Winterwings and Cruxbre

Kay slowly felt herself fall into silence, she stopped singing but in her mind she was still singing. As Neo calmed down, she felt herself relax.
Neo got up and rapped on the window. She knew what he was feeling. That he was feeling caged in and was anxious to get out. Another song popped into Kay's mind and she hummed the song. Kay listened to Neo while humming the soothing song that she had only heard once. She stood up, walked over the window and touched Neo's arm
"Ren took my car but we can go for a walk." She wrapped her fingers around his wrist, tugging it gently. She pulled him gently toward the door to his room, then the desk. "Hi. I'm Kay, Neo's sister. I would like to bring him outside for a walk." I said.
"Sure just don't let him out of your sight." Kay nodded.
"Of course not!" She said, pulling on his hand. "Come on, Neo." She said while walking out and waiting for the doors to be opened. "We'll get better Neo. We always will if we have each other." She said, squeezing her fingers around his wrist. "I dont want to die. And even if you had succeed I would have carried on. Been very sad and depressed, but I would have carried on and made sure no one else had to go through losing a brother or sister." She turned and faced him in the elevator. "Let me help you. I need your help, let me help you."
 
Neo couldn't really believe what was just happening. He was going to get to be outside. He felt a bit annoyed as they talked about him almost as if he wasn't there, and how Kay held his wrist, as if he was a child crossing the street. But he didn't do anything about it, it didn't matter that much. If that was what Kay wanted, then sure, she was his sister. His twin. It would be different if someone else held his wrist like that.
She needed his help. She wanted to help him. He looked at her, listened to what she said, but didn't really give a respond. He would finally get outside. And he had to behave, otherwise he probably wouldn't be let outside another time. But he couldn't stop the thought of doing something else. But then, he thought about Kay. She would be sad, she really would. Maybe she would feel as if it was her fault. But he didn't have time for those feelings now, he had to block it out. This was his only chance.
When they got outside, he looked around. There were trees, grass, birds, all of the things that he took for granted a while ago. He looked at Kay, wondered if she could see the it in his eyes, the way he was somewhere else in his mind, not really there. He looked at her hand holding his wrist. He was still a prisoner, though.
"Lets go this way", he said, and began to walk. It felt surreal to be outside those hospital walls, but in a good way. He felt free.
 
Kay was aware that Neo was partially somewhere else, that he wasn't thinking about her and being outside. She got a tad upset, not understanding why he was still looking for ways to hurt himself. She walked along just behind Neo and studied how he moved. That was the key to understanding what some one was thinking. She watched as he stepped, watched as his shoulders tensed and his head swiveled around, taking everything in.
"Neo. Please." Kay said, stepping next to him and letting go of his wrist. She knew she would be forever hurt and blame him if he were to ever do anything to try and kill himself again.
As much as she would blame him, she would blame herself as well. She would never be able to look in the mirror again, see his face in hers. His eyes, his mouth, his expressions. She shook her head, not going to cry. She was angry now, pissed that Neo was trying to use her to kill himself again. She walked over to a tree and slammed her fist into it. She pulled back and slammed the tree again, wishing it was Neo. She hit it a third and fourth time, anger making her numb. She pulled back and wiped her bloody hand across her face, leaving trails of blood and tears. After the anger passed, she gasped and looked at her hand as if she didn't realize she was just punching a tree.
Actually, when she was in a rage, which almost never happened, she lost all conscience thought and just punched something until she wasn't angry anymore. Normally it was Ren, not a tree, but Ren wasn't here and she had to punch something. If she didn't she would have screamed at Neo. About how he didn't care and he how all he had ever done since he fail at killing himself was to mope around and just conveniently for get that he even had a twin or a family and friends. He'd forgotten every one that loved him because he failed to kill himself. She would never understand why he had decided to do that and she never wanted to.
Yes, she'd thought about it, but other than cutting her wrist once, she'd never done anything so drastic. She wanted to haul off and slap him but she held back, knowing that would be the end of it and he would kill himself. She'd never hit him before and she wasn't about to start now.
She wiped the blood on her jeans, hissing in pain as the rough material scrubbed at the broken skin. She held her breath for seven heartbeats and then let it out and repeated the ritual a couple more times, before she looked over at Neo, calm again. "Come on. Lets go for a walk."
 
Neo looked at Kay as she punched the tree. He looked at her with big eyes, surprised. He hadn't expected this to happen - or something like it. He thought about why she would be mad, what her reason was. And soon, he realized that it was all because of him. She probably understood what he was thinking. He didn't think that she would figure it out, he thought he hid it well. But, that she knew what he was thinking didn't surprise him that much after all - she was actually his twin. She was the one who knew him better than anyone else, and he had pushed her away. He knew it wasn't fair, and he had all right to be mad at him. He knew that it would be wrong of him to leave her there, alone.
After that she had had her rage, he changed his mind. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, after all. But he just couldn't stop thinking about it as his only chance. On the other hand, he knew that she would be heartbroken, whether he succeeded or not, and if he didn't, he would be as broken as well. It was a hard decision. She wouldn't tell them not to let him out again, would she? It depended on if he behaved or not, he guessed. If he behaved, maybe they could go out another day. He thought about her sudden burst of anger as a warning.
He nodded slightly as she, finally, looked at him with her normal, calm eyes again. It felt good having the real Kay back, but Neo couldn't imagine what it must feel like for her. Was he himself, or was he someone else? Did she see him as someone else? He didn't know. He couldn't even remember what it had been like before. That was all a long time ago.
Neo took her hand in his, hoped that she could feel that it was out of love, or at least something close to it. A feeling of caring, he wanted her to know that he cared about her. And it was as if he had forgotten that it was blood on it, but he held it gently not to cause her any pain. He tried to enjoy the moment as they walked, breathed in every moment of it. He tried not to think those ugly, stupid thoughts, the thoughts that would destroy it all.
"I love you", he said, and looked at her for a second before looking on the road again, and then towards where they were heading. He hoped that she could hear it, that he meant it, or at least tried to.
"Could we go shopping?" he asked, but honestly he didn't think that she would approve on that. Go for a walk and go shopping was different things. In a mall or a shop there was people. It was, most of the time, crowded. He knew that she probably wouldn't let him, but it was worth a try.
 
Kay left Neo take her hand and lead her again, she knew he was being careful of her hand, but it still hurt. She didn't say anything, just bit her lip and watched the ground.
"I love you." Neo said and she just nodded. Yeah. Because he had seen she wasn't as perfect as she seemed to be. Once they were all back to normal, he wouldn't say it and she would feel the pain from it. She shook her head at Neo's shopping question.
"No." She mumbled. "Not now. I don't have my car or my cell phone and Rev should be back soon." She groaned without meaning to, the pain getting to be too much. Her head spun and her legs refused to move anymore. She sank to the ground, pulling her hand from Neo's. She looked at it, the pain that was numbed coming back as she watched her hand slowly bleed.
She moaned, unable to control the pain anymore. Whimpering she held her hand up to her chest, upset at herself for letting her anger get the best of her. She rocked back and forth, trying to think of something else to talk about instead of her bloody messed up hand. She tried to think of a song that would take her mind of the pain. She started singing a song about pain, but of a different kind.
She bit her lip, keeping the words inside her small body, which shook with the force of emotions and pain rushing through it. She shook with the force of the sobs that choked at her throat. She lost track of the world and time and the fact that Neo was there. She covered here ears as Neo had and kept whispering, "Kiss it all better, its not your fault Neo, you didn't know."
 
Neo nodded as she said no, it wasn't a surprise, after all. He stopped as she did and looked at her, confused. He let her let go of his hand, watched her as she sank down to the ground. Poor Kay, he thought. He sat down as well and looked at her, tried to think of a way to help her. He opened his mouth, but closed it as she covered her ears and began to sing. Maybe the best thing was to let her be, maybe just to watch it as she had done herself. He listened as she sang, thought about if it was really true. Was it his fault? He thought it was. If he hadn't want to go outside, thinking of a way to end it all, then she wouldn't be upset. Then they would have taken a nice walk, like Kay thought from the start, then they wouldn't be sitting on the ground. He looked around to see if there was anyone coming, but there wasn't.
"Does it hurt?" he asked, but he didn't know if to expect an answer or not. He reach his hand out a little, not sure if he was going to touch her or not. Finally, he touched her back, carefully rubbing it.
"When we get back they'll probably help you with that", he said, hoping that it would make her feel better. Back at the hospital he was pretty sure that they would help her with her hand, put a bandage on or something. Whatever was needed to be done. He didn't really feel like going back though, even though he knew that it would probably be the best thing to do.
"Should we go back?" he asked, and stood up. He bit his lip since he didn't know what to do.
 
Kay felt Neo's hand on her back. She shook with emotion and resisted the urge to punch something again. She looked at her hand, then Neo then at the hospital. She shook her head.
"No. They'll just lock me up too." She said, hollowly. She had pushed all her emotions away, blocking the feelings that were making her sad and angry. "I said I'd stay with you. Not be locked up to." She knew her words could be taken as offensive but she didn't care right now. She couldn't care. If she did, she wouldn't have let her rage get the best of her.
"I can tell you that we can go shopping later but only if you back up my story. I'm going to say that I climbed a tree and scrapped up my hand. Or something like that." She said, standing up again.
If Neo could be emotionless, then she could too. She could do this too, keep her heart out of all this. She held her injured hand with the other one.
"I need to get some clothes from the house, and visit mom, but I'll come back." She said, seeing Ren pull up in her car. She tuned and gave Neo a one armed hug and kiss on the cheek. "I'll bring you back inside. Wanna write a note to mom? It'd make her day." She said, waving at Ren as he walked up.
"Your hand." She waved away his sentence.
"Yes, I know. I'll tell you later. I'm bringing Neo back inside. Then going home, dropping you off, and going to see mom. I'll get this bandaged at the hospital." She said, grabbing Neo's hand with her uninjured one. "Come on. I'll be back in a couple hours." She said, ginning at Neo.
 
Neo didn't fully understand why Kay felt like she had to lie about it to the people at the hospital, he didn't think that they would lock her up just because of something like that. Just because you had anger issues didn't mean that you had to get locked up, he thought. But he nodded. He was going to stick to her story, if that was what she wanted. Otherwise, maybe they wouldn't trust her going with him for walks again, he thought. Or maybe they wouldn't let them see each other at all.
"I'll stick to your story, promise" he said. He looked at Ren in the car and then at Kay, and nodded once again. It was okay, it had been a nice walk, after all. Or at least, they had been outside. He had totally forgot about mom. Would she be happy if she got a note from him, really? He thought about it. A note. Something to look at. But, he wasn't sure. He didn't know what to write. He could write that he loved her, of course, but it felt wrong writing it if he didn't mean it, or at least, felt it. He sighed.
"I don't know. Maybe you could just tell her that I love her", he said, thinking that maybe he could write her a note next time. He followed her as she followed him inside, and he felt safe, for some reason. It had all been very weird being outside, especially with Kay, and somehow it felt good being somewhere where he knew how things worked. Being somewhere he was familiar with.
Soon, the one at the desk asked about her hand. Neo quickly explained it, looked at Kay, hoping that she would be okay explaining it once again if necessary, and getting it bandaged by herself, since he had to get back to his room.
 
Kay couldn't help the sad feeling when Neo suggested that she just tell mom he loved her. She knew mom was okay with that, that she would just be happy to know that Neo was still alive, that he loved someone. But she nodded once and quickly hid her hand in her sweatshirt pocket with only a small scratch peeking out.
She watched as Neo walked back to his room, wishing she could hug him again. "Hey, Neo. Text me if you need anything, okay?" She waved her fine hand and turned back to leave. "Come on, Rev. Lets get going."
Once outside, she took a deep breath, stopped walking and leaned against Rev, who slipped and arm around her shoulders. holding her up as he walked to the car. He opened the passenger side door and Kay sat down, pulling her feet into the car and closing the door as Rev walked to the other side and got in.
"Might I ask why you punched a tree again?" Rev asked, backing out of the space and driving away from the hospital. Kay nodded.
"I had a rage fit. I wasn't about to wail on Neo, so I went for the best thing. A tree." She answered still emotionless. Rev sighed.
"Yes but you wailed on the tree. Its evident by the depth of the cuts." He muttered. "You gotta control your temper when you get rages." She rolled her eyes, looking at her hand which was pretty much scabbed over and had stopped bleeding.
"I'm fine, Rev. Look, it stopped bleeding." She showed him her hand, noticing that he was driving to her house instead of his. "Rev, your supposed to be going to your house."
"I'm not letting you drive with that hand." He muttered, pulling into her driveway and parking. "In you go. Get your stuff." Rev said, in his seat to relax into the seat. Kay sighed and got out. she grabbed her stuff and hopped back into the car.
"Alright." She said and Rev started down the road toward the hospital.
As her mother had been in the hospital, they had moved here to be closer and wanted to be near the hospital. "You ready to do this?" Rev asked, meaning get her hand sown up.
Kay nodded. "So long as I'm talking to Mom, I can do it." She muttered, resting her head on the window. Rev nodded mutely and pulled into a parking spot. Slipping the parking permit over the rear view mirror. He took her uninjured hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Kay nodded, understanding that he was there for her and always would be.

A while later, after her mother had asked for someone to sow up her daughters hand, Kay remembered what Neo had said.
"Oh mom." She started, making sure her mother was looking at her before continuing, "I saw Neo. He's looking like a shell of his former self, but his mind is still the same. He's healing and I got him to scream, so I think he'll get better." She didn't mention that she skipped on school though.
"Really? Did you pass along my love?" Kay shook her head and hissed.
"No. I was to busy trying not to beat the crap outta him." She said. Mom cocked her head to one side. "He's become self centered. He thinks of me, but mostly of himself." She sighed. "I don't know what to do, mom. He just makes me so angry. He was selfish. He ignored me. What do I do?" She asked, feeling defeated.
Mom reached over and touched her shoulder. "Your doing just fine. You just have to keep your temper in check. Though you showed him your not perfect either and that will help the process." Kay looked up at her mom surprised.
"Really?" She said as the nurse stitched the last pieces of skin back together.
"Alright. That should do it. I'll do get some bandages." She stood up and went to leave the room. "Try not to fight with the trees. You'll lose."
Kay nodded. "Yes Ma'am." The nurse smiled and left.
"Yes, Kay. Neo thinks he failed you, you showed that you fail at things too. You showed that you still fail at controlling your anger." She said, her hand resting on Kay's leg. Kay nodded, Rev chuckled from the corner.
"You always did suck at controlling your temper." Kay shot him a look that would have killed if it could.
"Hun, you have to show Neo that your still the same Kay. You make mistakes, you're just as emotionless as he is sometimes." Kay snorted a laugh.
"Its all the time now, mom." Rev laughed again. The nurse came back in and bandaged her hand. "Thank you." She said.
"It's my job." The nurse said. Kay shook her head.
"Your job is to take care of my mom. Not me. So thank you." She muttered, remembering her manners. The nurse blushed and nodded.
"Your welcome then." She nodded and left the room, going to get some water for Mom.
"Oh, mom! Neo said that he love you." She remembered. Mom nodded, getting sleepy. Kay didn't want to leave but decided her mom would get no rest if she stayed. "Right. You need to sleep, so Rev and me will be going."
"Rev and I." Rev corrected. She rolled her eyes and bent down for a kiss.
"Want me to tell Neo anything?" She asked. Her mom nodded, but was almost asleep so Kay didn't ask what, she already knew. "I love you, mom."
"I love you, Kane." She said, mixing their names together. Kay grinned and quietly walked out of the room, Rev right behind her.
"Back to Neo then?" He asked. Kay nodded.
"Since I'll be there mostly, would you like to keep my car for a while? I'll write a note in case you get pulled over and everything." She grinned sliding into the car. He shot her a look and turned the car on.
They didn't talk as Rev carefully drove back to the hospital. "Be careful please." Rev muttered as he parked the car.
"Of course." Kay said, holding a hand out for her phone. Rev handed it over, waited for her to grab her stuff, scribbled down a note and stand away from the car before backing out. Her chest hurt as he drive away and she didn't know why.
Shaking these feeling off, she headed back into the hospital, bag in hand. "Hey. I was wondering if I would be able to stay with Neo while he was here." She asked. After being let back into the ward, she found Neo's room and knocked on the door. "I'm back." She said, as she dropped her bag in the corner.
 
When Neo was back in his room, he laid down in his bed and looked at the sealing. After a while, Sophia came in. She had a cup of water in one hand and some pills in the other.
"What was it like outside?" she asked, but he didn't answer. It was none of her business. She sat down on the bed and looked at him.
"Well, here's your meds, you should've taken them quite a while ago, but you weren't here", she said, and he nodded slightly. As if he cared. He looked at the meds, shook his head barely noticeable. He didn't feel like taking them.
"I'll only make you take them if you don't do it on your own, you know that, right?" she said, as if she had read his mind. He bit his lip. All of sudden, he felt as if the pills were poisoned, or something like that. He looked at Sophia and hoped that she would let him skip them, just this time, but she was stubborn. She handed them to him, and he took them in his hand. Looked at them. Green, yellow, white, pink, or whatever. He threw them towards the window and flew up from his bed towards the door, but Sophia was quick. She landed over him and he felt it as if an elephant had just crushed him, and he screamed. His heart was beating very fast as he looked into Sophia's eyes. He was sure that she was going to kill him with those pills, he just knew it. He tried to bit her, and he was able to get on his feet for just a second before Sophia got him again, and he crashed into the wall.
"Neo, listen to me", she said in a calm voice trying to hold him down, and he gasped for air and tried to get away from her.
"Neo, I'm not going to hurt you, okay? Everything is fine, you're at the hospital, you're safe", she said, as she managed to put Neo's arms behind his back. He screamed as much as he could, he wouldn't listen to what she said. Sophia had no choice but to press the red alarm button, and soon, two men came into the room. Neo cried and screamed for help, and he got a piece of Sophia. She screamed as he bit her and the two others helped her, and soon he was unable to move because of the two men holding him down. He hissed as an animal as they gave him a shot of something making him feel dizzy.
A while later, Neo didn't feel as dizzy anymore, and looked around. He saw that his arms and legs were restrained to the bed, and he tried to get away, but soon he realized that it wouldn't work.
"...Kay?" he said, as he noticed her at the door. He felt nauseous but didn't say anything. He remembered what had happened, and he bit his lip. He hoped they hadn't told her about it. Or maybe they had. He sighed. It didn't really matter.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened... Things got a little out of control", he said.
 
Kay walked in and sat in the chair next to Neo. She warily looked over her brothers stretched out form. She didn't care why he was like that. She didn't want to know either, so she just sat in her chair and pulled out her notebook. She absently wrote about something that was as depressing as she felt.
She waited for a while, until the nurses came in and undid the straps holding Neo down, then she set her notebook aside and looked over at him. She held up a hand as he opened his mouth. "I don't want to know." She told him. "Mom sends her love. She looking a little bit better." Kay shivered before getting up and grabbing a sweatshirt. She tugged it over her head and settled back into her chair, cross legged and with her notebook in her lap.
She wrote. Words just seemed to flow out of her and she kept writing, letting out all her anger and fears onto the paper and feeling better for it. She wrote until the sun went down, writing as the lights were flicked on and writing as the world around her was sleeping.
She wrote about the good times, the bad, the happy and the angry. She kept writing through the night, til about two in the morning when she fell asleep, chin to chest, pencil still posed to write, shivering a bit as she dreamed of darkness.
 
Neo looked at her as she sat down. Didn't want to hear any of it. Maybe it was good that she didn't know. Maybe she didn't have to know everything. He kept quiet about it and looked out the window instead. He nodded slightly, he was glad that their mum was getting better. Or, at least, he should be happy. But for the moment, he felt nothing at all. He was numb. He glanced at her a couple of times, but soon discovered that she was writing. She didn't want to be with him right now. But having her there was good too, it made him feel less alone.
Soon, it was as if she wasn't even there. She was all about her writing, and he didn't mind. He tried to build up the wall that had been crushed when they had met, tried to rebuild what he thought was so strong. The wall that made him think of the opportunities about ending it all even though she was right next to him. He needed that wall. He needed that wall to survive, partly staying emotionless was the key. That's why he had managed to see her at all. He wanted that wall up, because he didn't want to feel any guilt when he did it. He didn't want to feel anything, he didn't want to get affected by her sad eyes as he would try to do it again. If he was going to try again, and this time actually succeed, he knew that he had to get all the feelings for her out of the way.
The next morning, he woke up and immediately looked over to Kay. She was still there. He sat up, went to the bathroom. Sat there for a while, thought things through. He knew exactly what he was going to do. He looked at Kay for a second, then he looked away. He wasn't going to take any more pills. He wanted to be clear in his mind when he did it.
 
All through the night, Kay kept waking up and jotting things down. She poured out how she felt her character, Colleen, had a brother much like her own, she was going through everything Kay was.
Micheal watched as his sister wrote in her notebook, not really wondering what she was writing. He was too busy trying to close what Colleen had broken open. The black box, his black box, holding all of his memories and emotions. He shoved his feelings back inside and locked the box again.
That done, he turned to planing his next suicide attempt, as the sister who would die without him, sat by his side, scribbling in her notebook. He thought of trying a higher building, or maybe a gun this time.
No, he thought. I couldn't do that to Colleen. She'd always think of me as blown up.
"Well." A voice replied. "Isn't that what you want? For her to miss you and die without you?"
No! Mike shouted back. His hands tightened into fists. That's not what I want.
"Well then what?" The voice asked back, not letting Mike get off so easily.
I want to die. I don't want to live!
"But your dieing, you're killing yourself, actually. Will hurt your sister. Will drive your sister to insanity, so much so that she has to go into a hospital or die herself to get away from the images of you splattered over the walls or a sidewalk."
Well, yes, but--
"God. No buts. Don't you understand what your doing to her?"
 Kay jerked awake, hearing Neo shuffling about, she located her pencil a few feet away. She looked at Neo when he glanced over at her.
"Feeling better?" Was all she said, getting up to get her pencil. "Sorry I'm not really here, I just need to write." She said lamely.
 
Neo looked at her, thought about it. Was he feeling better, really? Since when? What did she mean by 'better'? Was it good, not as bad as yesterday, or what was it? He wasn't as bad as he had been last day though, and he bit his lip as he thought about it. About what had happened, and what Kay didn't know. He opened his mouth, but didn't have an answer. Was planning his suicide 'better' than yesterday? He didn't know. Was deciding not to take his meds something that would make him feel 'better'? He doubted that anything would ever make him feel better again, whatever that meant.
"I don't know", he answered, and then he took his eyes from her. Writing was a good thing, it really was. He remembered a time where he had written, to get the feelings out. But that didn't work anymore though. Now, he doubted he would be able to even hold a pen without feeling the urge to hurt himself somehow. At least, he remembered that feeling. The feeling of needing to harm himself so much, that he couldn't even do normal stuff that normal people did every day. He sighed.
Sophie knocked on the door, a quick knock, before opening it. She smiled at Kay and then discovered Neo in the bathroom. "Good morning. I hope you've been sleeping good", she said, looking at both of them, but mostly at Kay. Then she handed the cup of water to Neo, and the pills.
"I'm about to, well, use the toilet, I don't really want you in here. Could you please come back in a minute?" Neo asked, and Sophie nodded. She smiled at him before waving goodbye to both Neo and Kay.
"I'll be back later, then", she said, and Neo nodded slightly. That meant that she wasn't planning on coming back in just a minute. It meant that she trusted him. Or maybe it was Kay that she trusted. Either way, Neo had succeeded. He looked at the pills, and dropped them into the toilet. It was a pleasing sound as they hit the water, he thought.
 
Kay looked up as Sophie knocked on the door. "I haven't slept at all really." She muttered, watching as Sophie interacted with Neo. She narrowed her eyes as Neo dismissed the taller girl.
She listened as Neo swung the door closed and there was two splashes and she shook her head. She knew what he was doing and she didn't like it one bit. But as she wasn't totally there, she would keep her mouth shut and if he continued, she'd tell someone else.
Someone who had some semblance of control over her brother.
Kay went back to writing, ignoring her brother as he took forever in the bathroom and her mind flew around not really thinking about her brother right now. She almost forgot she had a brother. Her mind was so wrapped up in her stories that she wasn't able to ever finish, it was hard for her to remember what reality was, where her stories stopped and her new life began.
She wrote, filling up page after page and then some. She was writing all the things that she could never say the things that would never be able to be said. After about twenty minutes, Kay surfaced from her stories and realized she had to pee. She got up and knocked on the door. "Hey. Neo. I gotta go to the bathroom. Hurry up please." She said, leaning against the wall and sighing as the blood rushed up to her head.
 
Neo watched the pills as they floated around on the surface of the water. He didn't want anyone to have control over him, he wanted to feel that he did what he wanted. He wanted that feeling he had had before he got there, to the hospital. Before he had gotten locked up. He sat down at the floor leaning against the wall at the opposite side of the toilet. He didn't really had a plan. He didn't want to make Kay worried, he really didn't. He thought of the day before where they had gone for a walk. He didn't want her to hurt herself, it was painful for him to see. Especially knowing that it was his own fault. He could somehow imagine what Kay must feel like, having to deal with her suicidal brother, and, on top of that, their parents. Or, at least mom. Was she sick? He couldn't quite remember.
He looked at the pills, flush the toilet and watched them as they disappeared. No more zombie-Neo that they could control. It felt good having the control in his own hands, it was his life, after all. And he hadn't got crazy before they locked him up, so why would he be now? He got up and stood in front of the zink, watching himself in the mirror. He touched the glass with his fingertips, but didn't do anything. He didn't want to worry Kay. She had seen too much of this already. He had to get her out of there. He looked at the glass one more time, then he carefully teared the cup of plastic into pieces. They were edgy, just as he wanted them. He wasn't sure if that was enough though. He put them in his socket as he heard Kay outside the door. He quickly washed his hands and opened the door.
"Your turn", he said as he passed her, and walked to his bed. He laid down, looked at the sealing. He knew exactly what he was going to do. He hid the pieces of plastic under the bed between two sheets as he waited for Kay to leave, if she was going to.
 
Tiffy went into the bathroom and looked around while closing the door behind her. she turned on the sink, cupping her hands under the cold water and splashing it on her face. She glanced at the mirror as the water dripped off her face as she braced herself on the sink.
She wondered why Neo had wanted to off himself, she thought he was doing okay. She'd never told him or anyone else, but all those times he'd hurt himself she'd felt it. Not fully but she got aches where he had hurt himself.
The day he jumped off the bridge, she had been with Ren eating ice cream just for the hell of it. She was about half way though her ice cream when she got a massive all over body pain. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to keep in the moan that was building in her chest. Ren had reached over and touched her cheek, brushing away the tears she hadn't know she was crying.
Ren had taken her arm, helping her up and walked as far as they could, before her knees were too weak. He picked her up and walked her home, still holding her as she unlocked the front door and up to her room. He put her on the bed and sat on the edge, thinking he'd keep an eye on her til her parents got home.
At midnight, Ren was still there when the phone rang. It was the hospital. Ren answered the phone and brought it up to Tiffy.
She snapped back to the present and yawned, shaking her head and shoulders to wake herself up. She didn't want to finish that memory. She wasn't happy about the phone call as it was for both her twin and her mother were both in the hospital again. She hadn't gone to see either of them for the first coulpe months, until her mom wanted to talk to her. Tiffy splashed more water on her face and left to bathroom. She sat down again, legs streched out in front of her, arms crossed over her ribs and her head back with her eyes closed, waiting for sleep to come.
 
Neo looked at Kay, he didn't want her there. Not at the moment. He wanted her to be somewhere else, maybe with Ren, having a good time. Not sitting in a hospital room with him. She deserved better, he thought. He sighed. Soon, Sophie came in. When she noticed Kay who looked as if she was asleep, and maybe she was, Neo hadn't found out really, she quietly went over to Neo.
"So, how are you feeling?" she asked. Neo looked for her at a moment, didn't know what to answer. He glanced at Kay, wondered if she was really asleep. He hoped she was, he didn't want her to hear him. Just to be sure, he lowered his voice and Sophie leaned towards him.
"I feel horrible. I don't want her to be worried about me. She already has a lot to worry about. I know I'm just a burden to her. She deserves better", he said, and Sophie nodded thoughtfully. She smiled a bit and shook her head.
"You know what I think? I think you should just focus on getting better. That way, she will see your progress and be happy for you. And if you don't, then don't worry. It'll come. Just trust that we'll take care of you and do as we say, and then you'll be out of here in no time", she said. Neo nodded, but only to satisfy Sophie. He didn't quite understand her. Focus on getting better. Do as they said. What if he didn't feel like getting better, if he didn't have the strenght? He sighed. She wouldn't understand, anyways.
"I see what you mean. I'll think about it", he said, and Sophie smiled at him, obviously happy that he had listened to her. Then she went out of the room, saying something about checking on him later, but Neo didn't fully listen. He glanced at Kay. Poor Kay, he thought. She deserved so much better. She had Ren to help her with things, he thought. If Neo wasn't there Kay could focus on helping their mom, building up herself. Instead, she was sitting here, with him. She was wasting her time, really, he thought. He almost felt mad at her. Why did she sit here by his side when she could do so many other things? After a while, he sat up. He brought the pieces of plastic with him to the bathroom. He closed the door even though you couldn't lock it. Then he smashed the mirror with his fist, moaned a bit as the glass broke. It was pleasent, though. He took some of the pieces of glass and put them in his mouth, tasted them. Then swallowed them. Also the plastic. He knew there was no turning back now. He lied down, feeling the pain rushing through him as the pieces of glass and plastic tore his throat up inside and out.
 
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