And now for something completely different

[AllOurPrettySongs]

The title may or may not have been in reference to Monty Python. But that's not the point. The point is, whenever I've posted here before, it's been about something positive. Those weren't a lie; I really do think all of you are amazing.

I don't, however, think I myself am amazing. Pretty much the opposite of that. Terrible? Is that the opposite? I am not a linguist. What I am, among things pertaining to personality, is tired. I'm very tired. In the sense that I've been very unwell, mentally/emotionally, for years now. I'm exhausted. Sometimes, things will feel better and the medication will paint a smile and damned if I don't think it's all going to be okay.

Then there's a dip and it's like my personal universe is collapsing in on itself. And it doesn't seem like it will ever be better again. There is nothing. There is no one. I am nothing and I am no one. This sounds melodramatic and I'm sure that I should be staring off into the distance while saying this in a dead monotone but this is how I feel. And I'm very tired.

I feel like a burden. I'm assured of otherwise; I have such a wonderful support network. But sometimes, I look at one of them and I wonder how I could be anything else but a burden. Something defective and confusing, a jumble of different negatives. I try to be better - to be positive. There are only so many times a medication can be changed before optimism starts to deplete. The medication I am on now, it's the best so far. But every single one offers dips into depression.

I look at topics here, of people's struggles, and I just want everyone to get better, to have their suffering resolved. And I think, what am I complaining about? That I'm sad and tired? Who cares. That's nothing in comparison. And I feel guilty that I would have the guts to be complaining. But here I am.

I meant every word of my more positive posts; sincerity is something I cherish. This post is ugly and it's confused and it's tired, but it's every bit as sincere.

 

[LunaValentine]

Just because other's have problems that are "worse" than yours it doesn't make your problems any less debilitating or horrible for you. Your problems are your problems, someone else's are their own. I just want to say that your struggles are just as important as anyone else's. There's nothing to be guilty about. You are saying "Hey, I'm struggling here" and there's nothing wrong with that. Just wanted to say that. Okay? You have every right to rant and complain about things too! If you need a hug I am giving them out today and just about every day free off charge! or if you just want a pat on the back that's fine too.

 

[Temet Nosce]

You know, usually the people that try the hardest to make other smile do it because they are the ones that have the most trouble being happy.

I mean, most famous comedians have had rough lives and that's for a reasons. Ya need a little bit of sadness in your life to truly appreciate the good times.

The whole thing about people having 'bigger problems' - I say fuck that. Excuse the profanity but just because someone else may be suffering doesn't belittle your own issues.

It's good to be conscientious, but you also have to realize that if it's making you sad, it IS a big deal. To you at least.

Sure, a few years from now you might look back and be like "I WISH I had those issues" but you won't know until you get there.

If you want my two cents, and feel free to ignore it since this is a rant thread, not an advice thread, but I've never met someone who was emotionally exhausted over 'nothing'. There are most likely areas in your life that you aren't happy about and that's what's beating you down.

But shit, I bet there are also areas in your life that you're happy about or memories you have of when you were happy. Try to remember those. Life may be a tough bitch that will beat you down to your knees, but the beautiful world outside should be reason enough to get back on your feet and keep trucking. In a universe of infinite wonder, man's true crowning achievement is the invention of boredom.

Go out, do some happy things. Spend some money you don't have to spare. Or just smell some nearby roses. The things that are troubling ya may not instantly get better, but sometimes we focus too much on the bad stuff and not enough on the good stuff.

And then after you're done smelling roses, fix the bad stuff you can fix and leave the rest. But ya can't let yourself stay down cause you don't lose when life knocks you off your feet. That's gonna happen again, again, and again. You lose when you stop getting up.

 

[AllOurPrettySongs]

@LunaValentine @Lucé Thank you both for the kind words, a part of me is aware making light of diagnosed issues is ridiculous - I mean, they're real disorders and the doc says I have them. I guess I'd rather not put anyone out, or trouble them.

Again, thank you. <3

 

[Fijoli]

I look at topics here, of people's struggles, and I just want everyone to get better, to have their suffering resolved. And I think, what am I complaining about? That I'm sad and tired? Who cares. That's nothing in comparison. And I feel guilty that I would have the guts to be complaining. But here I am.

I meant every word of my more positive posts; sincerity is something I cherish. This post is ugly and it's confused and it's tired, but it's every bit as sincere.

This is the place for you to do this, You do have every bit of right as others do to complain about anything you want to here, within reason and as long as it follows the sites rules.

Comparing yourself to others is a big BIG problem people have today, its passed down to us, from our parents and so on and so forth.

Remember that this cycle can be broken and the choice to not compare yourself to others is just that, a choice. It's easier said than done I'm aware. but with your will , creativity, and sheer curiosity to see whats next, your body will do what it must and the biology of you is quite ancient, its only your soul that is new.

Only this life and your genes that are new, and genes can most certainly be a bitch. All sorts of things are hereditary from bad teeth to Cancers...so much is predetermined by this and we never stop to realize just how effective our will to adapt is. Comparing yourself to anyone at all other than yourself is sheer madness. You are always looking to others to see what you are doing right and wrong...instead of figuring how it works for you, and for yourself.

The individual is being swallowed whole by society and media, and god knows what else. You keep that chin up, stay curious, and remember that No one can be compared to you, your voice is as much of a voice as all of ours, and at least I am listening.

<3
Fijo

 

[AllOurPrettySongs]

Thank you very much, @Fijoli
I have been having some pretty severe ups and downs lately so reading your kind words is pretty amazing. Thank you. <3

 

[Fijoli]

Thank you very much, @Fijoli
I have been having some pretty severe ups and downs lately so reading your kind words is pretty amazing. Thank you. <3

Anytime :)

 

[Melon]

Yeah, I understand how you feel. I felt terrible posting my problems on here, because I know some people have it waaaay worse. However, just because someone's problems appear worse does not mean your's are smaller or less important. No one should go through this kind of stuff, but it's life. Life can be absolutely cruel, but how I see it, is that some of us are put through certain trials so that we can help others going through the same situation.

I have been diagnosed with a handful of mental disorders. It's definitely a tough thing to deal with. You feel like you stand out from everyone else. I've learned that, yeah they can suck major balls sometimes, but I also know it's part of who I am. I enjoy being quirky and random due to my ADHD, but it's also a struggle dealing with manic depression. We all come across bumps in the road. Your choice is how you view it. No matter what happens, know that you need to try and stay positive. I know it can be extremely hard at times, but it's definitely worth it in the end.

I'm not great at giving advice, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. If you just want to talk about simple things such as how your day is going, that's perfectly fine! I wish you the best of luck! <3

 

[AllOurPrettySongs]

Thank you @Melancholy for the encouraging words. And I'm sorry to hear that you also struggle with issues but you have a really great outlook on them. Thank you. <3