Battleship

Blind Hemingway

Blind Hemingway

Ancient Iwaku Scum from 2006.
Original poster
MYTHICAL MEMBER
Posting Speed
  1. Slow As Molasses
Online Availability
NEVER
Writing Levels
  1. Adept
  2. Douche
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Primarily Prefer Female
Genres
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies


Battleship comes out this weekend. You all know it's gonna suck, everybody who has seen it says it sucks, even the trailer has had audiences rolling in laughter for how much it's gonna suck. My friends, take it from the words of the great Jay Sherman.
 
It does seem suck-y. I don't know why the focus too much in Rihanna, is not like she is going to be important. Anyways, if I watch it is only to either know if I do hate it or if other's people taste is just awful.
 
I'm seriously expecting to see a pack of Coke Zero in that fucking movie, what with all of the advertising that Coke has done.
 
Why did they have to add aliens, that is the problem. It's battleship NOT battle spacecraft/alien BS. Battleship and submarine combat dammit. It is just doesn't translate into a movie and was never meant to be one.
 
Maybe they got tire of realism and had to put in a bit of sci-fi ...Who knows?
 
[size=+2]SEVERAL MONTHS AGO, AT THE HASBRO STUDIO OFFICE...[/size]

"WHAT'S THAT, GUIZ, WE GOT THE RIGHTS TO THE GAME BATTLESHIP? LET'S MAKE A MOVIE WITH IT!"

"PUT RIHANNA IN IT."

"Ooh, ooh, there should be aliens!"

"And a wanky, jingoistic American military focus!"

"Maybe an anti-science stance in there too!"

"PUT RIHANNA IN IT."

"Okay, okay, how about this; some stupid liberal scientist types do some science and accidentally attract ALIENS to the Earth. So of course it's up to the American Military to fight the good fight and stuff."

"What about other country's and their armed forces?"

"PUT RIHANNA IN IT."

"Nevermind those guys; we need to be sure to put as much shakey-cam and pseudo-patriotic posturing in it as possible. Because people eat that shit up like it's breakfast."

"Is Liam Neeson free for this? He's always up for stuff like this, right?"

"PUT RIHANNA IN IT."
 
Does the world really revolve around celebrities? Shame, shame.
 
Anything based off of a BOARD GAME...is destined to fail. I'll give props about the graphics and stuff...

But its A BOARD GAME...
 
It's simple; they want to cash in more on movies like GI JOE or the Transformers. Doesn't matter how bad the film is going to be, it's all marketing for toys and stuff like that. Hasbro, like most companies, care more about cash than quality. Then again, people are dumb enough to go see it.

PS Don't. It's like a Micheal Bay but makes even less sense.
 
There are only two things wrong with this movie:

1.) It is an alien invasion flick. I have seen far too many of those, and there are far too many of them already. Seriously, would someone invent a new plot? Please?

2.) It is called Battleship. Why not call it "The Navy Defeats Aliens?"
 
Would you like this board game movie instead? :D

Hungry-Hungry-Hippos-Movie-Poster-1335368553.jpg
 
I would see that. ^ o_o I would.




WAIT GUISE.
WHAT IF THEY MADE A MOVIE OFF OF CONNECT FOUR.
o ^o
 
....


Oh dear God oAo...

A movie based off Connect Four...that'd be special.
 
O_O I would watch that too, it would be an original like Godzillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa D:
 
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