Referring to their characters in the first person; "I'll look like this, you'll do this, then we'll so on and so forth." Focusing too much on a kink and asking personal details about your enjoyment of it. Complaining about past partners always leaving them on read strikes me as a big indicator that they probably did so for a reason.

3) - What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Try to strike a balance between friendly and professional. Too familiar and you might be stepping over personal boundaries, but too stiff and you'll sound like a robot more suited to a job interview than a collaboration. Make sure to give plenty of breathing room, offer your ideas without demanding, and encourage them to give their own input. Stress that comfort and safety is a priority for you and make sure that one of the first few things you go over include limits and squicks. Refrain from terms of endearment unless your partner does so first or you've asked permission.

4) - What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

I honestly do not vibe with people who are super in-your-face about liking dark, extreme, "problematic" kinks. While I'm personally fine with darker subjects in fiction as long as they're handled with tact and nuance, there's a certain special breed of person who will insert the whole "welcome to my twisted mind, I'm so fucked up, I'll ruin your innocence >:3c" shtick into every conversation regardless of the context.

5) - Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Definitely not, unless we're friends that already have that kind of dynamic. I don't respond kindly to pet names and people being overly familiar with me when we just started talking, so flirting is out of the question unless I'm already comfortable with them and we've discussed it.

6) - Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

For partners I've had for a long while, I'm generally a lot more forgiving, but there are some things that tick me off no matter how long we've been collaborating. Constantly bumping our threads or asking where I am is a huge turnoff and signals that they're not respecting my space. Venting about OOC/IRL issues without asking or after I've given clear indication that I just want to focus on the RP we're doing is exhausting and makes me want to avoid them. The way to prevent this is just through communication and making sure X thing is okay.

I think the main takeaway through all of these is that the old adage holds true: Communication is everything. Communicate with your partner about what they do and don't like and then respect their decision no matter the answer. Taking the time to establish boundaries and not crossing them unless you've been given a clear okay will always pay off in making sure that you're both on the same page.
 

Sorrelfur

Butterthorns
ROLEPLAY DEPARTMENT
Invitation Status
Posting Speed
Multiple posts per day, 1-3 posts per day, One post per day, 1-3 posts per week
Writing Levels
Give-No-Fucks, Elementary, Intermediate, Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Primarily Prefer Male
Genres
Romance, Yaoi, Modern, Slice of Life, Omegaverse, etc
- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

When they want 100 percent smut and no plot, when the specify they only rp with the opposite sex or when they're partner request is worded almost like they're talking about real life. I've seen some requests where it feels like I'm reading a freaking Craigslist connections post and it makes me sooo uncomfortable.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

When they bring up their real life sex life, that's a huge nopey nope for me. Like I'm ok with maybe those questions with someone I've rping with for years but if I just met you that's a huge nope. Another one is when they disregard triggers, huge red flag, like when I say I'm no comfortable with this and this and they say shit like oh well I'm fine with it so its OK. Just a big nope and I'm getting the heck out of dodge

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Treat it like you're meeting a new person for the first time in real life, face to face. Ask yourself 'would I say this to someone's face?' if the answer is no then don't say it

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

I really don't like people that try and force their kinks on you or move the plot along in a different direction without permission. It's not really a creep factor thing but more of a rude thing. I really hate it when people just decide they want to throw a random major plot twist in our rp. I believe you have to discuss changes in the rp to make sure everyone is on board first. I also hate it when people guilt trip you for not being comfortable with their kinks or something like that, especially after you've already been talking awhile and you've made it clear you're not into that.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Nope nope nope and nope. A compliment here and there is OK, I have some partners I've rped with for 2 to 3 plus years and one we even send snapchats to each other and we compliment each other. But not in a flirty creepy way. This isn't a dating site, it's a site to make new friends. I mean if it mutually grows into something ooc then idk you do you as long as both parties are consenting and neither is pushing it on the other. General rule of thumb for me tho is no flirting its weird

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I don't know, I tend to be overly forgiving, especially for people I've been rping with for a long time. I tend to let things slide which ends up snowballing into a bigger mess. Honestly I know I shouldn't let things slide, you need to voice your discomforts clearly and politely to nip it in the bud before it gets worse.
 

Mid

That one harlot
Posting Speed
1-3 posts per week, One post per week
Writing Levels
Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
No Preferences
Genres
Fantasy, medieval.
I think one of the biggest issues you should watch out for (even with regular rps and life in general) is manipulation.

You are not obligated to post every day, every hour nor do should you feel pressured into messaging another writer. These posts are collaborative and are on your time and energy. Cause we do lose inspiration to post from time to time. Life happens.

Sometimes there are partners who are a little too aggressive and it can make you feel uncomfortable. During these past few days, weeks or even months you can form a bond with a person and at times it can make you feel bad for taking a step back. Or maybe you are afraid of backlash based on how this person is talking to you (more like guilting you into continuing).

They can say things like you're my only friend, I really love writing with you or whatever nice thing they can think of. It can also turn into threats, where I have had someone threaten to show what we wrote together (Fuck if I care 😹😹😹) in an attempt to have me continue. There is also harassment of following you from forum to forum or chatroom to chatroom. Talking to your friends in an attempt to bully you into continuing what they believe is a relationship by making you look like the bad guy. This is a form of emotional abuse (yes, it happens. Even on the internet).

If your creeper vibe goes off, do not engage in video calls with these kinds of users. Your safety comes first.

It is okay to say no. It is okay to block. It is okay to ignore. And if you feel it necessary, feel free to reach out to staff so they are aware of what is going on. Do not feel bullied into keeping people like that around. It is very draining.
 
  • Nice Execution!
Reactions: Shelby

bananabread

"like sleep to the freezing."
Invitation Status
Look for groups
Posting Speed
1-3 posts per day, One post per day, Multiple posts per week, 1-3 posts per week, One post per week, Slow As Molasses
Writing Levels
Beginner, Elementary, Intermediate, Adept, Advanced, Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
No Preferences
Genres
Really anything (especially Mythopoeia, Romance, Fantasy, Modern Fantasy, and Adventure)
One thing to make absolutely clear at all times: it's always okay to say no. Don't be afraid to decline an offer to RP, erotic or otherwise. Don't be afraid to refuse to give away where you live, what your real name is, what your real life is like, etc. You're never obligated to say yes.

Alright, now that that's out of the way...

What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Haven't seen much on Iwaku yet, but elsewhere on the internet... well, when people ask to write exclusively smut and only with a particular gender—it seems like they're just looking to get their rocks off with someone. I have nothing against enjoying some literary erotica and certainly nothing against people who want to RP a certain genre, but it just rubs me the wrong way.

Also, if they say that they want a regular RP that may contain smut on the occasion, but end up creating a setting that is always extremely, unavoidably sexual. This also extends to people who are submitting a character for a non-smut-having or occasionally-smutty RP, but their character is very sexual and constantly seeks to have sexual intercourse (to the point of excessiveness, of course—suggestive characters can be fun, but PCs that solely exist for sexy-times in RPs that aren't like that aren't my thing). If you want a smut-only or smut-centric RP, that's okay—just be honest about it.

When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
  • "What's your real name?"
  • "What do you look like?"
  • "Exactly how old are you?" (maybe it's just a 'me' thing, but I'd rather say "minor", "adult", "18+", "under 18", etc. instead of my exact age)
  • "Where do you live?" (this can be okay if they say where they generally live, first [like the USA, Norway, Brazil, Northern Hemisphere, etc.], but asking for street number and/or city can be pushing it)
  • "Can you send me a picture of you?"
  • "Are you getting turned on right now?"
  • "I'm getting really riled up because of this RP."
  • "One of my biggest kinks is [whatever]."/"This is one of my favorite things to do in bed."/"Can we RP [this]? It's one of my fantasies." (saying that you're okay with writing something is fine, but stating that you enjoy doing that thing in real life in a sexual manner gives me the creeps)
  • Basically, anything regarding their sexual parts, sex lives, etc.
What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Be forward, honest, and polite. Don't invade their privacy—you may be curious about them, but that doesn't mean that they're okay with you asking personal questions. List what you're okay with and what you aren't okay with. Also, if you're looking for a place to ERP because you're looking to get your rocks off, then find a place or dedicated partner/group where that's the central purpose... or, I dunno, do something else.

What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
  • Asking what my exact age is. Probably because I'm paranoid.
  • Something like "*giggle* >w< th-thankie o//////o" when not RPing. It just throws me off.
  • Very child-like words or mannerisms, especially regarding sexual situations (like the aforementioned "thankie", "weawwy?", "i'm sowwy", "dwinky cummies"), OOC or IC. I'm not going to kinkshame, but it just makes me uncomfortable when typing out that stuff with other people. This only really throws me off-guard when someone throws it in without warning or something like that. On that note...
  • Throwing in new kink-stuff without asking or warning. Actually, abruptly inserting anything without discussing it beforehand. I like plot twists, but if it's something that could make your partner(s) potentially uncomfortable, it's probably good to run it by them, first.
  • Some other stuff that's been mentioned or is commonly discussed.
Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Absolutely not, unless every party is very comfortable with each other—this means close friends (playfully/jokingly) or romantic/sexual partners.

Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?


I've been in a situation like this, except they had a few red flags from the start and I failed to notice them until later. It was probably when I mentioned that I was around the same age as them (since almost immediately after that, they started doing very smutty RPs without warning and asking more personal questions), but I'm not sure if it really could've been avoided. People can be creepy or lack the understanding to know that certain behaviors strike others as strange. My suggestion: tell them that you've been feeling uncomfortable with their behavior. If they don't stop, leave. You don't even have to leave a "goodbye" message; if they unnerve you, it's definitely okay to just dip.

In summary: be honest and polite, be careful, and communicate. That's really it.
 
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CherrieBelle

Mon Belle
Invitation Status
, ,
Posting Speed
Multiple posts per day, 1-3 posts per day, One post per day, 1-3 posts per week
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Advanced, Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female, Futanari
Genres
High fantasy, historical, romance
So I happen to be the very sweet girl next door kind of person, I tend to come off as sweet, polite and honest. In real life this has brought me the omg she is flirting with my man kind of response, online gets a little weird. I've had guys drop rps if I wouldn't reciprocate flirting, someone told me that since I don't like ratios I must be kinky in the sheets, the kinks I like to write with must be wet dreams I experience. The list goes on, and this is just because I'm nice and sweet, personality doesn't equal consent to flirt
 

The Mood is Write

Mom-de-Plume
SITE SUPPORT
DONATING MEMBER
Invitation Status
Looking for partners
Posting Speed
Multiple posts per day, 1-3 posts per day, One post per day, Multiple posts per week, 1-3 posts per week, One post per week
Writing Levels
Adept, Advanced, Prestige
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Female, Primarily Prefer Female, No Preferences
Genres
I'm open to a wide range of genres. Obscenely wide. It's harder for me to list all I do like than all I don't like. My absolute favorite is mixed and multiverse, but I'm not limited to those.

• Mixed Genre
• Multiverse
• High Fantasy
• Hard Fantasy
• Low Fantasy
• OP Fantasy
• Science Fantasy
• Modern Fantasy
• Soft Scifi
• Science Fantasy
• Low Scifi
• OP Science Fantasy
• Modern Realistic (Strict)
• Modern Realistic (Loose)
• Urban Fantasy
• Alternate History (Fantasy Preference)
• Post-Apocalyptic Mixed
• Post-Apocalyptic Fantasy
• Post-Apocalyptic Scifi
• Post-Apocalyptic Modern
• Dystopia
• Displacement
• Military
• Dying Earth
• Supernatural
• Drama
• Mystery
• Horror
• Religious
• LBGT
• Crime/Detective
• Parody
• Comedy
• Tragedy
• Romance (Must Include Others)
• Erotic (Must Include Others)
In my experience, it's best to be upfront in what you expect and will tolerate. Set boundaries clearly, but politely, and on the other end of the stick, try not to overshare. Sharing too much personal stuff can be a huge creep factor—I've done it on accident enough to know.

Pretty much, keep your communications open, honest, and respectful, with care taken in your language.

"Wow, ok, you're being creepy!" is likely to cause a tantrum rather than encourage open communication. Instead, try saying "I don't like it when you (thing) at/with/to me. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Could you please stop?"

Be polite and kind, but firm when dealing with creeps. Some people do not realize that they are being creeps.

Likewise, to the other end: listen when people say they have a problem with your behavior. Listening does not always mean doing what you're told blindly, but instead to hear (or read) what a person has to say and think about it seriously, but don't let it dull your sparkle, either. Everyone has different tastes, and sometimes, people just don't match up in what they believe is creepy behavior. Try to keep an open mind.
 

Panda

Edgebabby
Invitation Status
Looking for partners
Posting Speed
Multiple posts per week, 1-3 posts per week
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Advanced
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Nonbinary, Transgender, Agender, Nonbinary
Note: I haven't been here long enough to encounter creeps but I've encountered enough on other sites over the years that I feel I can contribute.

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

When the request thread is just a list of kinks, no specification on characters or anything. When the only specification on characters is breast size related.
When the requester is obviously going for an RP featuring underage content but trying to skirt around it.

And, this one I see less and less of, but if the requester wants control of their partner's time. They never really outright state it other than maybe saying they appreciate frequent replies, but then suddenly there's a new PM or post on your status every few minutes asking why you haven't replied yet. Asking for replies in and of itself isn't creepy, of course, but ask enough time and it seems pretty stalker-y.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

Wanting to know too many details about my offline life when we barely know each other. I don't mind talking about stuff outside RP, but sometimes people seem to assume you're automatically friends because you're writing together.
Calling people pet names despite having just met. I understand terms like "hun" are accepted in parts of the US for example, so I try to be understanding but if it's something you'd call your partner (like babe, darling) I'd rather not be called that right off the bat.

Very suddenly throwing over an RP idea you'd been discussing for some time, especially to throw in some previously unmentioned kink.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

That's a tough one. I'd say treat the first couple of messages as just a tiny bit more informal than a business interaction. Be mindful of how formal/informal your partner is and adjust accordingly, of course only if you're comfortable too.

Don't drop too much personal information, you don't go telling a stranger you just met your whole life story either. I find it hard to draw a line there because it feels important to mention my chronic illness stuff because it influences how often I might reply and how long it will probably take me but this normally isn't information I'd give a total stranger. It depends on the situation and your own feelings about that as well, really.

Be very mindful when suggesting kink content. See if your partner has a list somewhere and preferably don't go anywhere near their nos. Don't be that person pestering for something on their no list, one time saying no should be enough.

When making that first post on the IC don't suddenly change the plot or turn it into a smutfest when it wasn't supposed to be one.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

I don't really think there's a lot of those, at least I never noticed.
I just have a preference for being very clear on how much smut content there is going to be, at least in general categories like no smut, some smut, and so on and suddenly having heavy and extremely kink smut written my way isn't appreciated.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Not usually. In my case, I have a partner of many, many years so I am not going to be interested anyway but also in general, it crosses a line. Being friendly is fine but if it gets flirty, that's inappropriate. Also, at least in part, because you never know who's behind the screen.
Maybe if you've been writing together and talking for a while there might be a point where flirting can happen but I think those are very rare exceptions.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I've been there. Usually it was because I was ignoring some minor red flags because I was extremely excited about getting to write a certain plot/character.
For me it was usually partners that got either overly familiar or clingy or both. Calling me pet names, demanding I reply because I'm on the site, these kinds of things.

Usually I try the same thing, which is to communicate my distress to them. Sometimes, a "Hey, I don't really like being called pet names, could you please not do that?" is all it takes. But there is no shame in walking away from a partner that makes you uncomfortable. It's okay to block them and to report them to the mods if you feel it's necessary. The one thing that matters is your own feeling of safety.
 

Sombersong

Foxey mama.
Invitation Status
Look for groups, Looking for partners
Posting Speed
One post per day, 1-3 posts per week
Preferred Character Gender
Female
Genres
Fantasy, High fantasy
Okay I will bite, as I love a good romance RP.

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
I mean, to each their own, but 100% lolis, anything to do with animals and furries/scalies. Incest or master/slave. Sometimes futa's, depends from case to case. Lack of a plot, wishing for purely a one time roleplay that isn't meant to be long term on several occasions. (But I am a sucker for romance not smut so maybe bias there.)

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
Real life information. Asking if I am into what my character is experiencing oocly.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Just be honest, with enough tact to not come off as forceful. Respect limits, boundaries and understand that not everyone is into your character. Don't take it personally if someone says no, and don't try to break their characters lore or key components to suit your own primal desires.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
Furries and scalies Lol

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
99.99% the time yes, but if you're close, its in jest, or you both are a real item it is fine.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

When my partner suddenly thinks I am my character, and gets a real life attraction to me. Thinking that he/she owns me ooc, lying about their gender is a huge creepy flag to me. I don't care if you're male or female, its our characters, but I don't like being manipulated because someone is afraid their genitals matter in a roleplay.
 

SadistPoet

:))))))))))))
Invitation Status
, , ,
Posting Speed
Speed of Light, Multiple posts per day, 1-3 posts per day
Preferred Character Gender
Primarily Prefer Female
- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

It raises a big red flag to me when someones "kink list" is the size of a full length novel. Not because there's anything wrong with that, but said individual sat down and pondered over all the ways to screw someone.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

I find it uncomfortable when my partner makes comments that lack self-awareness. What we do is creepy. It's not not normal. Quit acting like it's normal.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Be honest and straight to business. Keep the OOC to a minimum and focus on the IC until a natural friendship is struck up.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

What I like to call "fuck-pillow OCs" which are transferable characters one uses to just sate some sexual desire. It creeps me out to be honest, plus it gets in the way of a proper narrative. Speaking of which, ignoring narrative in favor of constant sexual encounters.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

No - not even as a joke. We write together - nothing more than that.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I actually had this happen to me before. Usually it can be avoided by not circumventing the purpose of your relationship, which is to RP, and avoid getting too involved with them. This is going to be a controversial statement but I firmly believe 70 percent of the sexual RP community are genuine weirdos. Most of them can be RP'd without trouble IF you do not give them any bait to bite on.
 

Bahiyya

The Rapture
Invitation Status
Look for groups, Looking for partners
Posting Speed
1-3 posts per day, One post per day, Multiple posts per week, 1-3 posts per week, One post per week
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Advanced
Preferred Character Gender
Male, Nonbinary, Primarily Prefer Male
Genres
modern fantasy/supernatural (or medieval) | Greek Mythology-based | realistic | cyberpunk | steampunk | consistent world
What are some things you see in interest checks
or request threads that throw up the creep red
flag for you?


There's a certain way someone may word things in their checks/requests that makes me think they would probably lead the roleplay w/o consideration to me or help to me. You may as well write an erotica novel. When their kink list is far too long and mostly with things I'm not comfortable with to begin with. Inserting too much of yourself to the point it's not really about the would-be characters anymore.

When you're chatting with a potential new
partner, what are some comments or questions
that start to make you uncomfortable?


"What do you look like?" | "Do you want to know what I look like" | "Can I have your [insert any type of personal info here]?" | "I'm really into..." *proceeds to go into too much detail about what they're into* | "I can't wait for your reply." (which basically seems like you're saying "Reply. Immediately.") Like, you're a little too excited to respond to sex between fictional characters. | This one is more specific, but someone once asked me to include the cup size of my fictional character in a character sheet. That was one of the CREEPIEST things for me...

What is your advice for the perfect way to
approach a new partner without sounding
creepy?


"Hey, I saw your request, and I found interest in [insert plot here]. If you're willing, I'd like to go over what you have in mind for this, limitations, etc." — Something along the lines of this. I like approaches like this. Like, yesssss, hit me with your interview call-type approach. 😂

What are some things that bother you,
but you don't think bothers other people?


This has happened to me before, and it's specific, but I don't like being called "hun". I don't like pet names to start with, but it's something about "hun"...

Do you think flirting out of character with
your partner is appropriate?


No, it's not. Humor isn't something I'm lost on, but there's a point where you can tell...yeah, this isn't a funny kind-of thing.

Say you have had a partner for a long time,
but suddenly their behavior started to creep
you out. What started it and how do you
think it could've been avoided?


They got too comfortable. One thing I hate more than outright god-modding is forcing my hand in a sneaky so that I'd have to write something that my character does that falls in line with what the other player wants. If you wanted a character to do what you needed at any moment, you could have made two characters yourself and written a story.