At It Again...

Discussion in 'SHOWCASING' started by EmyBear, Sep 19, 2014.

  1. Months ago, I began a fanfiction novel. Sadly, it got deleted in a random fit of frustration (I do that a lot....)
    But, I am trying my second go round with it, and would love some feedback, comments, criticism. Now, I am writing it on Wattpad, but will gladly post the first chapter here to see if it even sparks any interest. Again, I am happy with comments, feedback and criticism as this fuels my motivation to get better and keeps me going.
    I again state, this is a fanfiction novel, so any real people used in the story are purely for entertainment. Hope you enjoy! ^.^
     
  2. Castle Rock Academy wasn't your usual high school. Located an hour drive from Denver and nestled along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, it looked more like an European castle straight out of a fairy tale book, but on a much smaller scale. Researchers and scientists tried to figure out how such a castle was built, and by whom, but there as little trace of it. So, as the years went by, it was bought and converted into a schooll.
    The grey stone walls stood forty five feet high, and each side of the building stretched more than two hundred feet. In some places, the walls were worn smooth by the wind and rain, and in others bricks were beginning to crumble away into small pebbles. Moss and flowered vines crawled up the walls, crowning the stained glass windows that were placed every fifteen feet or so. On each of the four corners was a small tower, possibly once used as a lookout tower for enemies. In the center of the school was a garden. Once opened to the elements, it now stood enclosed and became the central location for a library. But, once you stepped inside, you were transported into a modern setting. Candle sconces and chandeliers were replaced with their electric counterparts. The walls, once covered in rich velvets and silks, were now lined with atrocious olive green lockers, water fountains placed here and there, along with a random vending machine. On the three floors of the school, the once luxurious bedrooms were now being used as classrooms and bathrooms. The dining hall still served its purpose, but was converted to hold more people, the staff, and buffet tables. What was possibly the ballroom was now turned into a gym. While most everything was stripped from the original structure, some of the old oil paintings remained and decorated the rooms and the front foyer.
    Another structure on the school grounds that wasn't part of your average high school, were the dormitories. Four floors, two for the women and two for the men, seventy rooms on each floor, each sharing two large bathrooms. And quite unlike the medieval castle that was the school, the dorms were what you would expect. Clean lines, modern, sophisticated. And rather boring, really. Of course, in an attempt to make the place look nicer, trees, flowers, and decorative bushes were planted in small bunches along the sidewalk leading to the front entrance of the school. The dorms were built as a safety issue. With the rural location of the school, and winters being dangerous and roads hard to travel, the students could live here on school grounds without the hassle of driving back and forth every day.
    But, as you can guess, with only so many rooms available, only so many students could attend. And of course, if you had the money to buy your way in, you were golden. But, you also had to have pretty impressive marks in school to get the attention and accepted. One such student was Sara Rose Lockwood. She had the money, and the smarts. Growing up, she never missed a day of school and was a straight A student, and always did extra credit projects if they were allowed. But, the smarts, the best schools, they came at a price. Our story begins here....

    It was September. The last traces of summer were fading as the days got cooler, and the nights were sometimes downright freezing. Today was no different at Castle Rock Academy. Summer vacation was over, and the bell would ring in an hour to signal the official first day of school. Students were dragging as they dressed and made sure they had the proper books for class. All except Sara.
    She sat in an over stuffed chair in her dorm room, sipping on a cup of coffee, flipping though channels on her small flat screen. It was one of the few small luxuries she allowed in her room and bothered spending extra money on, even though it really wasn't allowed. She was ready for school, excited even. Today marked the beginning of her senior year. Next summer, she would be gone, travelling the world. She had already signed a promisary contract with National Geographic to travel as a photographer for atricles they planned on writing.
    Her hair for once was pulled back into a messy bun, a few strands of black and blue hair fell around her pale face. Dark ocean blue eyes sparkled with nervousness, but deep down, they held a dark and terrible secret. The large chair almost swallowed her small size, she was only five foot four, and though not on the thin side, she wasn't exactly over weight either. Just a few pesky pounds lingering around her stomach from her fast food diet and constantly fueled by caffeine.
    She wore a shirt that looked a few sizes too big and pants that were too long, the excess of fabric tucked into her boots laced midway up her calves. She waited, watching as the clocked ticked away the minutes. Well before she needed to, she got up and put her cup in the sink, grabbed her bag of books, and headed towards the school.
    A few others were mingling around outside the door. A couple guys stood to one side, laughing making googly eyes at the group of girls on the other side of the doors. But as soon as she came walking up the stairs, the converstaion and laughter stopped and she could feel all eyes on her. Gritting her teeth, she hurried inside, trying to ignore the comments she over heard. All because she dressed different and didn't fit in.
    It was always the same, though. With a sigh, she pulled out the folded piece of paper and glanced down at the first class. She felt a tingle of excitement. Art Studies. Stuffing the paper back into her pocket, she walked through the halls until she found her locker. Twisting the knob for the right numbers, it finally unlocked and she pulled it open. She took a few books out of her bag and put them inside, she wouldn't need those until after lunch for her afternoon classes.
    Upon closing her locker, she turned on her heel quickly and was about to head to class until she ran into a solid, but soft, object and fell backwards, landing with a loud thud on her butt. Groaning, she leaned to one side to rub a cheek, then looked up. The object was a young man, who looked rather surprised, and a little embarassed. He quickly shook his head, and offered his hand to help Sara up, apologizing every five seconds.
    Rolling her eyes, she gathered the papers that managed to fly out of her bag and returned them to their proper place. Ignoring his offer, she pushed herself back to her feet, dusting herself off.
    "Oh, geez, are you sure you're okay, you're not hurt are you? I am so sorry," he kept saying, his cheeks a little flushed as he ran a hand through his chin length brown hair.
    Sara sighed, and looked up to him once more, but this time, stopped, her breath catching in her throat. Now that she was a little closer, and not so irritated at being on the floor, she noticed he was rather. Cute. He had a sweet crooked smile on his face, one that squinted his eyes a little. And his eyes were warm and gentle, sparkling with mischevious intentions. But it was the color that threw her off. They reminded her of melted caramels. And he stood quite a bit taller than herself, but he was leaning over a little to check on her which made some of his hair fall into his face. And even under his baggy clothes, she could tell he was thin, but fit.
    "I'm fine, really," she said reassuringly, forcing a smile on her face. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, you have nothing to be sorry for. but I really need to get going to class, okay."
    And just like that, before he could even reply, she stepped around him and hurried down the hall and around the corner to head for class. He stood there, a little dumbfounded, but curious. Shrugging it off, he adjusted the strap on his bag and walked a few lockers down from where she ran into him and got into his locker. He was new here, so he really had no friends waiting for him anywhere, and today he honestly didn't have any desire to attend class. But, it was part of a promise he had made that got him into this mess anyways. Might as well suffer through it.



    http://www.wattpad.com/71489300-secrets-a-shinedown-fanfiction
     
    #2 EmyBear, Sep 19, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2014
    • Love Love x 1
  3. I've been reading your story on Wattpad and love it! Keep up the good work! :)
     
  4. Thank you! ^.^ I know it's really out there being a fan fiction and of a band no one really likes, but it's a compilation of all these ideas I've had going on for years :p But, thank you, and will be writing more soon. Just keep up the comments :p
     
    • Thank Thank x 1
  5. You're welcome! :)