Cheer Up a Long Distance Relationship?

[ElBell]

I dunno just how to explain it, other than saying the mood of my relationship lately has been pretty damp and kinda swings all over the place. One minute we're talking on the phone and giggling like the lovesick teens I think we are, but the next we're both mad at the dumbest things (be it each other or something else) and really seem to take it out on each other to some extent or another. It hurts, it's unpredictable, and the dark moods are starting to come about more often than the happy ones. We can't even snuggle it out either, since we live with one state right in between us and no way to get to the other one :(

So I guess what I'm asking is if anyone has any idea how to break this cycle before it gets any worse? We've agreed we don't want to break up or take a break though, so if there are other potential ways to help this other than those things, that's what I'd like to hear. Of course, if you really believe those are the only options, I will listen to you on that as well. After all, it would be silly for me to listen to only the things that I want to read/hear. That wouldn't help a damn thing.

 

[Jorick]

Well, the breaking up route is the most likely scenario in the long run. That's also the case with any given relationship that's not long distance though, so it's just kind of the nature of the beast. Most relationships won't end up being lifelong things, so, y'know, don't get too hung up on any "omg this is the one!!!" sort of thing.

That said, there's always the good old mainstays of working through relationship problems. Talk your problems out, try not to take out your negativity on each other, give each other some space when it's needed, blah blah blah. Rough patches happen in relationships of all kinds, and there are non-physical means to deal with relationship woes. Use them. Remember that communication is key, especially in a long distance relationship.

 

[unanun]

I've been in a LDR for close to 4 years now. We started off dating then I ran away to grad school >:(. I have questioned what made it work. Here is a non-exhaustive list:

- Visit each other every so often
- Always resolve arguments. Resolving differences opens new perspectives and brings you closer
- Staying in touch through the day keeps you connected
- Video call every so often

It's false to say most relationships are fated to end. A relationship by most common definitions is one of effort, which leads to something more than lust, and eventually something more than love. If you keep bailing when it gets hard you're doomed to repeat it over and over. Search as you may, the perfect complement doesn't exist and the relationship problems will be the same from one person to the next.

 

[Kestrel]

- Always resolve arguments. Resolving differences opens new perspectives and brings you closer

This. So much this.

Relationships in which you cannot see each other rely on... Well, verbal and written communication. All those others signs that tell your partner you love them? Equipment check negative. Proximity or physical contact easing the mind? Forget about it. Arguments should be resolved in general, but this is especially true for long distance relationships. That communication is, most of the time, all you've got. Naturally this brings with it a lot of frustrations (guess why you get into fights so easily, that's probably a pretty big factor,) but you have to ask yourself is that something you two can deal with? Is that something you two can reflect on, rationalise and understand?

Relationships are a big part communication, with long distance relationships you give up a good portion of your toolbox. You really gotta be able to compromise for that to make it last.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

In all honestly the effort and intention (from both ends) to resolve it and work it out is most important.

Like others have already said, listen to how each other feels (and don't be eager to assign blame), give space when needed but make sure you're constantly staying in contact with things such as video calls.

 

[Gonzo]

If I had read this a few weeks earlier when I was totally optimistic about long distance relationships, I would have had something positive to say. All I can say on this is that communication is key. Try to be open and honest at all times.