Abusive parents/step parents.

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Dreaded Sonata

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When I was eight years old, all the way to when I was closer to sixteen I had an abusive step father. I spent that time wondering why his children got better treatment, then my older brother, or myself. To be honest it had done more mental damage, then physical. For reasons that would most likely not make sense to others I can no longer sleep unless there is an item of which I could defend myself with.

The man had did alot. From pointing loaded weapons at us, the occasional drunk punches, choking me (never saw him do it to my brother.), the degrading comments behind closed doors, all the way to the mental games that left emotional scarring.

I am not typing this because I want attention. I am here because I went through this, and have come out of it. I want to help anyone who has, or currently is going through something like this. There is a light, and there are always people to talk to. I am here to say that I can give you advice, and even ways to help stop the problem.

So if anyone needs me I am here for you n.n
 
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I went through a situation with my mother (and by a small mental extension, my entire family) that ended shortly before my 18th birthday. She was a drunk, belligerent, hate-filled person with no purpose except to make the lives of others miserable. I was closeted pansexual and transgender. When I was around 15 or 16, she would beat me regularly, punching me, kicking me, spitting in my face, degrading me. When I talked to her about it in the morning when she was sober, she'd say "You'll grow up and forget all about it". I never did. I'm grown up and I remember the punches, the kicks, the screams, the rantings. When I brought a girl over (because for a time I thought I was straight and cisgender) she would scream and fuss about them being a whore or a slut or some other derogative. Damned if you do damned if you don't, right?

It came to a boil a few days after my birthday when she started getting angry for some (not necessarily inaccurate) accusations. She accused me of being a homosexual (which was true) and I posed a hypothetical question to her that if I were wouldn't it be her responsibility as a mother to love me anyway and she just got even more angry. She started insulting me heavily and I was advised to leave. I did. After awhile, she started picking a fight with my sister-in-law. I came back to find out she'd busted out the storm door window. The police had been called. She was escorted out. I tried to help clean things up. I relaxed. She came back a few hours later and had only gotten more drunk. The police were called again. They couldn't escort her out but if she did anything she could be arrested, so there was nothing she could get away with. I had won. We talked for awhile. She asked if I was having sex with my best male friend, which I wasn't, so I denied it. That didn't stop her from asking again later. I outed myself and my transgender boyfriend. She shook her head. At this point I was so angry with her that I was trying to get her to try something. I wanted nothing else to do with her if I could avoid it. She never said anything. We couldn't kick her out. If she restrained herself, the police couldn't cart her off. Whatever, I could say whatever I wanted and she had to bear it. I vented myself out on her.

When I outed myself as transgender, she said "You'll always be my little boy to me" like that would make things better. Fucking no it didn't it just confirmed to me that she was trying to get her leg up however and only made me more upset because she wouldn't accept me for my decisions. But whatever, you know? I won. She lost.

And as for the rest of my family alongside my mother, everyone says that I was adopted, that my half-sister is actually my mother and my father was a suicidal junkie. It doesn't matter anymore, and all my papers say what I want to know.

I won. She lost. She's going to continue losing. She's never going to win again. She's done for. Good.

Now I have to get my leg up in the world. Just today I collected a metric crap ton of applications. The other day I got my social security card replaced. I'm working on getting my driver's license, a photo ID, and a certified copy of my birth certificate. And I have help. I have a trust fund. Funding is not a problem.

With patience comes victory.
 
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I'm sorry for what you had to go through. I think I can understand this alittle as my ex step was only sober for the first thirty minutes of the day. The fact you are now away from it is the best place you can be. However, the anger you feel will come to be the next battle my friend.

It took until recently for myself to come to terms with what had happened. For me realizing it was not the fact I was not good enough for fair treatment was not the issue in the actions towards me, but more of his short comings in life. It took years to be able to grip that, but tgat is in no way an excuse to be treated so unfairly in life. Once I finally was even abpe to wrap my head around why I was left with another question.

Could I forgive such deeds.

That I am still working towards. I want to say no, and put the actions on a pedestal. Screaming to the world that these are the reasons he should never be forgiven. However, at this point it is only me hurting myself when I do so. I am still working towards letting these feelings of regection, and hatred go, but as I do I have found there is peace in such an act. By using what happened to me I can help others, instead of letting it cripple me, can ease the pain of others, abd be positive out of something negitive.

It is not fair that I should have to forgive the acts, but there is no reason it should destroy more lives. What ever demons were born in his/her past do not have to become ours to pass on. I hope this helps you.
 
I don't believe my anger has to destroy more lives. Even if I keep it close, who says I can't help others with their own situations? My experience is valuable to others - including a close friend of mine who goes through yet worse ordeals. And they are angrier than I am. Though they have the advantage of their siblings siding with them, my brothers both, or at least at first, took up arms with my mother and gave me their own beatings. Despite the fact that my brothers and I now share a distrust for my mother, I still do not trust them. Forgive them, yes, but I do not trust them.

My anger doesn't mean I can't help others. It simply means my heart has been scarred by her actions. It doesn't have to cripple me or make me a bitter person. Weary, yes, but not bitter. I am a very happy person. But nobody should have to put up with it in the first place. So I cannot standby while people who do this go unpunished. I must help if I can, because nobody should go through what I went through. I try to turn my one sole grudge into something good - a purpose to help others.
 
It is more of anger destroys you over time. Like holding a glass of water for a long time. It weights little at first, but just becomes harder to hold the longer you grip it. If I offened I did not mean to.Anger hurts those who hold it. Long before it hurts another.

Good on you for helping others as well n.n
 
You got an internet cookie coded in kindness sent by me. *Sends internet hug*
 
I'm 16 and currently living in a household with my alcoholic and abusive mother and my father. My mother is mentally and physically abusive towards me but unfortunately nobody believes me. My mother has been a terrible alcoholic for several years now and it's taken a toll on her mental health as well as her physical health now. But it all started for me when I was in 5th grade. My mother would constantly belittle me with harsh words and she would even go so far as to throw things at me. (including but not limited to a lamp, a rake, and a toaster) So in 5th grade I tried to escape the torture the only way I knew, suicide. Now, obviously, it didn't work. I tried to hang myself from my swing set. My father found me and calmed me down before I was able too.

So fast forward to 6th and 7th grade, I was so depressed I went to cutting and changed my style to "Emo" so to speak. My father took on another job to support my family and so I never saw him much. My friends didn't know what was going on in my personal life but everyday was hell for me. My grades dropped and my social life was non-exisent. Also when I wasn't being tortured at home I was bullied at school, because I was "different". My mother went from throwing things at me to hitting me when she wan't passed out on the couch.

8th grade and freshman year for me were really the same, although the bullying disappeared my home life remained a mess. My mother began to hit me and call me a slut and a whore, even though I'd never even had a boyfriend. My mother also began to think I was a lesbian. I'm actually bi-sexual and she started making me pray to God so he would "take the devil out of me". I couldn't take it any longer and I locked myself in the bathroom one night and tried to slit my wrists. It didn't work and my dad found me and put me in therapy. I finally told my friends and thankfully they believe me and usually help me with whatever I need. My dad finally got smarter and has begun to file for divorce.

She can't make herself feel better in any other way but to make me feel terrible about myself. So she is the real loser. I'm thankful someone posted this forum. I'm truly sorry and sympathetic to anyone going though abuse from parents. They are the ones who are suppose to take care of us. I'm just lucky enough that I have an amazing father to get me through life.

When I turn 18 I will be applying to colleges out of state and finally starting to live my life, the way I want too. For now, I'm thankful that I'm at least safe from any abuse and taking meds for my depression. You guys are so very strong for dealing with what you did. You guys inspire me.
 
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I really hope things get better for you fast, pal. Hopefully that divorce goes through quick and you can live with him.
 
In a situation such as this. Where you are still exposed to it. One should attempt to get a recording, or video of the abuse. Which will then open doors as to help you. Taking it to social services, can resolve the problem. For yourself, and any siblings. I myself wish I had known this bit of information when I was suffering. I do know if it is coming from a single parent that social services CAN remove said parent. During times of both parents they would place you in another home.
 
About a year or two ago-- my step-dad almost choked my (autistic) older brother to death.
Wanna know what my mom did? Nothing.

Guess who ended up having to be the mom in that situation and yell at their step-dad?
Me.

At least he wasn't hurting my brother anymore-- he was yelling at me; which I didn't care at all-- since I kicked him in the---
no sunshine area? .__.
 
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War said:
About a year or two ago-- my step-dad almost choked my (autistic) older brother to death.
Wanna know what my mom did? Nothing.

Guess who ended up having to be the mom in that situation and yell at their step-dad?
Me.

At least he wasn't hurting my brother anymore-- he was yelling at me; which I didn't care at all-- since I kicked him in the---
no sunshine area? .__.
Click to expand...

I know I'm going to get alot of hate (from asses) for this but, sometimes, 'parents' like them need to be beaten up.

+1 to the young girl who stood up for her sibling.
 
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PotatoChipGolem said:
I know I'm going to get alot of hate (from asses) for this but, sometimes, 'parents' like them need to be beaten up.

+1 to the young girl who stood up for her sibling.
Click to expand...

Thank you >w>
But thank God for my step-dad beginning to understand my (autistic) brother.

He yells at him every so often, but he knows that if he tries to do anything stupid in front of me, that I'll rip his head off O___O
My step-dad has also threatened to hurt my (autistic) brother more than once, and tried to tell me that he understood autism more than I did.

//laughs at him here//
Says the one who's never had kids before-- and has THREATENED to hurt my (autistic) brother before.

I've lived with my brother all my life, and I'm pretty sure I understand him AND autism more than anyone in this household n___n

My dad and I are the only ones who can reach out to him and understand him, and punish him in fair ways, and when I mean fair, I mean grounding him off his 3DS or laptop, or something-- we don't beat Thomas, and we never plan on doing it either n-n

and still-- whenever my step-dad (Mike) yells at my brother (Thomas), my mom stands there, right next to mike-- and does
abso--flipping-lutely nothing.

I'm always the one who has to say something n-n

(at this point I should be the mother of my two brothers.)
^^ I'm like-- the one who's cared for them the most when growing up besides my dad n-n

I love my brothers, and when they're in danger, I will step up and do something about it :33



Oh gosh I'm going into a little bit too much detail here OwO
Sorry about that XD:
 
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