Window to the soul... with FiliaFlammae

Tala was satisfied that both of the elder humans were giving positive responses to her proposal. It was a relief that she would now become what she considered a useful member of the pack-family, instead of just some pup that was fed and passed around while doing nothing. The feeling was quickly overwhelmed, however, as the voices and tempers escalated in the room again. Tala decided it best to just finish her meal in silence, rather than try to speak up again. She avoided speaking up when she could. She did not miss any of the nuances, especially when Agatha had expressed such reluctance at saying the word 'hunt' as though it was a bad thing. Tala wondered why she would feel that way. Hunting was the way of life, and something Tala could do to feel like she was an active member of the family. Every part of this dinner conversation was making Tala consider whether any of the members of this family really wanted her here.

She had just finished the meat on her plate when Neirin stood, saying he was going to go outside for a walk. She noticed that he hadn't finished his meal either before he felt like he couldn't be in the room anymore. Or at least that was the reason she suspected he was leaving. Neirin often seemed to get uncomfortable during the arguments the human couple had, even more uncomfortable than he was around her when the two of them were alone. Because of this issue, she normally wouldn't have followed him when he clearly wanted some time alone. But Tala was feeling uncomfortable in this room as well. It wasn't necessarily due to the argument, but what the argument was about - her. As it frequently was. But this time had been particularly telling towards the entire family's opinion of her and what she was.

So when she saw Neirin pause in the doorway and give her a strange look, one which seemed to be reaching out to her wordlessly. She glanced away, but abruptly she also stood. "I will walk also." She nodded in the direction of Agatha, and then Geoffrey. "Thank you." She took her dishes to the sink, taking the time to rinse her plate before she padded her quiet bare feet to the front door to follow Neirin out. She said nothing as she joined him, and her eyes were focused on the distant greenery of the forest as she exited the house.
 
Despite his half-wish that Tala come with him, Neirin was somewhat surprised to see her leap up to do so. He waited for her to finish up in the kitchen and then stepped outside in front of her. He had noted briefly that the human family seemed surprised that the two of them were leaving dinner early, but they didn't stop either of the two part-humans on their way out, so he didn't pay the matter much mind. Once the door had closed behind them, he noticed that Tala's eyes were on the forest. That was expected of her. He hesitated a moment before reasoning that it was safe for the two of them to enter the woods alone at this hour—he'd had a month to come to the realization that she was hardly a threat to him in a one-on-one scuffle, considering his superior strength, and he doubted any human hunters were out at this hour. He gave her hand a tentative nudge to let her know he wanted to take it, and a second later, he gripped her fingers gently between his own and stepped towards the woods. Hands were useful things, and one of their uses that he'd gleaned from the humans was to direct another person toward a desired destination. So that was what he did. Fortunately, their human family lived quite close to the trees, meaning the chances of them being spotted were low.

He looked at her as they slowed to a stop after a minute. The two of them didn't normally talk much. But this was different from their usual times spent together, when he happened across her. He'd brought her here, and that felt like it should've had a purpose. Right now, for whatever reason, he felt that all-too-human urge to want to tell her something. He tapped his leg and looked away as he tried to turn emotions into words. "You did not have to come," he eventually said, looking back to her face, "but...I think...no, thought. I thought you want to go outside too." He nodded to himself as he finished iterating the idea. "Yes. Is nice here. So, do you feel better?"
 
Tala had been focused on the forest, but it didn't mean she wasn't aware of him. She often just wasn't sure how to be around him, and got the feeling that when she looked at him it made him nervous, as though a part of him still thought she was sizing him up. By now, she really wasn't. At least not in the prey sense. She had stopped doing that a long time ago, but now when she watched him usually when he was unaware, it was trying to figure him out.

So when Tala felt him touch her hand, she froze, stiffened for a moment in surprise. Ever since that first time he'd helped her learn to eat, touching had been at a very bare minimum between the two of them. Accidental brushes were one thing, but she was taken off guard when he took her hand in his with a gentle but steady grip. After a few seconds she'd relaxed, and simply looked down at their hands just as he started to pull her along. She'd never gone into the woods with him before, but she wasn't reluctant to go regardless. It was still the place, even now, that she felt most comfortable.

When he stopped she stopped with him, gazing up at him when she felt his eyes on her. Neirin was taller than her by a decent amount, as she was of a fairly small stature even by the standards of a human woman. Her golden eyes studied his for a moment before she replied to his words. She didn't address his first statement right away, not sure how to put into words the feeling she had towards the most recent argument or discussion. A light breeze caught her hair and the edge of her simple beige dress, causing them to shift gently. Agatha had been kind enough to find her some dresses in town that were more suited to her small frame.

Her hand slipped from his to press against the bark of a sycamore tree they were standing near. "Is home here." She said simply, looking up into the branches. She turned back to him, pressing her back against the tree now. She was struggling to think of how to answer his question. "Neirin family... does not want Tala. Does not want wolf." Instead of trying to tell him how she felt emotionally, she just tried to convey how she saw the situation. It also might explain why she had wanted to leave as well. Expressing emotions verbally was still something of a challenge for her. She felt them, and could recognize them, but she did not know how to convey them. Almost everything she had conveyed emotionally as a wolf had been through touch and smell, through actions that expressed happiness or submission or anger rather than noises. But she did not feel comfortable touching others with her foreign hands just yet.
 
Neirin mentally agreed with her. Yes, the forest was home...or had been his home at some point, at least. Now he entered the forest during the day to attack trees, making it less of a forest, and rested his head at night in the human town. He could not really say the forest was his home anymore, as much as he longed for it, not after three years like this. It was hard for him to wrap his head around a time span like that, really; he was starting to worry his life as a human had Abeen longer than his life as a deer. Could he really be called a deer anymore? He'd nearly forgotten how it felt to carry himself on four slender hooves instead of a pair of boots, forgotten the different tingle on his body that came from feeling the air through a layer of fur instead of bare skin, forgotten the sensitivity that his nose and ears had once possessed.

He came back to the world when he heard her speak again. She iterated her perception of what was happening in the family, and before Neirin realized it, his brows tilted in sympathy. His ears might have drooped a little as well if they were still mobile, but were he still fully a deer, he might not even have felt sympathy, just a very simple worry for his own well-being after witnessing the misfortune of another. Even three years left him puzzling over his new self sometimes... He interpreted that what Tala had said was at least somewhat upsetting to her, and from there, his foremost desire was to put her at ease if he could. "Is more...complicated than that," he said. "Human lives are complicated. The family was angry when I came too. But after a while, they accepted me. I think they will accept you too. Will get better." He crouched and then sat at the base of the tree, though he kept looking up at her, not intending to relax against the tree until she'd responded in some way. "So...is all right? Do not be sad." He attempted to smile to convey a happier mood.
 
"Complicated, yes." The wolf girl looked down at him as he slid down to the base of the tree she was leaning on. It was a large tree, and she slid down the trunk to sit next to him, pulling her legs up to her chest to rest her head on her knees gently. She sat quietly for a little while, trying to absorb all that he had said. He made it sound very simple, despite calling it complicated. In time, they would accept her. But somewhere deep down she knew it was different for her. Even though they didn't react as strongly as Neirin had with his deer instincts, they were still fearful of predators. She felt that maybe all of them wondered if one day she would turn feral on them, or suddenly become a wolf again and be a danger to their family. Even if she did become a wolf again, she could not imagine hurting these humans, or any humans for reasons beyond protecting herself or her pack.

She turned her head on her knees to look at him sideways, studying him a little more openly than she usually did. She did not want to talk about the argument anymore, but a part of her burned with a question she had trouble even conceiving of. Feeling self-conscious of her speaking abilities, she spoke very slowly, trying to make sure she got the phrasing right. She was still struggling with the use of first and second person pronouns, it just felt odd to use 'I' or 'me' to speak of herself. "Does Neirin want Tala..." She paused and looked briefly confused while she struggled with her words. "...want me, gone?" The question felt important, though she wasn't sure why. The feeling she had gotten earlier, when she had been asked if she wanted to leave, came back. A mild sense of panic that she be separated from him. But by all regards, he should want her gone. She was a natural enemy to him and she knew he felt it still at times even if it was now an invalid feeling. She just didn't know how human he was or was not. Wolf was still very strong in her, having only been changed for about a month now. It wasn't enough time to consider herself anything but a wolf. And she did not know how long Neirin had been human.
 
Tala didn't give Neirin as affirmative an answer as he'd hoped for, but after a moment she too slid down the tree and sat beside him. He sighed quietly and leaned back against the trunk. Perhaps it had been too optimistic of him to expect her to cheer up so quickly. He stared vacantly into the woods after that, as he didn't have much else to say. Sitting in silence with her had grown to be a strangely comfortable thing to do with time. He didn't feel as wary of her as he used to. But she spoke again after a minute, dragging him out of that reverie. He turned to look at her when she spoke, but he did not expect her words.

"Does Neirin want Tala...want me, gone?"

His eyes widened, and somewhere deep inside him, something clenched uncomfortably. He wished he could have articulated why either of these things happened, but too many things had just been sent swirling around in his head by that question. He felt worried. Guilty. Confused. He broke eye contact and stared at the ground without really seeing it, his mind working furiously to assess its own state. Did he want her gone? He wasn't sure. Yes, she was a wolf, his natural enemy. But so was she the first real companion he'd ever had, and his heart stung in his chest when he thought of the two of them parting ways...particularly at the possibility that she might have wanted them to. His breath caught in his chest. No. I don't want that. I don't want her to want to leave me.

He sucked in a breath through his teeth and then swallowed a nervous little mouthful of saliva before he figured out what to say and worked up the nerve to say it. "...No," he said. "I do not." He looked back at her. "I mean, when I am with you, often I feel nervous. But...I also know that I feel nervous is silly. I think will be good if I am not scared anymore." He adjusted the way he was sitting so that he was tilted towards her somewhat. "Tala, you are...friend, I think. I like you. Feels nice when we are together, like this." He wove his hands into each other in an attempt to mime the concept of 'together.' "I want that we are friends. Is that all right?"
 
Tala had not been expecting his emotions to take such a sudden turn towards almost panic after she had asked her question. It seemed silly to her that he would have such a strongly negative reaction to the thought of being separated from her, but then again she did not understand her own feelings towards this. When he asked her if that was alright, she nodded in response, looking a little confused and maybe even worried. It concerned her that she felt the way she did without understanding why, but she assumed it had to do with their similar natures, that they had become human from being something else. The biggest difference between them was the length of time... he had been human long enough to nearly forget his time as a deer, while Tala still felt like more of a wolf than a woman. Reaching out to his interwoven hands, she grabbed them in her own to pull them down from between them. "Is o-kay. Friends." She said it firmly, trying to make sure he understood.

She let go of his hands as quickly as she had grabbed them, placing hers in her lap. But she continued to stare at him, looking what might have been interpreted as concerned, though she wasn't quite sure how she was feeling at the moment. A part of her was relieved that he had felt the same way as she did, but only served to make her more confused. Before she had been fairly certain that given the chance he would rather see her gone. If not because of their natures, because she thought he might have felt she was intruding into his family, trying to take it from him or divert their attention. Tala was glad he was not offended by her, but what of the other family members?

She opened her mouth as though to say something, but closed it again. She did not know what else to say to him now. She was picking up language quickly, but speaking was still not her strong suit.

However, Tala suddenly stilled, and an unusual quiet settled over the forest as they sat. Moments later, the silence was suddenly broken by a strong howl. It was a single voice, and the family may have mistaken it for Tala if they were listening, but there was no mistake once more voices joined in, a chorus of howling wolves in the distance. Tala stood swiftly, her heart pounding, but her feet glued to the ground though she wanted to run to the sound. Her mind had developed enough self-awareness in the past month that it gave her pause, and she thought about how her pack, any pack, would react to a human walking up to them. Would they recognize her for what she was, would they drive her away as a stranger, an enemy? The sound she had hoped she would hear since the day she had called into the night with her own voice was finally calling her back. But she stood there still, every fiber of her being at attention. The howling died down for a just a moment, as though waiting for a response.

Her instincts were pounding on her, and she could not wait any longer to make a decision. As much as it pained her, she had to know. She had to know. Tala stood, and though she was not afraid for herself, she feared what would happen if she responded. Her breaths sounded labored, and her hands shook slightly. In her moment of weakness, she looked back to Neirin, the uncertainty clear in her eyes. Never mind what they would do to her... what would they do to him? The word was barely audible as it came out in a whisper, and there were unshed tears in her eyes as she said it. "Run." A second later she had turned away from him and an anguished howl ripped from her throat. It was soon returned, and Tala took off into the woods towards the sound. She did not care what would happen to her. But she hoped that he would listen to her and run far away from the scene. She knew she could not live with a pack again like this... but she had to know what would happen.
 
Tala still looked troubled, but after a moment, she put her hands on Neirin's own and answered in the affirmative. The touch caught him by surprise; he'd merely been trying to signal something with his own two hands, not initiate any sort of hand-touching gesture between the two of them. He wasn't sure if her gesture where she held his hands and moved them down meant anything in particular, but whatever she's done that for, it had caught him off guard, sending a strange little jolt of warmth through his body. His cheeks tingled inexplicably. He...liked this, or so he imagined his body was telling him. Yes, he liked it. Having their hands touch felt nice. He had no idea why, but it did. Maybe it was a sense of comfort that she was there with him, confirming her answer that she was happy to be his friend. He almost felt cold and sad when she let go. Oh well.

But now what? Now they were sitting here looking at each other in silence. His hands were still interwoven, though they rested in his lap now, and his cheeks still tingled. He couldn't have known that from the outside, they had taken on a faint dusting of reddish blush. Huh. Of all the times they had sat together in silence at the edge of the woods, this was the first time that it felt so awkward. He wondered if it was because they'd been talking to each other for once and weren't sure how stop, or maybe because they were facing each other rather than ignoring each other. He shifted his hands' grip on each other and glanced away from her, not sure what else to do with himself.

That was when he heard it. A howl. His head whipped towards the source, his eyes wide, and a moment later, he heard another, and another. He felt his insides pull into a knot. That wasn't one wolf, but a fully fledged pack, out on the prowl. And he was but one vulnerable man-deer. He lurched to his feet, his body language angling backwards in fear. He wanted to be nowhere near those howls. He wanted to be safe and sound in his human home. He wanted to run.

But Tala didn't. It took Neirin's brain a few seconds to make the connections, since it had just been overloaded with a good amount of adrenaline, but he saw that Tala was standing now as well but looking into the woods with a different feel about her. If his intuition was right, that feeling was longing. And of course, why wouldn't she feel that? Tala was a wolf. He reasoned that Tala heard the howls as a call home, not as anything to fear. But the moment he realized that, the knot in his stomach went cold. He didn't like being reminded that the two of them were such fundamentally different creatures. They'd just agreed that as long as Tala didn't have sharp claws and teeth and Neirin didn't look like venison on legs, they could be friends. She told him to run, and his legs bent a little more at the command before he could help it, but he didn't obey immediately. She wasn't running with him. Instead she howled back in response to the unseen pack—did he imagine it, or did her howl sound pained and desperate?—and sprinted away towards the source of the sound.

A panic took Neirin as his companion dashed off. It wasn't the rush of fear he'd felt when he had heard the pack. No, this was not a cervine panic, but a human panic. She was leaving. He knew she meant to reunite with the wolves. She was discarding this temporary human life in exchange for her old one, without so much as a pause. And that frightened him. He couldn't accept her vanishing from his life. She hadn't even said goodbye!

His legs lurched and stumbled awkwardly for a few seconds, not sure which direction they wanted to run. He needed to get home. He needed to follow her. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to lose his friend. In the end, it was the human panic that won the battle. His instinct to stay away from the howling wolves was drowned out as the stronger of those two fears consumed him. He sprinted after her, his expression wild and desperate. "Tala!!" he bellowed, but she had a good several seconds' head start on him, and he couldn't have known if the wind in her ears kept her from hearing him. Yet still he ran. He ran, just as she'd told him to, but in the wrong direction. He knew not what for. He knew not how this would end. He only knew that he couldn't lose her. Not like this.
 
Tala only heard the piercing cry of the pack in the distance and the pounding of her own heart in her ears as she raced through the trees as fast as she could. She was aware of nothing else, letting herself be driven by her instincts if only in this moment. Her heart pounded through her like a drum, and she did not pause to respond when she heard the lapse in howling again, she only kept running. She knew they were close to her now, she could feel it, and every fiber of her being ached to meet with them.

When she finally skidded to a halt she had come to a large clearing, deeper into the woods than she had ever dared venture as a human before now. Tonight she had not care where she ran so long as it took her to the source of the calling voices. Her labored breath heaved in and out as she watched the pack, and they watched her back, unmoving for the time being. The two parties, woman and pack, simply stared for what felt like an age. To her great disappointment, this was not her pack, though one of the members she recognized as a young male from her own pack that had likely split off to join with new blood When he saw her, he had whined and wagged his tail a bit in a sign of recognition, but the demeanor of his pack and difference of her form had kept him hesitant to approach her. She glanced at him in recognition, but her eyes mostly focused on the wolf that was clearly the alpha, his tail straight in the air in his sign of dominance. There were a few rumbling growls from some of the other wolves, clearly upset by her obviously human appearance. The alpha simply huffed at her, and she crouched down to get closer to the level of all the other wolves, but hardly knew how to proceed in communication while trapped in a human body. A few of them had approached her, but their signs were not particularly friendly. However, she would not learn how this might have proceeded otherwise...

Before much else could happen, Neirin practically crashed into her back, as he had not been particularly far behind her. She had not been aware he was following, and her surprise was perhaps greater than that of the wolves only a few feet before her. She turned to him in shock, a confused and concerned look on her face. All of her fears for before rushed back to her, and a brief flash of anger that he hadn't listen to her and run home passed over her before she was completely distracted by the eruption of growling before her.

The transition in the pack had been almost instantaneous upon his appearance. It was unclear whether they were growling because they had recognized him as deer, or because he was more human than Tala, or simply because of the way he had crashed in, but regardless of the reason their reaction was a negative one. Tala's instant retaliation may have been a surprise to Neirin as well - for when the wolves began to growl at the two of them, her immediate response had been to stand upright again, placing herself between the pack and Neirin, her own growl deep in her throat. She bared her teeth at them and snarled, causing the nearest wolves to back down slightly, but the message was clear. She was not about to challenge an alpha or even try to gain acceptance. The only thing that was on her mind now was protecting the one thing she considered a member of her pack - Neirin. Two of the wolves up closest to them, merely a foot away, were egging her on, snapping at her. If they got too close she would snap back with a growl and stomp her foot towards them, causing them to back off.

It was all happening very quickly, and she knew better than to turn her back, or they would attack. Lone wolves were often seen as a threat and they would attempt to kill her. Potentially fertile females were more likely to be accepted into a pack, but she was no longer being considered. Instead, she stepped backwards until she felt herself pressing into Neirin and kept going, pushing him back with her. She was hoping that if they disappeared into the trees the pack would not follow. She did not take her eyes off of the pack. The only thing they had to their advantage was the treeline just behind them, keeping them from being easily surrounded. She kept pushing him back until they could no longer see or be seen by the wolves. She stood with her back pressed to his front, listening with the utmost focus, until she heard the sounds of the pack moving off in the opposite direction.

Only then did she relax. A moment after being slack, she turned on him, an angry glint to her eye. Deeper down, that anger was buffered by her worry for him. "Why?!" She cried at him, grabbing his shirt and looking up at him. She could not articulate it, but she was not mad at him for interrupting her - no, she was upset because he had not listened to her plea for him to run somewhere safe. She had scratches on her arms and legs, as well as a couple on her face, but they were shallow cuts from branches that had caught her as she ran. She paid them no heed, looking him straight in the eyes, but her anger broke down quickly and she thumped her head into his chest instead, all of her adrenaline spent. "Is not safe..." She muttered into his shirt, which she still clung to, her voice sounding slightly choked as though she might cry.
 
The forest gave way. Tala crouched in front of him, her back to him, and he stumbled and tripped as he tried to come to a quick stop so as not to barrel right into her. Fortunately he barely succeeded, but as soon as he stood steady on two legs, he became aware of what was going on. He saw wolves. He saw wolves baring their teeth. He heard a sea of growls. That deer's panic he had wrestled out of his mind a minute ago clawed its way back in full force. His stomach dropped like a stone. Paralysis swept over him, arresting every muscle of his body in terror. He knew what he'd done. He'd knowingly run face first into a wolf pack. It was the single most idiotic thing he'd ever done in his life. And now he was as good as dead. He couldn't move. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Except he wasn't dead yet. Tala had stood up and now placed herself right between him and the wolf pack, growling at them. At them? That seemed to be the case, as much as it shocked Neirin to realize it. She wasn't on this pack's side, but on his side. She was protecting him.

Through some combination of deciding Tala had a better idea how to handle this situation and beig too dumbfounded to do much anyway, he backed up when she did. Every step was tense. At each one he begged in his mind for the wolves not to attack, not to attack, not to attack. After he and Tala had pushed back into the trees, he heard the pack begin to head in the opposite direction. He let his breaths come heavy once more, only then realizing he'd been stilling them. He was safe. They were safe.

Tala, though, was not happy. She turned to Neirin and glared into his eyes. "Why?!" she snarled. He recoiled from the exclamation, at least as much as he could when she's grabbed him by the shirt; the limitation on his movement made her reaction all the more alarming. A new emotion now simmered inside him: shame. He had angered her. She curled forward against his chest, indicating she had shifted from angry to upset, but it didn't make him feel any better. It almost made him feel worse. This was all his fault.

His throat stuck when he attempted to speak. "Be-cause...I don't know," he moaned. "I think because...I thought you will leave. Right then, just like that, no goodbye. And I will never see you again. I was...scared. I panicked, was stupid. I'm sorry." He fell silent, not sure what else to say, but as the seconds ticked by, the simmering feeling in his core crawled up to burn in his chest and then behind his eyes. Tentatively he wrapped his arms around her, half because he felt he was supposed to, what with her huddled against him like this, and half because of a strange feeling of need. His grip tightened around her as he tucked his chin over her head. "I'm sorry..." he said again. The last word trailed off in a whisper.
 
Her mind, spent from the activity of the encounter, had not been fully aware of her actions when she had grabbed him and sunk into his chest. What did snap her back was when he put his arms around her, the grip firm but not painful. She hadn't had this much physical contact since being turned into a human, and she did not know how she felt about the sudden closeness. On the one hand, she craved touch, as for her it was the most effective form of communication she had ever known. Yet she felt this strange sensation that she was not sure she liked accompany the touching. She did not know if it was a human thing, or if it was specifically because it was Neirin. She felt warm to the point of being uncomfortable, but she just stayed against him, unsure what to do. His touch, and his soft words, finally unraveled her, and she began to cry silently against his shirt, letting out the anguish she had felt before and during her encounter with the wolf pack. It now spilled out of her, all of her pent up exhaustion and loneliness. Few a few minutes she stayed this way, shaking as she cried, then she settled again, taking several deep breaths.

Finally she spoke, trying to respond to what he had said, keeping her voice calm after her tears. "Not leave." She said quietly, muffled slightly into his shirt. "Just... need." She did not know how else to explain it beyond feeling a need. A need to know, to see, to discover what would come of her if she had encountered her pack. But she had been mistaken, regardless. It had not been her pack after all, which had been both disappointing and a relief at the same time. If she had been driven away by her own pack she didn't know how she would have reacted to the knowledge, but she had felt the need to know regardless. But his interference was not what had made her angry. "Not want Neirin hurt..." She grumbled into him, refusing to look up from her spot in his arms.

As she leaned on him, she could smell him - his earthy, clean smell that made her think of man and deer simultaneously. She had noticed it before but never really payed any attention to it. Now it and their proximity was making her face burn and she did not really know why. The warmth in her core spiked and her hands finally released his shirt, leaving it a bit crumpled. She stepped back, not sure what was wrong with her, her eyes focused on the ground. She could feel the heat in her face, which he could likely see blooming red on her cheeks, making her look perhaps somewhat shy. Touching felt... awkward, and when normally she had no trouble looking at him, she now could not seem to bring her eyes up to meet his. Meanwhile, the sun was beginning to sink in earnest overhead, and the forest was becoming dark.
 
Given a few more seconds, Tala finally began to quake with silent sobs. Neirin felt the movement in his arms and against his body, and unbidden, the tension in his own chest and face grew worse. His lips pulled down and back into a distressed grimace at the same time that his eyes squeezed shut tight, pressing a tear out of each. He had only cried a precious few times since his transformation, so he knew by now that it was a response to something particularly emotionally potent. Apparently the ordeal he and Tala had just been through was that powerful. He shook once as he sniffled. As the minutes drifted by, though, he felt that hot emotion slowly dissipate. His head felt a little clearer. Tala's movements seemed to be stilling as well, and of an urge he couldn't put a finger on, he made stroking motions with one of his thumbs on her back.

She finally muttered something into his chest. The sensation of her lips moving and air vibrating against his sternum felt peculiar. He leaned towards considering it a pleasant feeling over an unpleasant one, but he wasn't sure. He was relieved to hear that she didn't mean to leave, but the mention of a "need" concerned him. A need for what? A need to rejoin her pack made the most sense to him, which left him worrying that by insisting that she would not leave, she was cheating herself of something crucial to her very being. He turned his head a little, puzzling over the new conflict that had settled in his heart. If he was the only reason she chose to stay, he now felt greedy and guilty. Those concepts weren't things he could ever remember being aware of in his old body, but oh, was he aware of them now. If only he knew what to say to her. He started to formulate a sentence in his head that would convey acceptance of her "need" to leave. He still didn't like the thought of her leaving, but if she needed it, he would be willing to see her off with a goodbye. That was the right thing to do.

But she spoke again, preventing that thought from being voiced, and at her words, an odd tingling feeling kindled in his heart instead, its warmth chasing the dark thought of farewells away. She wanted him safe. She cared about him. "...Thank you...?" he muttered, unsure how to convey that he appreciated and was touched by her consideration. There was something about Tala that was, for lack of a better word, special. He couldn't remember anyone else ever having such a strong presence in his life, outside of his own mother who had nursed him. Tala was the first person he could ever truly call a friend. Tala made him feel...warm.

She pulled away all of a sudden. Neirin flinched, fearing he'd done something wrong, but she didn't call him out on anything. Rather, she kept her head down, and if he wasn't mistaken, her cheeks had taken on a rosy hue. Was that shyness she was broadcasting? The warmth inside him took a turn towards uncomfortably hot. He wasn't sure why, but he could feel his own cheeks turning warm in turn. He cleared his throat and looked away. "We should go back," he said, his tone of voice hasty as if trying to find something to change the subject. "Is late." He turned in the direction from which they'd ran earlier and took up a brisk walk, not looking at her again.
 
Tala still did not feel comfortable looking at him, but when she heard his words, a little sharp in tone, she glanced at him. The change in demeanor had confused her briefly, and she wondered if he was somehow upset with her, but she tried to shake it off and not let the feeling get to her so much. After a moment of watching him walk away, she followed him. The emotion he was expressing was unfamiliar to her, but she did not think it was a good one. And she wasn't sure how it had come about.

As they walked the heat of her cheeks and core began to cool down and she felt more normal. What settled over her instead was the fear that she had upset him. Perhaps now that they were no longer in danger he blamed her for putting them there, for putting herself in that position with the wolves, one she could have been killed in. She did not regret doing it, per say, but she felt some form of guilt for putting him in danger and wondered if that was where his strange new emotion was coming from. She was also feeling a little self-conscious at the moment as well... while walking she had realized she was scratched and parts of her dress were torn from branches. Somewhere deep down she recalled that humans often thought highly of their garments and figured Agatha would probably be upset to see her in this state. They likely would be unhappy to find how deep in the woods they had been, also. Agatha frequently told her it was too dangerous to go into the forest, especially after Tala had brought home the goose. She had hoped bringing them meat would have made them pleased, but their reactions had not been particularly positive, at least at first.

This made Tala think again of the events from the earlier part of the evening. She was to go meet a new family, and learn how to hunt as humans do. She did not know how she felt about learning human hunting, but she wanted to help the family that had helped her. Even so, with each passing day she felt herself less and less connected to her past life... hence why she had broken down and cried not long after the encounter. Meeting the wolf pack and experiencing their hesitation, their fear, it had solidified in her mind that she was human, whether she felt like it or not. There was no escaping it, and the realization was somewhat depressing. Perhaps learning to hunt as a human would be good for her, if only to distract her from this new disturbing knowledge.

The sky continued to darken as they walked. They were silent with each other as they made their way back to the house. She did not mind the silence, but the events of before had confused her and now she did not know how to act around Neirin normally anymore. Had what they done been important somehow? Her body said yes, but her mind simply did not know how to process it, not yet.
 
The walk back was silent and tense. Neirin's thoughts seemed to form a swirling, cloudy storm in his head. So much had just happened, and he didn't know what to think of it all. He hardly knew what to think of any of it, really. He knew a few things: he and Tala had confirmed that they were friends, Tala had felt a need to do something with that wolf pack, he had been a moron and run after her, and she had protected him. What he was much less sure about was how all this made him feel, what it all meant. Ever since she'd gotten that shy look about her a minute ago, he'd been unable to ignore that peculiar, warm-almost-hot tingling sensation in his center. Come to think of it, he'd been feeling a more subdued version of it this entire time. He had no idea what it was. It felt funny. He might have said it felt good if he felt any confidence about what it even was; with the state of things, the unknown sensation merely confused him.

Movement up ahead pulled him out of his thoughts. They'd nearly reached the edge of the woods by now, and ahead of them at the edge of the trees, two figures could be made out, one of them holding a lantern. There was a familiar-sounding shout, and a moment later, the two strangers hurried into view, revealing themselves to be Geoffrey and Oswin. "There you are!" Geoffrey said, his face and tone both coming across as desperate and relieved. "You worried us! We heard howls...is everything all right?" He held the lantern a little closer to them, his eyes roving up and down the both of them. Neirin suddenly registered how scratched up both he and Tala had gotten from their run. He pieced together that Geoffrey must have realized there were wolves around and worried the scratches had come from an attack. Even Oswin looked worried, and that was rare from him.

He hurried to dispel the humans' concern. "Yes, we are fine," he said. "Uh...branches." He gestured to himself by means of halfhearted explanation. He noticed that one scratch in particular, a thin one on his cheek, had started to sting. He absentmindedly raised a hand to his cheek to feel the scrape, and when he removed the hand a moment later and inspected his fingers, he saw a hint of blood there. Fortunately it was just that, a hint.

Geoffrey took a second to answer. "Well, you're both all right. That's the important thing. Let's get you both inside. Agatha's been worried sick."

And like that, they all began to walk once more, headed back into town under cover of evening. The moment they reentered the house, Agatha launched into a worried fit as she bustled about, feverishly checking the both of them for any injuries or clothing damage. She made it clear how worried she had been about them. Her insistence made Neirin uncomfortable after the first few times, and after the woman had calmed down a bit, he excused himself to his room for the night.

He felt tired enough to fall asleep early, which was no surprise after their ordeal, but his thoughts returned to what would happen tomorrow. Tala would meet a new family in the morning. He wondered what the adults' plan was, whether he'd come along or not. Would he be able to cope with the notion that Tala would no longer be handicapped by her lack of pointy bits? Would she be a threat to him again? He moaned unhappily and hugged his blanket tighter around him. He didn't like that thought at all. She was a friend. She'd told him she was her friend.

It was a while before sleep took him, but take him it did.
 
Tala felt similarly confused as they headed back through the forest towards the small cottage she now considered a sort of 'home'. Neirin's reaction had confused her, but she felt the same unknown heat in her belly that definitely meant she was feeling emotional about... something. But she was finding it very difficult to pinpoint what the feeling was, and so she opted to ignore it instead. She would not look at Neirin directly for the entire walk back, and she also did not know why this feeling had begun to plague her that simply looking at him made her feel oddly hot in her cheeks and belly. The feeling felt like a weakness, and so she spent most of the rest of their walk trying to suppress it. By the time Geoffrey and Oswin found them she had mostly managed to get the feeling tamped down inside, and her mind had begun to wonder slightly towards the events of the wolf pack again. She was not likely to cry over it again, but it did leave a sour taste in her mouth a weight on her heart that she had ended up needing to fend them off in the end. They had most certainly been ready to tear her - and Neirin - apart. At the moment, she did not know what thought distressed her the most - the reaction of the pack to her, the thought of being killed by her own kind, or the thought of the pack hurting or killing Neirin. Each one felt very wrong.

She was glad when Neirin spoke for the both of them, and did not mention the encounter with the wolf pack or Tala running off to find them. She did not know how the family would react to her sudden urge to go face to face with her own kind even after a month of living with humans. When they arrived home to a very concerned Agatha she felt a pang of guilt for making them worry, but she had not planned on any of this occurring - it just... had. As such, she allowed Agatha to fret over her, hearing the tsk in her voice as she realized they were physically okay but began the inspection of their clothing and saw the rips in Tala's dress. It was a sign that she was no longer quite so worried, and it was around then that Neirin excused himself to his room for the night.

To Tala, seeing him go suddenly was one part sadness, one part confusion, and one part relief. When he left she felt herself calm a bit, as though having him out of the room freed her mind slightly, but it was not without a hint of hurt at the thought that he wanted to get away from her more quickly. That she had put him in danger without meaning to still weighed on her mind.

She stayed longer with Agatha than Neirin had, but eventually she was released to go to her bed. The house was not exactly large enough for so many people to each have a bedroom, so she had been sleeping on what amounted to a mattress that was against a wall in the main room. She did not mind it, but rose early enough that one would rarely ever actually see her sleeping in it. Lying on her back on the bedding, she stared at the ceiling, thoughts swirling around until she felt dizzy enough to close her eyes. Eventually they faded until she was able to sleep. She did not know what the next day would hold, but she hoped she could forget some of what had happened tonight by then.
 
Neirin slept soundly that night. In fact, as he stirred the next morning, he had that nagging feeling that he'd slept in later than usual. The sudden realization energized him, if only by a bit of worry for delaying such an important day. He rolled out of bed and dressed quickly. He didn't really have a room to himself either, but rather claimed a place on the floor in Oswin's bedroom (and the fact that Oswin wasn't even in the room was another tip-off that he was running late), but at least he sort of had a bedroom and thought of the place as such. He closed the door behind him and trotted out to the dining room. "Sorry, sorry," he was already saying when he emerged. He looked around. Agatha wasn't in sight, presumably because she was still in the kitchen making breakfast. Edith was absent too, most likely helping her mother in the kitchen or out drawing water from the well. Geoffrey and Oswin sat at the table already, the latter looking, as usual, as if he'd rather sleep another four hours. He was aware on some level of Geoffrey saying, "Oh, good, you're up," but at the moment his eyes sought Tala in the room. She usually woke up early.
 
Tala had in fact gotten up before everyone else, woken by a strange dream involving animals of all kinds running in human bodies through the woods towards an unknown and unseen location. She remembered getting swept up in the current of bodies as they ran, and waking suddenly just before they had all been enveloped by a white light. The dream had left her shaken and feeling oddly disturbed, so she had gotten up and wandered outside. The family members knew where she was, because Agatha had already checked up on her since getting up, but the wolf girl would not try to explain what was wrong, only shake her head while stating, "I am fine."

She was sitting cross-legged just outside the door to the kitchen when she heard what could only be Neirin coming down the stairs - everyone else was already present. She stood quickly at that and hugged the doorway so that only her head peered around the frame, hiding the rest of herself. For the first time ever Agatha had given her loose billowy pants and a tunic to wear instead of a dress. Hunters didn't wear dresses, and while Tala felt odd in the new garments she found she could move more easily.

She stared at him from around the doorway, a look of determination on her face, daring her body to make her look away again. She hated feeling weak, so even as the feeling of butterflies rose from low in her belly to her cheeks she kept watching him. She did not like the feeling of weakness she got from simply looking at him now, but she was going to deal with it and overcome it, she had promised herself that.
 
As it turned out, Tala was hiding most of herself in the doorway to the kitchen. Neirin found this puzzling—what reason had she to be too timid to show her body, and yet look at him with such determination?—but decided not to press the matter. He nodded in her direction to acknowledge her and then headed for his usual spot at the table. "Yes," he said to Geoffrey. "So...will we all go to Tala's new family today? Or only Tala?"

"I imagined that I would take her there myself," Geoffrey answered. "I would like to be sure I make the, ah...situation known to Frederick personally. But by all means, you are welcome to accompany us."

Just a hint of relief washed through Neirin's system. For some reason, he'd wanted to see Tala off. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps because this was an important new shift in her life, and he felt he should be there to acknowledge it. Perhaps because he wished to make sure that this was safe for her. "Thank you," he said. "I will come."

Geoffrey eyed Beirin for a moment, seemingly thinking. "You know what going into town normally means, Neirin," he said. His eyes flickered over to Tala. "But what with our company...I'm not sure there's much point anymore."

Neirin's hand strayed to his face. He knew what Geoffrey spoke of: whenever Neirin had gone into town before, he had rubbed a bit of dirt into his face to make the light blue markings on his skin less noticeable. Apparently they were not natural on humans, but his darker skin tone than normal for this region was forgivable. Tala, however, was much less fortunate when it came to blending in. He looked back at her. Her skin was too pale even for a human, and even if it were more brownish in tone, the odd green marks on her were too strong to be masked particularly well. Her skin simply could not be disguised. Yet what more could they do?

It was then that the front door opened to reveal Edith, now weighed down with a fresh pail of water. Her eyes landed briefly on Tala, and out of nowhere, she giggled.

Neirin eyed her curiously. "Is something funny?"

Edith struggled to hold her laughter in as she closed the distance to the dining table. "Sorry! It's just...Tala looks so weird in boy clothes!" After placing the pail on the table with a bit of a struggle, she turned in place and looked in Tala's direction. "Tala, have you shown him your silly boy clothes yet?"

Agatha had stepped out of the kitchen just then, two loaded plates in hand. Her brow furrowed in disapproval. "Edith, you know that's out of necessity. It's not as if I like it much either, but we do what we must, refinement aside." She placed the two plates on the table. "Come to breakfast, Tala." She turned back to the kitchen to prepare more plates.
 
Tala eyed everyone as they had their conversations. She recalled that they had discussed ways earlier in the morning for how they might make Tala look more human, but there had been few answers. She thought it was odd that the humans should be so picky about what each other looked like. For all intents and purposes, she was human now, there were no physiological differences except her external appearance. Wolves were all manner of colors, and she doubted highly that if an 'oddly' colored wolf wandered into her pack they would have been treated any differently than any other wanderer.

Her eyes shot to Edith when she heard the giggle, and Tala grumbled in her throat non-threateningly. Regardless, she finally stepped out into the dining room when Agatha called her to come to breakfast. She could no longer hide in the yard as she had been doing all morning. The advantage to the clothing was that it covered much more of her skin than the dress had, but she still wouldn't wear the offered boots. They had been far too big for her feet, anyway.

Feeling uncomfortable and oddly more exposed despite the increase in clothing, she sat at the table where she normally sat near Agatha and Edith. Her nerves about meeting a new family of humans were getting to her. Her brain was treating it like a lone wolf trying to join a new pack - there was a lot of danger involved, the potential for negative reactions all around, and a long period of subservient behavior before becoming integrated. She did not enjoy that prospect. When food was placed before her she mumbled a quiet 'thank you', and stared at it for a little while before gently picking at pieces of it. Her stomach was doing all kinds of strange flip flops.
 
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Tala made some sort of low noise in response to Edith's teasing, but after a moment she stepped forward. Neirin's eyes took her in. She looked different, very different, and it made something inside him feel funny. Surprised, at least, but he couldn't tell what other emotions. In this getup, Tala somehow looked simultaneously less exposed and more exposed at the same time, if that were even possible; while the clothing was bulkier and didn't show as much of her arms and chest as a dress would have, the pants she now wore hugged her legs much more closely than a skirt could, showing off the true shape of her body. His gaze stayed on her legs, intensely aware of the space between them now, for a few seconds before he realized what he was doing. He jerked upright and looked quickly away from her to stare at the table instead, shuffling his chair beneath him by an inch or two.

Oh, had Agatha gotten on his case about "inappropriate" things in his first year here. That first autumn had been the hardest. How else was he supposed to act when he knew what time of year it was, when he felt that insatiable need in his core? But no, humans had a complicated set of rules when it came to anything even remotely connected to the notion of reproduction. Don't stare. Especially don't stare any lower than the face. Don't touch. Don't touch yourself, either, that's depraved and gross. Even asking before you touch her isn't enough; you'd have to "court" a woman first, establish yourself as both a friend and a good provider, and that could take months. So, out of fear of overstepping any more unforeseen boundaries after the first hard and embarrassing week of that fall season, he had kept his head down, occasionally hugging himself, shuffling his thighs together, or groaning quietly in frustration. Fortunately the season passed with no more incidents, and he faced the next two years prepared. Still a little grumpy, but prepared.

A plate being set in front of him snapped his mind off of that track. He shook his head a little, trying to clear the last of the topic from his brain, and dug into the meal with unusual gusto. It's hardly even fall yet! Get yourself together!

He didn't look up at Tala again (or anyone else, for that matter) for the duration of breakfast. He and Oswin finished within seconds of each other. Oswin, as usual in the mornings, disappeared quickly, off to his blacksmithing apprenticeship under the Bradford family across town. After taking his plate and utensils to the kitchen, Neirin waited patiently by the front door for Geoffrey and Tala to join him.
 
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