This poem was not a chore or an annoyance to read, which is generally not the case with me and poems, so kudos there. Rather than just throwing around symbolism and the like as most poem writers do, you actually told a clear story with it. After a few reads through I'm still not certain what exactly the narrator is (personification of death is my best guess), or why this girl went to go chat with them regularly, but there was a defined story of the girl losing people she loves and then she herself dying and being taken off to the afterlife to be with those she lost, so that's nice. Your use of the chosen line of dialogue from the prompt was fine, didn't stick out as unnatural or out of place or anything.
However, all that said, I feel like this story would have been better told in prose. The poem format offered nothing special for this story, and in fact I feel like it was a hindrance. The main problem with poetry is that it usually sucks to read because it does not flow in the natural way of decently written prose so the author need to be more skilled with the use of the language to give it a different sort of flow and rhythm that makes for a decent reading experience; while you did have some rhyming going on to ease things along, your poem lacked the flow that makes good poetry good. I get what you were doing with the pattern of swapping between pairs of short and long lines, but it didn't actually flow well despite the regular pattern because, as is the way of poetry, you needed to use stilted lines and broken syntax to make it work. So I'd say your work was alright for a poem, but poems are almost always at a disadvantage in these sorts of contests in my opinion because it's so much harder to make them flow well, and flow is a huge part of what makes or breaks an enjoyable reading experience for me and many others.
