DISCUSSION ROLEPLAY Community Input: What is your advice on how to avoid sounding like a creepy perv when meeting new roleplay partners?

[Diana]

Iwaku has always believed in creative freedom for your writing, and that includes getting to write your sex scenes no matter how kinky and weird they are! Unfortunately, any site that allows freedom of sexual content attracts the t r u e c r e e p as well. We're pretty good at catching the actual predators and banning them fast, but many roleplayers (especially new ones) can still ACCIDENTALLY come off as a creep in their interest checks, partner requests, contact PMs, and even in casual out of character conversations. They just don't realize their language or behavior is inappropriate.

If you're one of our roleplayers that write sexual content, please participate in this topic to help teach where the creep factor starts to come in!

I HAVE A FEW STARTER QUESTIONS HERE, but if you have anything else to add, please do!

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

SPECIAL NOTES: This topic is absolutely going to draw on personal experiences. Make sure you don't name any names, or call someone on Iwaku out. We're trying to teach and learn, keep it polite!

 

[Kat]

I won't be able to answer all right off the bat because I'm pressed for time, but I will share that one thing that really creeps me out in chat and in partner requests...

The person stating "I'm a dom in real life therefore..." or "I'm a sub in real life therefore..." and start talking about how they want certain kinks because they practice BDSM in real life or they are a dom and so they want certain things to happen between characters.

I get it man, you have your kinks and desires but do you really need to tell me about your real sex life? Another thing, if I'm confident in writing sex, I prefer people not tell me I'm writing it wrong BECAUSE "I'm a dom in real life, this is what I've experienced, so this is why I want your character to react a certain way". That is a red flag for me.

I write sex because I enjoy it, not because I want to get into a relationship with my writing partner. The kind of talk where someone blatantly puts their sex life out there as a means to justify certain sexual actions between characters is a huge no no. If you feel I'm writing something wrong, there is a way to suggest changing it without sounding like a creep.

 

[Crystalline]

Oh boy, in my years I've seen plenty of red, let me nope out of there real fast, flags. With roleplay, there's always the good and the bad.

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
Those that put a high emphasis on sexual content taking a bigger priority than any actual plot. I don't mind sexual content occurring between the characters at a right time but when it gets to a point it just seems like a cluster of smut....pass.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
When they start dropping hints about having to see what I look like.

Asking me for real life information.

"I noticed you were online yesterday but you didn't say anything to me, why is that? Did I do something to upset you?"

"Hey, read your request thread! What are your kinks?"

"I love your character! She's so cute, I bet you are too!"

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Be careful how you word stuff and don't be clingy.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
I don't know, maybe constant private messages within the same day several times a day asking where I am at. It feels needy. I understand the need to check up once in a while but all the time? Especially if I give a heads up, I won't be available. I've had it happen before. I felt like my time was reserved solely for them and nothing I explained seemed to be good enough.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
No, I don't think it is appropriate. For me, it's uncomfortable and crosses a line I don't want to be crossed. I can't speak for everyone else, to each their own, but I'm only looking for partners I can create stories with and nothing to test the boundaries of comfort.

 

[PhantomThief715]

I can't say I have had any sort of problems with creeps the five years I've been on Iwaku. Though I have had my fair share of creeps on the internet in general.


- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Pure 100% smut. No plot just smut.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

Anything too personal. I will admit I'll ask were people are from or live for the sake of knowing their times. I will always tell them that's why I am asking and they could very well just give me the time zone. But I will also admit its intresting to know where people are from. With something such as this though I feel it's all in the wording.

But if someone were to start asking me thing like my clothing size, or even my sex life I will draw the line and cut them out. Those are personal. Things my closest friends in real life don't even know.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Personally I am very blunt. I will often type things exactly how I mean it. Its easier to be blunt and simple. Keep your messages clear. Leave no room for a miss interpretation of your message. And be mindful of your tone.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Honestly not much bothers me these days. But someone who is definitely bothering me every minute of the day about an rp. Also when someone controls my characters. Like making them do things that wasn't even remotely close to what they did in my post. When someone tells me how to play my character as if they created them. I am however sure this bothers everyone not just me so..


- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Flirting no. If I find a new partner and they start to flirt it's weird and uncomfortable. If I have found a partner who I have known for a while (years) and it's clearly joking then I find it okay from time to time. The tone is key. But I honestly feel it's a conversation you should have with a partner. Someone might be okay with it while other my not be. It's good to ask sort of things like that, from jokingly flirting or even teasing.


- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I'm blunt. I would tell them they are starting to creep me out and making me feel uncomfortable. I can't exactly say what would start it but my guess would definitely have to be mixed signals. It really falls down to communication and tone.

 

[Onyx]

What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
Anything that makes it clear that you're projecting yourself into the story or looking only for a sexual experience. Things like 'looking for a sexy dom to have fun with~' or 'looking for a brother to punish me~', that kind of thing. Tbh, and perhaps this isn't entirely fair, I also get creep vibes from people wanting to write ERP in first person.

Anything that clearly fetishizes a group of people, AKA 'shemales', 'dickgirls', or 'cuntboy'. I just flat out block these people at this point.

When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
Anyone who bothers me for a response after a few hours. Sorry, but at this point I have zero tolerance for this. This is kind of a 'no second chances' zone for me. I have other shit to do, and behavior like this is why I have my activity disabled on every platform. Even if I'm online that doesn't mean I want or need to reply to you the very second you message me! Especially when we're essentially strangers. That's creepy man. You're not entitled to my time just because we've spoken exactly once and I was nice to you.

What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Don't start off messages with 'hey sexy~'. 8- )
Don't preface messages announcing yourself as a dom/sub.
Don't role-play OOC. Does that make sense? Like, when people approach you all, 'h-hey >///< I'm a cat boy and I really like your writing... I-I was wondering if you might want to write with me? *blushes*' Don't do that man. That's weird.

What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
The first person thing, maybe? And I might potentially get disproportionately bent out of shape over futa/shemale/cuntboy/etc.

Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Absolutely not, with an exception, being if you've become really good friends over time, but at that point it's not really 'flirting with your partner' and more 'flirting with your friends'.

Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
This has happened to me before. Partner started off cool, slowly became very clingy over time. Got upset if I didn't reply to them in a certain time. Got jealous over other partners. No Bueno.

I've also had partners ask for pictures of me before and that's immediate 'yo I gotta bounce' territory.

Ultimately I'm not really sure how to prevent this kind of thing, because - and especially so online - people are pretty good at masking their true character. Someone can seem super cool, only to slowly reveal their true selves, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere. You just have to watch the signs, and be kind enough to yourself to cut ties off without worrying. These aren't people you know in real life. You don't owe them anything. Confrontation is sticky and unpleasant, but you deserve to be comfortable in your hobby. Don't let people bully you, don't allow yourself to be made uncomfortable just because you don't want to deal with a few minutes of unpleasantness. If someone is creeping on you or making your role-playing experience unfun, drop them like a hot potato.

 

[DarkiusHeavenstein]

What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
If they share too much personal information. I am fine with people telling where they are from or their age (even though it shouldn't matter too much). Or that they are a student/working/retired etc. But if they become too much like "I am a sub/dom/switch and I would like a girl to play with me" No, just no... IT is not YOU in the rp. It is your character.

When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
- Asking for pictures of me
- Asking more than just where I am from or how old I am
- Asking me personal contact information (email, address)
- Telling about their personal (sex) life.
- Asking me if I would like doing the things that we roleplay around. Or asking if I would like the things done to me.
- Asking me for my real name.

What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Make sure that you keep it clear that you talk about characters and not personal preferences (even if they do or do not match up). Don't lay too heavy on what kinks you wanna play. Make sure you have a plot ready and discuss about characters as well. If you only talk about kinks and all the sex the characters are gonna have it is creepy.

What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
When my partner is overly complimenting towards me (and my writing) or overly obsessed with the looks of my characters and constantly commenting on that.

Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Absolutely no. I can't handle compliments, so flirting is definitely a big no. I am here to write an rp, not pick up a lover.

Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
They probably would get too personal or too pushy on wanting to see me (either pictures, or facebook or actually meeting up) I would tell them I am uncomfortable and just block them if they do not acknowledge that and back off.
How do I think it could be avoided? I don't think Iwaku can do much about this. Definitely 1x1 smut rps is a lot of private talking (off site) so that is hard to monitor. The only thing I would be able to think of is check the interest checks to see if someone is being too personal?