Working fast food in a troubled neighborhood: Stories from the abyss.

Should I tell more stories from the abyss that is a fast food restaurant in a shitty part of town?

  • Yes!

  • No!

  • FERRETS. I LOVE FERRETS. I FUCKING LOVE FERRETS.

  • I'm Offended. Fuck you Brovo.


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Episode 4: This Is The Episode Where @Seba Woes For Humanity

Not much to say with this one. Essentially, it was a late night shift. Now we get all sorts of folks in the late night, and I've already grown accustomed to being entirely unsurprised by it all. This one surprised me. Mainly by being a 60+ something year old man walking into an Arby's about half an hour before closing, and he started flirting with me. Now, this isn't the first time I've been flirted with at that point. I usually get at least one sexual offer a week working night shifts at Arby's. It's really kind of sad, but this one in particular wins and gets first story spot here because, well... I turned away to get his sandwich, and I hear him say...

"Shake that ass God gave you."

Welp. Creepy. Real creepy, buddy. He wasn't high or drunk either (insofar as I could tell anyway), and he was seriously eyeing me over. I must say, the sad thing I've learned is, that 90% or so of the homosexual propositions you'll get, are from doms. By nature's glorious genetic hammer, I'm a dom. So being asked for sexual favours as a sub, for a sexuality I'm not compatible with, by a 60+ year old guy, 30 minutes before closing, is pretty much a winning combination of nope. Super nope. Ultra nope. Just nope nope nope, buddy. But, of course, I had to hand him his sandwich, smile, and usher him off. He did at least say I have a nice smile. So, you know. -1 Nope-O-Meter point there. It's too bad he fucked up and ended up with, you know, 108 points total. Or maybe I might have actually meant that smile.


Again, night shift, though I had just started, so it was technically the afternoon. 4:30 PM ish, to be exact. I remember this quite clearly because I hadn't quite said "I love you" to my girlfriend yet over my phone. A father and his daughter walk in to order some food. Standard faire, nothing out of the ordinary. She looks to be about 13-14, he looks to be about 30's to 40's, trades worker for sure, because he utterly dwarfs me in size. Would be intimidating if not for his charming smile and friendly demeanour, I think he knew he was naturally intimidating and tried to disarm it in public. Still, he orders. Chicken will be five minutes because none was prepared yet, because apparently, nobody had noticed that we were out, so we had to go make more. Well fuck. Oh well. No big deal. The father walks out to go to the bathroom. Again, no problem, most teenagers are totally absorbed by their phones and self-inflated egos to ever bother with me, I like things that way. Then the 14 year old says I'm cute. Well, that's adorable. I mention off hand that I have a girlfriend, but thanked her for the compliment. "Oh, well, that's okay, I like taken men."

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Jesusfuckingchristno. I am now caught in a catch 22: I can't leave the customers there until the food is done, because my supervisor is around and will have my ass for it. I can't flirt back because, um, illegal. Also I love my girlfriend, I don't need this sort of drama in my life over someone who has probably (hopefully) never done did a naked male. Seriously, girlfriend > whatever stupidity this moron is offering. So she tries to ask for my number, and I decline. I already had a girl back when I was in high school once send me over 500 text messages threatening to kill herself if I didn't devote my entire existence to loving her, so, really, no. Fuck that. I'm good. She keeps pushing for it. Finally I do the old "give her a fake number" trick. She immediately calls it after noticing my phone was in my back pocket. It does not ring or buzz. I claim it's because it's off: Store policy, not supposed to have phones on the floor.

Then my dad texts me asking what my schedule will be like. Which causes my phone to buzz, since I have his number set as an important caller.


I take one look at the 14 year old and she glares at me, with immense hatred. Before she could so much as open her mouth, I dashed to the back and immediately told my supervisor. She informed me that this cunt does this to every male cashier in this particular Arby's and has been doing so for at least a year. I ask her about telling her father, and she says her father only got angry at the supervisor for "making slanderous libel" about his daughter.

Well. Great. So I'll probably be harassed by this dipshit every time she and her dad come into the store. Joy. And there's nothing I can do about it because nobody would ever believe that a 14 year old female is sexually harassing a 23 year old male, because of social standards. Great. Awesome.

This chick, more than anything else--the druggies, the aggressively hostile idiots, invisible shotgun native guy, so on--makes me worry for my life. She could easily make a false rape claim and completely fuck over my life, so I have to dance very, very carefully around this. I think in the future every time I see her, I'm just going to immediately dash to the back of the store and tell whoever the supervisor or manager is that I'm not risking my social life and possible future career over some horny, idiotic, attention seeking 14 year old. No. Just no.


Here's one that's less rapey and troubling for my life and more just hilarious as a good end note. This was early-mid afternoon, about an hour or two after the lunch rush. Only a half a dozen customers in the restaurant at this point. A couple of customers came in, they looked like your standard faire industrial folk. They were 20-something year olds, construction workers maybe. We get a lot of those, usually buddies on break getting some fast food because they forgot to pack some food for themselves, and you can't do hard labour while hungry. That just hurts. I know from experience, it just hurts. Anyway, they buy a couple burgers, eat, and go to the bathroom. Normally I don't note this sort of thing, but they both went at the same time, holding hands. Well, it could just be awful implications, right?


I have never heard louder moaning from a bathroom in my entire life. Holy shit. These two could probably outdo porn stars. It was about 10-15 minutes, too. Everyone just stared as they left. Best part? One of them winked at me as they left.

They knew we heard them.

They didn't care.

They just wanted to do something wild and stupid I guess.

PS: No matter your sexuality, please don't fuck in an Arby's bathroom. It's not that I give a shit, I mean, you do whatever (or whoever :ferret:) you want. I just guarantee that, aside from myself, nobody ever cleans those bathrooms properly. You are fucking on about 300 different people's piss and shit. That's just not healthy.
 
What the fuck do you put in those sandwiches?
Admittedly really good roast beef and chicken. There's just a lot of really, truly strange people who come out at night mate. I've met everything from hyper-racists to hippies to drunk natives, all the way to families, then to prostitutes, and so on. Again, even if it's only 1 out of every 40 that is totally fucking bonkers, I serve (easily) 20-60 customers a night. Easily. Compound that over 2-5 night shifts a week and you'll get plenty of weirdos. Sex just happens to be a common one right now.
 
Why would you even want to do such things in a public bathroom? Eew. D: I dun even want to pee in a public bathroom o_o People are weird!
 
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Flirt at a bar, a dating site, a park?

Nah, let's hit on the guy making our food.
 
Admittedly really good roast beef and chicken. There's just a lot of really, truly strange people who come out at night mate. I've met everything from hyper-racists to hippies to drunk natives, all the way to families, then to prostitutes, and so on. Again, even if it's only 1 out of every 40 that is totally fucking bonkers, I serve (easily) 20-60 customers a night. Easily. Compound that over 2-5 night shifts a week and you'll get plenty of weirdos. Sex just happens to be a common one right now.
Yeah, but I've worked in two delis and I never once had anyone proposition me for more than cold cuts. Even the creepy old Italian women with so much perfume that it's in contravention of the Geneva Convention never even so much as gave me perverted winks.

Maybe Edmontonians are just all sex fiends.

PROTECT YOUR CHASITY FRIEND!
 
Yeah, but I've worked in two delis and I never once had anyone proposition me for more than cold cuts. Even the creepy old Italian women with so much perfume that it's in contravention of the Geneva Convention never even so much as gave me perverted winks.

Maybe Edmontonians are just all sex fiends.

PROTECT YOUR CHASITY FRIEND!
It's just that I work in an Arby's caught between industrial, low quality residential, and two bars. Drunk natives appear all the time. It's basically a swirl of stupid.

The day shifts are largely okay. It's the night shifts that get pretty wacky.
 
Why would you even want to do such things in a public bathroom? Eew. D: I dun even want to pee in a public bathroom o_o People are weird!

Stop kinkshaming.
 
Stop kinkshaming.
I WON'T STOP BEFORE THEY BECOME MORE HYGIENIC AND LESS PUBLIC WITH THEIR SEX SPOTS! -Puts on evil monocle and start making plans to build an evil device that will brainwash the kinks away- MOHHAHAHAHHA -pats extremely furry and cute evil cat sidekick-
 
I WON'T STOP BEFORE THEY BECOME MORE HYGIENIC AND LESS PUBLIC WITH THEIR SEX SPOTS! -Puts on evil monocle and start making plans to build an evil device that will brainwash the kinks away- MOHHAHAHAHHA -pats extremely furry and cute evil cat sidekick-
0907152026_zpsl8eitkch.jpg

All I can say is that little girl is going to be in for a shocker when someone fucks with her instead of the other way around.
You have an interesting job, Brovo. I never knew so many strange things could happen in a fast food place, and I never in my life thought I would be so entertained by them.
 
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so many strange things could happen in a fast food place, and I never in my life thought I would be so entertained by them.
This is why I actively avoid those types of jobs. XD

Not only could they be a huge pain to deal with but knowing myself I wouldn't be able to keep my cool the entire time like Brovo does.
 
I think the only reason you have a job there Brovo, is becouse you clearly "attract" a stable customer base.


Also, I will never get over people banging at fastfood resturaunts. Those toilets are fucking gonorrhea pits.
 
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