- Invitation Status
- Posting Speed
- 1-3 posts per week
- One post per week
- Slow As Molasses
- Online Availability
- Afternoons and evenings, some weekends.
- Writing Levels
- Intermediate
- Adept
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- Douche
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Male
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- Primarily Prefer Male
- Primarily Prefer Female
- Genres
- Fantasy, Science Fiction, Post Apocalypse, Horror, Romance, Survival...
Alright, so, uh, I looked around in the news and announcements section for something like this, didn't really find it. I'm pretty sure everyone can agree that with the removal of the debate tag, the discussion tag has kind of maybe sort of turned into scenes like this. Yet, it doesn't have to be this way. I've made discussion threads turn out just fine*. Heck, done it multiple times. I even once went over several different controversial topics at once, no outrage over it. Gender I was able to touch on, unscathed. It's not that hard, if you follow a couple of simple rules. So walk with me, GD. Take five minutes of your time, and learn a few things from this guide on how to tackle discussions. Civilly.
General Tips
#1: Always assume the person you are talking with has good intentions. Whether in real life or online, a large number of fights start by simple misinterpretation of someone else's thoughts, ideas, values, or words. Online however, misinterpretations are compounded by a lack of ability to read bodily language, or hear the tone of another person's voice. Even if the other person has bad intentions and just wishes to hurt you or irritate you, always take the higher road and be diplomatic: It will look better on you, and worse on them, no matter the substance of whatever it is you are talking about.
#2: Never engage in name calling, or in attacking a person for their beliefs. It just makes you look like this. It's about as effective, too. It will make you feel like shit in the long run, it will infuriate only you, it will burn bridges with other people you're talking to, and after a while, you will isolate yourself. Even if you have genuine inquiries, they may get misinterpreted in the future as being terrible. No matter how offensive or disgusting a person's opinions, consider that they could have a vastly different life from you. They may simply not know, and being calm and diplomatic when talking with them, will look good on you, and potentially, you might teach something to them, or learn something from them.
The first step to wisdom is admitting you know nothing: You only think you know things. The same goes for everyone else in the world, no matter how smart they may be.
#3: If you're angry, walk away. Delete that post you were writing, and walk away. Come back when your mind isn't swimming in the intoxicating combination of vindication and adrenaline that makes it hard to think. You will feel better for it. Also, just so we're clear: I'm not talking down to any of you. Hell, I've been an asshole too. Literally accused someone of being a Nazi there. Got upvotes for it, but that didn't make it appropriate.
#4: Apologies can mend broken bridges surprisingly well, if you make a sincere effort to avoid the troublesome behaviour that caused it to begin with. I've made public apologies to that effect before to try and disarm tension, as well as private apologies whenever it's made the most sense. The last thing anyone wants is to have long term grudges pollute new threads because of old thread issues.
#5: Give ground. Seriously, you can't always entrench yourself and never step back from your positions. If you want to get anywhere in a discussion, whether it's about something as serious gendered violence in the workplace, or something as silly as "muh space mareens are stronk, yur orkz are weak", let go of some positions. It's rare that a person founds a position on something that is entirely and utterly wrong. There's an adage for this: Truth is a three edged sword. My truth, their truth, and the truth.
#6: You can't control others, only yourself. If someone is saying stupid or cruel things, and you can't convince them away from their position in a civil manner, control yourself, and walk away from the topic. If you find yourself getting angry beyond reason, ask yourself why, and how you can prevent that in the future. Others cannot manage your emotions for you, and if you find yourself consistently enraged, maybe you should avoid these topics altogether and find something else.
Controversial Topics
#1: Most importantly, more than anything else, don't ask a loaded question, and if you're the thread starter, maintain your neutrality. This thread became a shithouse right off the bat because the thread starter immediately took one side and started spitting at anyone who took the other before anyone even made any such comment in support of the position. (No offense to @SacredWarrior who seems like the kind of person that wouldn't mind learning how to better construct threads. Not a bad person, but this was a bad way to start a thread, mate!) There's a theory I'm going to introduce to you right now that should change the way you look at any human-based power structure: Tone at the Top. The thread starter inherently has some level of power over what tone the rest of the thread will take by both stating as such, and demonstrating as such, right off the bat.
In a role play, this essentially means that people attract others based on the beacons they send out on the tone of the writing. If you're an elitist, you will attract elitists. If you're a romantic, you will attract romantics. Based on what you write and how you write it, you can get more like-minded people along, and discourage less like-minded people. Perfect example of this in action is in typical post length: Those that write less, tend to be intimidated away from writing with those who write more. Those who write more, tend to be discouraged and disappointed by those who write less. One liner posters tend to congregate together in their own groups, separate from those who post several paragraphs or more a post. Exceptions exist, but are not the rule.
In a discussion thread about a controversial topic, this means you have to preemptively attempt to discourage and disarm vitriolic and self-defensive posts.
You'll notice in a lot of the example threads of discussions that went well, I...
- Guided the conversation with questions, so everyone would be on the same page, to help avoid misinterpretations.
- Directly discouraged people attacking each other right off the bat, and made it clear that I could and would call moderators in to help me keep the peace if people refused to play nice.
- Maintained neutrality regardless of my personal feelings on the subject matter. For instance, I'm an atheist, but in the religions thread I linked, I was more than willing to step in to stop bullying against Christians or Muslims by my own group. I have to set the tone at the top, it's my responsibility when initiating conversation about a controversial topic to ensure that my own biases don't cause the very issues I might complain about later.
Also, as an added note, remember rule numero uno of general tips here: Just because someone said something which you think is flame-bait, doesn't mean that it is! Always assume good intent and simply pass over the post if you have nothing constructive to add!
#3: Whatever you do, discourage mob justice as swiftly as possible, as best as you can. Mass trolling against other users is not an acceptable form of conflict resolution, and more often than not, just leads to bans. This generally means that in threads with controversial content as the topic, do not shitpost unless the thread starter has invited it. There are so many other threads in GD you can shitpost in. You can create your own shitpost threads whenever you want. We have an entire sticked thread dedicated to shitposting your heart out. If your post will not constructively contribute to a topic, don't post. Just move on. Don't be the guy or gal or space nebula that wrecks entire threads just to amuse themselves. That's a real dickish move, even if it is sometimes funny. Calling someone a Nazi was funny to me, didn't make it right.
#4: Finally, if you're offended by something someone has posted, ignore it. If they consistently post things that frustrate you, upset you, or they're some pretentious piece of shit like this guy, click on their user profile, and click on the "ignore" button. It's always directly to the right of a person's username. It's okay to not get along with someone, there's people on here I don't get along with. That doesn't make them bad people, it just means that I generally won't enjoy discussions with them, especially on controversial subjects.
Also, if a controversial subject in question is extremely personal for you (ex: mental disorders for me), be aware that you may need to be very careful with how you go about discussing the topic. The start of that thread is flawed: I ask a loaded question, and it's only because I managed to scramble and clearly define what I was talking about that prevented the thread from going straight to shit. (Also, because @Hellis & @Astaroth are pretty great people who often disagree with me on controversial topics, but who like me, just want to have civil conversations, who helped keep the thread on a stable track.)
So, to summarize:
- Always assume the other person doesn't mean to hurt you. If they go after you personally, they could be just frustrated, and treating them well makes you a good person.
- Don't engage someone in name calling, don't respond to vitriolic attacks against your personal character. Report the post, and move on: You will never defeat an idiot by sinking to their level. They'll just beat you with experience.
- If you find yourself becoming agitated or angry with a topic, walk away for a few minutes. Go smell some flowers, go listen to some music, go play some video games, go write a post for a role play. If you're still angry when you come back, you should probably stay away from the topic in question, and work on yourself to try and prevent future anger episodes in the future.
- Apologies take a great deal of strength and most people will find you highly commendable for doing so, even your intellectual enemies.
- Be willing to give ground to others in discussions, be willing to sacrifice points, be willing to see the other side. If you can't concede anything, you send the message that you refuse to discuss things, and simply wish to proselytize others. It's okay for the end result of a discussion to be "we don't see eye to eye, but it was good talking to you." You don't have to win. Victory is simply getting through a discussion and learning something new, and/or having a good time.
- "It is not what happens to you that matters, but how you react to it." -Epictetus.
- If you start a thread on a controversial topic, don't immediately attack people who hold views differing to yours, and don't ask loaded questions that nobody can answer honestly. Be the neutral arbitrator, be the guiding hand that sets the tone for the conversation to follow.
- Don't be afraid to report posts which you think are vitriolic or inflammatory. At worst, you reported something which isn't warranting attention, and it will be ignored as you calm down. At best, you call in @Jorick & @Grumpy to do what it is they do best and stop one person from wrecking what could still be an interesting discussion.
- Mass mob mentality is the stuff of civil rights nightmares. Don't do it, don't encourage it, actively report it and discourage it. We're a community of individuals, attacking anyone who refuses to assimilate or capitulate with mass shitposting or other forms of trolling is not acceptable behaviour and makes the entire community worse overall.
- If you're offended by something, and it's to the point where it infuriates you on a deeply personal level, you may just want to walk away from the topic. If you continue discussing it, you may wish to inform others that the topic is deeply personal for you, and that you don't mean offense if you end up being perhaps more emotional in your responses than you otherwise might be. Humility is one of the most powerful discussion tactics in the universe, because it's hard to get angry at or damn a person who is going out of their way to respect you.
There, GD. All of this. Now can we stop posting threads that start thinly veiled attacks on entire groups of people, no matter how despicable we may think they are? Can we stop derailing entire discussion threads with mass shitposting because one person ended up saying something dickish or offensive? Can we at least try to give controversial topics the gravitas they necessitate, and follow some level of conversational etiquette?
Also, yes, y'all have permission to shitpost gifs and all sorts of wacky stuff in this thread. I'm not sure what more use it will have anyway beyond people discussing the points themselves, or suggesting their own. In the meantime, if you actually sat down for 5-10 minutes to read all of this, here. Relax to some chillin' tunes with me, and thank you.
*For those wondering, yes, I will finish the combat guide at some point. I'm just doing further research, compiling information, editing it, and proofreading it. A good 70-80% of my time spent writing guides is proofreading and editing. I've also found myself needing to split medieval & modern ideas of combat into their own sections, so guns should get a nice, fleshed out spot all to themselves. Does mean the guide is bloody long as fuck though, so bare with me. I don't mean to be so slow. :( Screenshot to show I'm not bullshittin' you either, it's gettin' done.
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