Why does being an adult have to be so frustrating!

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Minibit, Oct 21, 2012.

  1. So some background

    The BF and I live together. We live in an apartment that's about three blocks from my work, which means I can walk to work and shopping, and I only spend about $10 a month on gas, as opposed to the usual $40 or $50 if I have to drive. The rent is also low and we have a great landlord who's always responded to everything punctually and respectfully. For the first time in a long time I can actually catch up on my credit card and other bills and even be able to set aside for a trip my best friend and I have been trying to do literally for years (she lives in Australia, we've never met in person). Neighbourhood is great, quiet, low crime rate, close to shopping/post office/pharmacy. This place is perfect for my needs.

    The BF doesn't like it. Well, I should say, he doesn't like it NOW. He loved the place when we moved in, was even bragging about it. Now he says he only said that because it was better than our old place (doesn't take much, the suite we were in before here was a pest-infested shithole). He says we need more space for our shit (by which he means his shit and all the shit he plans to buy), and that he doesn't like the neighbours.

    The neighbours upstairs ARE really noisy. They play music loud and stomp around and yell at all hours of the night, but heres the thing; they're on their third strike (we and apparently other tenants have complained about them before) and if they get one more complaint they're getting an eviction notice.

    I asked why we don't just complain to the landlord then? Its not like we'd have the same trouble with other people; these guys are deliberately loud.

    He doesn't want to dsirupt their lives.

    apparently moving away is easier (also, disrupting my life instead is okay?)

    But whatever. I wouldn't mind more space, so long as the rent is low. So I say fine lets look at places.

    Except any time he shows me an ad and I give my input whatever I say seems to be taken negatively. I don't like basement suites; they tend to be chlaustrophobic and not get much daylight. Both technicalities, but if I point out something that would be a no-no or a potential issue, for example the ad says rent to single person, we'd be two persons. Or that the walls are BRIGHT RED AND GREEN AND IT WOULD BURN MY EYES, then I'm being petty, and I'm expecting way more than we can afford, etc.

    His latest idea is to buy a house. Well, a mobile. He's unemployed right now (on EI) and wants to go back to school, I'm a full-time minimum wage slave. I also want to go back to school to finish my degree; the only university in our province that offers it is out of town.

    I don't want to end up living long term in a place I not only can't afford or would not be happy in, but I hate arguing, and I feel like the bad guy whenever I point an issue out.

    For clarity, he never antagonizes me or calls me names, but he gets frustrated when I point out problems or try to be the voice of reason (whcih I frequently have to be, he's kind of a dreamer), and it's tiring, so I end up just giving in and going along with whatever will make him happy, but I really don't want to find myself doing that with something as serious/longterm as where we live! Plus its hurtful when he's in such a hurry to get out of this apartment and is always putting it down, since I love this place and it's perfect for my needs, plus I'm the one who found it and picked it out (he looked at it too).

    I don't think he's trying to be hurtful; he's a really gentle, and usually considerate guy, but I don't know how to handle this. We're both only 21, and neither of us have a career or even a certain track for one, buying a house right now is all kinds of a bad idea if you ask me (we shouldn't jump into something long term just cause it's 'not here', nor should we go for a mobile just cause its the best we can do now (we could probably do way better in a year or even 6 months!), and he doesn't seem to care at all how disrupting financially a move is going to be for me. I don't know how to bring it up without making him look/feel like an asshole, or making myself look even more like the wet blanket/bad guy


  2. >.>

    Please do not buy a house. You both really aren't in the best situation to buy one. There's a down payment, mortgage, utilities and just general upkeep which your guys's income probably wouldn't be able to afford. (I don't know how much your boyfriend makes on EI, this is just me guessing.)It'll be very difficult to tend to the house when both of you are back in school and yes you DO get in trouble for it from the government. I.e. lawn not being mowed For that to even happen both of your incomes would have to total at least in the 50,000 annually. I speak from experience. My boyfriend's mother had to sell her home even though she was making that much on her own. So no on the house idea.

    Honestly it just sounds like aside from the space of your apartment that the real complaint are your neighbors. Tell your landlord about them even if the boyfriend refuses too. I'm pretty sure your other neighbors wouldn't begrudge you of that. Trust me, having a quiet home will do wonders for your over all enjoyment of life.

    If the two of you are going back to school why not live in dorms? I'm in the same boat and I'll have to do the same in about two years time. It's not something I want to do but I know it has to be done. The living situation isn't gonna be awesome for a very long time but that's what you guys are going to school for - to make your lives down the line easier.
  3. Buying a house is a bad idea at this point, I think, for both of you.
    The disruptive tenants should be complained about if they're being inconsiderate on a frequent basis.
    As for more space, have you looked into more efficient storage options and things such as that?
    I think that the place you're in currently seems like something you like a lot and works well for you, so if you can optimize space, I think it seems like the best option.
  4. I've already optimized space a lot (vertical storage, massive clearout of shit we don't need/don't use, hell my mom has even said if we need, we can store some stuff in her basement) What he really wants for more space is a second room so that he can have his computer/gaming stuff in one room, and the TV and general rec in another. This is another idea I don't like. With the current setup we have both our desks with computers in the room with the couch and TV. If he had a seperate room for his computer I'd pretty much never see him.

    Next time our neighbours are obnoxiously loud again I do plan to report it (hell I can call the landlord from work if the BF is at home) but he really has his heart set on buying a place. He says its a move for teh better, since the way he works it out we'll be paying less per month than we currently do in rent (I can't follow how the math works, but we only pay 615 a month right now plus hydro whch only makes it about $675/mo here) and that "If/when we end up needing or wanting to move, we can just sell the place, pay the mortgage with the profit, and buy another place"

    Again, dreamer.
  5. Yeah I just did the math and I only make about 18,000 a year. (Hence why I get tax returns; even the government acknowledges that I'm too poor to pay all my taxes, so they send some back). And while he works as a mill worker (general labour, no tickets) so he usually makes about 20/hr when he IS employed, he's only been able to get temporary jobs this past year; and EI only lasts another couple months.
  6. Don't buy a house, that's a stupid move to make when you have so little money, and you guys are 21 and just boyfriend and girlfriend. >> What if one of you buys a house and you guys breakup. Somebody gets turbo screwed. And the possibility of getting your money back in the current housing market is SLIM TO NONE. Property values are shit right now, so where it might be cheap to BUY a house, if you're looking to move a couple years later, you're going to owe more on your mortgage than the house is worth. o___o

    If you need more space get rid of some stuff. >:[ People tend to keep more stuff than they actually use/need. D:

    Personally I'd put my foot down and say there's no reason to move. o__o Someone has to be practical... Right now you're the one working, and the money you're saving by not having to drive is awesome. And if the only complaint about the place is noisy neighbors upstairs and needing more space... those things are easily fixed. A separate room for computer stuff is not really a need, it's a desire. D:

    But that is just me. >>;;
  7. I've been in a similar situation as you. I did everything for my boyfriend to make him happy. We had a great home in a great town, and I had a great job that I could take a nice bus ride to. (One of my dream jobs, even.) And we had to move away because he flunked out of his university. .________.;; We had to break up because I couldn't follow him and his broken promises anymore.

    One thing you could look into is low income housing. Not everyone qualifies, but it's worth a shot if it's available in your area. My guy and I have to do that so we can have space for ourselves and our baby. They help you find a home to live in and minimize the rent you have to pay, depending on your incomes. If you make below a maximum amount, they'll help ya.

    Mostly, I agree with the people who say to stay where you are. Your manfriend needs to face reality, and be patient. Tell him he'll have everything he wants with time. Good things have to be worked for. D: It sounds like you have a good thing going, even if your neighbours are obnoxious. No life comes without some amount of suffering, though. I bet you guys can tough it out, and that your nice landlord can help fix the issue. It's their job to make sure their tenants are happy.

    Ask your guy if he's willing to wait in buying his stuff. He could have a separate fund of money for whatever it is he wants and when the time is right, he'll have the cash to spend on it.

    I wish you luck. :]
  8. OK an update

    So I've been sick for a few days which resulted in my lovely mummy calling to ask how I was doing and the topic of BF's latest venture came up. After talking it over with mum to make sure I WASN'T being unreasonable and getting some info from someone who knows and has gone through the process of buying a house, I confronted him with the following points

    1 - apparently banks won't give a loan for a down payment; you have to already have the money for that
    2 - mobiles do not gain value: ever. Even if the market turns around we will not get our money back if we sell in a couple years
    3 - odds of paying off even a cheap mortgage in a couple years are nil; it took mom years to be able to say she owned her carport and front door (Mom always counts things off like that; through the years she would announce things like "With this payment, we own the living room!")
    4 - We will ALWAYS be paying rent with a Mobile (pad rental)
    5 - If we wait, we will be able to buy and afford a much nicer place where we can actually settle; buying a mobile now will only postpone a nicer place down the road
    6 - As much as I hate to think about this option, it is true that if we buy a place and break up later, one of us gets turbo-screwed.

    My man is not very good at saying he was wrong. He's asked me what the issues were again and I've calmly reminded him a few times, and he's shown me a few more ads - for rentals, which we've actually been calling and following up on, so I think he might have backed down a bit =)

    I'd love to stay where we are now, and since A: It's far too late in October to move for November 1st and not only is nothing available for December but I really don't want to move in the snow and in the middle of the holiday, we're probably staying put til at least January anyway. (I'm hoping spring since I want to park my car for the winter; the only times I drive are to deposit my paycheque and visit family anyway; the bank is on a bus route and my brother, mother, and boyfriend all drive if I need a ride to visit. As for walking at -40... I'M A NORTHERNER >=D )