A Willows Way to Unwind

[Absyinthe_Artica]

Come, sit around this figurative campfire and listen to my tale of triumphs, and hardships. You know, I usually don't rant/complain publicly about my life. I feel as though I shouldn't bother people about my problems. The little voice in the back of my mind whispers "No, don't show them your weaknesses, than they'll have something to use against you." But, how convenient is this forum? A place to rant and rave about how poor and sad your life is. So I might as well start this "rant"...

I guess it's not really a rant, to be honest. More of like..."Hey a place to type out stuff to make my emotions feel better" kind of thing. I was diagnosed with Impulse Control Disorder and ODD when I was thirteen years old. That was my first hospital visit. After they started me on pills I gained a lot of weight and it was a constant battle to try and find the right combination of pills to deal with my craziness. The second hospital visit was the next year in summer. Still more pills to shove down my throat, and more demons to face. Than the third hospital visit was because I cut my arm open with a kitchen knife and had to receive nine stitches. Than the fourth hospital visit was due to me overdosing on my medication because I was so traumatized that my father had laid a hand on me, especially when I had just overdosed on pills that night. The fifth and final hospital visit was in October. I was than diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and Borderline Personality that visit. I thought after this time I would have the right combination of pills for a while...but man...these past few weeks, I feel like I'm just going to spiral again. I've finally gotten to a place where I can except taking my pills. Which I think is better off for me, since I'm looking at being on pills for the rest of my fucking life.. Man, I just need a fricking hug.

 

[Space Cowboy]

I've been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety since I was 18, and it wasn't until I was in my mid 20's that that was expanded to include bipolar disorder and general anxiety. I've been on meds for nearly over a decade, from anything to Prozac and Wellbutrin to seroquel and depakote. I take a laundry list even now, and even with side effects and social stigma, I know it's better for me. It calms me and keeps me even and able to deal with at least some of what I face and others don't. Is it a battle? Oh yeah, definitely. Point is: I know where you're coming from. You're not alone.

 

[Absyinthe_Artica]

Thank you Seiji!

 

[Kagayours]

I agree with Seiji about the medication. Thankfully my situation is a lot more simplified in that regard, but, even when they give me trouble, I know I'd definitely still live with them than without. If they make your life easier then what's wrong with taking them? I never saw anything inherently wrong with taking medication.

Of course, if the side effects are making things worse, then, well, there's your obvious issue right there. XD Still, if you've found the right combination then that's good for you! I'm glad you've found something that works, and, you know, there's nothing wrong with taking medication that works. I wouldn't think of it as "oh no, I have to take pills for the rest of my life" as much as "hey, I have something that'll help keep my mental illness under control!", which is definitely a good thing.

Because, yeah, sometimes I do feel a bit dependent on my own medication, but, the fact that I'm worrying about being dependent in the first place already says that I'm in a much better place than I would be without it -- because I'd much rather need to take it just to function than go without it and not have any help in dealing with my illness at all. XD All in all, it's like the mental equivalent of needing glasses or a wheelchair. It can be annoying needing to go through life relying on glasses or a wheelchair or anything else designed to remedy a physical impairment, and these things all come with their own annoying set of disadvantages -- but, it's still a thousand times better than not having those items at all and figuring out how to survive your physical impairments without them. XD Medication's the same way, really. Trying to find a combination that works can be tricky, but, when you do have something that's working for you? That's great, and not at all something to be ashamed of! ^^

 

[Space Cowboy]

I look at my meds a whole simpler way, because honestly, it's really how they are.

Basically, would you judge a diabetic for taking their insulin? Or someone with arthritis for taking their inflammation meds? Not at all, because it's part of their lifestyle. They need it to survive, right? To make it to day to day?

That's how I--we--are. It's not a dependency. We're not crutching on them because we can't handle it, because we're not tough enough. We have a disease, and we're simply taking meds to help alleviate. Y'know? No one gives anybody shit over taking ibuprofen over bodypain, or Tylenol for a fever, or Benedryl for allergies. Why give someone--let alone yourself-- a hard time for prozac because you suffer chemical imbalances that cause you depression? It's nothin' to be ashamed over. :)

Anyways, that's just how I see it.

 

[Kagayours]

I look at my meds a whole simpler way, because honestly, it's really how they are.

Basically, would you judge a diabetic for taking their insulin? Or someone with arthritis for taking their inflammation meds? Not at all, because it's part of their lifestyle. They need it to survive, right? To make it to day to day?

That's how I--we--are. It's not a dependency. We're not crutching on them because we can't handle it, because we're not tough enough. We have a disease, and we're simply taking meds to help alleviate. Y'know? No one gives anybody shit over taking ibuprofen over bodypain, or Tylenol for a fever, or Benedryl for allergies. Why give someone--let alone yourself-- a hard time for prozac because you suffer chemical imbalances that cause you depression? It's nothin' to be ashamed over. :)

Anyways, that's just how I see it.

Yeah, that's pretty much the same idea -- albeit an even more direct comparison. XD

But yeah, I totally agree with you -- nothing at all to be ashamed of.

 

[Absyinthe_Artica]

Thanks for the kind sentiment guys. I get where you're coming from ^.^