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We don't fight, and we still live together and such, but he gets straight onto his computer after work every day and stays on it playing games with his friends online til bedtime, every day. His friend stays over for days at a time (up to a week) every weekend (his only days off) and they play games together.
If I want him to look at me for more than five seconds I have to either take my shirt off or schedule an appointment. Which, to clarify, means he's usually into a part of his game or activity where he's busy for a while, so just coming up and saying "hey, wanna watch a movie/make dinner with me/play Graces?" will usually result in a "uhh... maybe in a bit? I'm busy." Wait a bit, he's forgotten and is busy again. Never mind.
We don't even eat dinner together, I sit at the table and he brings his food to his computer desk. When I ask him if we can eat together it just ends up being a meal of awkward silence or me trying to carry the conversation without babbling.
It's starting to make me bitter. I don't think this is clingy, I think anyone would start to feel neglected. I don't want to spend every waking minute together, at this point I'd just like to do something - anything - maybe once a week without being on phone or computer the whole time. That he only wants to hold me when we're trying to sleep or he wants to get it on makes me feel like that's all I'm worth; especially because there are times I want to give in just to do SOMETHING together. It's been forever since I even got more than a one-word answer to 'how was your day?'. If I press for more 'just good?' 'Anything interesting happen?' it gets dismissed. He doesn't want to tell me about his career plans or dreams for the future or anything; "It's all up in the air right now" sure, nothing's concrete, but if you can't share your dreams with your girlfriend you have some problems there, buddy. If this was when we first started dating and not two years into a relationship I'd be getting 'he's not into me' vibes.
I don't want to take him away from his friends
I don't want to start a fight or sound like I think he's a negligent person
I DEFINITELY don't want to use the phrase "You're not paying enough attention to me!" because I don't want to sound like a spoiled child.
Every time I think I'll confront him about how we need to spend more time together, and how being "more than friends" means that person gets equal or greater priority for your time and attention, I wuss out and tell myself it's not as bad as I think and I'm overreacting. I mean, we DID watch TV together the other day (he was having background sound while on his game and I was on the couch in the same room, but close enough, right?) and he DID make dinner for me before that (by which I mean he made dinner on the weekend for everybody, so him, me, and his friend. We didn't sit at the table or even in the living room together to eat it). Good enough.
He broke up with his ex because 1) she cheated on him 2) she was emotionally unstable and 3) she was too clingy/jealous
I guess that's why I'm afraid to confront him about feeling ignored and jealous. After two years I shouldn't have anxieties about talking to him about anything.
I still love him, but I'm just not getting anything from the other side. The last time we went out was Jan 2nd (we were gonna go out on newyears day, he had a headache from the night before. WE did not spend new years eve together, I went to my family and he went drinking with his friend.) and I spent my birthday money taking him out to a nice dinner; he was on his phone 90% of the time and when we got home he went straight to his computer.
I don't know what to do anymore. I had a dream last night we broke up. It was very realistic and I was crying when I woke up. I feel like I'm still in the same dream, I've just had a peek at the ending.
This post is emo as all hell but fuck it; typing all that out felt a LITTLE better, what would be a real save would be to actually fix all this without a big fight/making him look like the bad guy. He's a good guy, I don't think he realises how I feel about all this, and I don't know how to tell him.
If I want him to look at me for more than five seconds I have to either take my shirt off or schedule an appointment. Which, to clarify, means he's usually into a part of his game or activity where he's busy for a while, so just coming up and saying "hey, wanna watch a movie/make dinner with me/play Graces?" will usually result in a "uhh... maybe in a bit? I'm busy." Wait a bit, he's forgotten and is busy again. Never mind.
We don't even eat dinner together, I sit at the table and he brings his food to his computer desk. When I ask him if we can eat together it just ends up being a meal of awkward silence or me trying to carry the conversation without babbling.
It's starting to make me bitter. I don't think this is clingy, I think anyone would start to feel neglected. I don't want to spend every waking minute together, at this point I'd just like to do something - anything - maybe once a week without being on phone or computer the whole time. That he only wants to hold me when we're trying to sleep or he wants to get it on makes me feel like that's all I'm worth; especially because there are times I want to give in just to do SOMETHING together. It's been forever since I even got more than a one-word answer to 'how was your day?'. If I press for more 'just good?' 'Anything interesting happen?' it gets dismissed. He doesn't want to tell me about his career plans or dreams for the future or anything; "It's all up in the air right now" sure, nothing's concrete, but if you can't share your dreams with your girlfriend you have some problems there, buddy. If this was when we first started dating and not two years into a relationship I'd be getting 'he's not into me' vibes.
I don't want to take him away from his friends
I don't want to start a fight or sound like I think he's a negligent person
I DEFINITELY don't want to use the phrase "You're not paying enough attention to me!" because I don't want to sound like a spoiled child.
Every time I think I'll confront him about how we need to spend more time together, and how being "more than friends" means that person gets equal or greater priority for your time and attention, I wuss out and tell myself it's not as bad as I think and I'm overreacting. I mean, we DID watch TV together the other day (he was having background sound while on his game and I was on the couch in the same room, but close enough, right?) and he DID make dinner for me before that (by which I mean he made dinner on the weekend for everybody, so him, me, and his friend. We didn't sit at the table or even in the living room together to eat it). Good enough.
He broke up with his ex because 1) she cheated on him 2) she was emotionally unstable and 3) she was too clingy/jealous
I guess that's why I'm afraid to confront him about feeling ignored and jealous. After two years I shouldn't have anxieties about talking to him about anything.
I still love him, but I'm just not getting anything from the other side. The last time we went out was Jan 2nd (we were gonna go out on newyears day, he had a headache from the night before. WE did not spend new years eve together, I went to my family and he went drinking with his friend.) and I spent my birthday money taking him out to a nice dinner; he was on his phone 90% of the time and when we got home he went straight to his computer.
I don't know what to do anymore. I had a dream last night we broke up. It was very realistic and I was crying when I woke up. I feel like I'm still in the same dream, I've just had a peek at the ending.
This post is emo as all hell but fuck it; typing all that out felt a LITTLE better, what would be a real save would be to actually fix all this without a big fight/making him look like the bad guy. He's a good guy, I don't think he realises how I feel about all this, and I don't know how to tell him.