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[Samuel x Roman]

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"No problem," Eden said with a small smile he just seemed happy to help, "I can sit with you for a little while if you want to take it easy,"

"That's a brilliant idea, Eden," Samuel praised his son happily. Samuel or Roman could, of course, sit with Letha so that Eden could feed the duckies since the little boy really loved the birds, but if Eden wanted to help they wouldn't deny him that.

So, Eden and Letha found a bench to sit on for a little while before they got back to feeding the ducks. The family stayed there for a while, just being happy and having fun, they drove back home once they were all getting a little cold from the rain. At home, they got the kids into warm cosy and dry clothes. They cleaned up Letha's little scrape and they all cuddled up with a movie, it was a perfect way to end the day's activities, everyone was happy and content and that was all that really mattered.
 
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"Okay, everyone, dinner's ready!"

It was a calm Thursday night, with the faint sound of rain hitting the roof, and Roman had just made a delicious dinner for his family. He had prepared a succulent, seasoned roast beef to warm them all up, complimented with roasted potatoes, pumpkin and carrots, and beans and mint peas. He had just placed the last dish on the dining room table and was serving it as his family joined him.

He had cut up the meat using an electric knife and filled up everyone's plate with a serving proportionate to their size. Well, he got a lot more, but he was Roman so that was why. He also poured all of the kids a glass of apple juice, and Samuel and himself some iced coffee, before sitting down beside his husband to begin the meal.

"Okay, everyone tuck in and let me know what you think."
 
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Eden pushed some of the peas around his plate instead of actually starting to eat like how Stella, Letha, Harper, Papa and Daddy had. They always ate a whole lot, especially Stella and Daddy. And everyone would always tell daddy his food was amazing and thank him for dinner. But Eden really hated dinner sometimes. Daddy and Papa said you shouldn't say that you hated things because it could make people said and hate was only reserved for really really terrible things. And Daddy's food didn't taste terrible. Eden always loved the potatoes and the fries and rice and the sauces his Daddy made.

"This is really good, thank you, Daddy!" Stella said happily with her mouth full of food.

"Stella, don't talk with your mouth full," Papa scolded her. Eden pushed around the peas some more and Papa turned to him instead, "Aren't you hungry Edie?" he asked. Eden shrugged, but put some potato on his fork and ate that. Papa always said you couldn't leave food, even if you didn't like it, you were supposed to eat it anyway because food made you grow and gave you energy, so if he just ate potatoes he'd tell him not to do that.

Reluctantly Eden began to cut up some of the roast beef in tiny tiny pieces. He always took forever to eat and Stella always got annoyed at him because of it, but if he made the pieces to big he'd just chew and chew and then the meat would get all chewy and gross and he wouldn't be able to swallow it. He just didn't like meat. The consistency was always gross and Daddy liked to eat his meat almost raw sometimes and you could see the blood from the animals and that was really scary. But not today because they were having roast beef. They were eating a cow today, Eden was pretty sure. He thought beef was cow at least. Cows were sweet and never do things wrong, they just eat their grass and have it got through all their four stomachs and they give humans cheese and milk.

"Daddy, what kind of meat is it?" Eden asked just to make sure, not that it would make a difference if it was a cow or a little lamb or a piggie, it all made him really sad to think about.
 
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Roman looked up from his food as Eden asked that question. He frowned, because he wasn't sure why his younger son seemed to be unhappy. He racked his brains for anything that had gone wrong that day and came up with nothing, and Eden wasn't eating so that meant it had something to do with his food. He knew the kids sometimes got upset when they saw him eat his steak and lamb rare, but he had cooked the meat all the way through so it couldn't have been that. It had to be something else.

"It's beef, sweetie, it comes from a cow," Roman answered Eden. He knew the little boy was quite sensitive when it came to animals but he wasn't going to sugarcoat it. But still, maybe the problem was knowing that the food came from a once living animal. Or maybe it was simply because he didn't like beef but had yet to learn to tell the difference.

"It's really nice, Daddy, I love beef," Harper said with an affirmative nod as he popped some meat into his mouth.

"Aww, thanks, sweetie. Do you like it, Letha?"

Letha smiled sweetly and nodded, refraining from saying anything because her mouth was full.
 
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"It's great!" Stella agreed with the other two after making sure to swallow her food. Suddenly Eden felt kind of uncomfortable. All his siblings had told Daddy how much they liked the beef. so now it felt like he had to say it too. He stalled it by actually tasting it, just a small bit. It didn't taste that bad, he liked how daddy had put the spices on it, it actually made it easier to it.

"I don't think I like beef," Eden said finally, he was trying to convey that he didn't dislike that Daddy had cooked it, just the meat itself.

"Well that's too bad," Papa said, he was smiling softly to reassure him but Eden could tell he was a little worried. He didn't like worrying Daddy and Papa at all, "But can you please try to eat some anyway? I don't want you to leave the table hungry, sometimes we gotta eat things we don't like, you know,"

"Eden especially because if he didn't eat the things he didn't like he wouldn't eat anyyything! Cus he's super duper picky," Stella said. Eden could tell she was joking but he still felt a little annoyed by her. A lot of people told him he was a picky eater. Stella did, and his teachers sometimes implied it by telling him not to pick at his food, and sometimes his daddies said it too. Sometimes Papa would get annoyed with Daddy when he was being picky because it was 'rubbing off on the kids' and Eden knew he didn't mean all the kids when he said that. He knew it wasn't to be mean, in fact Papa would tell him that it was important to eat a lot especially when you were short like how Eden was so he only told him not to be picky because he wanted him to grow up to be healthy. Eden was shorter than Stella even though they were twins and he was a boy. But he knew being picky about his food wasn't a positive trait. And he wished he could eat whatever like Papa and Harper and Stella. But there were just some things he couldn't stand, meat always felt different from some of the other things he didn't like though. Like, he didn't like corn when it was warm or in stews because it tasted weird, and there was this one spice that was on a bread Papa bought fresh from the store onve he didn't like the taste of. And he didn't like olives because they made everything it touched taste like olives. But it didn't make him feel bad when he ate it. Because corn and olives and weird spices didn't have feelings, but cute cows and piggies and baby chickens did.

"I'll eat it anyways," Eden shrugged even though he really really didn't want to, he put some more of the beef in his mouth along with some of the very yummy carrots. It made it a little easier to eat but the meat still felt as wrong as always. Swallowing it was like swallowing chewing gum, it just felt like something he wasn't supposed to do, "I'm sorry I didn't like it Daddy, but I like the potatoes and the carrots and stuff,"
 
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"Well ... it's okay. Edie. You don't have to eat all the beef. You can eat half and as long as you eat all the vegetables you can leave the table." Roman didn't often allow these sorts of things, since it sort of taught the kids they could get away with picking and choosing what they ate and that was not a behaviour he wanted them to carry on. But he knew what it was like to be forced to eat something you hated and he could tell Eden genuinely didn't like the meat, he wasn't just pretending or acting like he didn't like it to get out of eating it. So Roman wouldn't force him to eat the whole thing.

They ate their dinner as a family and when everyone was done they were all allowed to leave. Harper came to help pack away the leftovers and load the dishwasher and Roman thanked him for his assistance. He then went away to play a video game with Stella. Letha was happily playing with Lily on the floor in the family room. Roman then decided to do something.

He took Samuel's and Eden's hand and lead them both into the games room they had off the kitchen. He sat Eden down on one of the armchairs and sat with his husband across from him. Then, he proceeded to speak in a gentle tone.

"Edie, I get the feeling that you not liking beef is more than you just not liking the taste of it. So can you please tell me what you're thinking?"
 
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Eden was happy Daddy allowed him to not eat half of it, he still didn't want to eat it but now he didn't have to force everything down. Just half of it. And because his Daddy had been so nice about it he tried not to pick in it and just eat it and not think about cute cows. After dinner though, Daddy pulled him aside along with Papa, and suddenly he was very afraid he was in trouble for not eating aöö of the meat. Maybe Daddy was really sad because he had spent so much time making it? Eden curled up with his knees to his chest in the armchair and looked at his daddies cautiously. But when Daddy spoke it was n a very gentle tone. He wasn't mad, he just wanted Eden to explain.

He fidgeted a little with his shirtsleeves, he had never really put words to it before, and even in his head, his thoughts were kind of a mess. He knew he felt bad for the animals, but he also just didn't like how it felt like to chew it, so he wasn't sure if he was just being picky and he didn't want his dads t think it was just pickiness.

"I dunno I just... When I eat beef keep thinking about the cows and it makes me really sad," he said carefully, "And when we have lamb and bacon and chicken and stuff too. I don't get as sad when we have nuggets or sausage and those kinds of things because I don't think as much about what it is and it's not like chewy like how other meat is, but sometimes I think about it then as well... It just feels so mean to the animals, they didn't do anything, they deserve to be happy and alive too? Right?"

"Well, we always try to buy ecological meat," Papa said carefully, but Eden didn't know what that was so he looked at him with a confused expression, "it means it's good for the environment and the animals it comes from are treated kindly and are happy,"

"Oh," Eden said, that did make things a little better but didn't change much, "....but they are still dead,"
 
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Roman listened attentively as Eden explained his thoughts. He wasn't going to be the kind of father to dismiss his children's feelings as unimportant or irrelevant -- they were people too and they deserved just as much love and care as he or Samuel did. So, he was determined to alleviate some of Eden's negative feelings.

"Well, Edie, we can assure you that the animals we eat were taken care of before they died," Roman said softly. He understood that Eden was sensitive, so he was trying to make sure he knew the animals they ate didn't suffer. But in the little boy's mind that probably wasn't any more ethical than just eating a deer you shot in the woods.

"Do ... do you want us to give you meat less?" Roman asked. "You can tell us if you don't want to eat the meat and we can give you more veggies?"
 
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Eden just looked at Daddy with wide eyes for a moment, he was basically offering him to be able to opt out of a lot of the meats he didn't like. He wouldn't have to have roast beef of lamb racks or anything like that, he felt so relieved his eyes were getting wet even, "yeah okay cus I really like the veggies and pasta and stuff you make, Daddy, I just don't like the meat at all, and I always feel really bad when I eat it. Always."

That made Papa look really worried for a moment, "You know, there are a lot of people who don't eat any meat at all, Gabi and Matthew doesn't for example,"

"They don't?" Eden asked and wiped some of the wetness in his eyes away, he didn't know that, but if he thought about it he rarely had any issues eating things when they visited Will or Jojo and Emmie because they didn't always have much meat in their food.

"Yeah, it's called being vegetarian and there are a lot of vegetarian options for food, like you can eat patties made from beans and chickpeas in your hamburger, and you can have this thing that looks like meat but that is actually made from plants like soy! And there are even vegetarian nuggets and sausage!" Papa explained gently but in a happy tone to mask his worried expression. He glanced at Daddy for a moment before he continued, Eden assumed it was because Daddy was the one who made the food and not he, "If daddy or I could make you vegetarian food options, would you maybe want that?"

Eden nodded firmly and wiped his eyes again, "But it's not fair that you have to make extra food for me? Just cus I'm picky? But I don't want meat either?"
 
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Roman was surprised to hear Samuel recommend a truly vegetarian diet to Eden, simply because he hadn't thought of it himself and he probably never would have. Roman knew he wouldn't be able to be a vegetarian. He was a meat eater and he always had been, and most of the meals he made for himself and his family had some sort of meat component. Hell, his favourite food was KFC.

But not only that, he wouldn't have recommended it simply because he felt it was important for kids to get the nutrients meat offered. Iron, protein, everything else, they were so important for kids to eat so they could grow up healthy and strong. But he knew Eden could get those things from vegetarian options, if they were prepared right. And despite his own beliefs he didn't want his son to suffer through the emotional stress eating meat clearly gave to him.

So, Roman nodded to both his husband and his son. "Edie, if you don't want to eat meat then I'm more than happy to make you some vegetarian options," he said. "I want you to be happy and I can see it makes you upset to eat meat and I don't want that for you. I love you."
 
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"Thank you, I love you too," Eden said in almost a whimper and then finally let out a real and proper little sob. His daddies always told him it was okay to cry and that it was good to let your feelings cry, but he still didn't like it much because crying a lot meant you were a crybaby. But the idea of not ever needing to eat meat again, was just such a relief. At this point, Papa stood up, helped him up and led him over to go sit between him and Daddy.

"We didn't realise this was such a big thing for you Eden, otherwise we would have suggested something like this much earlier, I think this is very different from just being picky,"

"Really?" Eden sniffled, he was very happy his daddies were being so nice about this. He loved them so much and he was so happy he had such amazing parents.

"Yeah, honestly, I agree with you, I don't think it's entirely right for the animals either, so if you're going to eat vegetarian food from now on might actually join in with you and at least eat meat less!" Papa said and gave him a little squeeze. That made Eden feel a lot better. It wasn't just him who thought that it wasn't fair on the animals, Papa did too so he couldn't be super weird for thinking that.

"Really?" he repeated.

"Yes, of course, and you know what? We might even convince daddy and your siblings to eat some more vegetarian food as well, we can't force them to eat it every day, just like they wouldn't force you to eat meat now that they'll know how much you dislike it, but maybe we could have one day a week when we all eat a vegetarian meal? If that's okay with Daddy of course, he's the one who knows how to cook,"

Eden laughed a little at that, because Papa sucked at cooking and Daddy was the best ever at it. So he turned to his daddy and excitedly said, "Can we, please? If that's okay?"
 
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"Of course, that's perfectly fine," Roman assured his precious little son. He ran a hand over that head of gorgeous curls and gave him a sweet smile.

Roman knew he would never be able to be a vegetarian, but he would eat a vegetarian meal every now and then for the sake of his son. Eden's beliefs and feelings deserved to be facilitated, regardless of his own preferences regarding food. He would live eating pasta one night a week, but Eden, if forced to eat meat, would continue to feel uncomfortable.

And he would not be a good father if he was consciously making his children uncomfortable.

So, that night after the children went to bed, Roman got his laptop and a notebook and wrote out some vegetarian recipes that would provide a growing boy with the nutrients he needed. Even if he personally didn't like vegetables all that much, he would make that sacrifice for his son, because he loved him with all of his heart and wanted nothing more than for him to be as happy as possible.
 
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Stella was brave. She knew this because her daddies would always tell her she was and she always made sure to protect her younger siblings because she knew they weren't as brave as her. Harper was really brave too, so he would look out for them too. And he'd look out for her too whenever she was too scared to be brave. But that only happened when Daddy got really really hurt, and sometimes when Daddy got his anxiety as well because that was kind of scary.

Today her braveness was coming to use. Daddy and Papa had allowed all the kids to stay up late because they were showing the third Harry Potter movie on the TV. It was a lot scarier than the first two, because it had the dementor things in it, but she didn't think they were scary. Plus she knew what would happen because Daddy and Papa had been reading Harry Potter out loud for them for years now.

Suddenly the movie stopped and it went to commercials, "Why don't we just watch it on netflix?" Eden complained.

Stella then grabbed her twin brother's shoulders and gave him a little shake, "I like the ads!" she laughed. Eden gave her a gentle playful shove and said "You're weird," Stella bounced into Papa a little, he was seated on her other side at the end of the couch. Letha sat between Harper and Eden and Daddy was on the end of the couch. They usually sat like that, though Daddy and Papa sometimes swapped spots. "Nah they're funny! and you're booooring!"

"Calm down its just ads," Papa laughed and ruffled her wild hair a little.

"It's not just ads" she huffed, "It's art!" It wasn't really but it was still fun to watch.

First, an ad played about toothpaste where everyone fake smiled and Stella mimicked them and made her siblings do the same and it was funny. Then there was a really boring one about some medicine, then one started about a video game. In the start, they showed that the rating was eighteen so Stella decided to pay extra attention because that probably meant it was cooler. Stella could tell it was a serious game because it had very dark colours and the people in it didn't look like cartoons. There was a little child who was happy at first but then someone yelled at her and she was crying and the camera moved on to something else but the audio was still there and she was still crying and it sounded like someone throwing punches while she asked them to stop. Then the ad showed some more of the game while a woman's voice talked about how the past had changed her.

But Stella wasn't paying attention anymore because suddenly something felt very wrong to her left. She looked to see that Papa was sitting completely still. He wasn't smiling anymore and he was just staring straight ahead with glossy eyes.

"Papa?" She asked carefully. Pappa flinched and whimpered and leaned away from her. He pulled his feet up to his chest with another whimper and buried his face in his knees, arms covering his head. And cried and muttered things she didn't hear and breathed all weird. Papa always cried a lot but not like this. This was like when Daddy got anxiety almost. But Papa wasn't supposed to get like this. He cried because he saw cute dogs on the telly, or because Eden got angry or Harper got scared of spiders. Not because he was freaking out. And that was terrifying.
 
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"Oh shit," Roman couldn't help but let out.

He had looked over when Stella had spoken and now was filled with fear as he realised his husband was experiencing his PTSD. In front of all of their children. Immediately, Roman switched the TV off, jumped up and quickly made his way to Samuel, crouching in front of him and looking up at him with desperation. He knew he couldn't touch and he didn't want Samuel to lash out and accidentally hurt him in front of the kids.

He didn't know what to do.

"Samuel?" Roman called, his voice soft and gentle. "Samuel, can you hear me? It's Roman. We're in the living room at home, we're watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, we're in our mid-thirties, you're a high school teacher and I'm a tattoo artist. And we're with the kids -- Harper Alexis, Stella Susanna, Eden Daniel and Letha Maria. We're all here and we want you to be okay."

"D - Doesn't he know who we are?" Harper asked fearfully. Roman glanced at him and gently urged him to remain quiet by holding a finger up to his lips, but did nothing else. Samuel had never had an episode in front of the kids before.

He didn't know what to do.
 
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Stella felt tears going down her cheeks as Daddy started to talk to Papa and Harper asked what she was wondering but got no answer but a hush. Daddy was trying to help him, but he was just telling him things that Papa knew, so she didn't understand how that would help. Whenever Papa cried normally he would want Daddy or her or her siblings to give him a big hug, but Daddy wasn't even attempting to do that now.

Carefully she reached out a hand and tried to put it on Papa's arm again but he flinched really violently and suddenly Stella could hear what he was saying, "Please stop, please stop, please." Stella immediately retracted her and pressed herself against Eden who whispered, "I don't think you should touch him," and at first Stella thought Eden was actually calm, but she turned to see that he was crying too, and trembling slightly.

So she was quiet, save for the sniffling, and suddenly Papa's crying and whimpers sounded a lot louder and Stella absolutely hated hearing it. Papa was emotional sometimes, but he still always felt really strong and reliable, even when Stella could see he was hurting a lot like when Daddy had to go to the hospital Stella could tell he was keeping himself together to the best of his abilities.

Stella didn't know how much time passed, it felt like forever but it could just have been minutes, when Papa finally calmed down a little. Hiss mumbling stopped and his breathing was slowly slowing down a little. He looked up equally as slow seeing Daddy first since he was in front of him, "Roman?" he whimpered and untangled himself enough to reach his arms out for Daddy's support. Stella was still too scared to move though, she didn't want to try to touch him even if he seemed calmer, because maybe he'd freak out again.
 
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Roman's heart shattered as he saw his children's reactions to what was going on. Harper and Stella were crying, Eden was trembling and Letha was cowering behind her eldest brother and watching with fearful eyes. Roman wanted nothing more than to assure them all that Papa was going to be okay and that nothing was wrong. But he didn't do that, because that would be a lie, and he just couldn't lie to them. Not about something so serious.

Samuel eventually came around and when he did, Roman let out a shaky sigh and folded his arms around his husband. He hated seeing Samuel like this. It was jarring and upsetting and morose, especially when you considered why he had this condition and why he acted this way in response to certain stimuli. Roman hated Manuel Ortega so much in that moment, not only for scarring his husband, but for inadvertently causing emotional distress to their four children whom he had never even met.

"Shhh, it's okay, you're okay, nothing is going to hurt you," Roman whispered. He held his crying husband in his arms and glanced over at their children. "Guys, Papa is okay now, you don't need to worry about him."
 
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Stella didn't really believe daddy because Papa didn't look okay. And when Daddy turned to address them Papa looked at them as well and he started to cry even harder and went, "oh my god. I'm so sorry,"

"It's okay, Papa," Stella sniffled, she had no idea what was happening or if it really was okay but since Papa hadn't done anything wrong she felt like she could say it was okay instead of accepting the apology.

Papa just looked at her and her siblings for a couple of seconds before turning back to Daddy and crying in his arms. Stella felt absolutely terrible, not only was she scared but she didn't like to see Papa all sad like this. I was different when he was sad about Daddy or when he was sad about Malfoy dying or when he was sad about something that happened in a movie, because she could understand those things. But she didn't understand this and it felt so wrong and weird and she hated it.

"What's wrong?" Stella finally asked somewhat firmly despite her own tears.

"It's okay Stella, don't worry," Papa said.

"No it's not, I can't not worry, I don't understand!," Stella said even firmer, almost angry, because she was annoyed that Daddy and Pappa were telling her not to worry when things clearly weren't as okay as they said. But she saw that talking like that caused Papa to hug Daddy a little close and then she felt bad. He seemed scared almost, but she didn't understand of what.

Papa took a deep and shaky breath, "I'm sorry Stella but I just can't talk about it now," then he turned back to Daddy and murmured so the kids would't really hear but Stella was listening closely because she wanted to know what was going on, "I think I need to go lay down, it's late ayways, maybe we can put the kids to sleep and we can discuss what to talk about in the morning," he sounded absolutely exhausted and his voice broke a little as he finished with something Sella didn't even understand, "I think I'm going to flashback again if I try to talk about it now,"
 
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"Okay," Roman said to Samuel straight away. He didn't even need to think about it. The kids deserved an explanation but making sure that Samuel didn't have another flashback was the single most important thing in this whole scenario. He stood up and pulled Samuel to his feet. "You go upstairs and lay down and I'll put the kids to bed."

"But Daddy —"

"Not now, Harper, please." Harper quieted down and Roman walked Samuel to the stairs. Then, he dashed back into the living room and picked up Letha, and then proceeded to bring all the kids upstairs to their bedrooms so he could put them to bed. He told them all that it was going to be okay and that they would have everything explained in the morning.

And he really hoped that was the case.

The next morning, after breakfast, Roman gathered all the kids into the living room so they could have a serious conversation. He had decided to let Samuel explain it because it was his mental health and he didn't want to say the wrong thing. But he was sitting beside Samuel with their hands clasped together, an unwavering beacon of support.
 
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Stella thought it was really unfair that Daddy couldn't just tell them what was happening before bed, even if Papa couldn't right now. But he didn't and Stella continued to be scared and worried and she couldn't sleep so she went to sleep in Eden's bed even if she was supposed to be the brave one.

The next morning she felt better, mostly because what had happened wasn't super recent and Papa seemed calmer at breakfast even if he was a little jumpy. He smiled and helped them put butter on their toast even if they were old enough to do it themselves, just like normal.

She still wanted to know what had happened though, and it seemed as if that would happen after breakfast when all of the kids were seated in the living room. In a way Stella was glad they had waited with telling them, because she didn't really feel like crying now and that meant her head was clearer so she would understand things better. She was still a little unsure of the entire situation though and sat close to Eden with his hand in hers. Eden also had his other hand in Letha's to comfort her.

"I... Okay, I'm going to tell you what happened yesterday, but I need you all to be patient because this is very hard for me to talk about, okay?" Papa started gently and Stella of course nodded along with her siblings, "You know how Daddy get anxiety sometimes and gets really nervous because he has an anxiety disorder?" the kids nodded, "okay so I have an anxiety disorder as well, but it is very different from the one Daddy has. I have this thing called PTSD, do you know what that means?" Stella and Eden both shook their heads, and Stella glanced over at Harper to see if he knew, because he was older and sometimes he knew things the others didn't
 
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Roman wished they had never had to have this conversation with their children. He wished everything could be fine and he and Samuel could have perfect mental health and problems like this never arose in their household. But that was simply not the case. They had problems. But rather than shying away from them, they continued to face them head on. And that wasn't going to change.

Harper looked so confused. "But isn't that what you get if you go to war and see people die? That's what my teacher said at school when Riley asked about it, because his grandpa had it but he went to war."

"Well, yes, that's one thing that can cause it but you can also get it from other scary or traumatic things that happen in your life."
 
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