The title may or may not have been in reference to Monty Python. But that's not the point. The point is, whenever I've posted here before, it's been about something positive. Those weren't a lie; I really do think all of you are amazing. I don't, however, think I myself am amazing. Pretty much the opposite of that. Terrible? Is that the opposite? I am not a linguist. What I am, among things pertaining to personality, is tired. I'm very tired. In the sense that I've been very unwell, mentally/emotionally, for years now. I'm exhausted. Sometimes, things will feel better and the medication will paint a smile and damned if I don't think it's all going to be okay. Then there's a dip and it's like my personal universe is collapsing in on itself. And it doesn't seem like it will ever be better again. There is nothing. There is no one. I am nothing and I am no one. This sounds melodramatic and I'm sure that I should be staring off into the distance while saying this in a dead monotone but this is how I feel. And I'm very tired. I feel like a burden. I'm assured of otherwise; I have such a wonderful support network. But sometimes, I look at one of them and I wonder how I could be anything else but a burden. Something defective and confusing, a jumble of different negatives. I try to be better - to be positive. There are only so many times a medication can be changed before optimism starts to deplete. The medication I am on now, it's the best so far. But every single one offers dips into depression. I look at topics here, of people's struggles, and I just want everyone to get better, to have their suffering resolved. And I think, what am I complaining about? That I'm sad and tired? Who cares. That's nothing in comparison. And I feel guilty that I would have the guts to be complaining. But here I am. I meant every word of my more positive posts; sincerity is something I cherish. This post is ugly and it's confused and it's tired, but it's every bit as sincere.