You're better off without her, be mine instead

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M

Miss Jo

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Karen had just off of the phone with Lester. She had finally convinced him to get out of the house. He hadn't been out of the house much unless it was was to go to work and Karen had not seen him in several weeks. Her sister was out of town-probably enjoying time with her boyfriend. The thought of Amanda made her stomach churn. Karen was really starting to hate her sister. Especially for the emotional and financial distress she had caused Lester.

She met Lester at the Market down town so they could do some walking around and shopping. He just thought they were going to be doing some browsing, but what Karen had not told him was that she was going to buy what she needed to cook dinner for him. Karen knew that when Lester was feeling blue he did not do much cooking. She wondered briefly if he was eating garbage, or if he was eating much at all.

"Lester!" Karen exclaimed and ran towards her friend to wrap him in a warm embrace. He did not greet her with the same enthusiasm, and when they broke the hug Karen was able to see how much he looked liked shit. He hadn't shaved and he had dark circles under his eyes, probably from the lack of sleep.

"Come on," Karen playfully grabbed his hand and skipped towards the market. "Thank you for agreeing to come out here with me. It's a beautiful day, don't you think?" Karen let go of his hand and walked beside him as she took in a breath of fresh air. It was the first official day of autumn and the weather was wonderful.

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Lester gazed at his reflection in the mirror for a few good minutes after talking with Karen. He felt even worst than he looked. Tired and old. Running his fingers through his hair, Lester tried to smile, but what came out was king of a weird grimace. Why he agreed to meet with Karen? Well, she was the only one that seemed to give a shit about him. Always calling, asking if he needed help and even took his side when Amanda got caught cheating on him. "Amanda" He whispered and turned around, trying to push her put of his mind. Lester still loved her, despite everything she put him through.

Looking around the bedroom, he picked a blue collar shirt and a pair of jeans, dressed up and walked out the door. His eyes start hurting the minute he stepped outside, causing him to turn his head away from the bright light. "Fuck you too, sun!" He whispered and start walking, as the market where he was going to meeting Karen was right next block.

He was able to take a few steps inside the market area, hoping Karen will not come, then out of nowhere she charged at him, probably the only person in the world genuinely happy to see him. Lester kept his hands by his body and let her hug him, cursing for not taking a shower earlier. "Hmm, nice meeting you, Karen." He was able to murmur before being swapped away into the crowd Karen pulling him after her by his hand.

"Yeah, beautiful day indeed." Lester replied, not really agreeing with her, as for him was just another day in hell. "Can we get a coffee first? I feel kind of tired." He said looking around for a booth that had coffee with whatever people sell these days in markets.
 
Karen had an upbeat personality; no matter what happened to her whether it was good or bad, she always gave thanks and looked at the positive side of things. She had been trying to get Lester to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but he kept insisting that it was a train. Karen would frown and try to cheer up the conversation as best she could.

"Coffee?" Karen bit her lip in a concerned manner and shook her head. There was no coffee stands at this market, only organic green shakes. "I'm sorry, I should have thought of that," she only hung her head for a moment before she perked up again and took his hand once more. "Cmon I'll drive us to a local coffee shop near by. They are a bit pricier than Starbucks or Dutch bros but we are supporting a small business!" She led him back to her car.

"Had a hard time sleeping?" Her question was mostly rhetorical. She knew he wasn't get much sleep. She glanced at him when they got into the car. He did look tired. She frowned slightly but did not show him that she was upset. She wished she could just make it all better. But she knew what he wanted was Alanda back in his life.
 
Lester knew she was trying to make him feel better and in a way, he was very grateful. "I can support a small business." He gave her a faded smiled and followed Karen to the car. Once inside he kept silenced for a few seconds, not wanting to answer her question, and then turned to her. "Karen? Thank you. For doing...all this. I really appreciate it." He said and looked into her eyes. "I really do. I mean, you don´t have to do all this, but still, you´re the only one that still gives a shit about me." As he looked into her eyes, Lester noticed for the first time in years how beautiful they were. Realizing he was staring at her, he turned quickly and buckle his belt. "Safety belt on, young lady." He said looking out the windshield. "Safety first. Always." He repeated, realizing he sounded like his father.

"Ah, safety as in when driving. Not like in sex, or something like that. But also important there too." Lester started to blabber, not really finding a cool way out of this. So he decided to change quickly the subject. "Did you heard from Amanda? I heard she´s somewhere abroad? With...him. Just let her know I signed the divorce papers, if you hear from her. Is all over now." He ended and bite at his inner cheek, cursing at himself.
 
His words broke her heart. Surely she was not the only one who genuinely cared about him. Maybe he just felt like that. She looked at sincerely and smiled that bright smile of hers. "That's what friends are for Lester." She backed out of the parking space and headed towards the cafe. She did not want to say too much and give away her feelings. That's not what Lester needed right now. He had enough on his plate.

Then she giggled at his awkward safety reminded and buckled in. She had always loved Lester's humor and she was glad he was trying to be himself. But then he asked about her sister. When he asked her about Amanda, Karen's cheeks turned a deep shade of crimson, the way they did when she was angry. She was not able to hide her expression that time. "I can pass her the message. But.. Amanda's and I are not on speaking terms at the moment. She is angry with me that I am not taking her side... But don't worry about it," she turned to look at Lester as she pulled into the Cafe parking lot, and mustered a smile despite the anger that was boiling inside of her. "I'll always be here for you."

"Well, here we are!" She exclaimed and turned the car off. She didn't want to talk about her sister any more. Ninety percent of her conversations with Lester always leaned towards Amanda. Karen could understand of course. But simply because she understood, did not mean that she liked it. But she also knew it was part of Lester's healing process and she did what she could to help him along.

"They have a pretty good selection, and some pastries as well if you are hungry."
 
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Lester opened his mouth to say something else about Amanda, but noticed right away Karen´s expression and decided to shut up. The last thing he wanted to do was to annoy the only person that still cared for him. A lot of their friends took Amanda´s part when they divorced, leaving Lester alone. "Thanks Karen. I know is not been easy for you either. But now, let´s just have a cup of coffee and some waffles. I love those. With blueberry syrup! I could never made them by myself, always ending up burning them into a crispy...something." He released his safety belt and stepped out of the car, following Karen inside the coffee shop.

The moment he entered, Lester liked the place. Very clean, with nice tables by the big window wall, the fresh food aroma filling his nose and making his stomach rumble. He followed Karen to the last table by the window and looked curiously as some young guys sitting on the first table turned their heads after her, clearly checking her out. But their smiles faded away once he gave them an angry look. "Shit, she´s with her dad!" He heard one of them saying and that made him almost laugh. Well, the guy could be right, considering the age difference.

As he sat at the table, Lester looked out the window, thinking about Amanda again.
 
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When Lester mentioned waffles, she couldn't help but perk up. That was the most enthusiasm she had seen out of him all morning. That had to be a good sign. She made a mental note and decided that she was going to make some home made waffles for him someday. "Alright," she giggled, "let's get some waffles." She unbuckled and took the keys out of the ignition and led Lester inside the cafe.

Karen was completely oblivious to what happened, she was not self-centered like her sister. She hardly noticed when anyone was checking her out, she had an even harder time noticing when someone was flirting with her. To Karen, everyone was just super nice.

They chose a table by the window, and Karen noticed Lester's thoughts wandering again. Just then, a girl from behind the counter came over to greet them. "Good morning, Karen! Are you having the usual today?"

"Hey Rachel!" Karen grinned, "you got it!"

"Alright, one small green tea matcha with soy, no whip cream. And for your friend?" The teenager turned to take Lester's order.
 
Lester turned his head hearing the voice of the young waitress. Pushing Amanda from his mind, he let a smile out hearing Karen´s order and almost made a perky remark, but kept his mouth shut. "Ahh...for me a big cup of coffee, black. Waffles, nothing on top with a lot of blueberry sauce. Aside." He said, looking at the young girl. She said friend, not father. Lester smile at her as she took his order. "Thanks, Rachel."

Then he turned to Karen and lean down on his chair. "So, Karen. How you have been these days? Still dating the...what was his name?" He asked, not having a clue what he was talking about. He had no idea of Karen´s love life, was she dating or not, but wanted to show interest in her life. Actually he wanted to be interested in her life. After all, Karen was the one that pick him up, put the broken pieces together and tried to convince him the life is still worth living, even at his age. "And sorry I didn't call for so long. I just...was busy." He lied, trying not to look into her eyes. He knew he was a lousy liar, Amanda was always laughing at his poor attempts of hiding a surprise party.

The young guys at the first table kept glancing at Karen, he could easily see them through the mirror on the back wall. Then he start to wonder why the coffee place even had a mirror in such weird place.
 
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One large black coffee. Lester must have been really tired. Well, at least he would perk up. She smiled at him, adoring him while he wasn't looking and was jostled from her thoughts when he questioned her love life. Karen nervously tucked the tindrils of hair behind her ear, trying to ignore his first question. "It's ok, hun, I understand." She reached out with one hand and placed it on his, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. The action only lasted for a couple of seconds before she pulled away. As much as she wanted to linger and hold onto his strong hand, she had to let go. She did not want to alarm him.

"To answer your first question," she let out a nervous chuckle before continuing. She would not dare tell him that she could not date because she was in love with him. No man came close to Lester. "I'm afraid I don't know what guy you're talking about. I've been too busy with school and volunteer work to date," she lied. It wasn't a complete lie, she was busy, but she had time. She just didn't want to spend it on some bloke.

"I've actually started working on a new song," she changed the subject. "I play hear some Friday's. You should come check it out sometime." Her nerves started to settled when she talked about music. She hoped his answer would be yes.
 
Lester snapped out of his contemplation when Karen touched the back of his hand. Before he could react in anyway, she pulled away, but Lester was still feeling her warm thumb on his skin. It felt good to be touch again, even for a few seconds. Amanda stopped showing any kind of affection towards him long time ago and what Karen just did, felt good. As for the reason, Lester didn't even thought about it. He knew she cared for him, as a friend of course.

"Oh...then I guess I misheard you. Anyway, you should date, Karen. You´re young, beautiful, don´t let your life slip away. Work is good, rewarding I guess, but what is the point if you don´t have someone to share the fruits of your labor with. Someone to love and cherish." His mind was dangerously slipping back to Amanda, so he closed his mouth and bite again at the inside of his cheek. "What I meant is, you have better things to do with your free time than going with me to markets. As you can see", he said and gesture back towards the young guys, "you are a...what did they called you? Hot piece of ass?" He said and blushed hard. "Sorry, that was unappropriated. I apologies. That´s not true. I mean, not that you´re not. A hot...ahh..that they said." Lester was again blabbering, trying to find a way out of this.

So he changed one more time the subject, just as she did. "A new song? What do you play? And why I never heard about this before?" He asked, genuinely interested, looking curiously at her. "Of course I want to see you play. I bet you´re good. Will you play this Friday?" He asked, a little excited about the all thing. He loved music, Lester owned the larges LP collection in East Coast. Not anymore though, Amanda took it away in the divorce settlement.
 
"Well there was a gu, but...that didn't work out--" Karen's eyes almost popped right out of her head when Lester called her a 'hot piece of ass.' "They said-wha..." Karen turned pink and she looked down. She had never heard anyone say that about her. Karen didn't think of herself that way. Of course she enjoed looking nice, but vanity was taken up by Amanda.

"I... Yeah, I'll play this Friday-if you promise to come." She glanced over to the young men at the table by the door. They were not her type at all. Her type was... the man sitting across from her. She turned her attention back to Lester, still blushing. "I play indie folk... I haven't told anyone yet, I've always been embarrased. I mean, I shouldn't be. I play all of the time for the kids and the folks at the homes, but... it's different. I cover a lot of songs because I am still working on my own,

You're the first one to know. I haven't told mom-or dad yet. I don't want to disapoint dad. He's always wondered why I got into the Arts... Amanda got all of the smarts," and just like that, they were talking about Amanda again. She looked down at her lap just as their drinks and food arrived.
 
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"You´re cute when you blush!" Lester said with a blank face and moved backwards, as the waiter brought what they ordered. Did he had to make that compliment? Probably not, but he knew she´ll like it. He wanted to make her feel good. He owned Karen so much. And at that second she mentioned Amanda. Lester knew Amanda was number one child in her family, a spoiled brat of sorts, getting whatever she wanted, Karen coming second every time. Whenever he brought that up with her, Amanda cut him short "She´s just acting up. Likes to play the victim." was her answer, but Lester knew that was not the whole truth.

"Thanks, Rachel!" He said and looked down at his plate. The waffles looked so good. Sipping from his hot coffee, Lester poured some blueberry sauce on them and start eating. "Mmm...perfect!" He moaned between bites. "Indie folk, you said?" He was finally able to speak, totally ignoring her last comment about Amanda in purpose. "I love Noah and the Whale. Iron&Wine also good. But I bet you´re better." He complimented her, taking another bite of his waffles. "And you´re dad can be a jerk sometimes. Sorry, but that´s the truth. You´re smart and talented as Amanda" He ended, wondering what was going on with him. Two compliments in a row. Three actually, he also mentioned her singing. And again Amanda. Fuck!

"Count me in then! I´ll be here on Friday. I guess I can get a pass on the entry fee? As I know the artist?" He joked, smiling softly at her.
 
Karen blushed harder. She might as well have a permanent blush on her face at this rate. She took her drink and started to sip on it. "It's perfect-as usual. Thanks Rachel!" Rachel nodded and headed off to the front counter after checking that they didn't need anything else.

As she watched Lester eat, she thought about all of the times she had disappointed her father. She wasn't a straight A student, she had a couple of Bs in there on ocasion. She wasn't as eager to attend college as Amanda had been when she was her age. All she cares about was her music. Her mother understood though and defended her against her father.

Lester was right. Her father was a jerk.

"Oh you're just being nice!" She smiled. He was her friend. He was just cheering her up. That's one of the things she loved about him; he always knew how to make her smile.

"It's actually free, it's a pretty small crowd. It's small and intimate. I like it."
 
Chewing on his last piece of waffle, Lester leaned back in his place and took other sip from his coffee cup, looking at Karen. "Small and intimate you say? I can do small and intimate. Yes, I´ll be here." He said, promising himself he´ll not let Karen down this time. Scratching softly as his beard, Lester pushed the plate away and looked out the window again. "I should shave, thought." he murmured like talking to himself. He felt once more old and tired. Why Amanda had to leave him? Why she had to be such a bitch in the divorce settlement? He loved her so much, gave her everything she ever wanted. Lester even approved of her not wanting to have kids, she wanted to focus on her career.

Snapping out of his contemplation, he turn back to Karen, giving her a tired smile. "Sorry, my mind drifted away. Again. I´m finished here!" Gunning down the last drops of his coffee, Lester raised his hand towards the young waitress. "Rachel, check please!" Then he smiled to Karen. "Let´s go! I want to go to the market. I need the fresh air."
 
Karen watched as Lester ate and the movements he made after. She had placed a hand under her chin and was watching him with a small smile. She was unaware of the way she was looking at him and realized it when he called for the check. She jerked back and sat up straight. She must have looked like a creep looking at him that way.

"That will mean so much to me," she replied to his earlier response to come see her.

Rachel came over with the check and Karen was already prepared with her debit card to pay. "I got it," she smiled. "You paid for breakfast last time." She actually couldn't remember the last time they had breakfast, but she didn't want him to feel bad.

"Come on," she got up and grabbed his hand again. "Let's get some fresh air!" She said enthusiastically and skipped towards the front door. She didn't know why she kept grabbing his hand or why she kept skipping-she just knew she was always in a good mood when she was with him.
 
Lester could helped himself and grin at the young boys as they walked past their table, Karen holding his hand. Just before they stepped out of the coffee shop, he turned to them and wink, enjoying the way their faces looked right then. Laughing softly, partially at what he just did, but also starting to have a good mood, Karen´s enthusiasm being kind of catchy, he gave her hand a small squeeze. "Thanks for the waffles and coffee."

He liked the way she kept grabbing at his hand. First he found it weird, like it was an inappropriate thing to do, but now he start to enjoyed. He knew it meant nothing, just Karen´s way of leading him forward. "I need to buy some honey. Home made." Lester said as they entered the market area. "And some fruits. Tomatoes and cheese. Damn, my fridge is actually empty. Am not use of being a bachelor, I guess."

He kept monitoring the stands as they walked through the market, Karen still holding at his hand.
 
Karen smiled at the way he squeezed her dainty hand. It was nice the way it felt. His hands were warm. "Of course!" And on they went to the market. It was close enough that they actually walked back. "Ah, well...good thing is..." She let go of his hand and pulled out a bunch of canvas bags from her messenger bag as they walked. "I have these!!" She grinned cheesily. The smallest things amused and made her happy.

"We will shop it up!" She passed him some canvas bags. "Good thing I always come prepared." She was way too perky for this early in the morning, but it was probably more so because of the cafeine she had. Amanda always hated how Karen was always so happy. Amanda said that it was annoying.

"Sorry," Karen lowered her head a bit, thinking of her sister. "I hope I'm not being annoying."
 
"Were you planning to buy the all market?" Lester asked smiling as she started to pull out the canvas bags. He only needed like a few tomatoes and small piece of cheese, but Karen seemed to come prepared for a feast. He took one bags form her hand and looks inside, curiously. "I could never eat in a month what this bag can carry." Laughing softly he raised his head and looked at Karen when he heard her last comment. "Hush now. You could never annoy me. I was Amanda´s husband, but I´m nothing like her, Karen." He said, knowing why she asked the question. "Amanda was a bitch. Here, I said it!" Hand over his mouth, like he just said something terrible, Lester start to laugh hard.

"I tell you what." He managed to say when he stopped laughing, some seconds later. "You just keep being you, the annoying Karen and I promise to behave and not think of my failed marriage for the rest of the day. Deal?" He asked and extended his hand towards her.
 
She was nothing like Amanda. Lester was right. She should have known better. She and Lester had been friends for years, not once had he said she was annoying, even if he might have thought she was at times. And then he said it. He called Amanda out for what she was: he called her a bitch! Karen's mouth fell open just as Lester clasped his hand over his mouth. They both laughed together. Karen snorted and covered her mouth. She laughed harder.

When the laughter finally subsided, Lester instructed her to keep being herself. The Annoying Karen. She giggled. Would he really stop thinking about his failed marriage?

"Deal," she took his hand and squeezed it. She grinned and they continued shopping.

Karen bought all of the ingredients she needed for dinner, plus some extra for the week. She juiced a lot. She only made dinner when she had company.

"So," she said as they walked back to their cars, her bag full of food and his with only a few things. "I'm making dinner tonight. Will you come?"
 
Lester followed Karen around the market, making small jokes, crazy remarks at some of the things she bought, trying to show her he was enjoying himself. As they walked to their cars, Karen asked him for dinner. "Ahh...dinner? Depends I guess." He answered and kept quite for a few more steps, until they reached the cars.

Turning towards Karen, Lester smiled. "Are you going to be annoying? Otherwise I´m going to McDonald's!" He said and let a small laugh out, as he pulled his keys out and unlock the trunk of his car. "I got you! You were like, "his not going to come, his going to stay home and stare at the ceiling feeling sorry for himself". Of course I´ll come. I can´t even remembered when was the last time I had a home cooked meal. I think it was when me and Amanda..." And then he stopped.

Lester threw the bag with food inside his trunk and pressed hard, closing it with a loud noise. He felt so angry at himself. Yes, he still loved Amanda. A lot. Yes, he´ll probably suffer until the end of his life, but couldn't he stop mentioning her name for even one day? "Sorry about that." Visible annoyed, Lester circle the car and opened the door. "I´ll be there. Seven pm is okay?" He ask, finally finding the courage to raise his eyes and look at Karen.
 
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