Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by LadyHarpy, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. So, before I start of the talk I would like to give a little back story as to why I started this forum post.

    Today, I woke and was getting ready for school when I was talking with my mother. As of late, I have been Skype calling with a RP partner since it is a lot more convenient to just ask vocally about things OOC then to take the time to type it out and have a written discussion about it. Of course, we chat about off topic stuff and I have been technically talking with him every day, though we have also been RPing together every day as well, when I have the time to sit down at least. Anyway, my mother made the observation that I had been talking to him a lot and I explained things to her exactly like I said above. But her next words surprised me.

    "I just want you to have a life."

    I was a little shocked, I thought I had one! I'm breathing aren't I? Well, I told her it was hard to make friends at my college and the subject was dropped. However, as I thought about it I realized that maybe my mother was more right than I thought. There are people my age that go to the community college I go to but where are they?! I haven't found a single one and when I do we just don't connect. I only seem to attract the older minded with my cynical humor and mature out look on life. Also, it doesn't help that half the time I'm studying and the other half I am working, I can barely get in any time to post anymore! I think I give off the impression that I'm older than I really am and it just doesn't interest the people my age.

    And now, I finally get to the point of this awkward forum.

    Have you ever been accused of being anti-social? If so, what have you done to change that opinion of yourself? Also, do you have any suggestions for a girl who can barely fit in RP posts on how to find some real life friends?
    (I love you Iwaku but I need face to face conversation as well, Skype just doesn't cut it. >.>)

  2. Ive been accused of being anti social but i just ignored it because i have wonderful friends both online and irl. I just tend to talk to people who look interesting to me (not just by appearance either but by guesstimated personality) Also if you need to make time for yourself then maybe you should cut an hour out of your day for personal relaxation. Whether it be from work (if you can) or from studying. I personally barely study at all and pass all my classes with flying colors and im lazy as all hell. I just know when to get shit done XD
  3. I am totally anti social, but it works out because I don't really like irl people. I can honestly say that over the course of my life I have met only 2 or 3 people that I can stand (not counting any Iwakians I have met, they are all awesome people... Totally serious) to even be around.

    Also, nuuuu don't leave us Harps! But if you must, I would suggest finding a club or something like that, possibly one at school? Something that interests you, that's the best way to meet people that you'll have things in common with.
  4. I haven't had a new friend, or seen more than one friend in more than three years. Funny thing is, I don't really care about that. I'm an adult now. I don't have to make friends. You guys are all I need.
  5. I actually have been told I'm anti-social this year. But! This was by someone on my dorm floor, who goes to comic book club.
    We were walking back after club one night, and I only really talk to him there. I brought up how it's nice to have these clubs, since then I find those who have the same interests, and make a lot of friends. And he commented on how he never sees me out of my room besides club, and walking to and from classes. I told him I'm usually studying, doing homework, resting, working out, or playing a game during free time. I told him I don't really feel like anyone likes me on the floor, they look at me kinda weird, I don't think I'm outgoing enough or like the type of 'party person' everyone else is. And then he said Maybe you should stop being so anti-social! I was like ME?! STACI??!?! ANTI-SOCIAL?! wtf, gtfo. He told me our floor feels like I don't like them. And you know, it's not even that. It's more like I don't feel like I can connect with them. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't party hard. I have different priorities, you know? I'd rather sleep a bit than run around the halls at 3am for no reason (I would if I were like with my friends).

    How I deal with it though, is knowing the fact that I am not anti-social. If I was anti-social, I wouldn't be in like five clubs, I wouldn't say Hi to random people in my classes, I wouldn't smile as much at people, and I wouldn't make small jokes to cashiers, or wish them a good day, etc. If I was anti-social, like I'm told I am, I would go to class, then stay in my room all day, and do nothing.
    I consider going online to a forum and talking to those over it on skype or msn or anything like it IS social. COMPLETELY social. You are writing, you are communicating with others than yourself. That is being social.
    I think people's views on being social and anti-social differ. And I believe that is where it should end. If someone tells you they think you're anti-social, then that is their idea of social tendencies and anti-social tendencies.
    If you feel that you can't connect to people because of some reason, then you can't force yourself to change or adapt to what they like or what they do just in order to 'be more social'. Then you're not staying true to yourself.

    I still don't go hang out with my floor. But I say hi and smile more to them all, and I open doors like I always do, because it shows I do care about anyone really. Overall, I didn't change anything, really. Now I just know instead of Them not liking Me, it's Them who think I don't like Them.
    Ya know? >.< That was a long confusing rant. I'm sorry.

    As for advice.. Hrrrrrm.
    I'm mature for my age. A lot of people my age I don't get along with as well as people older than me, either by a year, or a couple. So I can understand that.
    Maybe you can be social at work with co-workers. That counts too. Socializing with those at the workplace then over time can turn into a hangout, then a casual hanging out like every other week, and so on. Socialize with customers, if you get them, idk what your job is.. xD That counts!
    I think if you ever have a day, go hang out at the library, or a park, or something. Just work up the courage to say Hi to someone who seems lonely, or bored. A conversation can start something beautiful. Or not. And then move on and try again. Sometimes, when we don't expect it, friends just pop outta nowhere! And then we have them in our heart always.
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  6. That's the trick, a common interest. We all have friends on Iwaku because we share common interests so if you want to make IRL friends a club that you'd be interested in would totally be the way to go. And good luck! I have to admit I wish I was more social IRL but I'm not so good at long meaningful conversation to get to know people better when my job requires me to make "sound bite" connections all day.
  7. I have always been called anti-social. XD

    Finding people who have the same interests as me is really hard all by itself. x___x So when it came to having people to -regularly- hang out with I didn't have a lot of friends. And I ended up doing ALL my socializing online, because that was the only medium where I can meet and talk to people who fit in with my interests.

    My other "you're so anti-social!" comes from the fact I am a SEVERE INTROVERT. Some people think that introverts hate hanging out with people. D: Which isn't true, because I loooove people. I am just a person who likes my personal space and my privacy. I don't like to deal with people in my personal bubble everyday.

    And then there's my whole really annoying EMPATHY thing. I am very affected by other people's moods and emotions. The more people I am around, the more up and down and overwhelming it starts to get. @___@ It was -really- taxing on me emotionally when I was in school and being around tons and tons of people all the time, and I never got to have any personal private time to recover. x___x I loooove going to or having big parties with lots of people, but afterwards I NEED several days of alone time just to get back to feeling normal.

    Which is another reason why I loved the internet. Because I was able to socialize with people and have that interaction without having people IN my space. When I needed to get away and do my own thing, it's easy to tell everyone online "Bye!" and then focus on other stuff for awhile. I can still get impressions from people, but it doesn't HIT me like it does in person.

    So. I love people. I love being social. I just have to do it in tiny amounts because I am a weirdo. XD

    I don't think you should compare your social lifestyle to other people's! Because we all have our preferred ways of socializing.
  8. I'm not anti social I think as I enjoy being with people, but I'm shy and I take awhile before opening up and trusting people so I rarely make friends unless it feels right from the start. But looks is decieving as well, a friend from junior high school and I met briefly and I thought she was a shallow, bubbly girl, not like me and she though I was quiet, boring and weird but when we started talking we became great friends. It was similar in high school when my neighbour in the dorms and I talked and now she's my best friend, we don't seak so often and we live in different cities but when we do talk or meet it's like no time at all has passed. And I'm fine with not seeing people irl so often, though my parents think I'm hiding in my room being anti social:)

    I don't do much about what people think about me either, if they don't want to get to know me more even when we have a conversation then there is better people out there, the rest of my friends in my class in high school were a bit like that, we were a group that always hung out but I lost contact with them afterwards, I'm just not a super social party girl, I don't drink anything stronger than 0,7% alcohol, I don't do drugs or smoke and I dislike bars and parties plus where I live in Sweden there isn't so much to do according to me, I prefer reading, animals, riding and games or movies a lot of the time and I have yet to meet someone who actually likes the same things I do. I also was forced to grow up quickly and even as a child was more mature than the rest around me and I get along with my mother's friends people my age who are a bit mature but of course that's not really important, my best friend and I are very different in personalities yet we get along well.

    Now it feels like I've talked too much about me but that's my thoughts on this:)
  9. Nope. Can't say I have. I love talking to people. LOVE IT.

    It's crowds I don't like. Too many people? Im like "eh." and woddle over to a wall or bench and wait patiently for someone to come over to me instead of trying to shove me into a boob and penis filled circle. If no one comes to me, then I'm not gonna get all butt hurt about it. I enjoy company just like the next person. But my bashfulness is what keeps me away from large crowds.

    Never been deemed anti-social, however.
  10. Yeah I've been deemed anti-social before.

    I don't enjoy large crowds. They make me extremely uncomfortable and you'll probably find me holed up somewhere until the people pass. And if the crowd of people are generally people who are loud and very outgoing, I will want to leave. As far as friends go though, I have a handful of real life friends and I couldn't ask for more. They are wonderful, incredible people who I will remain friends with for the rest of my life.

    I also have online friends, although not all of them are roleplayers. I find with online friends you really have to share a lot of common interests and your personalities have to mesh well together. Otherwise you're not going to bother keeping in touch with them.

    I did hit a point in life not too long ago when all of my friends were online. I wasn't a very happy person because all of my interaction and entertainment came from the computer. I absolutely hated being glued to the computer when I was used to going out constantly. I was also craving some real interaction. Once I realized this, I told myself to buck up and make some friends. It's okay to be shy, just don't let that trait prevent you from making life long friends. There will always be people out there who share the same personalities and interests as you. You just gotta look in the right places.
  11. Anti-social? Nope, never been accused of that.

    As far as I'm concerned, being anti-social is when you go out of your way to hate or speak out against people and the system. Now, I'm not like that. While I don't pride myself on having a lot of friends, each connection is valuable to me.
  12. No, no one's told me I'm anti-social. Mostly because everyone I know is online...
  13. In my personal opinion antisocial is another way for "normal people" to accuse others of being abnormal. To me who has the right to choose what is normal and what isn't. Not to mention a lot of people that you will meet up will give you a reason not to trust them. Several will actually go out of their way to hurt you or cause unnecessary drama. All this leads up to you having trust issues and leading you deeper in to the antisocial path. In the end I am a proud to be antisocial and I'm happy to keep all my trust to myself. I've noticed more people are easily to get along with on the internet because they only hear what you want to tell them. Then they can either accept that information or not. When I usually do talk to people on this sight I either joke around or try to make them laugh. However, I keep my personal life out of the conversation. In my real life I say hi and I'm polite but I never make attempts to hang out with people. Because I know either they will cause trouble or attempt to hurt me. I find it foolish. I guess I'm slightly bitter.
  14. Yes...Atleast one or twice a week by my family but I just usualy ignore it. Or just go out to do something to make them happy and get them off my back. I have great online and IRL friends~ Love you guys here on Iwaku~ ^w^
  15. I think friends are friends, whether you meet them online or offline. It's really that simple to me. ^^;

    Even if you can't physically go somewhere with an online friend, you can still enjoy yourself, enjoy their company, etc. The feelings you feel when talking to someone don't change between online and offline, and I think it's silly when someone says that an online friend isn't a "real friend".
  16. Growing up I had always been super social, including in High School. However after I Graduated high school I used to shut myself up in my room after work every night and relax, rest and either read or write music. Only coming out when I wanted to watch TV, Eat food, or play games with my baby sister. My mom didn't seem to understand that after working as the Customer Service Supervisor, where I had to deal with insanely stupid people all day five days a week, that I wanted time to myself. So yes she accused me of being unsocial. This irritated me so I would bother her every night by just blabbering away and never being home any more until she relented and let me do what I wanted with out calling me anti-social any longer. [Probably because I exhausted myself after work lol] Once I stopped working at Kohls however, my social life got better, because my life force wasn't being drained from my body every day.
  17. I actually tend to have a three seat radius around me during school, and if I'm not sitting with friends, I get a whole lunch table to myself. Not my mother has lovked me out of rhe house once so I would go do things with other people, but even then I tend to stay away from large crowds and tend to favor the wall.

    But for you, my darling, finding friends in real life is simple, you have to put yourself out there a bit and talk to people. :)

  18. What this girl said. Only I hate parties and will gravitate to the nerd corner to talk about cosmology with the physics teacher.

    This is true for me in any large crowd, I suffer from claustrophobia when there are too many faces around me. It makes me want to beat them back with a metal chair with spikes.
  19. I'm not exactly anti-social nor am I social by any means. I'm anti-social since I mostly grew up surrounded by adults which makes it difficult to interact with people my own age and I have a tendency to not talk to anyone I do not know. Also, most of the time I prefer to be by myself and to be left alone. I'm social because when I hang around the friends I do have, they sometimes have trouble shutting my up I talk so much. So yeah, I somewhere in the middle since I could fall into either category depending on the situation I'm in.