Being An RPing Hypocrite

[Alexa Ray]

Has anyone ever said they need to leave a roleplay and/or group because you needed to focus on real life issues? I have... many times. I just have too many roleplay threads going on. Now, when you tell a person that, what happens when you come back the next day then create your own little group and/or roleplay like nothing happened? You told them you needed to back down because of real life. Why are you back online doing your own thing?

I consider this hypocrisy because admittedly, I have done the exact same thing before and even now. It haunts me, being this way. Have you ever done something like this? Telling someone you need to leave because you have to focus elsewhere, then come back and do your own thing like nothing happened because you're so indulged in the community and current on-going roleplay threads? How has it affected you emotionally and mentally? Do you have any advice and/or ideas to stop this sort of hypocrisy?

 

[Asmodeus]

I told people precisely why I was leaving roleplays - because they all sucked and I wanted to get paid and have supreme control over the process.

It was very liberating. It liberated me of all my friends.


Some people just aren't built to be players - only tyrannical control freak GMs. In my five years here I've suffered a chronic inability to let anyone else be in charge. Everyone else is stupid and I know best.


At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself what you're here for. To get lost in other people's dreams, or to sharpen your own. Decide that, and you can exhorsaahz thah deemuns!

 

[Razilin]

i always thought they just didnt know how to manage their real life issues

i wouldnt know

we ultra type A personalities are too busy accomplishing things to know whats that like

 

[LogicfromLogic]

I think that happens to many of us and we don't realize it. I've done it.

Am I an asshole?

Yes.

Will I admit to wronging you in some way?

Yes.

But one thing I won't do is feel bad about it when I say sorry, try to make amends when I tell them that I don't know, my real life, comes first. I'm pretty forward with people and tell them why I have left the roleplay and/or why I won't roleplay with them anymore. If given the chance I will try to bring the dead back and work on the rp again depending if you are willing to.

 

[Kestrel]

When I don't want to be in an RP I tell people I don't want to be in that RP. If RL absorbs time, I usually tell people I'll be delayed instead. If I have more time than I thought I'd have, I'll return early. There are times I overestimate the amount of time I have and end up prioritising one game over the other, usually depending on which RP's need my replies. Admittedly, I've sorta pulled a fade away when nobody was waiting for me specifically *cough*SW RP*cough* but I usually communicate my dropping later.

 

[Razilin]

I think that's how most of us should do it anyways

 

[Hecatoncheires]

It was very liberating. It liberated me of all my friends.

Don't worry, Asmo. I always hated you.

 

[Razilin]

Don't worry, Asmo. I always hated you.

You hate everyone

 

[Razilin]

"haters gonna hate hate hate hate"


kekekeke gg no re ftw op otp ot3 gl have batman and many other internet acronyms

 

[Dervish]

If you don't want to be in a game, just say you aren't interested anymore and you're dropping out. Be respectful, have tact, all that fun stuff.

That goes over way better than making up some paper thin excuse about real-life eating all your time and then you go and make/ join another game. Anyone in the previous game notices that and they're going to be a hell of a lot more irritated at you than if you were just up front. And take a wild guess who is going to have a harder time joining a game any one of those people are in/ running in the future? You pretty much reap what you sow, and I know I personally have a shitlist of people I don't want to RP with because they're flaky or make up a laundry list of excuses.

You're leaving my game because you just don't want to be in it? That's fine, just let me know and we'll write out your character and we part as friends. You say real life is getting in your way, that's fine (well, not so much because you're dealing with real life issues), but I better not see you running off to join another game within a few days of you leaving because seriously, it's just going to give me the impression that you're a lying little shit who likes to make up fables because the truth is hard, guys.

 

[Windsong]

If you don't want to be in a game, just say you aren't interested anymore and you're dropping out. Be respectful, have tact, all that fun stuff.

That goes over way better than making up some paper thin excuse about real-life eating all your time and then you go and make/ join another game. Anyone in the previous game notices that and they're going to be a hell of a lot more irritated at you than if you were just up front. And take a wild guess who is going to have a harder time joining a game any one of those people are in/ running in the future? You pretty much reap what you sow, and I know I personally have a shitlist of people I don't want to RP with because they're flaky or make up a laundry list of excuses.

You're leaving my game because you just don't want to be in it? That's fine, just let me know and we'll write out your character and we part as friends. You say real life is getting in your way, that's fine (well, not so much because you're dealing with real life issues), but I better not see you running off to join another game within a few days of you leaving because seriously, it's just going to give me the impression that you're a lying little shit who likes to make up fables because the truth is hard, guys.

I can see this being an issue. Ducking out of an RP only to slip into a new one.
Though I will say that while it could be any number of reasons for quitting an RP, if you see an RP and your muse strikes you in the face like a truck. You've got to give her attention.
Some stories and plots just demand people's attention. It could be the cure to their writers block.


Or they think your RP was boring and didn't want to hurt your thin skinned feelings.. Either way.

 

[Dervish]

I can see this being an issue. Ducking out of an RP only to slip into a new one.

Though I will say that while it could be any number of reasons for quitting an RP, if you see an RP and your muse strikes you in the face like a truck. You've got to give her attention.

Some stories and plots just demand people's attention. It could be the cure to their writers block.

Or they think your RP was boring and didn't want to hurt your thin skinned feelings.. Either way.

Pretty much. Like I said, if you wanted to leave a game because it was doing nothing for you anymore, just straight up say you're no longer interested instead of making up a story about how grandpa was mauled by wolverines and you inherited his lumberjack debt while trying to follow your dreams as the world champion conga dancer. Most people are pretty cool with people being honest, because it's a lot nicer to just write out a player character belonging to someone who's no longer into it than it is to deal with it down the road where they might be a part of why the narrative's dragging, be it lack of posts, low quality posts, general lack of enthusiasm, you get the picture.

If you're worried about hurting somebody's feelings, sure it might feel like a bit of a slap being told your game is no longer interesting to that person, but it's more like getting a shiv in the kidneys when you immediately see lumberjack conga champion jump onto another game, either hoping you don't notice or not caring if you did. That's how you build up resentment, kids!

 

[Windsong]

Pretty much. Like I said, if you wanted to leave a game because it was doing nothing for you anymore, just straight up say you're no longer interested instead of making up a story about how grandpa was mauled by wolverines and you inherited his lumberjack debt while trying to follow your dreams as the world champion conga dancer. Most people are pretty cool with people being honest, because it's a lot nicer to just write out a player character belonging to someone who's no longer into it than it is to deal with it down the road where they might be a part of why the narrative's dragging, be it lack of posts, low quality posts, general lack of enthusiasm, you get the picture.

If you're worried about hurting somebody's feelings, sure it might feel like a bit of a slap being told your game is no longer interesting to that person, but it's more like getting a shiv in the kidneys when you immediately see lumberjack conga champion jump onto another game, either hoping you don't notice or not caring if you did. That's how you build up resentment, kids!

Grand analogy.

Some people don't want to even pull back on that slap because they're afraid of hurting another's feelings. Can you blame them for backing out like that? Do you seek them out to ask if there was anything you could improve on?

 

[unanun]

I've felt angry and frustrated about it. When Asmodeus and Tegan quit ilium, they left me - with zero experience GM'ing anything - herding what are essentially cats.

I tried my hardest. I didn't try. I yelled and coddled and sweet talked and gave out plot and didn't give out plot. Nothing works.

Iwaku is 99% cat - people who start but never finish. Many do so because of IRL problems and I respect that. But even if it is as simple as losing interest, and as rude as disappearing without telling me, I've learned to just let it be. It's unavoidable. There's no point in getting angry. Once you accept that you are trying to herd cats, you enter the state of acceptance.

The only method that really works is for me to sit in my chair, type the story, and if a cat comes by, pet them for a while until they decide to leave again.

 

[Dervish]

Grand analogy.

Some people don't want to even pull back on that slap because they're afraid of hurting another's feelings. Can you blame them for backing out like that? Do you seek them out to ask if there was anything you could improve on?

I usually do ask in PM if there was a reason for their leaving related to how I was running a game, just for some feedback for the future. Usually, it's something along the lines of they just lost interest or they felt like doing something different in my experience. Nothing wrong with that, we all have games that no longer seem fun after a while.

 

[Halo]

I've probably done this, although as I'm a fairly light RPer anyway usually it'd be a while before I jumped into other games. I think most people have at some point. Yeah, it sucks and it makes us flaming dickholes, but we learn from our mistakes. Dervs is right; generally, you should message and be upfront.
The worst thing about it might actually be the ongoing effects for others - as in, if someone actually does have to drop out because of real life problems, they probably won't be believed these days because of how many people lie about it.